Examples of White Knighting

[Nick]

Hey y'all,

I read Chase's article on White Knighting recently and it really opened my mind. It made me realize that so many guys use this technique and it almost always fails for them in the end. The only problem is, I'm not really sure if and when I am guilty of White Knighting. Like if a girl tells me bad things about her bf or her ex-bf and then I hook up with her shortly after, I am guilty? Even if I keep the conversation away from her boyfriend and I don't say a single negative thing about him, I'm still armed with the knowledge that she is upset at another guy and as a result I have a chance to score. I'm really curious to see what you guys think about all of this and if you can, I'd really appreciate some examples of situations that are considered white knighting and others that are not.

Thanks!
-Nick

 

[Light]

Hi Nick,

The idea of White Knighting is you trying to "Save this girl".
Examples such as:
- Comforting her when she is crying over her ex
- Picking her up and driving her to places
- Obeying her commands like "Could you hold my bag for me please"

You get the idea... White Knighting is just another metaphor of you putting this girl on a pedestal, turning her into your princess. This naturally takes away your dominance, and not allowing you to make use of the law of least effort.

I guess the keyword here is "Effort".

If you think you may be putting too much effort in just to please a girl... then its white knighting. Keep effort to a minimum.
Also, do not comfort her or consolate her when she is down. Be Neutral. Do not act all cushy. Act like a real solid man (almost emotionless), but using neutral tone to confirm that you are listening.

 

[Altimeter]

This comes to mind,
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/White_Knighting

 

[Estate]

+1 to Light's comments.

I get the impression from your post that she was offering you that information. If that is the case then I would assume it's ok to make some short reply to make her feel better but then move on to a new subject and show that while you might be a compassionate guy, you have your own stuff going on and you're not gonna get hung up on her issues thinking you can "fix" it all for her.

Also... don't fish for this innformation. If she hasn't offered the information up front you shouldn't be preying it out of her.

The main point is to be the better alternative to her situation, not the solution provider.

Where guys get it wrong is when a girl says "Oh I'm so sad because of .....", the guy will rush over with flowers, dinner and a dvd. He'll text and call to check in all the time, he'll basically go way over the top being concerned with something going on in her life and believe "I can fix this for her, I'll let her cry on my shoulder, eat ice cream with her, listen for hours about her problems... then she'll see I'm such a good guy and this other guy is a bad guy".

But it gets the guy nowhere... the guy YOU want to be is the guy who she sees as someone who will just make her feel good if she is in this mood but she doesn't necessarily know why. You're not listening to her problems and doing all the sappy stuff... she just knows that you are so awesome, when she sees you, she'll just forget those things.

Problems with her ex? Don't talk to her about it... f*** her like her ex never did.