Doing silly things in public to overcome SA

[Aykan]

Hi guys,

I've completed the beginner assignment and had good success with it! Got 3 dates throughout the course of the assignment, one which I got to 3rd base with

Anyway I noticed I am still super shy in general in social situations... I can go up and do an opener with almost any girl now but I am super shy in general, like talking to new people or even just catching a crowded bus....

I want to defeat my Social Anxiety. I came across another homework challenge type thing by simple pickup, and the first two weeks involve a lot of doing silly things in public to get used to the uncomfortable feeling.

I want to do it but I am 25 years old now and I honestly feel silly doing shit like pushups in a crowded place in public. I am practically a grown up adult now, no longer a wild young college kid... but then again maybe i'm just making excuses to avoid doing something I'm shit scared of.

Do you guys think the simple pickup stuff sounds worthwhile? What are your thoughts on SA in general and being a shy, tense, awkward guy? Is that shit even necessary to get good with girls?

AE

 

[Guest0291]

No, that shit is absolutely not necessary at all. Is the program you're talking about that Simple 30 program that Simple Pickup is selling? I believe the price tag was around $400 for what is just a bunch of writing that probably took them a day to make.

If you're socially aware that doing pushups in a crowded place is a stupid thing to do, you already have basic/good social skills and those go a long way my man

I found these "Do silly things in public to overcome anxiety" program just gave me a disproportionate amount of negative experiences. Not helpful.

If you're wanting to be more socially comfortable, I suggest starting small. For example, just ask someone at a store, maybe at the mall, where they bought something they're wearing, like a guy's boots or jacket. There's really no risk here since it's normal, guys ask me all the time where I bought my denim jacket. If this is too much, maybe just try to have a conversation with an employee helping you at a store.

Just getting more friendly interactions under your belt helps.

As for being shy or tense or awkward: It's fine to a degree. If you're sweating bullets and having panic attacks because you are talking to someone, you might need professional help. If you're just feeling uncomfortable or nervous, you're normal.

But yeah, I think what I suggested is much better than going out and actively seeking negative experiences. This will just give you positive experiences and help you feel more comfortable.

Hope this helped man.

 

[Bete Noire]

aha Aykan ol' Bert here is indeed correct,

Doing stupid shit in public shows you what is calibrated and what isn't - but you clearly already know that 'stupid shit' is just that.

Biggest thing for me was reading up on mentalities, when you realise that everyone is just looking for a good time and are usually nervous talking to new people then it isn't so bad!

Good luck dawg,

- Rob

 

[Richard]

Aykan,

I'm guessing Bert and Rob missed the meat of your post.

Doing stupid shit in public is one of the best ways to relieve social anxiety for the same reason you mentioned; it's exposure therapy. When you're doing something stupid then you know that people's eyes are on you, you know that people are judging you, and that tension builds - do that enough times and you start to realize that a person looking at you or judging you doesn't kill you psychologically and your tension is reduced. You're just re-teaching your brain to be unafraid of social stimulation.

I'd recommend doing it; I've laid down in the middle of college campuses, Walmarts, the mall, etc. I've purposefully worn two mismatched shoes, worn shirts with holes or stains, etc. just to get that anxiety built up and to get used to it. After like a week my anxiety had subsided immensely, and after 2 weeks even more, by the end of a month I had almost no noticeable anxiety.

-Richard

 

[Guest0291]

I'm guessing Bert and Rob missed the meat of your post.

Guess again.

When you're doing something stupid then you know that people's eyes are on you, you know that people are judging you, and that tension builds - do that enough times and you start to realize that a person looking at you or judging you doesn't kill you psychologically and your tension is reduced.

So wait, I should do stupid shit to learn that doing stupid shit actually... causes people to judge me? Do I need to touch a hot grill to learn that grills can burn me?

It honestly makes no sense to force people to judge you negatively rather than do something that nets positive interactions. Something like a pro-social activity would help way more in my opinion/experience. For example, signing up for a dance class (I recommend hip hop) forces you to be social as well as perform in front of people. Tons of hot girls too, but that might depend on where you live. And the people are nice, they're all there to have fun and learn. In an environment where socializing is easy and pretty much required, you'll probably come to find that socializing can even be fun.

I also agree with Robster1919. Once I understood that people just wanted to have a good time and were nervous themselves, I started doing better. You could ask him for his pointers.

But overall, go with what your common sense tells you man. If it's telling you to go out and lay down in the middle of Walmart, go for broke. If that ends up helping you, more power to you. It just did nothing for me besides make things worse.

 

[Smurf]

I think both work.

Improv classes are fantastic. My favorite choice to be honest, as speaking seems to be a sticking point for many. Doing embarrassing things in public can also help. Peacocking has a similar effect. If you're doing embarrassing things in public though, don't use it as a crutch as it's not gonna work after a while.

Jake.

 

[Average]

Lol, I'm torn between saying you should and saying you shouldn't. Mostly because I've been a silly guy from birth. So I'm not sure if I didn't have to try out silly things to overcome SA as a result of my character or if my character just held me back (which a lot of evidence suggests).

I'd say that if you do decide to do silly things, try not to do them in places where you go to frequently as your reputation will take bullets.

And also recognize that doing this will help you overcome SA tremendously, but will only help you with that. Unless of course you find them fun, then they'll also help you to enjoy yourself and try out new things.

This should also be temporary.

The reason why I'm also tempted to side with king bert is because there are plenty of things which you HAVE to do as a seducer which will feel kinda silly at first (like doing something which you "KNOW" won't work, just to see if it really won't).

These things will help you get rid of SA if you keep doing them and at the same time help you gain experience approaching. However, the SA itself will take more time to evaporate as a result of you facing a mix of negative and positive reactions (because you won't be quite 100% sure that the reaction was because of that specific action or not).

Although, if you go with option 2 and force yourself to keep trying to hump every girl you see, and using the positive reactions to keep yourself going, having SA won't even matter.

So those are your two options:

1) Doing silly stuff to get rid of SA fast, but pausing growth in other areas

2) Doing only the silly stuff that comes with the job of being a seducer, but maintaining the SA longer.

Sidenote: option 2 is usually the default thing we all do at first. In our journey to pickup artistry.

Anyway, both options are gonnaa need you to act ballsy so I guess you won't be deciding on what's easier....but on what your current goals (short or long term) are in terms of priority and which option will be more effective to achieve them.