[Dilemma] Should you always be or aim to be the Alpha or Leader of a new or existing Social Group?

[onmyway22]

Hello, everyone.

There are several articles on GirlsChase that teach us how to be a leader, how to be an alpha male, how to be the heart of a party, how to make sure everyone in the group has fun, etc. So, my question is should we always strive to become the leader or alpha male in any type of social situation, social activity, or social group?

I mean should we establish ourselves as a leader on the outset of a new social group, and also aim to sort of overthrow the current leader and take his position in an already established social groups? Should we not choose to be a "follower" or kind of laidback tag-along members in a social group?

What kind of social identity should we really have in our social circles?

 

[Water]

No, it can seem try hard. Just be confident and relaxed and chill. Step into your true self, if you’re loud and dominant then embrace it. If you’re chill and mellow, then do that.

 

[onmyway22]

@Meteora Thanks for your insight. When you say either loud and dominant or chill and mellow, those are personality traits. But, what I want to know is what kind of social identity should one strive for in a new or existing social circle?

Should one always be a leader or be a tag-along follower in a social group? What kind of value should one bring to one's social circle?

 

[Darius]

In my opinion the answer is that it depends on what you want and what the group needs.

Obviously, being the leader, if you know what you are doing, is going to be the best position to be in. But it comes with a ton of responsibility, and can even be detrimental to seduction (people will damn bother you all the time about various things, so chatting up a girl becomes hard).

You should be the leader if it's clear the group needs one, or if the current leader is not really respected / does a bad job. That's when you step up and guide people, and it won't look tryhard, it will be welcome.

You should not be the leader if there is already an 'alpha' guy that everyone likes or is doing a good enough job. Because then it becomes obvious that you're trying to take the lead from a guy (and damage his status) for no other purpose than you looking good. And that looks try hard.

As for providing value in this latter circumstance, just being a chill dude that has good energy and is inclusive of others will get you invited back 99% of the time. Or you can be the crazy ass party dude as well. Think of it like this: what would make you invite a guy you just hanged out with again?

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

To answer the title - No. Your social role depends on your goals.

So, my question is should we always strive to become the leader or alpha male in any type of social situation, social activity, or social group?

Context matters.

I mean should we establish ourselves as a leader on the outset of a new social group,

Maybe.

and also aim to sort of overthrow the current leader and take his position in an already established social groups?

Sometimes.

Should we not choose to be a "follower" or kind of laidback tag-along members in a social group?

Being the follower, laid back, tag-along person is usually the "life the party" person.

Every person in the social group has at least one important function.

What kind of social identity should we really have in our social circles?

The circle matters

At school

• Your lab partner?
• Your study group?
• Your chemistry class?
• The entire sophmore class?
• The entire school?

At work

• All the new hires?
• Everyone in the accounting division?
• The entire company?
• The entire industry?

In the Broader world

• The local school board?
• The mayor?
• The Prime Minister?

...

What are the benefits of leading the group?
What are the detriments?

Every man has to answer these questions, and then decide what he wants.

You can be the captain of the football team that dates the cheerleader...

Or

You can be the Dj at the house party that fucks the cheerleader because the captain of the football team is getting drunk with his bros?

WIA

 

[Water]

@Meteora Thanks for your insight. When you say either loud and dominant or chill and mellow, those are personality traits. But, what I want to know is what kind of social identity should one strive for in a new or existing social circle?

Should one always be a leader or be a tag-along follower in a social group? What kind of value should one bring to one's social circle?

It depends on the circumstances. Just don't try to fit into a role you're not suited for. However, since you're starting out, look up the attraction switches for women. Leader of men is one of them. So here's some basic rules for you to at least move towards:

1. Lead when given the opportunity and others are hesitating. Don't try to lead if there's already a charismatic leader that's liked by all. That's a douche bag move.

2. Be unapologetic or who you are and what you do. If you offend someone, fuck it, don't care what people think. This takes time and I'm still working on it. But I've gotten a lot better at it. The best naturals I know (dated literal models you'd rate 10/10) were like this. They helped my game more than any product or pick-up artist EVER DID.
One day literally pulled his dick out at parties as a joke, and he did it so confidently and without shame that it was funny and offended nobody.
You live in your own reality. Don't pull your dick out please, that was a really calibrated move and he had banged over 50-60 attractive girls before he was 21.

3. Spread positivity. Everything is win/win. Be as happy as possible but don't fake it too bad. However, faking it is better than not. Smiling when sad will make you happier, studies have shown. Be as possitive as possible, encourage others, see the best in others, do not be needy, you need NOTHING from anybody. You are content with who you are. You could lose everything and all your money and your car and your g/f and have a dry spell and you'd be content because a true man can lean within HIMSELF for support.

4. Judge nobody. I met guys when I was traveling the country meeting the best PUA's I knew, there were "fake naturals" who were successful with women but had an obvious inferiority complex. There was this nerdy asian probably virgin kid and he would not stop making fun of him. Then another true natural with over 200 lays before he was 21 met the asian kid. Treated him with full respect 100%, helped him, talked to him like a true human being. He only had value to give. He needed nothing from anyone and had no need to impress others with making them laugh at somebody's expense.

This list can go on infinitely, and some of this advice I'm quoting from posters who left the board but made a permanent impact on my life.

 

[Water]

@onmyway22 You may message me if you'd like. There's some details and advice I will not post publicly for reasons I won't post publicly. Under the promise you will not repeat what I say in the messages.

 

[Rakehell]

I became the king of a social circle I was integrated into by the previous leader.

King meaning everyone in the group was competing for my attention while I was actively keeping the group alive.

The men in the group did their best to try and snub me from importance and till this day there’s shady energy.

My points are:

It won’t last forever, my run was probably a couple months.

The dynamic of the group can quickly turn sour especially if you don’t care to try and manage everyone’s emotions toward you. (I didnt)

Having the majority of women vying for your attention immediately boosts your importance within a given group. (But it breeds jealousy in those you would consider friends)



If you choose to be the leader, thats roughly some of the negative aspects. I feel like the positive aspects are a given.

 

[Rakehell]

Also, I personally don’t like being a “yes man” in any situation. Admittedly though I am not agreeable by nature so I’ve learned to just not acknowledge things I don’t agree with.

Should we not choose to be a "follower" or kind of laidback tag-along members in a social group?

There’s nothing wrong with going along with things but only do it if it’s something you want to do as well.

No approval seeking is what I'm saying, you don’t have to be a sheep. There’s more than one shepherd on a farm ya know.

 

[ulrich]

Many groups of men are somewhat more equalitarian.
You may point out one or two guys who are leaders but there is not that much difference between them and most other guys. We are talking here about long term friends.

In these kind of groups, they will resent you if you try to climb the social ladder.

 

[Rakehell]

Uriels point stands true as well. I should’ve clarified that in my case I wasn’t status jockying (don’t do this), I was more of an elected leader.

Also the circle I was in was a music oriented circle, we’d meet and talk about music and other shit, concerts etc. The group was also pretty big (like 15 people) and we all were in a very active imessage groupchat. The group was equal in terms of gender as well.

I was one of the youngest members if not the youngest. I also hadn’t known them for very long big picture wise. Maybe a year. I was close to 2 guys excluding the women.

 

[Skills]

as sunking and uriel said, it is a headacke and there is not enough bank for the buck, this is what i have seen:

-being a number 2 bluetenant type is much more bank for the buck and less stress

-or what i advocate (life changing i went from alpha to sigma couple of years back never come back ever since, it happened naturally as I evolved):