Did I make the right decision

[zeroman2]

Hi Beginner here

I've been chasing this girl for almost 2 years now. We do a lot of group activities together like acting, haunted houses, cosplay, Etc. She had a boyfriend when we met and after she broke up with him she met another guy. Afterwards I just decided to move on with my life and try to get better with girls that's when I discovered this site. Recently her boyfriend broke up with her and she started calling me more. so naturally I asked on a date she said No at first but then change her mind and decided to go with me to the movies. I was trying to escalate things physically but there was a little resistance from her so I didn't push. we was going to go on a second date but she flaked out. Then she starts ignore my text and calls. I started being persistent afterwords she started to call me everyday. I tried to get a second date again but she said she was busy with exams and she'll be done with them after the 18th of September. After The Break-Up she always talks to me about other boys she might be interested in or trying to get her ex back. One day after acting I tried escalating things physically again once again resistance. Soon after this I decided to cut her off. And not go group events such as working at the haunted house with her.

just a few questions
1. did I make the right decision by cutting her off or should I just keep trying to move fast with her.
2. if you notice any mistakes I may would you please tell me what they are
3. And if she calls wanted to hang out should I just ignore her. Or try one last time to move fast.

Just to let bit information between me and her. we have flirted physically such as hugging, kissing on the cheek and forehead, and hickeys. when I needed ride to work she gave me it. We both exchange gifts. she was complacent when I ask her to move with me. One time she asked to move in with me. She invited me over twice to a house ( the first time I turned down because her parents were home. Second time she flaked). people accuse us of being a couple all the time. Finally we were both virgins when we met but she lost her virginity to the second boyfriend. and I'm still a virgin at 27 she is 26

 

[dcman]

Hi Zeroman, I do not want to pick on you but at 27 there is a lot you need to learn about woman.

'

ve been chasing this girl for almost 2 years now.

do not chase as woman do not have respect for men that chase and you will be doing this on a continuous basis

Recently her boyfriend broke up with her and she started calling me more. so naturally I asked on a date she said No at first but then change her mind and decided to go with me to the movies.

Movies are things you do with friends and not for a girl you want to get to know. Movies are not ideal for this and there are many posts on this subject . She has put you in the friend zone

I was trying to escalate things physically but there was a little resistance from her so I didn't push. we was going to go on a second date but she flaked out.

She has no interest in keeping you other than a friend and is using you for outings.

I tried to get a second date again but she said she was busy with exams and she'll be done with them after the 18th of September. After The Break-Up she always talks to me about other boys she might be interested in or trying to get her ex back

she does not view you as a lover but more of a friend to use to satisfy her emotional needs.

Soon after this I decided to cut her off. And not go group events such as working at the haunted house with her.

The best decision you have made so far .

just a few questions
1. did I make the right decision by cutting her off or should I just keep trying to move fast with her.

yes the best decision
2.

if you notice any mistakes I may would you please tell me what they are

too many throughout the interaction wrote them to you.
3. And if she calls wanted to hang out should I just ignore her. Or try one last
what do you gain by hanging out ? She cannot be using you as a emotional tampon while getting her sex from another guy. Next time if she wants to meet tell her to come to your place and express your desires to her. See her reaction and then decide how to proceed. Most likely she will tell you what I am telling you right now that she does not view you anything more than a friend.

Just to let bit information between me and her. we have flirted physically such as hugging, kissing on the cheek and forehead, and hickeys. when I needed ride to work she gave me it. We both exchange gifts.

Friends do this stuff and she has not let you escalate more. You should have found out how the other guy laid her and used the same method to see if that works.

she was complacent when I ask her to move with me. One time she asked to move in with me.

you got a lot to learn . this would have been a very bad move on your part. Instead of talking to you about the men she was interested she would have been showing them to you.

She invited me over twice to a house ( the first time I turned down because her parents were home. Second time she flaked).

you are just her friend it does not matter .

people accuse us of being a couple all the time.

It makes no difference as you are not getting sex. Do not make the mistake of spending too much time with a girl that is not giving you what you desire.

Finally we were both virgins when we met but she lost her virginity to the second boyfriend. and I'm still a virgin at 27 she is 26

the other guy knew what would turn her on and was able to get her. you are in the friend zone. This one looks like a lost cause turn your attention to other girls.

 

[zeroman2]

Thank you so much for your input.

I Know I got lot to learn that's why I join this site. And hoping something like this never happens to me again.

 

[Michal]

I will add one more reason you need to move on, reduce the time you spend texting her, hanging out with her etc.
If you do not, a new girl might enter your life who you will be very interested in but because you pine over this one, you will make mistakes or not act correctly and lose the new girl too. I know the situation you are in, it was about 2 years for me as well. I had no idea how women are at that time and that cost me a great chance with a great girl. So while it might be hard to understand because you two invested a lot in one another you need to decide what you want and realize that what you can get from this girl is already set and will not get you anything better. Think about it like choosing a career path which does not offer much career growth vs one that does (like McDonnalds vs IT consultant or a lawyer who can be a judge one day).

It sucks because women can seem like they like you, but that does not make them want to have your dick in their mouth. Imagine yourself having a purely sexual relationship with some girl. She wants more than sex, you just suspect it, you are not sure. But for whatever reason, you do not want to spend time with her at all, she might be too dumb for you to introduce her to your friends, she is insulting to other people, is really boring and has no hobbies, whatever reason. But the sex is great so you just want sex, nothing else. Would you feel bad about not giving her a completely fulfilling relationship where you two spend a lot of time together, travel, hang out with friends, play games together when you know that you are a good catch and can pick girls for relationships easily?
I doubt that, because you get what you want.

 

[Average]

I think that what the more advanced seducers tend to do is turn a girl on beyond her ability to walk away for any reason. So that could have been something that was missing as it seems to have been a little lacking in that area.

I think that she was willing to have sex with you, she just wasn't turned on enough to not think about her boyfriend/the friendzone the entire time.

One of the authors, Alek, is really good at turning women on. I remember finding a series in which he spoke about that, but I forgot the name. His specialty is sexual tension. So search that on the girlschase.com site and click around.

If you're a beginner then starting your journey off in the 10 articles listed under the words start here can help (click here).

You can also take the quiz to see where you are at skill-wise and get an ebook that has a bunch of links to relevant articles for you at your level.

These 2 ways tend to be the easiest ways to navigate the girlschase articles in a way that is most beneficial to you, while simultaneously giving you somewhat of an overview as to what the site has to offer.

Which is just the tip of the iceberg

Hope this helped.

 

[zeroman2]

Thank you ash

After reading all of alek on sexual tension ( there was a lot to cover) I can see where this mistakes I made.

First off let me say after she broke up with the first boyfriend that's when the sexual tension started happening between us despite the fact that she was interested in other boys. hell they were a few times were I where I created the sexual tension without knowing I did. There was even a time when I created fractionation without knowing. when the tension was high and I just stopped. She pulled me closer to her so fast it wasn't even funny. But here are the mistakes I made. 1. I did escalated it when it started. 2. And when I did escalate things I didn't release the tension by kissing her. In fact me being an idiot ask her if I can kiss when the sexual tension was high ( I know I'm an idiot but that's why I'm here to learn) what's kind of broke it a little. But there always has been somewhat of sexual tension between us it's just nothing ever came about it because of me being an idiot or her being in it currently in a relationship and I didn't want to escalate things. but the last sexual tension moment we had was a little over a month ago when she recently broke up with her second boyfriend. The sexual tension was kind of high I was about to go for the kiss and tell somebody interrupt us and broke the tension. Ever since then she's been a little bit more resistant with my advances ( but still very very comfortable with me touching her).

With this new information there are some new questions I need ask.
1. Knowing this now did I still make the right decision of cutting her off
2. If the sexual tension is high again should I act on i.e kiss her.
3. A little unrelated. But should I take up a job knowing she will work there. Despite the fact that I'm trying to cut her off. it's a haunted house job and it's only temporary but it pays decent money.

 

[Average]

1. Chasing after a woman for 2 years is quite an extreme amount of time to spend on her. So I'd say it was.

2. Not sure how to answer this one, as I'm a bit of a beginner too, sorry, and I have no idea what your skill level is. But, you need an end goal in mind. What do you want from her? A relationship? A fuckbuddy? etc....Then, you need to be completely honest with yourself, look at the situation and ask if it's still possible FOR YOU to still get that from her. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself how, then go out and do it. Using sexual tension is likely going to be part of the plan. But if getting results isn't possible at this point (or is going to be an extremely long hassle on its own. Both of which, seem to be the case from my perspective), then I suggest moving on. Because again, 2 years pursuing one person is too much as it is. You would fare better and learn more from approaching new women.

3. When a person is heartbroken, even the sight of the heartbreaker can invoke powerful emotions from within. So, if you can take it and it isn't going to give you a negative mindset, then sure, go ahead. But remember, at the end of the day, you gotta do what's best for you.

You could try your luck with her but the odds are against you. So if sexual tension does arise, you can take the opportunity just to learn. You can take action and try to bed her just to see how far you can go and then you can self-reflect as to why you could only end there (who knows, you may even get all the way to home base). That mindset is the most beneficial as it is both defensive towards her rejections and also progressive in your learning.

Articles that may be useful to you are

1. How to next a girl
2. Focus on results instead of reactions

Hope this helped!

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Zeroman,

The other guys all made very accurate answers here. She is viewing you as male sort of girlfriend, sorry to say, and she has viewed you this way for two years. So now that you are trying to show a little bit of banana, she finds it doesn't fit the picture she has of you, and you get flakes, resistance, etc... Given that she can get banana from a ton of other options around, she absolutely prefers to keep you as a friend. She will talk to you about her ex, or about such and such guy, while in the meantime already screwing the next one. But not you. So you will lose more and more time pursuing her and end up nowhere.

You should cut off with her. You should have done so long ago.

You need to know something. Women are open to seduction at the very beginning - we're talking the first couple dates ever. That's when you need to display banana, i.e. sexual tension, escalation, game, etc... But if you didn't, then she starts to put you in the other category of men, the non sexual, useful guys. The likelihood that sex will ever happen with such a guy is very, very low. Window closed, sorry. On the opposite, the likelihood of getting sex at the very beginning is high. It's the highest, in fact.

So you should cut her off. Window closed two years ago. And if you have women in your life, around which you have been for a long time, without sex happening, it is not worth the effort because you will run into the same problems. Instead, focus your efforts on bringing new girls into your life, and try the sexual tension thing, escalation within the two first dates ever. That's what you should be doing, because you're much more likely to succeed this way.

I realize that you are a virgin, and that may add to your difficulty. The first time is always an impressive thing. That's one of the rare case where I think that prostitutes can help. If it can help you to pass the initial apprehension of sex, and make your life easier afterwards, then why not trying it. Get a pretty young one, condom up, and do it two or three times. Well, up to you, but that can be a way to help with the virgin thing. At least when you seduce a real girl, you do not look like a first timer.

Now, a few more points. I will overlap with many things already said here, but emphasis is helpful here.

1. If you do fun dates, or friendly hang outs, or cinema dates: that's what friends do. So you will be viewed as a friend. Game over. These dates try to defuse and somewhat hide the sexual intention. Bad idea.
2. Also don't do dates where you pose yourself as long term partner candidate. The guy for the big job. Typical example is a restaurant date. If you pose yourself as the Mr Right candidate, she will pose herself as the ideal GF candidate, and put a big break on the sex, because ideal GFs "are not sluts". Progression will be slow and very likely to end up in limbo.
3. Move fast with her? Seriously? It took you two years to try making a move. That's not fast. That's very slow. Go on a date with a completely new girl, and go fast with this one. It's much more likely to succeed.
4. Get a job where she is likely to show up? Extremely bad idea. You should cut her off completely, and forget about her right away. Put your energy in getting new girls.
5. Kissing and sexual tension. In my experience, kissing (making out) on a date is likely to backfire big time. It can actually act as a tension killer, if it is not immediately followed by sex. It will make you feel good, you will think you have done well, and the next day you don't understand why she is not answering your text. See the field reports here, many examples. Personally I do not try to make out with the girl, unless we are just about to engage in sex.
6. In the two years that you have been pursuing this girl, how many women have you crossed which would have been open to your sexual advances, but you didn't even see or realize? That's why it is not worth spending months, let alone years, in trying to get a particular girl. If it does not seem to converge, move on to the next.

Well, that's about it for now

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[zeroman2]

Thank you so much for your input seppuku. I'm probably going to need your help in the future.

But let me clarify and clear up a few things.

1. Even though I've been chasing her I was still trying to hook up with other women I just sucked really bad at it. Which is why I'm here.

2. I didn't make a move on her early because I knew she had a boyfriend when I met her. after they broke up ( which was a year after I met her) I did make a move. she was receptive of it. But like I said before I suck and nothing came out of it.

3. What is the idea date? Is dinner at a restaurant? so I know next time I ask a girl on a date.

4. nothing against prostitution. but I prefer to lose it legally. Weather it's just some random girl I met at a nightclub, a girl I haven't seen in a long time, or someone I want to make my girlfriend. Doesn't matter to me.

5. also I'm going to kind of agree with you when it comes to kissing some girls. unless sex comes out of it I don't want to do it either depending on the girl.

All my life I been bad with girls whether it's not reading the signs, escalating things, moving fast, etc. That's why here. I'm so determined to be really good at it. and with all you guys help I really hope I can achieve it.

 

[Seppuku]

2. I didn't make a move on her early because I knew she had a boyfriend when I met her. after they broke up ( which was a year after I met her) I did make a move. she was receptive of it. But like I said before I suck and nothing came out of it.

It is much better to completely disregard her BF status and make a move anyway. When a girl says she has a BF, it may means a lot of things:

• (i) it's utter bullshit. She doesn't have a BF but she's saying as much either to brush you off, or to test your motivations around her;
• (ii) she has a BF, but things aren't doing that good recently - and she's secretly on the lookout;
• (iii) she has a BF, and she is very well together with him.

And sometimes, she would say she doesn't have have a BF, even if she has one.

The best is to ignore what she says altogether, and make a real move as soon as possible. If she brushes you off when you make sexual advances, then you walk away. Look out for her actions, rather than words.

Note: this is general advice, not specifically tailored for this particular case. But it's good advice.

3. What is the idea date? Is dinner at a restaurant? so I know next time I ask a girl on a date.

The ideal date is low key, such as coffee shop date, or drinks in a cozy place. Avoid the restaurant date because it's too much cliche, it shows her that you are aiming at the serious long term thing, it's about showing how good you could provide to her needs and safety. She will put big break on your seduction attempt, throw tons of tests at your face, and your likelihood of success will drop.

Don't get me wrong, even if you actually plan to be the long term guy for her, it is better to start as if for a casual thing.

4. nothing against prostitution. but I prefer to lose it legally. Weather it's just some random girl I met at a nightclub, a girl I haven't seen in a long time, or someone I want to make my girlfriend. Doesn't matter to me.

Fine then.

All my life I been bad with girls whether it's not reading the signs, escalating things, moving fast, etc. That's why here. I'm so determined to be really good at it. and with all you guys help I really hope I can achieve it.

When I started dating right after my divorce, I was initially sucking, and fucked up a few very good looking dates. To succeed required me to radically change my mindset and my ideas about women and dating. Most of the dates on this planet end in a fiasco because the guy has the wrong mental models. You can basically throw away the conventional dating advice.

Girls Chase is the best starting point. You need to immerse yourself in the articles, absorb the ideas, internalize them.

Then you will be in a much better place.

Seppuku

 

[dcman]

Hi Zeroman ,

just a couple of suggestions as I feel that you are being too hard on yourself for not being able to get this girl. you were comparing your scenario to Alex and trying to apply it.Alex is talking about sexual tension and framing with a new girl he just meet. He presents himself as a sexual man from the very beginning and if she is into it she goes with him.You are talking about a girl that knows you for a long time and has already framed you as a friend and has an opinion about you that is going to be hard to change. It is more easy to seduce someone new than convert a friend to a lover for someone new to seduction. There are many posts on this subject. Read the players guide 101 in fastseduction.com(even thought it is old it covers most of the basics and is a easy read) and then work on using other skills like sexual tension etc to seduce.

Think of seduction as a hobby or something of a casual investment.It will make the learning process much more fun and easy to understand. Good Luck

 

[Michal]

By the way, you can actually get this girl in the future but not the way you would think. You forget her, get out there, hussle and after some time you get a girl who is physically more attractive then this one. And then you go on a party or some social gathering where she charms everyone and this girl you were pinning over suddenly sees you in a different light. It is pretty weird but for past two weeks I have got a big responsibility with a project that I asked for, now it is going well and girls at work told me I seem... different. Why? Because I am suddenly in a leadership role where I need to manage some big stuff. And if girls can notice this small thing, she will definitely notice how you do not need her anymore because you found someone who likes you, and how outcome independent you are when you talk to her (meaning your friend), because you know that when you go home that night, you can easily get some from a girl who is hotter than your friend. So accept your decision, be polite to your friend... if you need peace and find everything we stated hard to believe then sure, make your move and see for yourself, 99% chance it will not work. So whether you do or do not, you need to move on. Be polite with her but dont invest any more emotions in her. And then as other guys suggested, immerse yourself in the material here and practice it regularly.

Edit: btw by the time you get to the level that you can have this girl, you will find that you dont really want her anymore because there are girls who are better quality and who you like more anyways