So, I haven't been posting here a lot recently, but rest assured, I've been out tearing it up. I just had a couple of back to back dates yesterday. 2nd and 1st dates, respectively, and they both went pretty well. I'll be seeing both of them again, and they both went pretty much to the max of their frames for acceptable behavior in the contexts in which we met. I do not quite have frame-redefining attractiveness, but I'm working on it. But enough about me.
What I want to talk about is the effectiveness of the "Are you single?" line. Although it's obviously going to be a lot more effective than, "Hey, do you like the weather?", comparing it to more direct lines...I've personally found it less effective. What I really want to do is compare notes with people who have similar or dissimilar experiences and where they might see those results maximized.
It may be statistical noise, but it seems every time I use it, I get the girl thinking I want to be her boyfriend. This is fine for, say, religious girls for whom attraction automatically means they have to be interested in a relationship. I, however, often go after girls who are a lot more laid back and kind of scared by relationships. To them, sending off anything resembling a "boyfriend" signal seems to be a bit of an attraction killer. I recently asked a girl out, and she's agreed to meet me, but felt the need to add "but no strings attached" as a caveat to her acceptance. She does seem attracted, but the word "single" or the mention of things coming across as relationship oriented seems to be setting off alarm bells in her head.
This isn't the first time this has happened. What I've noticed:
Religious girls respond well to asking if they are single
Somewhat older women (25+) who are more interested in relationships tend to be more receptive to it / flattered by it.
Younger girls, especially college aged, tend to bristle at it somewhat
Really, really irreverent women or experienced women tend to write me off somewhat if you ask if she's single
Interestingly, the latter two groups seem to find me very interesting for purposes of casual sex. The former two seem really intrigued by me but uncertain. Religious girls LOVE me initially, but tend to run away giggling (metaphorically) and refusing to come back before too long if I'm not really careful about my escalation.
I'm spitballing here. My impression is that compared to other direct expressions of interest, asking if a woman is single tends to ramp up your attainability more, and your attraction less. For women who need higher levels of attraction and lower levels of attainability, that makes it a poor choice. For women who need more attainability and less attraction, it makes a good choice. For someone like me, who just naturally sends out borderline "boyfriend" vibes, this means that a lot of women (those looking for boyfriends) love it, and it makes others (those who want to fuck) standoffish.
For someone like Anatman, who is very clearly not the boyfriend type, I imagine it would work better across all spectrums, because he's an insanely sexy motherfucker. Girls aren't going to get the idea that he might be a "nice guy" on any level.
What I want to talk about is the effectiveness of the "Are you single?" line. Although it's obviously going to be a lot more effective than, "Hey, do you like the weather?", comparing it to more direct lines...I've personally found it less effective. What I really want to do is compare notes with people who have similar or dissimilar experiences and where they might see those results maximized.
It may be statistical noise, but it seems every time I use it, I get the girl thinking I want to be her boyfriend. This is fine for, say, religious girls for whom attraction automatically means they have to be interested in a relationship. I, however, often go after girls who are a lot more laid back and kind of scared by relationships. To them, sending off anything resembling a "boyfriend" signal seems to be a bit of an attraction killer. I recently asked a girl out, and she's agreed to meet me, but felt the need to add "but no strings attached" as a caveat to her acceptance. She does seem attracted, but the word "single" or the mention of things coming across as relationship oriented seems to be setting off alarm bells in her head.
This isn't the first time this has happened. What I've noticed:
Religious girls respond well to asking if they are single
Somewhat older women (25+) who are more interested in relationships tend to be more receptive to it / flattered by it.
Younger girls, especially college aged, tend to bristle at it somewhat
Really, really irreverent women or experienced women tend to write me off somewhat if you ask if she's single
Interestingly, the latter two groups seem to find me very interesting for purposes of casual sex. The former two seem really intrigued by me but uncertain. Religious girls LOVE me initially, but tend to run away giggling (metaphorically) and refusing to come back before too long if I'm not really careful about my escalation.
I'm spitballing here. My impression is that compared to other direct expressions of interest, asking if a woman is single tends to ramp up your attainability more, and your attraction less. For women who need higher levels of attraction and lower levels of attainability, that makes it a poor choice. For women who need more attainability and less attraction, it makes a good choice. For someone like me, who just naturally sends out borderline "boyfriend" vibes, this means that a lot of women (those looking for boyfriends) love it, and it makes others (those who want to fuck) standoffish.
For someone like Anatman, who is very clearly not the boyfriend type, I imagine it would work better across all spectrums, because he's an insanely sexy motherfucker. Girls aren't going to get the idea that he might be a "nice guy" on any level.
