Did I let the cat out of the bag very quickly or was she looking for an orbiter?

[Calibration]

I met this chic on Tuesday in the super market and there was instant attraction and a lot of flirting. We had a chat around 30 mins. She looked very excited and was talking so loudly that everyone were watching us.

She showed me a nail clipper that she bought and that's the context in the text below but I was sub-communicating (chase-framing) that she found me in the super market :

https://imgur.com/a/zbBdD1K

https://imgur.com/a/muQr9IJ

 

[Searcher]

I met this chic on Tuesday in the super market and there was instant attraction and a lot of flirting. We had a chat around 30 mins. She looked very excited and was talking so loudly that everyone were watching us.

She showed me a nail clipper that she bought and that's the context in the text below but I was sub-communicating (chase-framing) that she found me in the super market :

https://imgur.com/a/zbBdD1K

https://imgur.com/a/muQr9IJ

“Emoji’s help read between lines”​

Shows intent from your side.

“Now that we have met hope your day was better than ok”​

Comes off like ypu are throwing a line and making yourself seem superior. Doesn’t move the interaction forward in anyway at all.
you should have talked about something amazing that happened to you (to build value) or
maybe tease her for saying an okay day (to challenge her and get her out of auto response).

“Not sure what you are talking about, I was referring to your incredible taste in nail clippers”​

She knows you are interested in her when you flirted with her in person, asked her number and especially when you said the whole “reading between lines” text and also the smirk face emoji.

By trying to play dumb you come across as weak.
Her platonic friends message means that it’s done for(she doesn’t see you as a sexual option), difficult situation to reverse, maybe you should have built more value.

The girlschase coaches here can probably answer how to handle this better from this point of the interaction

 

[Will_V]

I met this chic on Tuesday in the super market and there was instant attraction and a lot of flirting. We had a chat around 30 mins. She looked very excited and was talking so loudly that everyone were watching us.

She showed me a nail clipper that she bought and that's the context in the text below but I was sub-communicating (chase-framing) that she found me in the super market :

https://imgur.com/a/zbBdD1K

https://imgur.com/a/muQr9IJ

Usually behavior over text is just a reflection of how she perceives the initial interaction. The interaction makes or breaks things, because she's gathering loads of realtime information about you there (through appearance, body language, words, etc) compared to pretty much nothing over text.

That said the texting here is pretty weak man, lots of 'how's your day????' type stuff going on, and even the bit where you showed intent can be paraphrased into 'I hope you liked me'. The way I look at texting, it should be either curiosity-building or leading logistics, everything else just burns up attraction. At least that's how it is for me. I'm sure you could come off a lot more attractive and confident with some changes there.

If that's how you texted it probably happened to some extent in person as well. Overall it seems to me that she was not secure in her attraction to you and decided after the fact that it was not 'worth it'. Whether that's because you just failed to build real attraction despite her apparent enthusiasm, or you did some faux pas that you didn't realize and she didn't immediately react to, or there were contradictions in your presentation that made her feel uncomfortable, or you failed to prime her to complying with you and getting into your frame.

When a woman appears to 'flip' suddenly it's almost never because she suddenly changed her mind. They are not logical and strategic, they operate by emotional momentum. When they 'suddenly' change tack it's because the basis for it has been building for some time until the see-saw goes the other way. Even if she's excited in the moment, when attraction is weak and she has almost zero investment, any backpressure is always ready to push things back over the line later on.

I suggest you reflect on the interaction and try to intuit which aspects of it came off as weak or unattractive. At which points did you feel unconfident or disconnected from her? What things did you instinctively feel like doing or asking for but you decided not to take the risk? Which obstacles appeared and then seemed to disappear of their own accord (which usually means they didn't disappear)? There's a lot that we cover up in the moment for the sake of completing the mission, but afterward it all must be evaluated.

At the end of the day, there's a lot of factors you just don't know and can't control. But the ones you can must be optimized to have the best chance of overcoming the ones that you can't.

 

[Calibration]

or there were contradictions in your presentation that made her feel uncomfortable, or you failed to prime her to complying with you and getting into your frame.

Could you elaborate this? I think this is the answer. Reason I say this, just now a girl left from my place who I instant dated and bounced home but she left without having sex. I'm not in mood to write everything in detail but I'll summarize:

Met her in the park, after 10 mins bounced her to have drink. Seeded the bounce as soon as we got the drink. She outright said "I'm not coming with you to your place". I was unfazed unlike I've done in the past with other girls before and addressed all her concerns and did a lot of sex talk and in the end she asked me to bring her home.

Today I verbalized my non-neediness (I was tired of showing that I'm not needy. So thought I'll do something different and said I don't really like to do anything unless both of them like it etc)

Note: She was bubbly throughout the interaction.

After we came home, I was extremely non-needy but was just physically escalating. I didn't do anything and then she suggested that we dance. I thought she wants more warming up and so we danced and I thought she's primed to kiss and I went to kiss her and she backed off. After this, she became very serious and she didn't like me escalating. So, I backed off completely.

Then I said to her that I like touch. I'm a very touchy person and she said she isn't. Then I tried to arouse her but she wasn't getting aroused which I could see. I verbalized that too. I said I was very turned on when she was very bubbly earlier but not anymore. We both had hit a wall and weren't feeling aroused. So, I wasn't interested in escalating either.

Yesterday @Skills sent me a video and suggested that I try going completely non-needy. So, I tried that with this girl and said, "look something happened and I understand that we can't turn our emotions on and off on our will. So, if you like to meet me again, text me" and I gave her my number and saw her off. I'd say it was not a mistake from either of us cos the energy just dropped and it was feeling forced to do anything for both of us.

 

[Calibration]

“Emoji’s help read between lines”​

Shows intent from your side.

“Now that we have met hope your day was better than ok”​

Comes off like ypu are throwing a line and making yourself seem superior. Doesn’t move the interaction forward in anyway at all.
you should have talked about something amazing that happened to you (to build value) or
maybe tease her for saying an okay day (to challenge her and get her out of auto response).

“Not sure what you are talking about, I was referring to your incredible taste in nail clippers”​

She knows you are interested in her when you flirted with her in person, asked her number and especially when you said the whole “reading between lines” text and also the smirk face emoji.

By trying to play dumb you come across as weak.
Her platonic friends message means that it’s done for(she doesn’t see you as a sexual option), difficult situation to reverse, maybe you should have built more value.

The girlschase coaches here can probably answer how to handle this better from this point of the interaction

I'm not too worried about this chic after the recent fail lol. Anyway, just to summarize, I went direct, we flirted and there was intent in person. So, she saying she wants to be friends with me over text doesn't make sense to me. I think there's some problem with my vibe both in person and over text(strange I know) and girls are picking on that. If I have to be precise, my vibe changes at some point in the interaction with any girl and I don't know why it does and that's when things go south. Unless I diagnose the cause of this, this seems like a recurring thing.

 

[Chase]

@Shawn,

We had a chat around 30 mins.

That is a long conversation for day game.

Did you instant date this girl? Take her to a coffee shop or a park at least? Get her sitting down with you? Escalate on her physically some?

I'm guessing "no" from the sound of it?

Actions speak louder than words, and if all you do is stand around talking for 30 minutes not doing anything, the subcommunication to the girl is, "I'm just a harmless, platonic sort of guy."

If you're going to talk to her longer than 5 or maybe 10 minutes in day game, I would strongly suggest you instant date her to not just be the harmless Chatty Cathy guy.

The follow-up texting conversation was also pretty "harmless guy", asking how her day was at work (do you actually care how her day was at work?)... the line about hoping her day will be better now that she's spoken with you, that looks like a @Skills technique you are trying to execute, but it is not being executed properly. When you want to do these sorts of cheesy cute flirty lines with girls the vibe has to already be there (i.e., a flirtatious vibe); I'm not getting the impression it is in your interactions though.

I know you've been getting a lot of help from Skills, and it seems like are trying to model your approach off his. But you've got to look at Skills's vibe with girls -- he is being very flirtatious with them, there is this constant sense of sexuality with him / between the girl, etc. If that is lacking, then just trying to add in the words he says as a sort of copy + paste verbal technique will not work. You've got to get the attitude right.

Anyway, just to summarize, I went direct, we flirted and there was intent in person. So, she saying she wants to be friends with me over text doesn't make sense to me. I think there's some problem with my vibe both in person and over text(strange I know) and girls are picking on that. If I have to be precise, my vibe changes at some point in the interaction with any girl and I don't know why it does and that's when things go south. Unless I diagnose the cause of this, this seems like a recurring thing.

It's possible.

It's also possible that you think you are coming across more flirtatious than you actually are.

This is actually pretty typically in a lot of newer guys... they think they're being super flirty but to any outside observer (as well as to the girl) it just seems like normal platonic interaction to them.

Again -- a lot of this is nonverbal/actions as well. Even if you are saying all the right stuff, if you are not DOING anything, then you are letting those escalation windows slip by, and you are telling the girl you are not a 'dangerous', sexual man... just a safe one who will stand around just talking to her not doing anything to her.

Chase

 

[Fuck This]

I think your mindset needs to be "I'm a man and I go after what I want."

That doesn 't mean you have to be direct to the point of being crude, but giving a clear vibe that you are a sexual man and she has a limited window to take advantage of that.

my best was a girl who texted me "I don't want you to think I'm that kinda girl,"
my reply was "Well I'm that kinda guy..."
She replies "Room XXX"

had I said "Oh no, you are a pure heart and soul that radiates innocence and virtue" she would have put me off...

In your specific case....You need to tell her "Well if something changes in your situation, you know where to find me" It's not saying you are waiting for her but she can try to reengage you and the ball is in her court.

 

[Calibration]

@Shawn,



That is a long conversation for day game.

Did you instant date this girl? Take her to a coffee shop or a park at least? Get her sitting down with you? Escalate on her physically some?

I'm guessing "no" from the sound of it?

Actions speak louder than words, and if all you do is stand around talking for 30 minutes not doing anything, the subcommunication to the girl is, "I'm just a harmless, platonic sort of guy."

If you're going to talk to her longer than 5 or maybe 10 minutes in day game, I would strongly suggest you instant date her to not just be the harmless Chatty Cathy guy.

The follow-up texting conversation was also pretty "harmless guy", asking how her day was at work (do you actually care how her day was at work?)... the line about hoping her day will be better now that she's spoken with you, that looks like a @Skills technique you are trying to execute, but it is not being executed properly. When you want to do these sorts of cheesy cute flirty lines with girls the vibe has to already be there (i.e., a flirtatious vibe); I'm not getting the impression it is in your interactions though.

I know you've been getting a lot of help from Skills, and it seems like are trying to model your approach off his. But you've got to look at Skills's vibe with girls -- he is being very flirtatious with them, there is this constant sense of sexuality with him / between the girl, etc. If that is lacking, then just trying to add in the words he says as a sort of copy + paste verbal technique will not work. You've got to get the attitude right.



It's possible.

It's also possible that you think you are coming across more flirtatious than you actually are.

This is actually pretty typically in a lot of newer guys... they think they're being super flirty but to any outside observer (as well as to the girl) it just seems like normal platonic interaction to them.

Again -- a lot of this is nonverbal/actions as well. Even if you are saying all the right stuff, if you are not DOING anything, then you are letting those escalation windows slip by, and you are telling the girl you are not a 'dangerous', sexual man... just a safe one who will stand around just talking to her not doing anything to her.

Chase

I think your mindset needs to be "I'm a man and I go after what I want."

That doesn 't mean you have to be direct to the point of being crude, but giving a clear vibe that you are a sexual man and she has a limited window to take advantage of that.

my best was a girl who texted me "I don't want you to think I'm that kinda girl,"
my reply was "Well I'm that kinda guy..."
She replies "Room XXX"

had I said "Oh no, you are a pure heart and soul that radiates innocence and virtue" she would have put me off...

In your specific case....You need to tell her "Well if something changes in your situation, you know where to find me" It's not saying you are waiting for her but she can try to reengage you and the ball is in her court.

I'm hearing you guys and it makes total sense but what is the solution?

From my self-diagnosis based on what you guys told, this is how it plays out: I'll be super-flirty (@Chase I'm very sure based on the vibe and I can say she's attracted from her expressions, body language etc) and non-chalant in the beginning but at some point this vibe drops.

I mirror the other person's energy. If the girl is happy, bubbly etc I feel the same vibe and I'm flirtatious. If she becomes serious, it's hard for me to be playful. To be precise, I feel anxious if the girl becomes serious and it's only a matter of time, the vibe dies completely and I can't recover from there.

This is true for texting also. Since I don't see the other person, I struggle to reflect that energy. For ex: Saying "emojis help in reading b/w the lines" was outright needy. I'm rubbing my neediness in her face. I realise these things only long after the interaction.

There is a gap in energy levels between me and the girl and this affects the vibe. I should be playful even if the girl is serious, which is hard for me. I mirror her vibe and it's a downhill from there. This is all hard to explain in words but I hope you guys are able to get what I'm trying to say.

 

[Chase]

@Shawn,

non-chalant in the beginning but at some point this vibe drops.

Escalation Windows

Just received the following email from a reader, who was kind enough to allow me to reprint here, preferring to remain anonymous. He asks: Hey Chase, I'm not sure if your one to give feedback to random readers of your blog but I was hoping I could get help with this girl. I met her at a party a...

www.girlschase.com

Secrets to Getting Girls: Move Faster

We’re starting a new series of articles intending to highlight some little-known or under-discussed topics in the world of dating and seduction, called Secrets to Getting Girls. This first edition is focused on how fast you move through an interaction with a girl you like, from the time you...

www.girlschase.com

but what is the solution?

Did you instant date this girl? Take her to a coffee shop or a park at least? Get her sitting down with you? Escalate on her physically some?

^ solution.

Chase

 

[Skills]

@Shawn,



That is a long conversation for day game.

Did you instant date this girl? Take her to a coffee shop or a park at least? Get her sitting down with you? Escalate on her physically some?

I'm guessing "no" from the sound of it?

Actions speak louder than words, and if all you do is stand around talking for 30 minutes not doing anything, the subcommunication to the girl is, "I'm just a harmless, platonic sort of guy."

If you're going to talk to her longer than 5 or maybe 10 minutes in day game, I would strongly suggest you instant date her to not just be the harmless Chatty Cathy guy.

The follow-up texting conversation was also pretty "harmless guy", asking how her day was at work (do you actually care how her day was at work?)... the line about hoping her day will be better now that she's spoken with you, that looks like a @Skills technique you are trying to execute, but it is not being executed properly. When you want to do these sorts of cheesy cute flirty lines with girls the vibe has to already be there (i.e., a flirtatious vibe); I'm not getting the impression it is in your interactions though.

I know you've been getting a lot of help from Skills, and it seems like are trying to model your approach off his. But you've got to look at Skills's vibe with girls -- he is being very flirtatious with them, there is this constant sense of sexuality with him / between the girl, etc. If that is lacking, then just trying to add in the words he says as a sort of copy + paste verbal technique will not work. You've got to get the attitude right.



It's possible.

It's also possible that you think you are coming across more flirtatious than you actually are.

This is actually pretty typically in a lot of newer guys... they think they're being super flirty but to any outside observer (as well as to the girl) it just seems like normal platonic interaction to them.

Again -- a lot of this is nonverbal/actions as well. Even if you are saying all the right stuff, if you are not DOING anything, then you are letting those escalation windows slip by, and you are telling the girl you are not a 'dangerous', sexual man... just a safe one who will stand around just talking to her not doing anything to her.

Chase

Yeah and his timing, calibration, totally off... and no he is not using my style here too platonic, normie boring convo

 

[Calibration]

@Shawn,

Escalation Windows

Just received the following email from a reader, who was kind enough to allow me to reprint here, preferring to remain anonymous. He asks: Hey Chase, I'm not sure if your one to give feedback to random readers of your blog but I was hoping I could get help with this girl. I met her at a party a...

www.girlschase.com

Wow! @Chase this article describes exactly why I lose girls. Every word in that article is me. I have some sort of inertia to move girls. I don't know where that comes from. Maybe it's a form of anxiety but I procrastinate at every step. This is exactly how I feel when I'm with the girl:

https://imgur.com/a/RkV5uGT

With the girl from Thursday who came home and left without having sex, now I know what happened. We chatted for sometime in the balcony, poured her a drink, talked about music etc by then her escalation window had closed. However, there are a couple of things to it:

- when I came home, I thought, since she came with me solely for sex, I can take it slow. No need to rush.
- suddenly my energy also had dropped. Don't know why. I think it was from the drink. How do you maintain that same energy throughout the interaction? Doesn't your energy drop? I feel this is a lot of mental effort and I lose momentum at some point.
- I don't want to sound like I'm complaining but there are a couple of articles that I can remember off the top of my head, where the author said to take it slow when she comes home. It was written by senior authors at GC. It contradicts what your article says here.

Secrets to Getting Girls: Move Faster

We’re starting a new series of articles intending to highlight some little-known or under-discussed topics in the world of dating and seduction, called Secrets to Getting Girls. This first edition is focused on how fast you move through an interaction with a girl you like, from the time you...

www.girlschase.com

I haven't read this article yet. Will give it a go later today.

^ solution.

Chase

Yeah and his timing, calibration, totally off... and no he is not using my style here too platonic, normie boring convo

Ya @Skills I accept that was weak texting. I don't know why I texted like that. Honestly sometimes I fuck it up at the basic level and I don't know why I do that. You mentioned self-awareness and I'm working towards it.

Note for lurkers: when you see something like this from @Skills , you might think he's blunt but believe me, you need some tough love sometimes. I used to think like this too but he's a great guy
Some of the guys here are the best in the community and know what they're talking about. One example was that article from Chase. Damn! Mind-blowing.

 

[Calibration]

@Shawn,

Escalation Windows

Just received the following email from a reader, who was kind enough to allow me to reprint here, preferring to remain anonymous. He asks: Hey Chase, I'm not sure if your one to give feedback to random readers of your blog but I was hoping I could get help with this girl. I met her at a party a...

www.girlschase.com

Secrets to Getting Girls: Move Faster

We’re starting a new series of articles intending to highlight some little-known or under-discussed topics in the world of dating and seduction, called Secrets to Getting Girls. This first edition is focused on how fast you move through an interaction with a girl you like, from the time you...

www.girlschase.com

So after reading the first article, I headed out and saw a cute chic ambling down the street aimlessly. I knew she was new and a tourist and approached her. She was very receptive to my approach and said she's from Czechia and she arrived only a couple of hours ago but she hadn't slept in the last 20+ hours. She didn't look like that though. She was heading to her hostel & I walked with her for 5 mins max and pushed to have a coffee. She said she needs to sleep since she hasn't slept in a long time. So, I gave my number to her to text me tomorrow (New experiment I'm trying) but she immediately called my number from her phone and said that's my number. Still I said, you text me tomorrow since I want you to talk to me with a lot of enthusiasm after you've slept well and say can't wait to see me. Anyway, I think this is the fastest I can move.

After this I went to the park and saw a chic having a picnic, all by herself. I teased her and sat next to her. My experiences with moving slow is with these kind of chics cos they're not compliant right away. She had a closed body language and wasn't investing much although she was enjoying the conversation. It took me nearly 20mins only to make her comfortable. She wasn't making eye contact but was laughing a lot. Not sure what I should've made out of that but thought she is interested and continued the interaction.
At some point, I told her that she is open-minded but she seems a bit closed off and I cold-read her personality and told a story of my story about how being spontaneous and open is adventurous. Only after this she opened up and started investing. So, I had to talk to her for nearly 45mins. I had no way to move her cos her body language was closed off, she seemed like she was enjoying sitting in the park eating slowly and didn't want to move anywhere, also she was eating and so to suggest a coffee or a drink wouldn't have made sense. Anyway, I took her number and left.

I gave these examples cos most girls I meet fall into one of the 2 categories. Either I meet them on the street and the interaction is pretty brief but the conversion rate is very very low. Stationary girls that I meet are the ones mostly I get somewhere with. Like in a park, cafe, a square, waterfront etc. However, they wouldn't be willing to move right away. I don't want to get into the 'No' ladder that you've mentioned in the second article and so, I try to feel very confident before I suggesting to move her somewhere or I ask for compliance only after I've felt she won't reject. How can I move faster if I sense a lack of compliance? (Not necessarily verbally but even from her body-language)

 

[Skills]

Note for lurkers: when you see something like this from @Skills , you might think he's blunt but believe me, you need some tough love sometimes. I used to think like this too but he's a great guy
Some of the guys here are the best in the community and know what they're talking about. One example was that article from Chase. Damn! Mind-blowing.

I don't understand this comment, here is the definition of tough love:

Tough love is the act of treating a person sternly or harshly with the intent to help them in the long run.


i am just straight forward, i don't do tough love, tough love is low odds for teaching, i am very respectful, i do however use words like retarded, autistic, kj, to make points stronger and a bit more humorous, but i don't really do tough love per se...

You need to try something multiple times, till you get calibration down, you keep mixing styles and freestyling styles etc... if you have bad texting and i say that was weak, is cause it was and i tell you why, nothing to do with tough love.... This generation sugar codes too much, i encourage you to be more straight forward with people and women will help you with trust and come across more authentic which is attractive....

Again back to the post this how you text after STRONG INTERACTION AT THE MEET:

dude you open (different vs how everyone opens, i recommend follow a convo thread from the meet) i think you do this good....

You talk normal and through a bit of a flirt/tease/ ping on the convo to test were she is at in the convo...

^ if she replies positive at high point of interaction you do a soft close, if she bites you go for the hard close... If she does not, rinse wash repeat.... simple


^ all of this is explain with sample like a baby in multiple post again with real samples of women i lay and guys using my stuff lay, dww, topcat, tominho, skjoldr etc....

 

[Calibration]

I don't understand this comment, here is the definition of tough love:

Tough love is the act of treating a person sternly or harshly with the intent to help them in the long run.


i am just straight forward, i don't do tough love, tough love is low odds for teaching, i am very respectful, i do however use words like retarded, autistic, kj, to make points stronger and a bit more humorous, but i don't really do tough love per se...

You need to try something multiple times, till you get calibration down, you keep mixing styles and freestyling styles etc... if you have bad texting and i say that was weak, is cause it was and i tell you why, nothing to do with tough love.... This generation sugar codes too much, i encourage you to be more straight forward with people and women will help you with trust and come across more authentic which is attractive....

Sorry, I should've given more context and thought it was not necessary and would derail this post but now I see how this could be misinterpreted.

Recently when I was lurking through your content, I saw your answer to one of the posts and was appropriate but OP of that post didn't seem to get it. I expanded your answer to what you might've meant. Without knowing you well, one might think why you said something. So, I added that note. Apologies, if that sounded like a negative or a passive-aggressive comment.

You guys take time to help and explain things and everything for free. I'm very thankful for that and honestly I have no qualms whatsoever.