Does the Chase Frame Eventually Leads to Resentment?

[Achilles]

A while ago I read a column by Chase in which he discusses how serious relationships progress and how the chase frame eventually leads to resentment by the woman who's doing the chasing. I tried searching for the column but couldn't find it.

I spoke to my friend's mother recently who's divorced. We were talking about all sorts of stuff at a BBQ and after she had a few margaritas she confided in me about her previous marriage. Her ex-husband was a high status guy who made lots of money but he didn't have the proper time for her needs and what she described was simply her constantly chasing him and wanting his affection. For years she chased him in her marriage and eventually got fed up and divorced him. She even mentioned to me that her feelings turned to "resentment towards him" ...she used those words.

So my question is, does this happen in all relationships? If so, how can this be tempered?

 

[Novacane]

You can't run forever, I remember Chase posting something about setting a sort of frame regarding team work when in a relationship. Something like a trade-off instead of chasing each-other, and one always feeling at the bottom you both work together to meet common goals.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Achilles,

You're confusing chase frames with plain old neglect. If you neglect a woman's needs for too long, sooner or later she is going to give up and find someone else to meet those needs. You need to periodically reward her chasing for it to continue. Imagine if this guy, instead of ignoring her pleads for more time and affection, PERIODICALLY came home from work early and ravaged her. How do you think she'd respond? She'd be ecstatic! She'd chase him even harder!

It's about balance. If you meet her needs too often, her attraction drops, and if you never meet her needs, she will give up and call it quits. Choose the middle path.

 

[The Tool]

Hey Achilles,

You're confusing chase frames with plain old neglect. If you neglect a woman's needs for too long, sooner or later she is going to give up and find someone else to meet those needs. You need to periodically reward her chasing for it to continue. Imagine if this guy, instead of ignoring her pleads for more time and affection, PERIODICALLY came home from work early and ravaged her. How do you think she'd respond? She'd be ecstatic! She'd chase him even harder!

It's about balance. If you meet her needs too often, her attraction drops, and if you never meet her needs, she will give up and call it quits. Choose the middle path.

Problem solving has it. couldnt of said it better myself