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- Oct 9, 2012
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A lot of new guys try their hands at cold approach and get frustrated at how flakey and inconsistent the women seem.
Women will show interest, or have a good conversation with you, then before you know it they're gone and you can't get them back.
Guys who experience frustration like this are generally used to the longer escalation windows they've experienced in social circle.
That's because when a girl knows you through school/work/activities/regular friend group outings:
When she meets you during cold approach, you have none of that going for you:
Throwing yourself into cold approach is like throwing yourself into a cold pool -- it's a bit of a shock. The interest women show is fleeting, and it doesn't matter how amazing of a guy you are, or how much girls adore you in social circle, it will still be fleeting.
Men who succeed at cold approach develop a couple of habits:
Aside from game, fundamentals, and calibration, all of which are essential, cold approach also forces men to be highly AWARE of what women are communicating/signaling (guys will pick up on this in social circle, but their awareness is lower, because they don't need such immediate, instant recognition of signals as you need in cold approach), extremely quick and DECISIVE in making moves on women and drawing them into things (social circle guys can take their time and still end up with girls; do that as a cold approacher and you will just watch girls disappear), and much more confident, persistent, and ASSERTIVE in their approach to women (even when the focus is to get girls chasing, you are still making confident, persistent, assertive moves designed to prompt that behavior).
Many new guys go through the experience of asking themselves, "Why should I have to do this?" "Why is this so hard?" "How is this worth the effort?" "I don't see how this could even work for a guy like me." That's the adjustment period, where a guy is going out, trying the material out, but he is still moving too slow, too unconfidently, not responding to women's signals in time, not getting women invested fast enough, not hitting escalation windows when they appear quick enough, and the techniques he is trying are not getting him girls.
Some guys will adapt to the much faster, more demanding pace of cold approach (compared to any other kind of courtship), while other guys will not and will return to the ways they're more comfortable with -- social circle, online, etc.
Once a guy's adapted to cold approach's pace, he has the ability to quickly create something out of nothing with women anywhere, which no other kind of seducer can boost.
But there is a definite adaptation period, and until the new guy adjusts to the faster, more demanding pace of cold approach, he is going to struggle with feeling like girls are ADD, have no patience, aren't interested, etc.
Because in cold approach they really are!
In other words... to make cold approach work, you have to move faster.
Chase
P.S. Once you're good, you can 'slow things down' if you want, tease girls more, etc. But here's the thing: a slowed down high-skill cold approach seducer is still much, much faster at capturing women's interest, getting them invested, sucking them in, etc., than a guy meeting women any other way.
P.P.S. You don't have to be a fast guy to make cold approach work. Everyone who knows me considers me 'slow' at everything: I walk slower, talk slower, do things slower than most people. You can be a slow-moving guy who nevertheless makes moves at the correct times and learns to respond on a dime to women's signals to construct fast-moving pickups. I've had plenty of very fast pickups... during which I was physically moving slow, etc., while moving through the courtship at a rapid clip. "Move faster through your seductions" doesn't mean "you have to be a wiry, energetic guy"; it just means learn to make moves and recognize/respond to signals on a dime, which anyone can learn to do with enough adjustment to the speed/realities of cold approach, plus enough practice to get the timing and calibration down.
Women will show interest, or have a good conversation with you, then before you know it they're gone and you can't get them back.
Guys who experience frustration like this are generally used to the longer escalation windows they've experienced in social circle.
That's because when a girl knows you through school/work/activities/regular friend group outings:
- She EXPECTS things to take a while (over a series of days or weeks)
- She will even try HERSELF to make things take longer (no sense messing things up in her friend group)
- Because she knows you as more than a stranger, she also feels a more fleshed out connection to you, thus cuts you more slack (comes up with more excuses for you moving slower, or draws out her escalation windows due to fantasizing about you, imagining that maybe the next time she sees you that will be the time you make a move, etc.)
When she meets you during cold approach, you have none of that going for you:
- She has no real expectation of ever meeting you again
- She isn't trying to make things take longer, or move at any speed at all (unless she's really interested & trying to move it along faster)
- You're a stranger, she hasn't had time to get a crush on you, hasn't fantasized about you (and likely won't), and consequently doesn't cut you the slack guys who know her via social circle get
Throwing yourself into cold approach is like throwing yourself into a cold pool -- it's a bit of a shock. The interest women show is fleeting, and it doesn't matter how amazing of a guy you are, or how much girls adore you in social circle, it will still be fleeting.
Men who succeed at cold approach develop a couple of habits:
- They learn the ability to capture women's attention QUICKLY and focus it on themselves
- They learn to begin building investment QUICKLY by moving girls around, getting them doing things, etc.
- They learn to start hitting escalation windows FAST, just about as soon as they appear (with sometimes a short delay to not seem reactive), before those short-duration windows close
- They learn to pursue women with a certain degree of confidence and persistence, not eject too soon, not give up during lulls, because if they walk away, the girl is gone forever, but if they stay in, they can turn things around (especially as they increase in skill)
Aside from game, fundamentals, and calibration, all of which are essential, cold approach also forces men to be highly AWARE of what women are communicating/signaling (guys will pick up on this in social circle, but their awareness is lower, because they don't need such immediate, instant recognition of signals as you need in cold approach), extremely quick and DECISIVE in making moves on women and drawing them into things (social circle guys can take their time and still end up with girls; do that as a cold approacher and you will just watch girls disappear), and much more confident, persistent, and ASSERTIVE in their approach to women (even when the focus is to get girls chasing, you are still making confident, persistent, assertive moves designed to prompt that behavior).
Many new guys go through the experience of asking themselves, "Why should I have to do this?" "Why is this so hard?" "How is this worth the effort?" "I don't see how this could even work for a guy like me." That's the adjustment period, where a guy is going out, trying the material out, but he is still moving too slow, too unconfidently, not responding to women's signals in time, not getting women invested fast enough, not hitting escalation windows when they appear quick enough, and the techniques he is trying are not getting him girls.
Some guys will adapt to the much faster, more demanding pace of cold approach (compared to any other kind of courtship), while other guys will not and will return to the ways they're more comfortable with -- social circle, online, etc.
Once a guy's adapted to cold approach's pace, he has the ability to quickly create something out of nothing with women anywhere, which no other kind of seducer can boost.
But there is a definite adaptation period, and until the new guy adjusts to the faster, more demanding pace of cold approach, he is going to struggle with feeling like girls are ADD, have no patience, aren't interested, etc.
Because in cold approach they really are!
In other words... to make cold approach work, you have to move faster.
Chase
P.S. Once you're good, you can 'slow things down' if you want, tease girls more, etc. But here's the thing: a slowed down high-skill cold approach seducer is still much, much faster at capturing women's interest, getting them invested, sucking them in, etc., than a guy meeting women any other way.
P.P.S. You don't have to be a fast guy to make cold approach work. Everyone who knows me considers me 'slow' at everything: I walk slower, talk slower, do things slower than most people. You can be a slow-moving guy who nevertheless makes moves at the correct times and learns to respond on a dime to women's signals to construct fast-moving pickups. I've had plenty of very fast pickups... during which I was physically moving slow, etc., while moving through the courtship at a rapid clip. "Move faster through your seductions" doesn't mean "you have to be a wiry, energetic guy"; it just means learn to make moves and recognize/respond to signals on a dime, which anyone can learn to do with enough adjustment to the speed/realities of cold approach, plus enough practice to get the timing and calibration down.
