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Disarming Tension

Tryst

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Apr 9, 2024
Messages
40
This discovery was one of the biggest gamechangers in my social life. This is a social skill which belongs to really skilled people.

In nightgame, you're gonna have people being hostile/annoying for no reason whatsoever. So it's important that you be able to handle this stuff. You get cockblocks, and girls being neggy/cruel/amoggy for no reason. Tactics are very similar for guys, but, in my opinion easier with girls because you've already had so much practise talking to them.

Cut their threads. It's that simple. Examples,

Tryst: [Talking to target, indicating very little interest, target is hooking]
UG: [Putting her hand in my face, absolutely autistic levels of social violation] "WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY FRIEND"
Tryst: [Completely chill, unreactive] "Should I dye my hair blond?"
UG: "No! Your hair is super nice, don't be stupid!"
Tryst: [Merge the UG and target into a 2set, and game as normal.]

I can't overstate just how much of a bitch this girl was. I'm not even facing my body towards my target, and she sweeps in, putting her hands centimetres from my face and shouting at me. I looked at her for just a second, relaxed, calm, unaffected body language, "Should I dye my hair?" and she instantly falls into my frame. She just forgot she was being a bitch. Suppose she isn't immediately disarmed by this, then you've lost nothing. You need to disarm this girl anyway, or you're not getting your target.

They key is to never ever ever fall into the frame of hostility/argument. Don't even acknowledge it. The second you fall into that argument frame, it's over. Yes, I know, she is being an absolute bitch for no reason whatsoever and someone should put her in her place, but, deeper down... why do you care? If she's a bitch that's her problem. You're a cool high value guy, you don't even notice when people are being awful, it's just not part of your reality.

At the same time, you cannot seek rapport from a position of begging to be let in. She will just tool you and push you out. So you have to neg her, and then get rapport with her. Remember, if you're chasing, she'll accept you even less.


If a girl is negging you/insulting/being mean, then you neg her back, and do NOT get into neg warfare. Neg warfare is when both parties realise there's a hostile frame, and start trying to win. When you get here, you've already lost. The purpose of the neg is not to score points, but to show that you're a high value guy who isn't bullied. You're not trying to show you're a high value guy isn't bullied, in fact, you're not trying to do anything. You just don't really care for/take seriously people who aren't nice to you, and so you just neg them by accident, without realising.

Once your value is established with the neg, you immediately forget that anything ever even happened. You just disregard the hostile frame and instil your own friendly frame. Because you have value from your neg and their value is diminished, they'll accept and seek rapport. If you spot even a hint of reactivity on their part from the neg, you go into rapport, because they will be desperately seeking rapport, as negged girls do.

Tryst: [Chilling by myself waiting for wing, counting syllables on my fingers]
Girl: "Oh my god this guy is counting, he's counting on his fingers!"
Tryst: "[Ignoring her]"
Girl: [Continues with some retarded mockery]
Tryst: "Yep, I'm counting; can you count too? I need some help." (Not taking her seriously, very slightly neggy, inviting her to seek rapport)
Girl: [Touches my arm, and carries on mocking me a little]
Tryst: "Hey, hands off the merchandise!" (Neg.)
Girl: "What, you're merchandise?" (Trying to mock me, but she's in reaction! She's dropped her own thread, and is now on my thread. By challenging my assertion, she's actually trying to justify her own behaviour, i.e. she's qualifying.)
Tryst: [Big smile, kino, friendly] "I love your jacket, what's your name?"

And problem solved, we get along now. We enjoyed a short interaction before she went back to her friends. She actually literally forgets that she was ever being a bitch and didn't like. She just switches instantly when I compliment her jacket. It's crazy to watch. Has anyone else seen this shit?

I saw my wing fuck this up too. His target likes him well enough, and her friend starts being a bitch to him. I wish I could remember the exact verbals, but basically he takes what she says and treats it as a shit test, he agrees and exaggerates. "Oh yeah, I'm so xxx that even yyy" She gives her comeback, and he makes fun of her comeback again by exaggerating it. This comes off reactive, and indeed he is totally in reaction to her threads (low value! He's wasting his own time engaging in an unpleasant conversation where people are rude to him. See my comments on negging here, it's explained.) It's obvious and clear that he's trying to look cool in the face of her bitchiness, and it's therefore inevitable that she is indeed being a bitch. So it's game over for his set. A frame is set, obvious to everyone, that these two people are having a little verbal spat. He won the spat, but he didn't win the girl. If you do get into such a spat, just pull away and neg. You're a cool, high value guy. You don't have time to waste on little verbal spats or anything that doesn't improve your life.

You can have similar situations with your target who tries to frame control you.

Tryst: [Some gamey qualification routine]
Target: "Is this you trying to flirt with me? This is weird as fuck." (If I answer yes, RIP my frame, if I answer no, she's gonna turn it into a battle because she needs validation and wants to be chased)
Tryst: [Squint at her as if what she said just totally doesn't make sense] (Neg.)
Target: [Massive attraction spike]
Tryst: [Escalates kino]

Of course, if I tell her outright that I'm not chasing her she's gonna make a big deal out of it and we'll fall into hostility. Instead I just neg her and it's all fine.

Your negs must never ever ever ever ever seem intentional.


I got a million more examples of this stuff.


Key point is to not acknowledge they were ever a bitch. Girls can just immediately forget their previous states. A girl who was attracted to you loses attraction and doesn't just deny that she was ever attracted, she genuinely just forgets. Same here. The second you acknowledge the hostility, it becomes hostile, and even if you "win" the argument, you've not won any social points. If she's the friend of your girl, good luck. If she's some random girl, who do you think looks higher value: the guy who wins all his arguments, or the guy whom everybody loves?

- Tryst
 

rockstar

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Feb 2, 2019
Messages
110
The first example of thread-cutting might be the best way I've found to handle that situation. Especially if the friends is particularly drunk or aggressive. Other two are also great responses to frame-control when people are being shitty.

Great example of frame control and when "non-reactivity" is useful. It's especially important for people who are naturally on the agreeable side to realize that you can just assert your own social reality into a lot of these situations. Especially when there's no context. These girls aren't angry at you, they're just moody for some other reason. Assert your own frame and they have no motivation to defend theirs.

Can't agree more about not getting dragged into dumb fights like your friend talked about. Agree and amplify doesn't make sense there - it feeds too much off of her negativity.
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake
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