So this is my first post and I hope I can explain it clearly enough. Please excuse any unnecessary details I may give.
I have quite decent experience with girls, if this matters. I have around 80-100 girls under my belt and 2 relationships prior to the current one.
I met this girl on Tinder almost 2 years ago. As I started dating her, I was getting into a stressful situation( created by me) and I felt like I simply wanted to keep this girl in my life because I was telling myself "OK, I don't have time for dating or I can't afford to be distracted”.
I continued seeing her even though I saw that some things were not my personal preference. She was a virgin and I was coming from the other side, used to be fucking 1-2 girls per week, even more, so this was a big change for me. I kinda put a relationship label on it because I was not interested in the situation and I just wanted to keep her and focus on my stuff.
First red flag for me was when she wanted to break up, around 4 months into relationship, after telling her sincerely the number of girls I’ve been with sexually. I asked her not to do so and we continued but she created resentment towards this, like crazy. We kinda started to get along and I felt like in a long time somebody is holding me, somebody gives me affection and I saw behind her insecurities that is a very nice girl and I felt very hard to cut her off. I started to like her.
Part of my dissatisfaction towards her came, when we had sex for the first time, this happening after around 5-6 months into the relationship, the sex was bad, and I didn’t know if it’s due her lack of experience or connection, been with virgin girls in parts and had a nice experience. She was looking very good but I always felt I was not satisfied/not attracted enough to her, even though I’ve been with girls that were not that good looking but their sexual energy or sensuality was way stronger. Not feeling attracted enough was a big frustration for me despite her good looks . She gave me my first blowjob after 1 year and 6 months into the relationship and not being sexually satisfied frustrated me to the point where occasionally I was cheating on her with a random girl I’d find available. The cheating part made me feel bad about myself and for a long time I wanted to cheat on her and I simply was not able to do it, it felt very hard emotionally to do it.
She was naggy almost every 1-2 weeks, irritated by something, she was not liking something or considered that I gave her a reason to be irritated by something and she was starting a fight and this was another big frustration of mine, I started being reactive even though initially I wasn't.
We did an Eurotrip together and she continued to be naggy when I was talking with an waitress, when she saw that my ex had an emoji to her name, when she saw anything related to my attention towards another women and it make me be like “OKK I know I should break up but I’m too weak to do it so I’m going not to tell her what I’m thinking ” I started hiding conversations about girls I had with friends of mine, I started deleting my history if I was searching for a girl on instagram or Facebook or anything related to what would make her angry. I started hiding myself, my sexual desires, some of my thoughts because I was expecting a “NO” or to escalade in a fight.
In September last year we got back from the Eurotrip, cheated on her for the last time and then my sexual desire towards her slowly drifted away, we almost did’t had sex, she initiated the discussion on this subject because I felt so hard to discuss anything with her even though she became open to discussion and I was having a hard time to discuss. I got fat, I neglected my business, I neglected myself in a big time.
This year I started having discussions with girls on tinder using a fake account, didn’t cheated but I was craving to pick them up, to fuck girls on street or girls on tinder, finally she saw a verification code on my phone and she was crushed and I felt crushed because I realised what I did. I realised for a long time that he was a very good girl with with I like to be with but I never been crazy in love, crazy about her but I like her and questioning for a long time if I should break up not that things are starting to be quite nice or to marry her because of her loyalty and potential to be mother of my kids, she is a person with very good values but I felt like somehow she is controlling me, I stopped going out, stopped a lot of stuff and basically spending all my time with her.
We decided this week to stay away from each other in order to calm down. First time in the relationship I want to do things right.
I have quite decent experience with girls, if this matters. I have around 80-100 girls under my belt and 2 relationships prior to the current one.
I met this girl on Tinder almost 2 years ago. As I started dating her, I was getting into a stressful situation( created by me) and I felt like I simply wanted to keep this girl in my life because I was telling myself "OK, I don't have time for dating or I can't afford to be distracted”.
I continued seeing her even though I saw that some things were not my personal preference. She was a virgin and I was coming from the other side, used to be fucking 1-2 girls per week, even more, so this was a big change for me. I kinda put a relationship label on it because I was not interested in the situation and I just wanted to keep her and focus on my stuff.
First red flag for me was when she wanted to break up, around 4 months into relationship, after telling her sincerely the number of girls I’ve been with sexually. I asked her not to do so and we continued but she created resentment towards this, like crazy. We kinda started to get along and I felt like in a long time somebody is holding me, somebody gives me affection and I saw behind her insecurities that is a very nice girl and I felt very hard to cut her off. I started to like her.
Part of my dissatisfaction towards her came, when we had sex for the first time, this happening after around 5-6 months into the relationship, the sex was bad, and I didn’t know if it’s due her lack of experience or connection, been with virgin girls in parts and had a nice experience. She was looking very good but I always felt I was not satisfied/not attracted enough to her, even though I’ve been with girls that were not that good looking but their sexual energy or sensuality was way stronger. Not feeling attracted enough was a big frustration for me despite her good looks . She gave me my first blowjob after 1 year and 6 months into the relationship and not being sexually satisfied frustrated me to the point where occasionally I was cheating on her with a random girl I’d find available. The cheating part made me feel bad about myself and for a long time I wanted to cheat on her and I simply was not able to do it, it felt very hard emotionally to do it.
She was naggy almost every 1-2 weeks, irritated by something, she was not liking something or considered that I gave her a reason to be irritated by something and she was starting a fight and this was another big frustration of mine, I started being reactive even though initially I wasn't.
We did an Eurotrip together and she continued to be naggy when I was talking with an waitress, when she saw that my ex had an emoji to her name, when she saw anything related to my attention towards another women and it make me be like “OKK I know I should break up but I’m too weak to do it so I’m going not to tell her what I’m thinking ” I started hiding conversations about girls I had with friends of mine, I started deleting my history if I was searching for a girl on instagram or Facebook or anything related to what would make her angry. I started hiding myself, my sexual desires, some of my thoughts because I was expecting a “NO” or to escalade in a fight.
In September last year we got back from the Eurotrip, cheated on her for the last time and then my sexual desire towards her slowly drifted away, we almost did’t had sex, she initiated the discussion on this subject because I felt so hard to discuss anything with her even though she became open to discussion and I was having a hard time to discuss. I got fat, I neglected my business, I neglected myself in a big time.
This year I started having discussions with girls on tinder using a fake account, didn’t cheated but I was craving to pick them up, to fuck girls on street or girls on tinder, finally she saw a verification code on my phone and she was crushed and I felt crushed because I realised what I did. I realised for a long time that he was a very good girl with with I like to be with but I never been crazy in love, crazy about her but I like her and questioning for a long time if I should break up not that things are starting to be quite nice or to marry her because of her loyalty and potential to be mother of my kids, she is a person with very good values but I felt like somehow she is controlling me, I stopped going out, stopped a lot of stuff and basically spending all my time with her.
We decided this week to stay away from each other in order to calm down. First time in the relationship I want to do things right.
- What should I do? Is this something that I can fix or worth fixing? Despite the events she is a nice girl and I kinda fucked things up
- I am aware that a healthier option would be break up but IF it ca be fixed, how can I fix this?
