Escalation Fail

[Cam87]

Just had a girl over. Want to retell what went down.

So, I met her off Match and got coffee with her three weeks ago. We chatted for an hour or so before we had to leave. Nothing speculator but I got some good deep diving in. I said we should meet up again, she agreed and that was it for the day.

Flash forward to yesterday. I decided to give her a text (hadn't texted her since that coffee). I asked her a bit about what she's been up to since and then invited her to come over to my place tonight for dinner, drinks and a flick.

I invite her inside for a minute. We decide on what to make for dinner, then go to the store to get food and drink stuff. We make dinner, drinks, catch up on stuff and then watch the movie. Up until this point I hadn't really made any moves and just did some basic touching. She seemed a little bit hesitant in general.

After the movie I pull her in by saying something like "you're too far away, come over her," and I move her into me and but my arm around her. We watch TV for a few minutes and I just go in for the kiss. It sticks, but she's doing average kisses. Not much tongue action going on. I stop after a few minutes, watch some TV, then go in again, pushing for heavier making out. This time I also try to escalate by moving my hand down to her crotch, but she's giving me little "no's". We stop, then start a few more times. Each time I feel her up a bit more, put my hand down her pants on her butt, but everytime I go in for the crotch it's a no go.

All in all it was a good night, I had fun, she's a cool chick. But I am disappointed and am looking for more. I think she is a little bit more hesitant/shy than other girls, but that's not an excuse; I could have done better. I should have pushed the sexual humor more and adding more chase frames to the interacting. The thing is she didn't give me a lot of material to work with.

I could use tips or easy cues for adding in sexual humor and chase frames to prime girls for sex better. Suggestions?

 

[Chase]

Cam-

This looks like it right here:

After the movie I pull her in by saying something like "you're too far away, come over her," and I move her into me and but my arm around her. We watch TV for a few minutes and I just go in for the kiss. It sticks, but she's doing average kisses. Not much tongue action going on. I stop after a few minutes, watch some TV, then go in again, pushing for heavier making out. This time I also try to escalate by moving my hand down to her crotch, but she's giving me little "no's". We stop, then start a few more times. Each time I feel her up a bit more, put my hand down her pants on her butt, but everytime I go in for the crotch it's a no go.

This escalation began too late. The ideal time to pull her over next to you is immediately after you both sit down... rather than a few hours later, after you've eaten dinner and had a movie. You don't need to begin escalating immediately, but you do need to get her right next to you immediately (and then escalate not long after).

The fact that you went as far as you did shows she liked you. Maybe you could've taken things all the way, had you persisted; it isn't very clear here why the escalation ended (did she call it off, get up, and leave, or did you tire out and throw the towel in?).

Also, on movies - movies are very good at putting viewers into very specific emotional states. And unless you're watching something like Debbie Does Dallas, it probably isn't the right state. Scary horror movies are probably the best thing to put on if you must watch a movie... or, really, really boring movies that nobody wants to watch or can get interested in very easily (The Royal Tannenbaums and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou come to mind), so that she doesn't get sucked into watching it or feeling something other than interest in you. Aside from that, it's usually better to just throw on music videos or the TV news than it is a movie... and keep the volume not so high. Use it as filler; you and her should be the main event, not something to do after the main event.

Chase

 

[Cam87]

Chase,

Thanks for the response. I knew this is your standard advice with this situation. Thing is, I just didn't feel quite confident enough in my game to make a move that fast. Which is why I waited until after the movie. It is really encouraging though how easy it was to start making out though, which goes to show I probably would have been fine earlier.

Update

I actually have quite the update with this girl. The very next day she texts me asking if I want to meet up for a drink. So I drive to her house and we walk to this cocktail bar that I mentioned I've been wanting to go to the night before. Turns out the bar is less than 5 minute walk from her place. We have two drinks, have a good time then head out.

We walk to her place and I say something like "let's chill for a bit at your place." So we go up and essentially start making out right away on her couch. I start unbuttoning her shirt, but can't quite get all of the buttons undone so I just tell her to take her shirt off, and she does. From there it was on. Also had some really nice morning sex to top it all off.

She invited me out the following night as well with a few of her friends, who were actually really cool. Didn't have sex that night (too drunk really), but more morning sex. This was last Saturday. I saw her Thursday and Friday this week and was a good time each time.

Final Thoughts
I just needed a little more time to get her comfortable with me and the idea of having sex with me. This could be reflected in the things I need to work on to get women more comfortable or maybe was more of her personality. I'll chalk it up to me and my need to get better.

The challenge here is maintaining this cool, chill, fun, casual relationship. She doesn't text me really during the week and I only text her when I want to meet up. But I can get the feeling she's going to give me the "where is this going" question. Chase, you did have a good answer to this one but can't find where you wrote it. Basically I like being around her, but I'm not looking for a girlfriend. This is uncharted territory for me, maintaining something between casual and exclusive. Anyway, we met on Match.com so she knows my deal at a high level.

 

[Chase]

Cam-

Great job. Glad to see it worked out in the end with this girl.

The challenge here is maintaining this cool, chill, fun, casual relationship. She doesn't text me really during the week and I only text her when I want to meet up. But I can get the feeling she's going to give me the "where is this going" question. Chase, you did have a good answer to this one but can't find where you wrote it. Basically I like being around her, but I'm not looking for a girlfriend. This is uncharted territory for me, maintaining something between casual and exclusive. Anyway, we met on Match.com so she knows my deal at a high level.

That one's right here:

Where Do You See This Going?

Also, check out the Casual Relationships Board for a lot of tips and posts there from myself and other guys to help you get going on this one.

Ricardus has some great posts on this as well, including:

How to Date Multiple Women (with Zero Drama)

Chase

 

[Cam87]

Awesome, exactly the posts I was looking for.