LR DOMINANCE competition what to do?

[girlsfollow]

Summary:
- how do you make a dominant girl just "let go"?
- Likely answer is more dominance and more foreplay....?


Finally closed the girl from my LR- but I'm wondering what is going on.

So this girl has been difficult all along but she's my type and hot so I put up with it. Last time we met (5th date) we half had sex but she was resisting all the way but it was clear she wanted it (she came really hard from fingering on the 3rd date).

So this time - I couldn't be bothered with playing around. While we were in the kitchen I pushed her against the counter kissed neck/escalated/fingered/pulled down jeans -turned her around and literally forced it in and she liked it- just twice because I didn't have condom- I stopped to pick her up and take her upstairs to the bedroom (shared kitchen) BUT she was grabbing the door frame to stop me shouting "NO I want to eat first!" "we'll do it after" making it all rational, she talks to me in a sort of mother voice using my name and being all serious lol - dammit stop that!

After meal I had to do gradual escalation in bed where she was constantly fighting it - "non-aligning" and tensing her legs to make it difficult - she says its because she's nervous I'll hurt her. She then made it clear that she really regretted not letting me take her upstairs earlier and wished she had

I persisted and finally got it in but it was hurting her - I think mainly because I was bored of foreplay after 3 dates of only foreplay - so I couldn't get into it cause she was constantly tensing up

I think this is all BULL, would anyone agree that the being logical and fighting is just some kind of test to see my dominance - I have had some problems before with her trying to take dominance from me. I think what she needs is me to just take her whenever and wherever I want and not take a no! - I am usually very dominant and used to girls just letting go control in bed so this is phasing me a bit cause she won't let go

 

[Chase]

GF-

This one's a little unusual. When I was new and not that good in bed yet I had this girl who'd just start trying to have conversations with me during sex... it was weird. Or, I'd start escalating with her and she'd say, "Oh, you want to have sex now? Okay!"

I don't spend much time with girls like this anymore - it's kind of a turnoff - but basically what seems to be happening is that the emotions ARE there, and they DO get excited, but there's just this big disconnect between their emotions and their logical minds, and their logical minds are running the show most of the time. So it's more like they realize it - "Oh yeah, I actually did want to sleep with you, I guess, I just wasn't sure about doing it right then" - but then have to consciously engage with it and work through it.

I've tried logically talking with them about if they'd like to have sex, but that doesn't seem to work. Normal techniques that work well on most girls (e.g., PYCO) don't work all that well here either, because of the emotional disconnect.

The answer to me when I pick up a girl like this usually is getting her to focus on what's going through her emotional mind (it's a little NLP-ish). So that'd be like, you bend her over and start going into her, and she's still giving you some kind of verbal resistance somewhat, and you say, "Wait, stop. I don't care what you're thinking logically right now. You're also FEELING something inside you... what is it? What do you FEEL? Is this a bad feeling... or a good feeling?" If you say it right, and she's warm enough emotionally, and not in full-on resistance "because I can!" mode, you'll get a, "Good feeling," response. And when you get a good feeling answer, you say, "And... would you like MORE of that good feeling... or would you like less of that good feeling? Is it more?" And she'll say "yes." And you'll say, "Okay, that's good, we're on the right track then... how MUCH more of it do you want?" And then she's going to tell you "a lot" or "all of it" or something along those lines. And then you can say, "Are you SURE you want all of it? All of it's quite a LOT...!" and then she'll start moaning and begging for it like you're used to with girls.

At that point, you have buy-in, and she her logical mind accepts what her emotional mind wants and you stop getting all the logical resistance to her emotional wants.

Chase

 

[girlsfollow]

Chase,

Yet again you have nailed it! This is bang on correct and exactly what I have experienced, thanks for sharing! - I feel you with the not dating girls like this anymore - where would you suggest meeting girls that aren't like this - where do you tend to hang out now to meet girls? I've been thinking of checking out a few coffee shops, spend a lot of time on the metro for the job but that is an intense social environment (silence)...

GF-

This one's a little unusual. When I was new and not that good in bed yet I had this girl who'd just start trying to have conversations with me during sex... it was weird. Or, I'd start escalating with her and she'd say, "Oh, you want to have sex now? Okay!"

I don't spend much time with girls like this anymore - it's kind of a turnoff - but basically what seems to be happening is that the emotions ARE there, and they DO get excited, but there's just this big disconnect between their emotions and their logical minds, and their logical minds are running the show most of the time. So it's more like they realize it - "Oh yeah, I actually did want to sleep with you, I guess, I just wasn't sure about doing it right then" - but then have to consciously engage with it and work through it.

YES - this is exactly it - and yes after having a very emotional/sensual/sexual ex this is a massive disappointment - I thought I'd left behind the illusion that girls where like this ages ago - its a big turnoff! She is a bit of a career woman and so that takes up most of her thinking.

I've tried logically talking with them about if they'd like to have sex, but that doesn't seem to work. Normal techniques that work well on most girls (e.g., PYCO) don't work all that well here either, because of the emotional disconnect.

The answer to me when I pick up a girl like this usually is getting her to focus on what's going through her emotional mind (it's a little NLP-ish). So that'd be like, you bend her over and start going into her, and she's still giving you some kind of verbal resistance somewhat, and you say, "Wait, stop. I don't care what you're thinking logically right now. You're also FEELING something inside you... what is it? What do you FEEL? Is this a bad feeling... or a good feeling?" If you say it right, and she's warm enough emotionally, and not in full-on resistance "because I can!" mode, you'll get a, "Good feeling," response. And when you get a good feeling answer, you say, "And... would you like MORE of that good feeling... or would you like less of that good feeling? Is it more?" And she'll say "yes." And you'll say, "Okay, that's good, we're on the right track then... how MUCH more of it do you want?" And then she's going to tell you "a lot" or "all of it" or something along those lines. And then you can say, "Are you SURE you want all of it? All of it's quite a LOT...!" and then she'll start moaning and begging for it like you're used to with girls.

At that point, you have buy-in, and she her logical mind accepts what her emotional mind wants and you stop getting all the logical resistance to her emotional wants.

Chase

Yes this has worked well - although she continues to resist in this way when I try to do something she isn't used to eg. standing up with her bent over (where she also doesn't even seem to really get it and doesn't bend over properly - its so off putting) - I already started working towards anal (by massaging the area) and she already went all logical toned again "what are you doing?" I just ignored it and carried on but she's difficult.

I've managed to get her adventurous side out a little while in public and she surprisingly admitted that she found it exciting playing around a bit in public when people couldn't see (one of my favourite games). I think I should probably keep working on this because I think EVENTUALLY I could maybe release her floodgates and she would get more normal - not sure she is pretty enough for that effort though.

The verbal resistance crops up now and then at random times and it SUCH a turnoff - the reason I keep trying is because she is quite pretty but I'm concerned that I might be investing too much effort in her and should be going out rather than meeting her friends- I was planning on going away with her for a weekend break just to relax her in a hotel (might work) but now the benefit of that might be outweighed by the risk of LTR...

 

[girlsfollow]

ive actually realised that the emotional crazy side of girls is just the flipside of being really sexy - All that time I spent wishing my ex was more rational and stop making so much drama - I had enough! Now I realise it was just part of the package of awesome sexiness and can even be managed quite well....just shows that even the biggest negatives can have a silver lining....in this case a very thick dense important one

 

[Knight]

GF-

And when you get a good feeling answer, you say, "And... would you like MORE of that good feeling... or would you like less of that good feeling? Is it more?" And she'll say "yes." And you'll say, "Okay, that's good, we're on the right track then... how MUCH more of it do you want?" And then she's going to tell you "a lot" or "all of it" or something along those lines. And then you can say, "Are you SURE you want all of it? All of it's quite a LOT...!" and then she'll start moaning and begging for it like you're used to with girls.


Chase

Interesting, from my limited knowledge on the matter I realise this reaction stems from some form of scarcity? The end result being sex is the same as before, however the chance of it not happening is now not in her control fully and it looks more desirable.

 

[girlsfollow]

Interesting, from my limited knowledge on the matter I realise this reaction stems from some form of scarcity? The end result being sex is the same as before, however the chance of it not happening is now not in her control fully and it looks more desirable.

in case you were wondering - I pushed through eventually - but it wasnt any kind of LMR it was just that she really is THAT non-sexual and really logical - turns out she is always like this - even when shes fully turned on shes a bit of a logic friend

not sure what you mean - could you clarify?

Also any views on my recent FR?:

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1702

 

[Chase]

@ GF-

ive actually realised that the emotional crazy side of girls is just the flipside of being really sexy - All that time I spent wishing my ex was more rational and stop making so much drama - I had enough! Now I realise it was just part of the package of awesome sexiness and can even be managed quite well....just shows that even the biggest negatives can have a silver lining....in this case a very thick dense important one

Right - two sides of the same coin. The sexier she is, the more dramatic, and vice versa.

The less dramatic, the less sexy.

Both are manifestations of her passion levels. If she's dispassionate, she'll shrug most things off sans drama, but she'll be cold in the bedroom, too.

@ Knight-

GF-

And when you get a good feeling answer, you say, "And... would you like MORE of that good feeling... or would you like less of that good feeling? Is it more?" And she'll say "yes." And you'll say, "Okay, that's good, we're on the right track then... how MUCH more of it do you want?" And then she's going to tell you "a lot" or "all of it" or something along those lines. And then you can say, "Are you SURE you want all of it? All of it's quite a LOT...!" and then she'll start moaning and begging for it like you're used to with girls.


Chase

Interesting, from my limited knowledge on the matter I realise this reaction stems from some form of scarcity? The end result being sex is the same as before, however the chance of it not happening is now not in her control fully and it looks more desirable.

Exactly. So long as she feels like it's in her control, it's unexciting. But you create in her both awareness of her desire for the thing... and you don't immediately give it to her, or even offer it. Instead, you keep TALKING, while she's sitting there starting to go crazy thinking, "Just shut up and GIVE it to me! Will you just GIVE it to me already? Why are you holding it back like that? What if you're just TEASING me and AREN'T going to give it to me? OMG, I have to get it before it's too late!"

You can imagine a girl saying the same thing to you, and the emotions you'd feel. The emotions you'd feel if she did it to you and she feels when you do it to her are the same.

Chase

 

[Anonymous]

Finally I found some advice on this. My ex did this relentlessly. We flirt, I escalate, she starts says "no, no" I mean Im pretty sure she wants it shes totally naked. I try talking through it logically with her I dont want to rape her. That leads nowhere, she agrees, keeps doing it. I've had girls say "make me" thats pretty clear. No is not clear at all. We even setup a safe word, first thing out of her mouth. Says she cant get off unless its rough. So frustrating. Huge turn off. Great advice. This is what were talking about right? Im not misunderstanding? I know its an old thread but this kind of behavior has baffled me.