Transitions Exiting Conversations and Sticking in Her Mind

[Chase]

Posting this in transitions, since it's a transition from being with her to not being with her.

I just responded to a comment on the main site, and thought this was useful to share here (here's the original comment); the reader wanted to know how to end an interaction where you have to part ways - kiss her, hug her, shake her hand, or just keep it verbal?

Kissing you usually don't want to do - it's too easy to get that wrong in public, and best saved for when you're along together and wanted to progress toward sex. You can sometimes use cheek kisses as an exit, if you use the cheek kiss hand hold opener as a close (you can use it as both open and close, if you like; don't have to just pick one).

Hugging you almost NEVER want to do, since this makes you look warm, fuzzy, and harmless, sending you hurtling toward the friend zone more than you'd like. One exception might be if you're going to do something sexual with the hug (like grab her butt), but of course you'll only do this after a very playful, sexually-charged interaction, and it can have mixed results. If you want something fun and sexy to part ways with though, it can be useful.

Business-like handshakes you always want to steer far clear of, unless you want her as a business contact instead of a sexual one. Instead, if you'd like to take her hand, take her hand in yours like this:

... just without the kiss (unless you want). Assuming you're foregoing the bow and kiss (which is fine if you want to do it), give her fingers a light squeeze after you take them, before you let them go.

Finally, when exiting purely verbally, I like exiting with, "Talk to you soon," "See you next time," or, "Great meeting you," or, "Pleasure meeting you," accompanied with a sly/playful smile, and sometimes a wink (very optional - only if it suits your style and the interaction).

All these are just some different, creative, and romantic-sexual ways to exit conversations that break the mold of the platonic / harmless / boring guy, and set you up to stick in her mind in a more interesting, exciting way.

Chase

 

[PinotNoir]

This is great, solid advice, and something that I keep forgetting in my interactions. When I do remember it, the results speak for themselves.

Two pseudo-related questions:

1. Meeting a girl on cold approach
Let's say you meet a girl on cold approach. You give her a compliment and then a, "I'm PN. What's your name?" She says her name and then initiates handshake (you don't).

Should you shake it with a soft squeeze? If you do a kiss on the hand, does it come off as creepy on a cold approach?

2. Meeting a girl through a mutual friend
Sometimes, I'll go out with my friend (girl), and she'll introduce me to new people. For girls I'm not interested in, it's obvious to just do the handshake. If it's a girl I'm interested in, should I go in for the European cheek kiss or just strong eye contact and a gentle squeeze of the hand? If I do the European kiss, I've had my friend say, "What? You never do that." And I'll just respond, "Just trying something new; shake things up." And if I do the European cheek kiss, then it's expected of me to do it for all girls in the group (when I just wanted to hone in on one girl).

Personally, I like the strong eye contact and gentle squeeze. What would you suggest?

Thanks as always,
PN

 

[Chase]

PN-

1. Meeting a girl on cold approach
Let's say you meet a girl on cold approach. You give her a compliment and then a, "I'm PN. What's your name?" She says her name and then initiates handshake (you don't).

Should you shake it with a soft squeeze? If you do a kiss on the hand, does it come off as creepy on a cold approach?

Well, everyone's going to have his own tastes, but when I have a girl proactively grasp me in a handshake, I tilt my hand a bit to the side, and then give a squeeze, yeah. Sometimes, if it's really not a business setting at all, I'll act surprised and confused, smile at her as if she's the awkward one putting me in an awkward situation, say, "Oh, uh, okay!" and then give her a kiss on the hand demonstratively, and the girl will laugh (the subtext is, you grabbed my hand; we're clearly not business associate; so, uh, I guess you want me to kiss it? The girl, who's used to taking charge and having men submit to her business frame, suddenly feels a bit socially inept and immediately warms up and yields to the frame of "this is not business").

Other than that - where a girl is forcing her hand on me, and I act like I'm kissing her hand only because she's left me no other choice - I don't do the back-of-the-hand kiss... it's too stodgy and old. But when you do it when a girl's forcing a handshake on you or otherwise being very aggressive with her hands, if you do it in the confused "Uh - okay, here you go!" way, it does a nice job of discharging the tension of her business-like demeanor and making things playful and romantic instead.

2. Meeting a girl through a mutual friend
Sometimes, I'll go out with my friend (girl), and she'll introduce me to new people. For girls I'm not interested in, it's obvious to just do the handshake. If it's a girl I'm interested in, should I go in for the European cheek kiss or just strong eye contact and a gentle squeeze of the hand? If I do the European kiss, I've had my friend say, "What? You never do that." And I'll just respond, "Just trying something new; shake things up." And if I do the European cheek kiss, then it's expected of me to do it for all girls in the group (when I just wanted to hone in on one girl).

Personally, I like the strong eye contact and gentle squeeze. What would you suggest?

Thanks as always,
PN

Actually, I'd go a different route - I do the finger grasp + squeeze style introduction with every woman, whether she's 10 years old or 80 years old or anything in between. The one exception is in pure business settings where a woman is a peer or superior - but since being out of the corporate world, I haven't had one of those in ages (even in a business networking event, I'd still do the finger grasp + squeeze). Women find it charming - women don't REALLY want every guy they meet treating them like he would a man / non-sexual entity. Just because you do this doesn't automatically mean she's going to think you want to jump her bones, any more than holding a door for her will make her think this - it's just a nice "I'm actually treating you like a lady" gesture that she'll appreciate.

For the girl you're interested in, you can gauge it to whatever you like. If there are people around who will cause a stink (because they know you and you don't usually do it), you can give her a finger squeeze and just hold it while maintaining eye contact a bit longer than you normally would.

An alternative in front of people who'll raise objections is moving your body a bit so it looks like the girl went into giving you her hand awkwardly, and shifting around from one side to the other before shrugging and going, "Oh - okay," and bringing her in for a cheek kiss / hand hold. That looks to everyone else like the two of you just didn't line up properly and you decided to be funny, while bringing her in and getting her close to you right off the bat.

Chase