Experimenting with the "Are You Single Opener"

[Gentle_Phrases]

Hey guys,

I've been approaching ruthlessly and noticing patterns, even though I haven't gotten many results yet.

Out of curiosity, how many of you guys have used "Are you single" as an opener at least 20 times? I've done it more than that and experimented with asking at the beginning, the end, and the middle of a set. For you guys, I'm curious to know:

How often is the response an enthusiastic, "Yes!"?

How often is it a cautious "no..."

How often is it a quick "I have a boyfriend!"?

And, how often does the girl immediately leave or stay?

I have my own opinions about this opener now and I'd like to see if your experiences match up or differ.

 

[Casanovelis]

I don't have any statistics or a ratio but it seems like most guys achieve best success with a compliment as an opener. Not to say that question won't pop up soon thereafter.

"Are you single?"-- Right off the bat comes off as too needy/desperate.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Hmm I've never thought about "are you Single?" being too desperate as an opener. Though I'm inclined to believe that it all has to do with how you present yourself and how you say it.

Ricardus seemed to get good mileage out of it as it was his favorite opener since he asked it in a position of authority like a cop would ask for an I.D.

For me I've used this opener quite a bit and I have to say my stats are all over the map. So much that in fact I really don't even pay much attention to their answer I usually just keep things moving.

I usually ask this pretty soon into an interaction just so I can be direct and screen. Though of course I'm sure a lot of no's are actually yesses and because I want to not even bring up whether or not a girl has a boyfriend I usually avoid this opener/line unless I deem it fit for the interaction.

For the most part though I don't usually get good receptions from this opener, though I don't think I deliver it correctly as aforementioned.

-Rob

 

[Ross]

Gentle_Phrases,

I've used the "Are you single?" opener quite often. I typically choose this over a compliment-direct open when I feel like the girl would respond poorly to a compliment. Sometimes a compliment just isn't enough to knock a girl out of her auto-pilot, and asking her if she's single tends to set her mind in motion.

To sum up percentages of reactions from girls (not actual results, but estimates):

70% - Some type of question. "Why do you ask?" is a common one. Great reaction; they've hooked.
25% - Yes/No. If they linger they still want to talk, if they give a short answer and keep walking then apply some social pressure and they'll interact or keep going.
5% - Don't interact at all. This happens less often when you've figured out which girls are open to being approached.

Try to make sure that they invest off the bat; asking a direct question is a great way to do that.

Casanovelis,

"Are you single?"-- Right off the bat comes off as too needy/desperate.

It would only be needy/desperate if you were outcome dependent, which is what happens to most guys that ask a question. They think, "I'm asking her this, but I really hope she says 'Yes!'". Then when she doesn't, you react, and she determines you're some needy guy that goes around asking girls if they are single just to find out if he can pursue a relationship with them.

Whereas I really don't care what she says, because I can deal with whatever she throws at me. Says no and walks away? Okay, I'll let her go on her way. Asks me a question and hooks? Awesome, she wants to talk.

Realize this and talking to people becomes a lot easier, because you're not so focused on saying the right thing all the time, like so many other guys are. Whenever people talk about openers they seem so focused on saying the right thing to get the right answer, which only creates outcome dependence (bad).

 

[PinotNoir]

To tell you the truth, I don't know because I tend to focus on 2 primary memories: the best ones and the worst ones.

I don't have a more detailed log on only using the "are you single" opener, but when I think back on my memories, there are plenty of really great ones and plenty of bad ones.

I think once you do it enough it begins to blur like that, just like anything else in life.

Personally, I like it a lot because you quickly find out if she has a boyfriend, and if a girl has a boyfriend, that has always been an uphill battle for me. However, a girl can lie and make a quick answer just because she has made a shallow assessment of you and finds you unattractive. In this sense, it's almost best to do this:

1. Direct opener
2. Bit of banter
3. On a high not, ask if single

If you can't think of anything to "banter" about though, it's much better to at least talk to her and ask something instead of nothing at all (and never approaching her). In this sense, it's good as an opener and hasn't become cliche/generic yet (like "so, come here often?")

I think as the more advanced you become the less you'll use it as an opener and probably use it more in the middle. Or, if you're really advanced like Ricardus, you can use it as an opener and ignore any no's and smoothly keep continuing conversation into a date. That's not something I've been able to do.

 

[Estate]

I have to admit, I don't really use this as an opener personally, I would tend to ask it a few minutes into the interaction.

The reason I don't use it as an opener is because it just feels "too much" if it's a totally cold approach. Like, she'll have to REALLY like you. Even if she kinda likes you, it'll catch her off guard.
Where I see it working is if you've already got her attention and you know she is attracted, strong fundamentals, peripherals, etc... from there it should be pretty easy to lead with.

That's my take at least.

 

[Nova]

Ross has this one covered. I've used this opener a lot and really like it, it's simple, easy to use and very universal. You have to know what your doing to use it properly and effectively though, it's all about how you say it and how you follow up to her response.

 

[Franco]

One thing I like to add for this one: it's a much stronger opener for street/daygame than it is for night game.

Asking a question to a girl like this in a club or bar is actually rather weak as opposed to giving her a direct compliment. It's probably because in nightclubs/bars, the general consensus is to assume people there are single unless indicating otherwise; and even if a girl there IS taken, she might be looking for a fling without mentioning her boyfriend. No reason to bring up what doesn't need to be brought up!

- Franco

 

[132]

I used this one for the past 10 approaches in my limited 30 approach experience(just started 10 days ago)

I said: "HI(with a sexy smile) are you single? "
And all 10 of them reacted with "what/ why are you asking?"

And I said "I think you're pretty/have gorgeous hair/walk/etc.(I complimented he on what I liked specifically in her) and I'd like to talk to you and get to know you, but I don't want to steal you if you're taken. I don't want the bad karma of splitting up a couple"


I got a lot of "well, I have a boyfriend" I feel it is a bit too direct. And as all the direct approaches I did, the girls were almost shocked - they've never experienced this. But I think it might be a good thing - you know weed out the not so interested and getting only the girls that rally like you from the get go. It comes from my belief that I should not try to convince a girl to like me. Either she likes me or she doesn't. I'm working on my process and fundamentals so it's more likely that girls like me, but if some doesn't I sure as hell won't try to talk my way to her liking me.

 

[Casanovelis]

I believe the best opener is always situationally relevant with the least amount of effort.

Example in of one of NarrowJ's LRs:
https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2606

Around 3 PM yesterday I saw a super hot looking little brunette trying on shoes in Macy’s. Walked over and hovered a bit by a rack of sunglasses, pretending to browse them until I could tell she was almost done with the shoes. I catch her looking at me a couple times. The first time she turned away quickly, the second time she smiled shyly and looked down. I don’t even walk over to her, I'm about 15 feet away from her and turn in her direction and say "Hey there" and she looks in my direction like she doesn’t know who just said it, and once she realizes it was me I say with a smile: "Come here when you're done over there." She nods and smiles, hurries up and finishes what she’s doing and walks over. Convo starts out like this:

Me: I saw you, and you have some serious style going on, so I figured you'd be able to help me pick out a nice pair of shades. I love your boots.
Her: Thank you! I'm (name)
Me: I'm NJ, it's nice to meet you.
* puts my hand on her shoulder*
Me: What do you think? (Points to display case)


He was situationally relevant, used little effort, AND gained quick compliance before even offering a compliment. Then proceeds with touching. Beautiful.

 

[Estate]

I kind of agree with the post above.

It's not that this one CAN'T work, but it's not really the path of least resistance. There are situations were a simple comment on the environment or a "How is your day?" would open up a girl but by going right for this opener you're putting her on the backfoot. A lot of women are just wired to say "I have a boyfriend" as a default responce to anything they are unsure how to handle.

Where I see it working is where the girl has ALREADY noticed you, you can see the signs she will be receptive to an approach so why not cut the crap and just lead with this, I get it, this might work.
If you come out of nowhere on the street and just ask this within half a second of the girl ever even seeing you, I feel you'll get more blow outs.

The reason this one *works* though is it screens out women FAST.
There is a good arguement that your success rate will go up if you only spend your time on women who are interested in you instead of pushing it with those who don't.
The first time I heard of this opener, it came with this very caveat. If you open with this and a girl is receptive then you really have to work to mess it up.
But if she's not receptive, the you've wasted 5 seconds or your day and can move on to the next girl.
So if you're good with that approach, then this opener is a really great way of screening for girls who like you very very fast, but it will take a lot of approaches to make it stick.

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

Hey guys,

Thanks for all your input! I'm glad to hear what each of you think about this.

70% - Some type of question. "Why do you ask?" is a common one. Great reaction; they've hooked.

Wow. I've never gotten this response. Neither have I ever gotten a "yes." The best results I get from this are a quick "no," and a linger as they stare at me with this blank look as we exchange names. Then she leaves. In all seriousness does this mean I'm ugly bro? LOL, hope it's just my fundamentals.

For the most part though I don't usually get good receptions from this opener

Same, Rob. No girl ever screams at me, yet no girl ever says "yes" or gives much pause before saying "no."

One thing I like to add for this one: it's a much stronger opener for street/daygame than it is for night game.

Gotcha, Franco. I've only tried it in the day

You have to know what your doing to use it properly and effectively though, it's all about how you say it and how you follow up to her response.

Gotcha, Nova. When I ask "are you single" and get "no," I follow up with "oh, how many boyfriends have you got - six or seven?" or "ahh, of course, a pretty girl like you" or "oh, cool, well what's your name?" Yet no girl will stay longer than maybe a minute after that, even if I persist 3 or 4 times.

The reason I don't use it as an opener is because it just feels "too much" if it's a totally cold approach. Like, she'll have to REALLY like you...Where I see it working is if you've already got her attention and you know she is attracted, strong fundamentals, peripherals, etc.

Estate, I feel you here.

A lot of women are just wired to say "I have a boyfriend" as a default response to anything they are unsure how to handle.

More feels. Also, as a woman being approached by a man wouldn't it be better for her to say "no?" Otherwise she'd take a dip in her "value" which is why I imagine most girls who are a bit interested would rather answer with a coy question ("why do you ask") instead of a direct "yes." Chase even has an article where he mentions how only social beginners admit to being "single."

So if you're good with that approach, then this opener is a really great way of screening for girls who like you very very fast, but it will take a lot of approaches to make it stick.

I have a theory about the type of guy for whom the frequency of outright "yes, I'm single" reactions for him would outweigh the "false" rejections/missed opportunities for girls that were single, on the fence, and would have warmed up to him.

Thanks again for your input guys. I'll be testing this opener out more for the next dozen outings or so before fully deciding on its merits. I just wanted more opinions about it/to compare results

 

[PinotNoir]

Reading through these responses, I have to say that my results have been different. But, I didn't start using this as an opener until I had been working on improving my fundamentals, because I didn't know about it until I ran across Ricardus's post.

Like GP said, if you get "Why do you ask?", she's intrigued. I don't think lco's response is good though:

"I think you're pretty/have gorgeous hair/walk/etc.(I complimented he on what I liked specifically in her) and I'd like to talk to you and get to know you, but I don't want to steal you if you're taken. I don't want the bad karma of splitting up a couple"

I'd just keep this simple and say a compliment. Cut out the "I don't want to steal...." stuff at the end.

Sometimes these girls are looking for a little bit of a playful game, and you can be fun about it (like when someone tells you to guess your age). Examples: "I'm doing a survey on hot chicks." "Just getting the small talk over so we can move on to other things." "I like a challenge."

Ross/Nova really have this: how you say it and how you continue the conversation after

If you just add the fundamentals to this opener, you'll get drastically better results.

1. Wear some nice clothes, an interesting bracelet/necklace, etc.
2. Get good posture
3. Walk up to a girl and tap her gently on the arm
4. Say very slowly with eye contact, "Hi, I need to ask you something...."
5. After she says "yes?", say, "Are you single?"

Then compare the results.

There's no magic opener. You always need something backing it and something to follow with.

 

[Estate]

There's no magic opener. You always need something backing it and something to follow with.

</thread>

Well said Pinot.

 

[Tramp]

I'm curious about how you guys transition into conversation with this opener. It seems with Gentle_Phrases as well, it's confusing on how to follow up the opener and where to take it in the overall interaction.

- After getting a response, do you compliment her on her style/body/etc. like Ico132?
- After getting a response, do you just move on to another topic?
- After getting a response, do you stay on the topic of dating?


In Ricardus' article on the "are you single?" opener, my biggest problem was figuring out what to do after opening. I love the opener because it cuts to the point, but I don't know if I should stay on the topic of dating, or move onto something like "Yeah, that's cool. So you look like you're doing some heavy shopping today... No wonder the shelves are empty"


Can someone expand upon what to say/do after using this opener? I feel this opener would work for a lot more guys if they just knew what to do afterwards, since the opener is just a small part of an overall interaction. They'd also feel more confident if they knew what to do in each situation this opener leads to (knowing what to say if she responds with "Why do you ask?" or "I have a boyfriend"), which would make this opener more effective.

I'm not looking for a canned routine, but just a general guideline of where to go/what to do after the opener. I feel like I'm just standing with my hands in my pockets after asking girls if they are single.

 

[132]

I don't think lco's response is good though:

"I think you're pretty/have gorgeous hair/walk/etc.(I complimented he on what I liked specifically in her) and I'd like to talk to you and get to know you, but I don't want to steal you if you're taken. I don't want the bad karma of splitting up a couple"

I'd just keep this simple and say a compliment. Cut out the "I don't want to steal...." stuff at the end.

I love your style PinotNoir. I'm still learning and I prefer that people are brutally honest about my mistakes, no sugar coating it. That's how you learn, by leaving your ego and feelings at home.


I hope in all my future posts/field reports, the more experienced guys are brutally honest about what I'm doing wrong.

 

[Estate]

I don't think lco's response is good though:

"I think you're pretty/have gorgeous hair/walk/etc.(I complimented he on what I liked specifically in her) and I'd like to talk to you and get to know you, but I don't want to steal you if you're taken. I don't want the bad karma of splitting up a couple"

I'd just keep this simple and say a compliment. Cut out the "I don't want to steal...." stuff at the end.

I love your style PinotNoir. I'm still learning and I prefer that people are brutally honest about my mistakes, no sugar coating it. That's how you learn, by leaving your ego and feelings at home.


I hope in all my future posts/field reports, the more experienced guys are brutally honest about what I'm doing wrong.

Yep. Again I like Pinots advice. The thing with an opener like this is that you're rely on being direct, confident, attractive right off the bat. By being so blunt and direct and really leading with something so minimal, by going into the big speech after I feel like you immediately are becoming apologetic or at least back fitting a little.

I think what you're really looking for is immediate investment from her and then maintain the confident aloofness by just being direct about your intentions. You just asked a woman you never met if she's single. She knows what's up.. so now if you get her investment... stop working so hard. Continue to be bold and direct.

I do repeat though that it's not my style to lead with this mainly because unless you get that immediate investment. It sounds like you guys want to stay in the interaction and try to win it back.
You could lead with something much less confrontational and give yourself time to demonstrate who you are so she may invest then. If you go THIS direct and don't get very early investment I feel you need to walk away.

It's the type of opener for quick screening. It's not the magic words that win a girl over its the fact that it takes 3 seconds to know if she'll invest. If she does continue... If she doesnt.. walk away and approach another girl.

I just feel you guys have it wrong in thinking she will be won over by the boldness of it. It's not the opener but you that she is attracted to. So if she doesn't blow you out.. you've got her. If she does.. it's quick screening and you move onto the next. Staying in a set you've lost in the 1st 3 seconds and becoming apologetic or trying to dial back your directness to now win her over is a wasted cause IMO.

 

[Estate]

Also one last point.. This really isn't a "beginners" opener.

When you ARE confident and have that abundance mentality it's very easy to get away with saying all sorts of ridiculous things to people. With confidence breeds a natural demeanour that people can smell on you and they won't blow you out for being brave or bold in your words.

Beginning the problem is again... backtracking.
If they can't smell that confidence then the opener sounds contrived and incongruent and worse still if you're searching for what to say after then you definitely have not hooked her. The worst thing you can do is now to drop the act you displayed through the opener to fall back into being less confident.

 

[132]

It's the type of opener for quick screening. It's not the magic words that win a girl over its the fact that it takes 3 seconds to know if she'll invest. If she does continue... If she doesnt.. walk away and approach another girl.

I just feel you guys have it wrong in thinking she will be won over by the boldness of it. It's not the opener but you that she is attracted to. So if she doesn't blow you out.. you've got her. If she does.. it's quick screening and you move onto the next.

This actually ties to my mindset. I've said it a few times before. I wan't the girl to like me from the get go. That's why I'm working on my fundamentals (body language, sexiness, dominance, etc.). So the moment the girls sees me and I say hi, she already likes me and wants things to move forward to a date. I don't want to have to persuade a girl with fancy routines, to like me or by talking how much money I have and driving her around i my Maserati or Ferrari. You know I want that love at first sight thing. When the two of us just click from the moment I say hi and we both like each other.

I know where this comes from. It comes from my inexperience and belief that if a girl doesn't like you from the get go, there is no hope to get anywhere with her. And it might be wrong thinking but it seems demeaning to having to persuade a girl who doesn't like you, to start liking you.
So i like the idea for super early screening. I want the girl to like me the second she lays eyes on me. It also means that she'll be more attracted than a girl who wasn't sure but I managed to persuade. You know, kinda like knowing you're her dream guy.


I'm ready to bare the more rejections if the return is a more interested girl. I also realize that I'll have to rack up experience with all kinds of girls. Even the ones who don't like me that much or aren't that easy. Just to see how it's like and to get a feeling for it. I might even use the money and expensive car, cards on those bleached bombshells during the summer - just to see what it's like. I feel it'll be a mistake to only approach and interact with a narrow kind of girls that are 100% my type.

 

[PinotNoir]

I'm curious about how you guys transition into conversation with this opener. It seems with Gentle_Phrases as well, it's confusing on how to follow up the opener and where to take it in the overall interaction.

- After getting a response, do you compliment her on her style/body/etc. like Ico132?
- After getting a response, do you just move on to another topic?
- After getting a response, do you stay on the topic of dating?


In Ricardus' article on the "are you single?" opener, my biggest problem was figuring out what to do after opening. I love the opener because it cuts to the point, but I don't know if I should stay on the topic of dating, or move onto something like "Yeah, that's cool. So you look like you're doing some heavy shopping today... No wonder the shelves are empty"


Can someone expand upon what to say/do after using this opener? I feel this opener would work for a lot more guys if they just knew what to do afterwards, since the opener is just a small part of an overall interaction. They'd also feel more confident if they knew what to do in each situation this opener leads to (knowing what to say if she responds with "Why do you ask?" or "I have a boyfriend"), which would make this opener more effective.

I'm not looking for a canned routine, but just a general guideline of where to go/what to do after the opener. I feel like I'm just standing with my hands in my pockets after asking girls if they are single.

I just wanted to briefly comment on my past experiences with this.

If a girl is ecstatic and says "OMG, I never have this happen to me! Why yes, I am single.", then:
1) Immediately compliment her
2) Exchange names
3) Ask her what she's up to today (to gauge for an instant date)
4) If instant date doesn't sound promising, immediately ask when she's free for a date that week and/or number close

Then from there it's all about text game, which is extremely easy after following GC's guide (or search Franco's posts). Put simply, use her name and your name at the end, make her feel relaxed, and set up the day and time of the date.

When you get such a strong response like this, you can immediately close. No problem.

If she says "yes" (to being single) but her voice doesn't change pitch, then you'll have to do a little more work. From here, you just have to create situational banter. At the mall, I had a girl do this that was wearing a zebra-patterned jacket. I complimented her on it and asked where I could buy one for myself (obvious joke). Then I tried to get to know her a bit ("Are you skipping work to go shopping?"). Then you can easily deep-dive into work and what she really wants to do and try to find common connections between the two of you. Just read any of the conversational articles. Ask for the number using a yes-ladder or on a high note. If she refuses in an indifferent way, then keep persisting a bit, else do a "nice to meet you" and walk away.

For a "why do you ask?" or any other type of deflection questions, I think that's already been handled above. Maybe play with her a bit or try and re-deflect it back on her ("Isn't it obvious?" "No." "Well, I think you have gorgeous diamonds for eyes. What's your name?" -- be unique if possible).

When in doubt and you can't think of anything, just ask her out or say something random that's on your mind or anything. With enough experience, you'll always think of something to talk about.

As far as if she says "no" to being single, then I can't help you there. Other guys can comment on that.

Estate makes good points about this opener though. It's obvious that you like her and want to ask her on a date. It's a bold opener that requires a quick assessment from her that you aren't creepy. It's a great opener though when you can't think of anything else to say and when you're starting out to get you out of your comfort zone (i.e., there's no hiding here).