Discomfort with Small Talk

[Zeus]

Hello Everyone,

I've been doing some cold approaches both at parties and throughout the day. I've noticed that even though I can open girls pretty easily, I'm very uncomfortable in the initial few minutes of the interaction. It's not that I don't know what to say, it's that I just feel like the lack of substance to our conversations makes it pointless and awkward, which in turn puts a lot of social pressure on both of us to leave said conversation. I understand that small talk is a necessary part of connecting with another human being, but I'm unsure of how to feel natural doing it. Advice?

 

[ray_zorse]

Preferably replace the very initial small talk with a few lines of banter, such as a joke or a teasing remark. Just a few lines is enough, no need to overdo it (indeed you don't NEED the banter and it can be omitted especially if you are not yet warmed up or not in state for some reason), what this does is to give the conversation a little more spark, a little more energy, makes it a little bit sexually or emotionally charged, and establishes you as a fun and carefree person (you're not worried about offending her with your teasing remarks etc).

Next thing to do is lead in with a cold read, that's a question with a suggested answer, that makes it very easy for her to contribute to the conversation. Example

You: Wow that's a big drink... can we take a swim in it later?
Her: Haha! Well that depends whether you like swimming in Tequila Sunrise!
You: Mmm hmm... well we wouldn't want to go getting all sticky now would we, that wouldn't do at all
Her: Haha! I'm [her name]
You: Hey there [her name] I'm Zeus (you shake hands, establishing some touch, or if you're a badass even kiss her on the cheek, whatever, depends on your state) So how about your night so far, you started with after work drinks and then went to a restaurant with your colleagues? (This is a cold read based on who she is with, the fact she's in business attire, etc)
Her: Haha yeah! It's been really fun so far! (qualifying herself) so that's my boss over there and this is my close colleague, she was going home to an empty house so she suggested a night out

So now you have some basic information to work with, you have her name and her relationship to others in the group, and you know she's an office worker of some kind, or possibly a professional such as an accountant or a lawyer.

What you have to do now is not waste any topics that she's given you, so pick something she said and expand upon it, e.g.

You: Awesome, well you definitely have to support that haha (qualifying her as a fun person who contributes to the group energy). So you're working closely together? What kind of projects are you working on? It's financially related?
Her: Oh no we are actually on the legal side, we are preparing contracts and that sort of thing
You: Amazing well you must be quite knowledgeable (qualifying her, but actually this line of conversation is a bit of a boring dead end, so let's go a little deeper), when did you know you wanted to study law?
Her: I guess in high school by the time I was 16, I did 2 years of law for my leaving certificate and I really liked it so I went on
You: Really! You are so motivated, you had this like firm goal from when you were only 16? That's wonderful and what did you have to do to make it a reality? You're a qualified legal secretary or something of that nature? (remember to suggest an answer to your questions, to make it easy for her to confirm or correct you, and to show you're engaged and interested, also preferably make questions statements "You're ...?" with a very slight uptone at the end, rather than "Are you ...?")

Hope it helps bro

Ray

 

[Fuck This]

I think Ray nailed it. You show interest in learning more about her, and that leads to you finding out more of her hot button issues.