FR Downtown hustling

[SparklingWadah]

Goals​

Today I wanted to do some remedial work on basic fundamentals. I like to think of it like corrective exercises in the gym (face pulls, external rotations, etc.). I am still also working on being a more interesting conversationalist.

1. Pre-open every girl (do not look at her first, let her see you)
2. Alternate between smiling BIG on one approach and smiling more sexily and stoic-ly on another approach
3. Make statements instead of questions + relate them back to her

Outing​

Today I visited a downtown area near a university, then later went to a local night market.

Before I went out, I did a short meditation for 10 minutes to relax. Then I warmed up my voice, practiced my opener 10 times in the car, and tried a new technique to sexualize my thoughts. I pulled up some porn on my phone, got horny, and paid attention to the way my eye contact changed when looking at a girl in porn. Then I tried to replicate the same eye contact feeling when approaching girls.

---

Approach 1​

I saw the first girl dressed in a beautiful white dress from quite a ways off. I had to seriously hustle to catch up to her after a few minutes of jogging. I was a little out of breath when I arrived but slowed down to open her at a train station. I wanted to give her a light tap, but she was boxed into a walled area without a good escape route when I was opening her so I kept a little bit of distance to make her feel more comfortable.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I was just walking by when I saw you walking down here, and I wanted to come say that you looked absolutely elegant in this dress. I love the boots."
Her: "Thank you so much"

Me: <Introduces myself> "What's your name?"
Her: <Introduces herself>

Me: "What are you up to today? Are you in a rush right now?"
Her: "Oh no, I'm uh..."

Me: "Going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting my friend"

Me: "Okay, for study or for work...? For pleasure...?"
Her: "For pleasure, yeah"

Me: "Okay, you guys going to grab a coffee or a drink or something?"
Her: "I think maybe just coffee"

Me: "Okay, okay. It's a little late in the afternoon for coffee."
Her: "Yeah...I know!"

Me: "Are you sensitive to caffeine?"
Her: "I am not actually, so I think it's fine."

Me: "Okay, cool cool."
Her: "Yeah"

Me: "Sorry" <pause to catch my breath> "I was actually heading over there so I'm kinda in a rush."
Her: "Okay okay, no worries. Thanks for stopping by."

Me: "It was very nice to meet to you. Hey, you seem...I like your sense of style, you seem interesting, we should grab like a coffee sometime."
Her: <Laughs> "I'm actually dating someone..."

Me: "Okay, no worries. Hope you guys have a great day."
Her: "Likewise, you too. Thank you so much for stopping by."

Me: "Yeah, no worries."
Her: "I really appreciate it, I'm like-"

Me: "Did you dress up for something special? Or just for your friend."
Her: "Just for my friend"

Me: "Ooh...I think they're going to like it"
Her: <Laughs> "Thank you"

Takeaways: I think this girl was going on a date. Maybe I could've been more explicit about asking that? There was a good opportunity to chase frame her with something like, "Ugh, girls are always looking for pleasure...what happened to connection and romance?"

I also gave the really boring response, "Okay, cool." I could have used an insightful comment, something like, "Not sensitive to caffeine...you must have built up quite a resistance then. A lot of late night studying?"

---

Approach 2​

While leaving the train station, I notice a cute girl in a red sweater look in my direction. As I get close I notice her look again. Taking this as an approach invitation, I walk up beside her and try to pre-open, however she notices me and turns before I get the chance. I was a bit too far and wasn't quite able to touch her anyway.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi" <Her voice went up slightly in pitch, but I didn't notice in the field> "What's up?"

Me: "I just saw you waiting at the station over here, and I wanted to say I thought you looked incredibly pretty today."
Her: "Oh that's sweet"

Me: "I loved your...uh, I think you have like slacks on?"
Her: "Yeah, I just finished work"

Me: "Yeah, they go really well with the sweater."
Her: "That's sweet, thank you so much." <Introduces herself>

Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: "Nice to meet you"

Me: "Nice to meet you too. How are you doing today?"
Her: "Good"

Me: "Just heading home now, after work? How was your day at work?"
Her: "It was okay, um, a little grim"

Me: "A little grim? Well what happened?"
Her: "Oh, it was okay, it's just my work"

Me: "Is that how it is every day? It's a little grim?"
Her: "Yeah it's just how it is"

Me: "Oh, that's not good. Wouldn't you rather every day be great?"
Her: "Yeah, but I work in the hospital, so..."

Me: "Oh, so you have to deal with a lot of people like that? That's uh...well, it seems like you're sticking with it at least."
Her: "Yeah, well I enjoy what I do, so..."

Me: "Oh, what do you do? Are you a doctor?"
Her: "Oh no, I do research"

Me: "Oh so you do like, cells?"
Her: "Pediatric cancers. What do you do?"

Me: "Oh wow. I'm an engineer."
Her: "Oh okay, what kind of engineer?"

Me: "Take a guess, it's pretty easy."
Her: "Hmmm, computer engineer?"

Me: "Yeah it's pretty similar, pretty similar. It's kind of a broad field. It's like saying 'I do research'."
Her: "Ah, I see...like AI? Tech?"

Me: "Uh, I do a little bit. It's not very easy to say..."
Her: "Confidential?"

<A bus pulls up and she starts moving towards it>
Me: "Is this your bus?"
Her: "Yup!"

Me: "Well it was nice talking to you, have a good day."
Her: "You too"

Takeaways: From the way her voice pitched up and how she started asking questions, I think she liked me and it was an approach invitation. I thought she was uninterested during the approach so I let her go. This was the wrong move, I should have assumed interest.

I was also a bit clumsy and didn't move the interaction forward enough. I should have asked for some compliance, touched her, teased her, and screened her quickly. I could have also turned the conversation to a more productive path, like "So work is grim for you, but you seem like a positive person. How do you lighten up when you get off work?"

---

Approach 3​

While walking by a coffee shop I see a girl sitting down and working who looks cute from the back. It seems like I have some time, so I wait a minute for a bystander to clear out of the way before I approach. When I walk up, I notice she's not that cute, so I open with, "Excuse me...hi. I just wanted to compliment you on your outfit. It's so trendy." before pivoting to ask about the pastries she's eating. I take an opportunity to tease that she must've taken instagram pictures of her pastries before she ate them, then eject shortly after.

Takeaways: I could've handled the opener a bit better since she's sitting down. Stop by her. Turn to look. Then say "Hi" with a smile. Then ease into the compliment. This seems more natural and effective for a sitting girl, and is also a bit of pre-opening by letting her see me slowly initiate the approach.

---

Approach 4​

While walking down the street, I noticed a girl who seemed to look in my direction. She was stationary with a tight white shirt and pants that showed off her body. I guessed this might be an approach invitation, so I gave more of a frontal opener. "Hi, I love your outfit." It was a bit clumsy but I pivoted to asking if she was in fashion, introducing ourselves, and what she was up to today.

She was super noncompliant, I guess she's used to refusing compliance from guys. She would give crappy non-answers like "Oh, not really..." or "Maybe..." I would press her on it, saying things like "What does that mean?" and continue asking for clarification.

I held out my hand to shake hers when introducing ourselves but she left me hanging for several seconds until I dropped it. Her arms were also crossed and her body language was a bit closed. Eventually she said "It was nice meeting you", which I took as a que to eject.

Takeaways: I could have pressed her even harder to give a clear answer on whether she's interested or not, like asking for compliance or firmly asking for a clear answer in a way that leaves no room for her to be ambiguous. Then I could avoid wasting a minute trying to get something to work with from her.

---

Approach 5​

While walking down the street, I noticed a girl with voluminous brown hair. She didn't seem super cute from behind, but I decided to try anyways, so I caught up to her after a minute or so. When I approached, I noticed she seemed middle aged and not attractive, so I complimented her hair, asked which salon she did it in, then ejected.

Takeaways: My instinct was probably right that I wouldn't be that interested in this girl. I've done enough volume that I should focus on approaching girls I like more now.

---

Approach 6​

I went to read in a coffee shop for a bit, feeling like my outing would be over soon and I would go home. While reading, I noticed a girl with beautiful light brown hair walk by and out of the shop. I take a second to think, and I am surprisingly decisive in leaving my stuff at the desk and walking straight out of the shop to follow her. She parked nearby, and I smile and wave as I walk up to her next to her car.

I compliment her with, "I just saw you walking out of the coffee shop over there, and I had to come say that you had some of the most beautiful hair I'd seen all day." She seemed to react positively, so I continued with, "I love your style too. This is very fashionable. But do you have the personality to match it? Are you a fashion person?" She said no, she wasn't.

We continued chatting, and she seemed more interesting once we started talking about work. She was working in the coffee shop and was getting off for the day now. She gets more interested in talking about what she does, so I take the opportunity to deep dive a little into how she got into her current job. I qualify her that she seems very ambitious and driven.

Then I close with "Well hey, I don't want to keep you for too long. You seem interesting. We should grab a coffee sometime." She agrees, and asks for my LinkedIn first, but I decline saying, "I have one, but I don't like using it for this...I like to keep my work and personal life separate." So we exchange numbers. Then I touch her for the first time on the elbow and say goodbye.

Takeaways: I felt a bit awkward approaching her right next to her car, and failed several key steps. I didn't ask for compliance, I teased her a little but not much, I didn't screen her, I didn't have close proximity to her (it felt weird next to her car), and I didn't touch her enough.

I could've asked for compliance with something like, "Let's try not to get run over by cars here. Let's move over to the sidewalk." or I could've gotten closed and asked to see some jewelry. I should've also touched her on the elbow every time she laughed at least.

---

Approach 7​

After I finish reading and leave the coffee shop to head home, I notice a pretty girl sitting alone. She's dressed in a miniskirt that reminds me of a schoolgirl so I am concerned she might be underage, but her body seems to have the volume of an adult. So I walk by, "notice her", stop for a second, then walk up and approach her.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me, hi"
Her: "Hello"

<I notice she had these huge eyes that make her look like an anime character and I'm thrown off. She looks like a doll. Did she get plastic surgery?>

Me: "I saw you sitting down over here, and I wanted to say that I thought you had a really lovely outfit today."
Her: "Thank you."

Me: "You like um...well, you look like a high schooler."
Her: "...I don't if that's a compliment or like...I'm WAY above 18, so..."

Me: "You're way above 18, okay. I was worried that you might be a little bit young."
Her: "Thank you."

Me: "You look very cute though. What's your name?"
Her: <She introduces herself>

Me: <I introduce myself> "How are you doing today?"
Her: "Good"

Me: "What are you up to right now?"
Her: "I'm about to head home in a few minutes"

<She gets her things organized like she's about to pack up and go>

Me: "Okay, you just got done with work or what?"
Her: "Yeah"

Me: "Oh nice, what did you do?"
Her: "I'm a Ph.D student, so it's basically work"

Me: "Oh wow, what do you study?"
Her: "Organizational Management"

Me: "Oh wow, that's sounds very complicated."
Her: "...it is actually more complicated than it sounds, it's very complicated to explain."

Me: "More complicated than it sounds, wow."
Her: "Yeah it's like, very interdisciplinary."

<I'm still kind of standing over her and lean back to ease the pressure. I have a (irrational) worry that if I sit down she will say she's gotta go and leave.>

Me: "Okay wow, that's very cool. How did you get into that?"
Her: "...Well, basically, half dependency I would say. Because you know, like, I studied in undergrad, then did research for this professor who was in this area, and introduced me to other professors"

Me: "So it was just like fate? You wound up there through a series of coincidences and that put you on this path?"
Her: "Yeah"

<I notice her facial expression is a bit bored>

Me: "Okay. You don't seem excited about it."
Her: "Well, it's a thing where research is something exciting to think about but when you actually do it, it's a lot of work."

Me: "Oh okay, do you have something you're more passionate about than that?"
Her: "...Not really."

Me: "No? That's your whole life? You don't have anything else that you like or are interested in?" <Screening her>
Her: "...I guess when you do research, you've got to devote basically all, almost all your time to it, so..."

Me: "Well, you seem to have a passing interest in fashion..."
Her: <Laughs> "Thank you. That's something that like, keeping me <unclear word>"

Me: "I love your nails by the way. Can I see your hand?" <Asking for compliance>
Her: <She hesitantly shows me her hand, I can barely touch her fingertips>

Me: "Is that like, a teardrop or what?" <I point at a pattern on her nails>
Her: "It's actually an agent from, uh, this game that I like."

Me: "An agent in a game?"
Her: "Like it's this thing, nails from this agent in the game I like."

Me: "Valorant?" <I only know one game that calls characters "Agents">
Her: "Yup"

Me: "Oh okay, which one? Which agent" <Trying to relate>
Her: <Says the name, it's new to me>

Me: "Oh, you know...I...the last time I played, I think the newest agent was Skye."
Her: "Oh, so then it's been awhile."

Me: "Yeah, it's been awhile for me."
Her: "Yeah, but I like it. It's a pretty good game."

Me: "Okay, so you also have an interest in video games."
Her: "Well, when I have time" <Laughs>

Me: "I imagine that's rare. But that makes it more sweet. It makes it more...you appreciate it more when you have less of it than when you have more. And, this way you won't get...angry at the video game like a lot of other people do."
Her: "Well, I'm not that competitive, so um..."

Me: "Exactly. Yeah, when you play games for too long you get salty."
Her: <She's nodding her head in the awkward polite way young people do when they have nothing to say>

Me: "Okay...is that um...what is that?" <I'm pointing to a heart-shaped case she is fiddling with>
Her: "Oh, it's my airpod case"

Me: "Oh, that's..."
Her: "Yeah it's a little bit crazy I know" <Laughs> "I like cute things."

Me: "Yeah, you seem to like cute things."
Her: "They make me happy."

Me: "Have you ever been to Japan? They have an overabundance of that kind of stuff."
Her: "Oh yeah, I bought this airpod case from Japan."

Me: "Yeah it's so lovely, just walking down Akihabara in Tokyo...it's a really fun time."
Her: <Awkward nodding again>

Me: "Anyway, I have to get going. But it was really nice talking with you. You seem uh...you seem interesting, and despite what you say you seem to have a diverse interest of hobbies."
Her: "It's just like, my mind is kind of focused on work, it's like..."

Me: "Yeah, you're very ambitious. You're very...maybe, singleminded?"
Her: "Well...I'm sorry?"

Me: "Like singleminded, or focused? Dedicated?"
Her: "Yeah...you kind of have to be that to do the Ph.D work."

Me: "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we should hang out sometime. Grab a coffee or something."
Her: "...I'm sorry I'm like, I'm not like available."

Me: "Hey, that's okay too."

<I then ask her for directions to a place nearby before bidding her farewell>

Takeaways: I did not sit down at all, which was a mistake. I should have sat as soon as possible, or gotten compliance by saying, "Oh, you're about to head out? Well so am I. Let's walk together." She didn't really ask me any questions so I guess she never hooked. I seemed to try some teasing and compliance tactics but it didn't work out super well. Maybe more connection and compliance? But I wasn't really finding a topic she liked. Maybe this was just a hard girl to seduce.

---

Approach 8​

While walking towards my car, I noticed a girl in a beautiful dress pass by me on the sidewalk. After a little hesitation I catch up to her side and open her. She doesn't stop so I continue while we are walking. She gives me a positive reaction and thanks me, but keeps walking and I get the feeling she is not interested. I notice she's not as cute as I thought. However I persist a little, asking about what she's up to.

She seems like she's going to rush ahead, but has to stop because the stopwalk turned red, so we chat. There's one point when she's mid-sentence but interrupted by some guy loudly announcing a movie premier up ahead.

I turned to her and joke that they're trying all sorts of new advertising tactics these days. I guess in-person is the new way to go. Then we chat a little more. Turns out she's a venture capitalist heading to a cocktail party, and I have some friendly conversation on how she ended up there.

At one point we have an exchange like,

Me: "Venture capitalist...that's pretty tough. Can you turn on the hardness when going into meetings?"
Her: "Yeah, I can bring out the businesswoman when I need to."

Me: <Laugh> "I bet you break a lot of hearts."
Her: <Laugh> "Thank you."

I didn't really get a feeling of interest from her, so I don't stop her when she says she's gotta go into a store we pass by.

Takeaways: I didn't really ask for any compliance from this girl or tease her much. I could have checked out her nails or her necklace, or something. It doesn't make sense to move her if we're already on the move. I should look up more forms of compliance I can ask for.

---

Approach 9​

While about to cross to street to my car, I notice a pretty girl up ahead already at the crosswalk. So I stop and get on my phone, pretending to be "distracted", until she passes by in front of me so I can "notice" her. After she passes, I follow her to catch up. I get the feeling she's a bit nervous and notice her looking at the glass windows nearby while I catch up. I guess that she's looking at my reflection and feeling uneasy, thinking I'm about to talk to her.

Well I get to her side and try anyways, opening with "Excuse me...I just saw you walking by over there..." I notice she does not stop, so I follow a short while then stop in my tracks. She's also dressed nicely but her face is not as cute as I thought. She stops briefly when I do. "And I just thought that you looked really enchanting in this outfit." She thanks me but swiftly continues walking, so I bid her farewell.

Takeaways: Given that this girl is dressed cutely and seemed a bit uncomfortable, I guessed that she might be on her way to a date and got uncomfortable about another guy approaching her. I usually don't know what to do with girls who don't stop with me, but feel empowered that this girl stopped with me when I did. Next time I will walk with her a short distance then stop and see if she complies.

---

Approach 10​

While on my way home I decide to stop by a local night market. While there, I notice a pretty girl in a leather jacket sitting alone. I thought she might have looked at me, and I stop, then walk up to her. She is not making eye contact, but I initiate with "Excuse me..." I judge her body language, and get the sense she is a little confused but politely responding, not interested. I also see she has a ring on her finger, so I guess she's married. So I pivot to asking about the taco she's eating and what she thinks about the food, then eject.

Takeaways: This probably was not an approach invitation. If I wanted to see if it was one I could've planted myself nearby and checked with my peripheral vision if she added additional signs to seal the deal.

---

Approach 11​

While browsing the night market I found a stand with a girl selling bracelets. I start checking out the items and she starts suggesting things for me to try, which is when I start noticing that she is pretty cute.

She suggests a bracelet made out of coconuts, and I tease her a little, asking if she bashed open a coconut herself to make it. This gets a laugh and we continue into a conversation about making bracelets, and I qualify her saying she must put a lot of effort into these. It turns out this is her hobby and she has a dayjob running a startup.

We talk a bit more about what she does for work, and I relate to her work experiences. At the same time we also chat about the bracelets and fashion, and she compliments my choice of bracelets and my outfit. I share a little bit of my reasoning for choosing the colors and the fit, and she nods along.

She also comments I have a lot of bracelets on, which I challenge her on by telling her to show me all the bracelets she's wearing (asking for compliance). She has way more, but says it's because she's a girl while laughing.

I didn't really know the right way to seduce a working girl, so I tried muddling along. She would often break off to talk to other customers who stopped by, and I would break off my attention and lose interest, but then she would come back to chat with me after.

There was another guy she seemed to be working with, and I didn't know if he was her boyfriend, friend, colleague, or whatever and didn't know how to bring it up. But I didn't see a ring on her finger, and he didn't seem very protective or behave like a boyfriend, so I guessed he wasn't.

I also noticed she would proactively reach out to help me put on a bracelet if it was a bit challenging, which seemed like good auto-investment. She also said one of them looked sexy after I put it on, and I took that as her signaling some interest by sexualizing the conversation.

After a while she asked me which one I was thinking of getting, and I replied, "I'm still thinking about it. I'm kind of a picky guy and like to take my time." She laughed and said that seemed right, which was a good frame for me to set.

We also talked about her experience making leather bracelets, and she said she loved the smell of them. I asked, "Oh? You like the smell of masculinity?" with a flirty tone, and this made her laugh and say no of course not.

There was also one time when we had a brief lull, and I held eye contact until the tension grew, then she broke eye contact down briefly and laughed, saying "What?" (credit: Field Report: Getting Serious @Will_V)

I didn't know the right way to ask her out, so after buying the bracelet I wanted, I said. "Well hey, you seem cool, and I like talking with you. We should grab a coffee sometime." She asked if I wanted her number, and I said sure (as if that was her idea and I wasn't thinking about that at all), so we exchanged details. Then she told me she was looking for a AI guy for her startup and to see if I knew anyone, then we waved goodbye.

Takeaways: I should brush up on how to approach working girls. On the bright side, I was pretty relaxed and not really intending to approach, only deciding to make it more sexual after noticing she was cute and was showing some investment.

I could've thrown in more chase frames and teasing there to make it clear I was flirting with her. When talking about leather, I probably could have double-downed on this, saying something like, "Oh, you're trying to make me think of you wearing leather, aren't you? Well that's pretty appealing, but I barely know you yet. At least take me out to dinner first." (push-pull)

At the end I could've shaken my head and said something like, "Girls are always looking for the right guy" in a sexy tone and flirty eye contact to reinterpret her networking comment just before I ejected.

I also didn't ask for much compliance. I could have said something like, "You made all these yourself? Show me your hands...yup, these are the hands of a hard worker. You definitely put a lot of effort into these."

---

Bonus: Friendly Approach​

While at the night market, I saw a guy with boots similar to mind taking photos. "Captains?" I ask in a frontal approach while walking by. He seems confused, then I point down at our shoes. "Our shoes, man. We're totally matching." He laughs and says no, they're actually Iron Rangers. We start chatting about boots and it turns out he has the same love for fashion as me.

I start using some of the same tactics I use approaching girls (with less flirting), relating the same way, keeping the conversation moving the same way, screening & qualifying, light teasing, etc. I also start thinking I need some compliance so I suggest we walk over a few steps, then later we walk over somewhere else to get some water.

I make sure to mention getting girls a couple times so he knows that I'm not hitting on him. It's actually a pretty good conversation so I suggest we stay in touch (similar to how I ask a girl out, except without the flirting) and we exchange contacts. New friend acquired.

Takeaways: It turns out approaching people to make friends follows a pretty similar process to approaching girls. The difference is the vibe in your nonverbals, eye contact, and your tonality.

---

Outcome​

I noticed during my openers, my "Excuse me" is a bit weak and not loud or authoritative. The tonality is critical for this phrase, so I need to pay attention. I could also replace it with "Hi" or whatever, but since it's the first thing I say, I need to nail it.

I used a lot of the "Oh, okay" and "Okay, cool" boring conversation patterns again. I need to cut those out and replace them with interesting responses. But sometimes I have nothing else to say in the field.

I should streamline my approach process to make my approaches meander less and progress more quickly towards courtship. I need to hit the steps of teasing, screening, compliance, moving, etc. consistently. I also need to have strong tests of her interest to avoid wasting time with girls that won't go anywhere.

I failed to pre-open a lot. I should get closer to girls so I can lightly tap them if they're stationary.

I failed to vary my expressiveness, I used the same level for most approaches. I need to continue practicing mindfulness.

I need to remember to assume attraction from girls and move forward as if they are interested, such as number closing quickly.

 

[Will_V]

Goals​

Today I wanted to do some remedial work on basic fundamentals. I like to think of it like corrective exercises in the gym (face pulls, external rotations, etc.). I am still also working on being a more interesting conversationalist.

1. Pre-open every girl (do not look at her first, let her see you)
2. Alternate between smiling BIG on one approach and smiling more sexily and stoic-ly on another approach
3. Make statements instead of questions + relate them back to her

Outing​

Today I visited a downtown area near a university, then later went to a local night market.

Before I went out, I did a short meditation for 10 minutes to relax. Then I warmed up my voice, practiced my opener 10 times in the car, and tried a new technique to sexualize my thoughts. I pulled up some porn on my phone, got horny, and paid attention to the way my eye contact changed when looking at a girl in porn. Then I tried to replicate the same eye contact feeling when approaching girls.

---

Approach 1​

I saw the first girl dressed in a beautiful white dress from quite a ways off. I had to seriously hustle to catch up to her after a few minutes of jogging. I was a little out of breath when I arrived but slowed down to open her at a train station. I wanted to give her a light tap, but she was boxed into a walled area without a good escape route when I was opening her so I kept a little bit of distance to make her feel more comfortable.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi"

Me: "I was just walking by when I saw you walking down here, and I wanted to come say that you looked absolutely elegant in this dress. I love the boots."
Her: "Thank you so much"

Me: <Introduces myself> "What's your name?"
Her: <Introduces herself>

Me: "What are you up to today? Are you in a rush right now?"
Her: "Oh no, I'm uh..."

Me: "Going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting my friend"

Me: "Okay, for study or for work...? For pleasure...?"
Her: "For pleasure, yeah"

Me: "Okay, you guys going to grab a coffee or a drink or something?"
Her: "I think maybe just coffee"

Me: "Okay, okay. It's a little late in the afternoon for coffee."
Her: "Yeah...I know!"

Me: "Are you sensitive to caffeine?"
Her: "I am not actually, so I think it's fine."

Me: "Okay, cool cool."
Her: "Yeah"

Me: "Sorry" <pause to catch my breath> "I was actually heading over there so I'm kinda in a rush."
Her: "Okay okay, no worries. Thanks for stopping by."

Me: "It was very nice to meet to you. Hey, you seem...I like your sense of style, you seem interesting, we should grab like a coffee sometime."
Her: <Laughs> "I'm actually dating someone..."

Me: "Okay, no worries. Hope you guys have a great day."
Her: "Likewise, you too. Thank you so much for stopping by."

Me: "Yeah, no worries."
Her: "I really appreciate it, I'm like-"

Me: "Did you dress up for something special? Or just for your friend."
Her: "Just for my friend"

Me: "Ooh...I think they're going to like it"
Her: <Laughs> "Thank you"

Takeaways: I think this girl was going on a date. Maybe I could've been more explicit about asking that? There was a good opportunity to chase frame her with something like, "Ugh, girls are always looking for pleasure...what happened to connection and romance?"

I also gave the really boring response, "Okay, cool." I could have used an insightful comment, something like, "Not sensitive to caffeine...you must have built up quite a resistance then. A lot of late night studying?"

---

Approach 2​

While leaving the train station, I notice a cute girl in a red sweater look in my direction. As I get close I notice her look again. Taking this as an approach invitation, I walk up beside her and try to pre-open, however she notices me and turns before I get the chance. I was a bit too far and wasn't quite able to touch her anyway.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me"
Her: "Hi" <Her voice went up slightly in pitch, but I didn't notice in the field> "What's up?"

Me: "I just saw you waiting at the station over here, and I wanted to say I thought you looked incredibly pretty today."
Her: "Oh that's sweet"

Me: "I loved your...uh, I think you have like slacks on?"
Her: "Yeah, I just finished work"

Me: "Yeah, they go really well with the sweater."
Her: "That's sweet, thank you so much." <Introduces herself>

Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: "Nice to meet you"

Me: "Nice to meet you too. How are you doing today?"
Her: "Good"

Me: "Just heading home now, after work? How was your day at work?"
Her: "It was okay, um, a little grim"

Me: "A little grim? Well what happened?"
Her: "Oh, it was okay, it's just my work"

Me: "Is that how it is every day? It's a little grim?"
Her: "Yeah it's just how it is"

Me: "Oh, that's not good. Wouldn't you rather every day be great?"
Her: "Yeah, but I work in the hospital, so..."

Me: "Oh, so you have to deal with a lot of people like that? That's uh...well, it seems like you're sticking with it at least."
Her: "Yeah, well I enjoy what I do, so..."

Me: "Oh, what do you do? Are you a doctor?"
Her: "Oh no, I do research"

Me: "Oh so you do like, cells?"
Her: "Pediatric cancers. What do you do?"

Me: "Oh wow. I'm an engineer."
Her: "Oh okay, what kind of engineer?"

Me: "Take a guess, it's pretty easy."
Her: "Hmmm, computer engineer?"

Me: "Yeah it's pretty similar, pretty similar. It's kind of a broad field. It's like saying 'I do research'."
Her: "Ah, I see...like AI? Tech?"

Me: "Uh, I do a little bit. It's not very easy to say..."
Her: "Confidential?"

<A bus pulls up and she starts moving towards it>
Me: "Is this your bus?"
Her: "Yup!"

Me: "Well it was nice talking to you, have a good day."
Her: "You too"

Takeaways: From the way her voice pitched up and how she started asking questions, I think she liked me and it was an approach invitation. I thought she was uninterested during the approach so I let her go. This was the wrong move, I should have assumed interest.

I was also a bit clumsy and didn't move the interaction forward enough. I should have asked for some compliance, touched her, teased her, and screened her quickly. I could have also turned the conversation to a more productive path, like "So work is grim for you, but you seem like a positive person. How do you lighten up when you get off work?"

---

Approach 3​

While walking by a coffee shop I see a girl sitting down and working who looks cute from the back. It seems like I have some time, so I wait a minute for a bystander to clear out of the way before I approach. When I walk up, I notice she's not that cute, so I open with, "Excuse me...hi. I just wanted to compliment you on your outfit. It's so trendy." before pivoting to ask about the pastries she's eating. I take an opportunity to tease that she must've taken instagram pictures of her pastries before she ate them, then eject shortly after.

Takeaways: I could've handled the opener a bit better since she's sitting down. Stop by her. Turn to look. Then say "Hi" with a smile. Then ease into the compliment. This seems more natural and effective for a sitting girl, and is also a bit of pre-opening by letting her see me slowly initiate the approach.

---

Approach 4​

While walking down the street, I noticed a girl who seemed to look in my direction. She was stationary with a tight white shirt and pants that showed off her body. I guessed this might be an approach invitation, so I gave more of a frontal opener. "Hi, I love your outfit." It was a bit clumsy but I pivoted to asking if she was in fashion, introducing ourselves, and what she was up to today.

She was super noncompliant, I guess she's used to refusing compliance from guys. She would give crappy non-answers like "Oh, not really..." or "Maybe..." I would press her on it, saying things like "What does that mean?" and continue asking for clarification.

I held out my hand to shake hers when introducing ourselves but she left me hanging for several seconds until I dropped it. Her arms were also crossed and her body language was a bit closed. Eventually she said "It was nice meeting you", which I took as a que to eject.

Takeaways: I could have pressed her even harder to give a clear answer on whether she's interested or not, like asking for compliance or firmly asking for a clear answer in a way that leaves no room for her to be ambiguous. Then I could avoid wasting a minute trying to get something to work with from her.

---

Approach 5​

While walking down the street, I noticed a girl with voluminous brown hair. She didn't seem super cute from behind, but I decided to try anyways, so I caught up to her after a minute or so. When I approached, I noticed she seemed middle aged and not attractive, so I complimented her hair, asked which salon she did it in, then ejected.

Takeaways: My instinct was probably right that I wouldn't be that interested in this girl. I've done enough volume that I should focus on approaching girls I like more now.

---

Approach 6​

I went to read in a coffee shop for a bit, feeling like my outing would be over soon and I would go home. While reading, I noticed a girl with beautiful light brown hair walk by and out of the shop. I take a second to think, and I am surprisingly decisive in leaving my stuff at the desk and walking straight out of the shop to follow her. She parked nearby, and I smile and wave as I walk up to her next to her car.

I compliment her with, "I just saw you walking out of the coffee shop over there, and I had to come say that you had some of the most beautiful hair I'd seen all day." She seemed to react positively, so I continued with, "I love your style too. This is very fashionable. But do you have the personality to match it? Are you a fashion person?" She said no, she wasn't.

We continued chatting, and she seemed more interesting once we started talking about work. She was working in the coffee shop and was getting off for the day now. She gets more interested in talking about what she does, so I take the opportunity to deep dive a little into how she got into her current job. I qualify her that she seems very ambitious and driven.

Then I close with "Well hey, I don't want to keep you for too long. You seem interesting. We should grab a coffee sometime." She agrees, and asks for my LinkedIn first, but I decline saying, "I have one, but I don't like using it for this...I like to keep my work and personal life separate." So we exchange numbers. Then I touch her for the first time on the elbow and say goodbye.

Takeaways: I felt a bit awkward approaching her right next to her car, and failed several key steps. I didn't ask for compliance, I teased her a little but not much, I didn't screen her, I didn't have close proximity to her (it felt weird next to her car), and I didn't touch her enough.

I could've asked for compliance with something like, "Let's try not to get run over by cars here. Let's move over to the sidewalk." or I could've gotten closed and asked to see some jewelry. I should've also touched her on the elbow every time she laughed at least.

---

Approach 7​

After I finish reading and leave the coffee shop to head home, I notice a pretty girl sitting alone. She's dressed in a miniskirt that reminds me of a schoolgirl so I am concerned she might be underage, but her body seems to have the volume of an adult. So I walk by, "notice her", stop for a second, then walk up and approach her.

Spoiler: Conversation

Me: "Excuse me, hi"
Her: "Hello"

<I notice she had these huge eyes that make her look like an anime character and I'm thrown off. She looks like a doll. Did she get plastic surgery?>

Me: "I saw you sitting down over here, and I wanted to say that I thought you had a really lovely outfit today."
Her: "Thank you."

Me: "You like um...well, you look like a high schooler."
Her: "...I don't if that's a compliment or like...I'm WAY above 18, so..."

Me: "You're way above 18, okay. I was worried that you might be a little bit young."
Her: "Thank you."

Me: "You look very cute though. What's your name?"
Her: <She introduces herself>

Me: <I introduce myself> "How are you doing today?"
Her: "Good"

Me: "What are you up to right now?"
Her: "I'm about to head home in a few minutes"

<She gets her things organized like she's about to pack up and go>

Me: "Okay, you just got done with work or what?"
Her: "Yeah"

Me: "Oh nice, what did you do?"
Her: "I'm a Ph.D student, so it's basically work"

Me: "Oh wow, what do you study?"
Her: "Organizational Management"

Me: "Oh wow, that's sounds very complicated."
Her: "...it is actually more complicated than it sounds, it's very complicated to explain."

Me: "More complicated than it sounds, wow."
Her: "Yeah it's like, very interdisciplinary."

<I'm still kind of standing over her and lean back to ease the pressure. I have a (irrational) worry that if I sit down she will say she's gotta go and leave.>

Me: "Okay wow, that's very cool. How did you get into that?"
Her: "...Well, basically, half dependency I would say. Because you know, like, I studied in undergrad, then did research for this professor who was in this area, and introduced me to other professors"

Me: "So it was just like fate? You wound up there through a series of coincidences and that put you on this path?"
Her: "Yeah"

<I notice her facial expression is a bit bored>

Me: "Okay. You don't seem excited about it."
Her: "Well, it's a thing where research is something exciting to think about but when you actually do it, it's a lot of work."

Me: "Oh okay, do you have something you're more passionate about than that?"
Her: "...Not really."

Me: "No? That's your whole life? You don't have anything else that you like or are interested in?" <Screening her>
Her: "...I guess when you do research, you've got to devote basically all, almost all your time to it, so..."

Me: "Well, you seem to have a passing interest in fashion..."
Her: <Laughs> "Thank you. That's something that like, keeping me <unclear word>"

Me: "I love your nails by the way. Can I see your hand?" <Asking for compliance>
Her: <She hesitantly shows me her hand, I can barely touch her fingertips>

Me: "Is that like, a teardrop or what?" <I point at a pattern on her nails>
Her: "It's actually an agent from, uh, this game that I like."

Me: "An agent in a game?"
Her: "Like it's this thing, nails from this agent in the game I like."

Me: "Valorant?" <I only know one game that calls characters "Agents">
Her: "Yup"

Me: "Oh okay, which one? Which agent" <Trying to relate>
Her: <Says the name, it's new to me>

Me: "Oh, you know...I...the last time I played, I think the newest agent was Skye."
Her: "Oh, so then it's been awhile."

Me: "Yeah, it's been awhile for me."
Her: "Yeah, but I like it. It's a pretty good game."

Me: "Okay, so you also have an interest in video games."
Her: "Well, when I have time" <Laughs>

Me: "I imagine that's rare. But that makes it more sweet. It makes it more...you appreciate it more when you have less of it than when you have more. And, this way you won't get...angry at the video game like a lot of other people do."
Her: "Well, I'm not that competitive, so um..."

Me: "Exactly. Yeah, when you play games for too long you get salty."
Her: <She's nodding her head in the awkward polite way young people do when they have nothing to say>

Me: "Okay...is that um...what is that?" <I'm pointing to a heart-shaped case she is fiddling with>
Her: "Oh, it's my airpod case"

Me: "Oh, that's..."
Her: "Yeah it's a little bit crazy I know" <Laughs> "I like cute things."

Me: "Yeah, you seem to like cute things."
Her: "They make me happy."

Me: "Have you ever been to Japan? They have an overabundance of that kind of stuff."
Her: "Oh yeah, I bought this airpod case from Japan."

Me: "Yeah it's so lovely, just walking down Akihabara in Tokyo...it's a really fun time."
Her: <Awkward nodding again>

Me: "Anyway, I have to get going. But it was really nice talking with you. You seem uh...you seem interesting, and despite what you say you seem to have a diverse interest of hobbies."
Her: "It's just like, my mind is kind of focused on work, it's like..."

Me: "Yeah, you're very ambitious. You're very...maybe, singleminded?"
Her: "Well...I'm sorry?"

Me: "Like singleminded, or focused? Dedicated?"
Her: "Yeah...you kind of have to be that to do the Ph.D work."

Me: "Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we should hang out sometime. Grab a coffee or something."
Her: "...I'm sorry I'm like, I'm not like available."

Me: "Hey, that's okay too."

<I then ask her for directions to a place nearby before bidding her farewell>

Takeaways: I did not sit down at all, which was a mistake. I should have sat as soon as possible, or gotten compliance by saying, "Oh, you're about to head out? Well so am I. Let's walk together." She didn't really ask me any questions so I guess she never hooked. I seemed to try some teasing and compliance tactics but it didn't work out super well. Maybe more connection and compliance? But I wasn't really finding a topic she liked. Maybe this was just a hard girl to seduce.

---

Approach 8​

While walking towards my car, I noticed a girl in a beautiful dress pass by me on the sidewalk. After a little hesitation I catch up to her side and open her. She doesn't stop so I continue while we are walking. She gives me a positive reaction and thanks me, but keeps walking and I get the feeling she is not interested. I notice she's not as cute as I thought. However I persist a little, asking about what she's up to.

She seems like she's going to rush ahead, but has to stop because the stopwalk turned red, so we chat. There's one point when she's mid-sentence but interrupted by some guy loudly announcing a movie premier up ahead.

I turned to her and joke that they're trying all sorts of new advertising tactics these days. I guess in-person is the new way to go. Then we chat a little more. Turns out she's a venture capitalist heading to a cocktail party, and I have some friendly conversation on how she ended up there.

At one point we have an exchange like,

Me: "Venture capitalist...that's pretty tough. Can you turn on the hardness when going into meetings?"
Her: "Yeah, I can bring out the businesswoman when I need to."

Me: <Laugh> "I bet you break a lot of hearts."
Her: <Laugh> "Thank you."

I didn't really get a feeling of interest from her, so I don't stop her when she says she's gotta go into a store we pass by.

Takeaways: I didn't really ask for any compliance from this girl or tease her much. I could have checked out her nails or her necklace, or something. It doesn't make sense to move her if we're already on the move. I should look up more forms of compliance I can ask for.

---

Approach 9​

While about to cross to street to my car, I notice a pretty girl up ahead already at the crosswalk. So I stop and get on my phone, pretending to be "distracted", until she passes by in front of me so I can "notice" her. After she passes, I follow her to catch up. I get the feeling she's a bit nervous and notice her looking at the glass windows nearby while I catch up. I guess that she's looking at my reflection and feeling uneasy, thinking I'm about to talk to her.

Well I get to her side and try anyways, opening with "Excuse me...I just saw you walking by over there..." I notice she does not stop, so I follow a short while then stop in my tracks. She's also dressed nicely but her face is not as cute as I thought. She stops briefly when I do. "And I just thought that you looked really enchanting in this outfit." She thanks me but swiftly continues walking, so I bid her farewell.

Takeaways: Given that this girl is dressed cutely and seemed a bit uncomfortable, I guessed that she might be on her way to a date and got uncomfortable about another guy approaching her. I usually don't know what to do with girls who don't stop with me, but feel empowered that this girl stopped with me when I did. Next time I will walk with her a short distance then stop and see if she complies.

---

Approach 10​

While on my way home I decide to stop by a local night market. While there, I notice a pretty girl in a leather jacket sitting alone. I thought she might have looked at me, and I stop, then walk up to her. She is not making eye contact, but I initiate with "Excuse me..." I judge her body language, and get the sense she is a little confused but politely responding, not interested. I also see she has a ring on her finger, so I guess she's married. So I pivot to asking about the taco she's eating and what she thinks about the food, then eject.

Takeaways: This probably was not an approach invitation. If I wanted to see if it was one I could've planted myself nearby and checked with my peripheral vision if she added additional signs to seal the deal.

---

Approach 11​

While browsing the night market I found a stand with a girl selling bracelets. I start checking out the items and she starts suggesting things for me to try, which is when I start noticing that she is pretty cute.

She suggests a bracelet made out of coconuts, and I tease her a little, asking if she bashed open a coconut herself to make it. This gets a laugh and we continue into a conversation about making bracelets, and I qualify her saying she must put a lot of effort into these. It turns out this is her hobby and she has a dayjob running a startup.

We talk a bit more about what she does for work, and I relate to her work experiences. At the same time we also chat about the bracelets and fashion, and she compliments my choice of bracelets and my outfit. I share a little bit of my reasoning for choosing the colors and the fit, and she nods along.

She also comments I have a lot of bracelets on, which I challenge her on by telling her to show me all the bracelets she's wearing (asking for compliance). She has way more, but says it's because she's a girl while laughing.

I didn't really know the right way to seduce a working girl, so I tried muddling along. She would often break off to talk to other customers who stopped by, and I would break off my attention and lose interest, but then she would come back to chat with me after.

There was another guy she seemed to be working with, and I didn't know if he was her boyfriend, friend, colleague, or whatever and didn't know how to bring it up. But I didn't see a ring on her finger, and he didn't seem very protective or behave like a boyfriend, so I guessed he wasn't.

I also noticed she would proactively reach out to help me put on a bracelet if it was a bit challenging, which seemed like good auto-investment. She also said one of them looked sexy after I put it on, and I took that as her signaling some interest by sexualizing the conversation.

After a while she asked me which one I was thinking of getting, and I replied, "I'm still thinking about it. I'm kind of a picky guy and like to take my time." She laughed and said that seemed right, which was a good frame for me to set.

We also talked about her experience making leather bracelets, and she said she loved the smell of them. I asked, "Oh? You like the smell of masculinity?" with a flirty tone, and this made her laugh and say no of course not.

There was also one time when we had a brief lull, and I held eye contact until the tension grew, then she broke eye contact down briefly and laughed, saying "What?" (credit: Field Report: Getting Serious @Will_V)

I didn't know the right way to ask her out, so after buying the bracelet I wanted, I said. "Well hey, you seem cool, and I like talking with you. We should grab a coffee sometime." She asked if I wanted her number, and I said sure (as if that was her idea and I wasn't thinking about that at all), so we exchanged details. Then she told me she was looking for a AI guy for her startup and to see if I knew anyone, then we waved goodbye.

Takeaways: I should brush up on how to approach working girls. On the bright side, I was pretty relaxed and not really intending to approach, only deciding to make it more sexual after noticing she was cute and was showing some investment.

I could've thrown in more chase frames and teasing there to make it clear I was flirting with her. When talking about leather, I probably could have double-downed on this, saying something like, "Oh, you're trying to make me think of you wearing leather, aren't you? Well that's pretty appealing, but I barely know you yet. At least take me out to dinner first." (push-pull)

At the end I could've shaken my head and said something like, "Girls are always looking for the right guy" in a sexy tone and flirty eye contact to reinterpret her networking comment just before I ejected.

I also didn't ask for much compliance. I could have said something like, "You made all these yourself? Show me your hands...yup, these are the hands of a hard worker. You definitely put a lot of effort into these."

---

Bonus: Friendly Approach​

While at the night market, I saw a guy with boots similar to mind taking photos. "Captains?" I ask in a frontal approach while walking by. He seems confused, then I point down at our shoes. "Our shoes, man. We're totally matching." He laughs and says no, they're actually Iron Rangers. We start chatting about boots and it turns out he has the same love for fashion as me.

I start using some of the same tactics I use approaching girls (with less flirting), relating the same way, keeping the conversation moving the same way, screening & qualifying, light teasing, etc. I also start thinking I need some compliance so I suggest we walk over a few steps, then later we walk over somewhere else to get some water.

I make sure to mention getting girls a couple times so he knows that I'm not hitting on him. It's actually a pretty good conversation so I suggest we stay in touch (similar to how I ask a girl out, except without the flirting) and we exchange contacts. New friend acquired.

Takeaways: It turns out approaching people to make friends follows a pretty similar process to approaching girls. The difference is the vibe in your nonverbals, eye contact, and your tonality.

---

Outcome​

I noticed during my openers, my "Excuse me" is a bit weak and not loud or authoritative. The tonality is critical for this phrase, so I need to pay attention. I could also replace it with "Hi" or whatever, but since it's the first thing I say, I need to nail it.

I used a lot of the "Oh, okay" and "Okay, cool" boring conversation patterns again. I need to cut those out and replace them with interesting responses. But sometimes I have nothing else to say in the field.

I should streamline my approach process to make my approaches meander less and progress more quickly towards courtship. I need to hit the steps of teasing, screening, compliance, moving, etc. consistently. I also need to have strong tests of her interest to avoid wasting time with girls that won't go anywhere.

I failed to pre-open a lot. I should get closer to girls so I can lightly tap them if they're stationary.

I failed to vary my expressiveness, I used the same level for most approaches. I need to continue practicing mindfulness.

I need to remember to assume attraction from girls and move forward as if they are interested, such as number closing quickly.

Nice work! I like how you are focusing on improving specific things when you go out, that shows you're in the right headspace.

I don't have time to read the whole lot atm, but I noticed something about your conversations. You're using a LOT of questions one after the other, without taking the time to absorb and comment on her responses. When you do this it's very easy for you to end up feeling rushed without knowing why, and her to feel like she's being interrogated.

The basic formula of conversation is

Your Question -> Her Response -> Your Comment

on repeat, preferably with a slight pause before your comment. You did this well some of the time, but large parts of the conversations were question-spamming.

When she says something, you gotta relax, breathe, let a second or two go by, and express something about what she just said, before going to the next question.

For example:

You: "Going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting my friend"

Instead of questions like this, which don't go anywhere:

Me: "Okay, for study or for work...? For pleasure...?"
Her: "For pleasure, yeah"

instead try something like this:

You <smiling>: "Mmm hmm must be an exciting friend to have you rushing around like this!"
or "Don't tell me I'm interrupting your date!"
or look her up and down and go "Must be a coffee date and not a wine and dinner date"
etc

 

[SparklingWadah]

Nice work! I like how you are focusing on improving specific things when you go out, that shows you're in the right headspace.

I do plan to focus on specific things, but I often forget my goals in the heat of the approach and considering all the other social factors. Aside from meditating more I'm not sure how to improve my mindfulness in the short term.

I don't have time to read the whole lot atm, but I noticed something about your conversations. You're using a LOT of questions one after the other, without taking the time to absorb and comment on her responses. When you do this it's very easy for you to end up feeling rushed without knowing why, and her to feel like she's being interrogated.

The basic formula of conversation is

Your Question -> Her Response -> Your Comment

on repeat, preferably with a slight pause before your comment. You did this well some of the time, but large parts of the conversations were question-spamming.

When she says something, you gotta relax, breathe, let a second or two go by, and express something about what she just said, before going to the next question.

For example:

You: "Going anywhere interesting?"
Her: "I'm actually meeting my friend"

Instead of questions like this, which don't go anywhere:

Me: "Okay, for study or for work...? For pleasure...?"
Her: "For pleasure, yeah"

instead try something like this:

You <smiling>: "Mmm hmm must be an exciting friend to have you rushing around like this!"
or "Don't tell me I'm interrupting your date!"
or look her up and down and go "Must be a coffee date and not a wine and dinner date"
etc

This is something I noticed too, I ask a lot of questions when I should be making statements instead. I guess one reason I default to questions is I'm not familiar with what kinds of comments to make. This formula is a nice framework, I'll give this more of a shot and see if I can make it a habit.