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Dominating and Controlling naturally Controlling Women

Danny

Space Monkey
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Will_V

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Hey guys, do you have any suggestions for how a Type B personality guy can dominate and lead a Type A girl in a long-term relationship? How would he maintain respect? Especially because Type B guys tend to be chill and laidback, and Type A girls are controlling and domineering. I posted a pic below if you need to see the differences.




https://www.pinterest.com/pin/understanding-type-a-and-type-b-personality-types--678988081337301704/

Not sure if I'm the right person to give advice here. I've had a girlfriend at least as much of a 'type A' personality as myself and we clashed a fair bit (conflict resolution or lack thereof was the reason we eventually parted ways). I can tell you though that the way to deal with these kind of girls is to be super chill and not giving a F about anything. I can't really be like that long term, but when I could that's what worked the best. You just do your thing, let her do her thing, give her your support and don't compete with her or face off with her, instead maneuver things subtly and indirectly. Water off a ducks back type of thing.

Thing is, I don't think you can really 'dominate' a type A personality if you're a B. You can have a strong frame but she'll need certain things from you long term, and you'll need certain things from her long term, that fit into your respective personalities. It doesn't mean you can't be a strong male presence or a leader, but the equilibrium will be in a somewhat different place.

If you're both type As you just end up in a competitive stalemate on things which goes nowhere. If your personality is significantly more type A than hers you can outframe her for a while but I'm not sure it will work long term - type A girls often grow up with dominant/overbearing mothers, younger and/or gay brothers, soft-personality fathers, or a host of other things that set her up to look at the world a certain way, and while you might want to entertain yourself unravelling all of that, personally I'm not interested.
 

Danny

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Not sure if I'm the right person to give advice here. I've had a girlfriend at least as much of a 'type A' personality as myself and we clashed a fair bit (conflict resolution or lack thereof was the reason we eventually parted ways). I can tell you though that the way to deal with these kind of girls is to be super chill and not giving a F about anything. I can't really be like that long term, but when I could that's what worked the best. You just do your thing, let her do her thing, give her your support and don't compete with her or face off with her, instead maneuver things subtly and indirectly. Water off a ducks back type of thing.

Thing is, I don't think you can really 'dominate' a type A personality if you're a B. You can have a strong frame but she'll need certain things from you long term, and you'll need certain things from her long term, that fit into your respective personalities. It doesn't mean you can't be a strong male presence or a leader, but the equilibrium will be in a somewhat different place.

If you're both type As you just end up in a competitive stalemate on things which goes nowhere. If your personality is significantly more type A than hers you can outframe her for a while but I'm not sure it will work long term - type A girls often grow up with dominant/overbearing mothers, younger and/or gay brothers, soft-personality fathers, or a host of other things that set her up to look at the world a certain way, and while you might want to entertain yourself unravelling all of that, personally I'm not interested.
Damn, I see that sounds tough, Is there no good strategy then to maintain respect in a relationship like that? How do you take the lead with someone who naturally leads and is controlling but wants to submit to a man lool? It sounds like a catch 22
 

Chase

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lol @ that graphic.

It's basically like:

"TYPE A: angry assholes. TYPE B: really cool, chill people."

I was like, "This was obviously created by a Type B," and right there on the page is some chick commenting, "lol this chart is so biased the person who made it must be type B."

Anyway, yeah. As the guy who wants to chill, you are not going to dominate a person whose personality is to dominate. I would just put "I need to dominate her!" out of my head entirely.

Instead if I was you I would just focus on having my sphere of chilled out living and try to get something complementary going on with her. Like, imagine "The Dude" from The Big Lebowski dating some fiery chick. She would be going around doing her thing and he would just be in his space, telling her, "If you want to get all worked up, you can, but can you do it somewhere else? I'm trying to enjoy Mother Nature here," or whatever it is he's doing.

It's not dominance so much as it is control of your own frame.

You're chill. It is chill around you. If she wants to come storming in with her fiery demeanor she can, but how about she just cool it a bit? It doesn't always need to be go-go-go 24/7.

That's how I have seen the more relaxed guys (who I presume are Type Bs) with good frames handle their more assertive (presumably Type A) chicks. They don't 'dominate' them... they just maintain this aura of chill and ask that when she is around them she dials it down a few notches and relax a bit.

Chase
 

Danny

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Interesting, I've never thought of it like that before. If they live together, though, or have a shared life, won't the fiery type A girl feel like the guy's mother or be the one taking charge and wearing the pants in the relationship? How will she respect him and not get bored with him if he's not leading the household, getting things done, and chilling instead? Its like the polarity is flipped or something, do those relationships work out?
 

Will_V

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Damn, I see that sounds tough, Is there no good strategy then to maintain respect in a relationship like that?

Like I said before, and what Chase mentioned as well, is that you can be chill and not give a F and still be masculine and maintain respect. But the equilibrium will be in a different place - she will likely have more independence and expect to have more influence over things than a less assertive girl.

It's not like the red pillers suggest, that in every relationship either the guy is either the overlord or some complete walkover. In fact most stable relationships I know of are female-dominated - what seems to make them work is that the guy is still squared away and respectable, just not really the one wearing the pants.

Whether you could be a super-chill, non-dominating guy and still wear the pants somehow I don't know. But that's the danger of going in labeling yourself and other people - you end up reaching your conclusion before even seeing what works and what doesn't.

Why don't you ask yourself some questions, like: in what ways do I want/need to dominate this woman? What kind of relationship suits me that I would actually enjoy? What does she need from me that would make her happy and less annoying (taking dominance out of the equation for a bit)?

By doing these things, you end up finding out who you really are in the real world. Maybe you are actually a 'closet' dominant guy. Maybe you can simply find a way to have a relationship you really enjoy with this girl that doesn't follow the conventions of what you've been told. As long as you don't delude yourself about anything and keep your perception open, you will end up at the right spot for you.
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

Danny

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Jan 14, 2016
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Thanks, man I really appreciate your reply. Sometimes I take the advice on the forum and the gchase articles a little too seriously. It's hard for me to figure out and navigate relationships and interactions longer than a few hookups since I didn't have healthy relationships modeled from me growing up. My dad was around, but he wasn't the most in charge person. So, I sometimes take the articles verbatim or like overthink everything all the time. I'm working on it though!
 
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