Excitement Hurts Game -- But Helps Day game? Experiences and Questions

[Regal Tiger]

A few points in another thread that have got me thinking about my own experiences and shortcomings (specifically in daygame) that I'd like to explore. Inspired by a reply from Chase and I didn't wanna hijack that thread. Also I tried to edit out the quote to just the relevant parts for a new thread that I'd like to talk about

EDIT: although how I've noticed women interact with me are excited at first and then kinda slide into kind/polite later on

• Negative/pessimistic guys "behaving normally infield"
  
  
• Negativity being the symptom rather than the cause

NORMAL BEHAVIOR ON APPROACH

When I've taken out guys who were dealing with negativity, they always believe they are dealing with women "normally", but their normal is not a way I would want to have a guy dealing with me, and it is easy to predict how women are likely to react to them. Guys struggling with negativity have women interact with them generally in one of two ways:

1. Kind/polite: these are women with generous souls who see a guy they maybe see some redeeming quality in, sense that he is awkward or hurting, and want to extend some basic human kindness to him to help show him the world's not all cruel.
   
   
2. Cold/fleeing: these are women who for one reason or another feel the need to protect themselves from this guy. That can be for different reasons. Some might think him low status. Some might worry he'll cling to them. Some might fear he'll snap or be dangerous.

Guys struggling with negativity usually fare best in social circle, where girls can get past the initial negativity buffer and see the redeeming qualities the guy has and make themselves more available to him. Cold approach is a tough grind for guys in the wrong head space.

One thing guys in this state don't understand, especially when they think they are being normal, is that normal / "I'm not depressed. Really!" is not sufficient for cold approach. In cold approach, you are approaching a strange woman who does not know you. There needs to be excitement, energy, passion, and confidence there. If it isn't there, you need to be trying to channel it as best you can ("fake it till you make it").

Guys struggling with negativity are usually going for "baseline normal" when they approach, where they are a little bit happy/friendly but mostly just normal. But walking up to strangers is not a "normal" thing to do. If you make it seem like you are "just being normal" while doing an abnormal thing, it makes the whole thing even weirder. You're supposed to be excited... interested... engaged... this is not a normal thing; there is some special connection between you and her. You're intrigued in her; you have some passion to meet her. Some playful demeanor you know she is going to respond well to.

The other aspect of this is that when you have become conditioned to expect rejection, there is a kind of Pavlovian training that sets in where you are more cautious (i.e., less bold/confident) in your approaches; you hold yourself back more; don't put the kind of passion or energy into them a confident guy does. You do all this to cushion the blow to your image and ego; if you weren't putting yourself 100% out there, it won't be as big a hurt when the inevitable rejection comes.

While it does cushion the blow to a man's ego, the girl can also tell he isn't putting 100% of himself into the approach.

Why he isn't doing that (whether due to lack of confidence or lack of interest) isn't so important to her.

She just knows this guy is not 100% there for her. The only girls who will usually go for a guy like that are girls for whom the guy is obviously a noticeable step up over themselves fundamentals-wise, or else a guy is just a perfect match for the girl type-wise (i.e., love at first sight).

TAKEAWAYS

The takeaway is, "Yes, a guy can think he is behaving 'normally' with women, and he can say that the reason he has negative feelings is because women rejected him. But 'normal' is not enough if he's doing cold approach; and regardless how those negative feelings got in there, so long as they are there they are going to retard his progress with women.

Normal is great for talking to coworkers at work or friends at the barbecue.

You need to be driven, passionate, gregarious, sensual, playful, and able to assume attraction when you're approaching strange women you do not know.

And if you've got bad feelings weighing you down, well, it doesn't matter what the cause of those were. Whatever the cause, so long as they're there, they will continue weighing you down.

So, step #1 if you want to change your outcomes with anything new and difficult you are trying to learn, is exorcise that negativity so you can begin operating with the vibe that will actually produce the results you're after.

Chase

So I've definitely noticed that I tend to suppress my excitement whenever possible. I've noticed that it's never helped me in the slightest and I've gotten tremendously better results when I basically abandon it

For the record, that's in:
1) online - the biggest difference
2) dance events
3) social circle

In these places, warmth plus fundamentals seem to do the most for me instead.

Chase argues that excitement is better for daygame. And when I went on my day game tear towards the end of last year that natural excitement was hard to get rid of and leaked out. I also got more dates back then, though I'd say that the amount of numbers I get is about the same

It's definitely no longer there, unless I just fail to bury it (which I actively try to do). In my most recent approach it did come out when I noticed how open she was, and long story short there she's saving herself for marriage but besides that small point I felt like we connected extremely well (though no second date and nothing happened or will happen, but at least it was more enjoyable overall)

I dunno if this is coincidence, but I am noticing within myself a lot of what Chase talked about in the original quote (he was specifically talking about negativity). Here I'm more wanting to ask people about it they are excited to approach women and what kind of results they're getting?

Like I said, I try to bury my own excitement. When I get back to my home base I may just experiment with 60 approaches and see what happens (so probably starting around 2-3 weeks from now)

Do like 30 how I would normally try it. Then another 30 how I organically am (with regards to how I feel)

But since I can't do that right now, and I thought it was an interesting concept I wanted to make a thread about it

 

[ulrich]

It’s not a matter of to be excited or not, it’s about properly calibrating your level of excitement to the situation.

No excitement at all = Girl feels you are used to approaching, her type is too common for you, maybe you’re a playboy.

Too much excitement = Girl feels you have never dated a girl like her, she may be too much for you, maybe you don’t date much.

So you should calibrate your level of excitement to the girl in turn.
Usuallly the right option is to be excited but not too much… occasionally you will find a girl who takes herself too serious so you want to downplay your excitement.

What you don’t want is the extremes.

 

[Regal Tiger]

It’s not a matter of to be excited or not, it’s about properly calibrating your level of excitement to the situation.

No excitement at all = Girl feels you are used to approaching, her type is too common for you, maybe you’re a playboy.

Too much excitement = Girl feels you have never dated a girl like her, she may be too much for you, maybe you don’t date much.

So you should calibrate your level of excitement to the girl in turn.
Usuallly the right option is to be excited but not too much… occasionally you will find a girl who takes herself too serious so you want to downplay your excitement.

What you don’t want is the extremes.

Makes sense overall, my first impression from reading Chase's new post ( https://www.girlschase.com/article/get-girls-you-have-really-them ) as well as this comment makes me think about why going for warmth (for me personally) has always helped. Because I also try to combine it with going for a 'smoother' styled seduction as in this old gem: https://www.girlschase.com/content/3-flavors-sexy-brooding-smooth-and-talkative-vibes

Because I'm a pretty emotional person overall, and I've always thought of myself as a bit of a big kid. So aiming to tamp down on my natural excitement is probably a good thing. But looking back on it, I'm not sure when that natural excitement that needed to be tamped down just straight up vanished. I'd assume somewhere around November last year, but I'm not 100% sure. While thinking of it I also noticed that I stopped doing any state control exercises before trying to approach, so the state that I was even aiming for in the first place wasn't there to begin with. Before, the natural excitement kinda overcame a lot of the state I was going for. Then when that went away I wasn't even trying to focus on my state at all. I probably haven't come across as warm at all since last year


However, one other cool thing is that I've noticed that overall my game is leagues better than it's ever been. The same thing happened whenever I focused on getting better before dealing with my anger a few years ago. Technique-wise I know I'm better. So hopefully this is what I'm missing out on

I at least feel a lot better in having a direction to go in. Makes motivation easier to come by, even if I do have to wait for a little while longer


EDIT: Oh yeah, I really appreciate you always taking the time out to really try and help me @uriel! Much appreciated

I know that I'm probably not the funnest student around at times lol

 

[Starboy]

Depends what kind of person you are. If you're someone who's been emotionally stiff or your social instinct the majority of your life is to be tense and stifled then you should make sure to act more excited on approach. Todd V said that introverts need to be higher energy on open because that's where they have the most difficulty,but after that it's not as hard.

Me personally I lean towards being uptight and serious so I need to act more excited instead of just trying to be chill and stoic all the time.

If you're somebody who's too jolly and energetic then I think you should tone down your excitement and energy level and calibrate it. Basically whatever end of the spectrum you are go to the opposite and then adjust. It's probably better to act too excited then to try and act too chill.

If I were to put in Naruto terms be more like goofy Naruto than brooding Sasuke lol.