Did I handle it well?

[Wolfie]

Alright so I was at this bar and this fat motherfuker who was probably drunk had interrupted me


So let me give you a background...... I regularly go this bar and I usually drink vat 69.... A brand of whisky so I usually say this bartender ( he's my friend).....

Me : yo, A ( his name) vat 30 1 ice cube ( he knows it, 30 ml and 1 ice cube)


This fat mf :- dude what's 30 ml 1 ice cube


*in the meantime I grabbed an another ice cube from the different counter *


I come back to the bar

Fat mf : so you got 30 1 ice cube

Me : nah hes probably busy

Fat mf: whats 30....1 ice cube


Me : I am actually drunk

Fat mf is drunk and smiles to his group of average looking chick and another fat guy

Me : actually I had 180 neat ( not anyone drinks that in India.... People are pussy to mix whisky with a mix)

Fat mf : that's okay, but what's 30 ml, ice cube

Me : puts an arm around him ( smiles) "thanks for correcting me and I smile"


Fat mf :smiles to his group


Later in that very moment I say to my bartender

Yo A 60 neat ( purposefully so he hears ir ane neat is something not anyone can drink)



Now this is not a drinking competition but I wanna ask you was my reaction right because I had a feeling he was trying to dominate me but was drunk and he was drunk too but nevertheless I understood he was drunk and was looking for a fight which is why I smiled and said thanks for correcting me (something which Hector taught me to be polite)


I think I did my best to de escalate...... I honestly wasn't looking for a fight wanted to get drunk and enjoy my night


Did I win


Thanks

Wolfie,

 

[Chase]

@Wolfie,

It's hard to know the situation without more context.

My first read was, "This just sounds like a drunk fat guy who was trying to be social and make a friend."

But since you think he was spoiling for a fight it sounds like there was something else going on in the subtext that was decidedly unfriendly.

It's just not clear from the post what it was... so hard to say if well-handled or if a drunken overreaction.

But anyway, if a guy is spoiling for a fight, putting an arm around him is a very risky move -- you're liable to get yourself decked doing that. He's already on high alert, ready to get set off and start swinging, etc. Depends how close to erupting into fighting mode he is, of course.

Chase

 

[Wolfie]

@Wolfie,

It's hard to know the situation without more context.

My first read was, "This just sounds like a drunk fat guy who was trying to be social and make a friend."

But since you think he was spoiling for a fight it sounds like there was something else going on in the subtext that was decidedly unfriendly.

It's just not clear from the post what it was... so hard to say if well-handled or if a drunken overreaction.

But anyway, if a guy is spoiling for a fight, putting an arm around him is a very risky move -- you're liable to get yourself decked doing that. He's already on high alert, ready to get set off and start swinging, etc. Depends how close to erupting into fighting mode he is, of course.

Chase

I see, well honestly when he said that, I could feel that he came from a place of insecurity, I don't know why but very quickly in moment I realised he was trying to act alpha, I have been there and lots of guys when drunk they become very friendly with me ...... I felt he was just playing a role of teacher and teaching me how to do..... Basically it felt he took the role of authority and was trying to ruin it



Yeah I agree with you at first even I thought he is being friendly which is why throughout the interaction i had smile on my face..... But when he just kept asking me whats "30 ml , 1 ice cube".. At that point I realised ohhh so I know what you are doing and he was looking back to this girl for reaction, smiling and looking back at her as if he is trying to impress her.


Yes I agree with you thanks I shouldn't have put my arm around him, I kept smiling when I put my arm around him and after that he smiled back to his group ( which felt like he was confused or something).


Yeah I agree with you it's hard to know the context, especially with loud music and drunk people around.

Anyways glad you try to keep answering to my posts means a lot chase

 

[Spyce D]

I see, well honestly when he said that, I could feel that he came from a place of insecurity, I don't know why but very quickly in moment I realised he was trying to act alpha, I have been there and lots of guys when drunk they become very friendly with me ...... I felt he was just playing a role of teacher and teaching me how to do..... Basically it felt he took the role of authority and was trying to ruin it



Yeah I agree with you at first even I thought he is being friendly which is why throughout the interaction i had smile on my face..... But when he just kept asking me whats "30 ml , 1 ice cube".. At that point I realised ohhh so I know what you are doing and he was looking back to this girl for reaction, smiling and looking back at her as if he is trying to impress her.


Yes I agree with you thanks I shouldn't have put my arm around him, I kept smiling when I put my arm around him and after that he smiled back to his group ( which felt like he was confused or something).


Yeah I agree with you it's hard to know the context, especially with loud music and drunk people around.

Anyways glad you try to keep answering to my posts means a lot chase

Some folks are like that .

I believe ..you live in India . So , no surprise .

Two years ago , I was at this small restaurant in my city ...And a group of college students (guys and girls) was there too. A really big guy (from that group) gestued me in a way as if he was looking for fight (and its still noon) but I didnt back off verbally .

His friends stopped him from making any more comments .

Insecure guys comes in all shapes and sizes .

Well , Just to be on the safer side ...it's better to be physically strong ....in order to be not seen as target (Atleast at my place)

But , game is your greatest ally .

 

[Wolfie]

Some folks are like that .

I believe ..you live in India . So , no surprise .

Two years ago , I was at this small restaurant in my city ...And a group of college students (guys and girls) was there too. A really big guy (from that group) gestued me in a way as if he was looking for fight (and its still noon) but I didnt back off verbally .

His friends stopped him from making any more comments .

Insecure guys comes in all shapes and sizes .

Well , Just to be on the safer side ...it's better to be physically strong ....in order to be not seen as target (Atleast at my place)

But , game is your greatest ally .

Yeah it's true many guys put up an act, it's very clear when they are drunk, what's interesting is I have been in that position too (guess I am a hypocrite ), but people who are high status get very friendly when drunk, I talk these people and enjoy it, but this fat ass, I had a very different feeling, at first I actually ignored him but later thought let's see what this bitch ass has got to say

 

[Spyce D]

Yeah it's true many guys put up an act, it's very clear when they are drunk, what's interesting is I have been in that position too (guess I am a hypocrite ), but people who are high status get very friendly when drunk, I talk these people and enjoy it, but this fat ass, I had a very different feeling, at first I actually ignored him but later thought let's see what this bitch ass has got to say

True , I went to a high end club , here .

Folks in general are chill and even would introduce you to their female friends if you are cool .

 

[Wolfie]

True , I went to a high end club , here .

Folks in general are chill and even would introduce you to their female friends if you are cool

But here's the thing this happened in a high end club .

 

[Conquistador]

True , I went to a high end club , here .

Folks in general are chill and even would introduce you to their female friends if you are cool .

Different cultures, different norms

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I second Chase's advice: don't put your arm around a guy who is making you feel uncomfortable. I think the only reason you got away with it is because you're not yet very intimidating. He found it more cute than anything. I don't think you did what you wanted to do.

Fat mf: whats 30....1 ice cube


Me : I am actually drunk

I'm not sure how this really responds to his question. It doesn't follow. If he's playing a game, first thing you do is just politely answer his question.

"What's that?"

"Oh, it's this drink and 1 ice cube."

Just a flat answer. Nothing else.

Then if he continues to play games, just look at him, smile, and then go back to what you're doing.

If he continues after THAT, just say to him, "Focus on your drink, I'll focus on mine."

And if he REALLY continues, then you look at him with a stupid blank expression like he's someone with Down's Syndrome is trying to teach you General Relativity and then maybe move to another place in the bar and shake your head like "wow, what an idiot."

I wouldn't advise trying to out aggro people considering your stature/fighting experience. Just not worth it. Only if someone puts their hands on you do you react physically.

You still get triggered pretty easily. As Chase said, since you felt uncomfortable, then clearly there was some obvious undertones that we can't see from this online report, but knowing you, you get very easily triggered still. Gotta keep working on that nice attitude, even towards assholes.

Hector