Expressing desire vs being needy

[Jan]

One is considered a pinnacle of good game and another one is a turnoff for women. But why? Isn't a sexual desire your BIOLOGICAL NEED?

Therefore, you could say that everyone is needy, because every one has desires. And even if you have satisfied this desire many times in your life, it will return again and again.

These two concepts seem to be very close to each other. Sometimes I struggle to see the difference.

Anyone has a good grasp of the difference and subleties of these two?

 

[HoofHearted]

An interesting topic.

Biological needs are not the same as 'emotional neediness.' I'm unsure how you could conflate these two concepts.

'Emotional neediness' is the misperception that another person is critical for the existence of your own happiness or well-being. The ensuing behaviors that flow from this misperception are exceptionally repulsive to other humans.

Sexual desire is neither a biological need nor emotional neediness. It's a response to a stimulus that is found to be exciting. When it's expressed properly, other humans (women) tend to find it highly enticing and irresistible. There's nothing like it, really. (I have been sexting a casual partner all day today and driving her wild with this).

Fun question. Especially the aspect about neediness.

 

[Rakehell]

Therefore, you could say that everyone is needy, because every one has desires. And even if you have satisfied this desire many times in your life, it will return again and again.

This is a fallacy. Desire is the root of neediness but desiring something doesn’t necessarily translate to neediness. It’s how the desire is expressed.

Neediness simply put, is expecting, or demanding things, without providing sufficient incentive for the person you’re needing from. Pestering, and begging, insensitive to that other person’s time or wants.

It shows a lack of awareness and callousness of the other person’s wants and position.

IRT women this could be:

-Yanking a girl you know out of a conversation and getting angry because she blows you off or ignores you.

-Expecting sex from a girl after a long date, and pleading with her stating your case how you’ve invested all this time and money

-Sending intermittent long texts to a girl who hasn’t gotten a chance to respond to you

The common theme is you being wayy more invested in the other person, needing, what they have to offer way more than what they’re wanting from you in a supplicating or entitled way.

It expresses a lack of autonomy, and a lack of other options.

 

[Jan]

This is a fallacy. Desire is the root of neediness but desiring something doesn’t necessarily translate to neediness. It’s how the desire is expressed.

Neediness simply put, is expecting, or demanding things, without providing sufficient incentive for the person you’re needing from. Pestering, and begging, insensitive to that other person’s time or wants.

It shows a lack of awareness and callousness of the other person’s wants and position.

IRT women this could be:

-Yanking a girl you know out of a conversation and getting angry because she blows you off or ignores you.

-Expecting sex from a girl after a long date, and pleading with her stating your case how you’ve invested all this time and money

-Sending intermittent long texts to a girl who hasn’t gotten a chance to respond to you

The common theme is you being wayy more invested in the other person, needing, what they have to offer way more than what they’re wanting from you in a supplicating or entitled way.

It expresses a lack of autonomy, and a lack of other options.

This is a fantastic explanation. Thanks a lot!

@Rakehell It seems to me that empathy and self-awareness could be good cures for neediness. Empathy to understand her needs and motivations, and self-awareness to understand your wrong assumptions/expectations which cause these emotional reactions when your needs are not met.

 

[Rakehell]

This is a fantastic explanation. Thanks a lot!

@Rakehell It seems to me that empathy and self-awareness could be good cures for neediness. Empathy to understand her own needs and way of being/acting, and self-awareness to understand your own wrong assumptions/expectations which cause these emotional reactions when your needs are not met.

In a nutshell yeah. Desire can be expressed in alot of attractive ways.

Some that come to mind IRT seduction, are laidback desire, or passionate desire.

Passionate desire usually entails persistence, which borders on neediness, but usually the desire is mutual. Which makes it nonneedy.

They all pretty much boil down to knowing what you can expect from the other person based on your actions, knowing what they want, and being able to put it out there without expressing anger or entitlement aimed at the other person regardless of how they respond. Empathy and awareness.

These are gut feeling intuitions that some feel more than others usually.

 

[Jan]

Some that come to mind IRT seduction, are laidback desire, or passionate desire.

How do you express laidback desire?

 

[Will_V]

Neediness simply put, is expecting, or demanding things, without providing sufficient incentive for the person you’re needing from.

Great answer, although I don't think this covers all of what neediness is.

It is possible to show desire or demand something from a woman without providing much incentive - or should I say, the demand is the incentive in itself. I think it comes down to the clarity and acceptance that the man has of his own desires, and how securely she can support herself on them alone. Many guys are very conflicted at the point where they ask or expect something from the woman, and though it seems strange, this conflict makes it come across as a threat, because he compels her to do something that he may not be able to accept afterward.

 

[Rakehell]

How do you express laidback desire?

It’s kind of an all encompassing term on my part.

It could be how you respond to jealousy tests, in a nonchalant way almost encouraging her, even though she knows that in the end she’ll end up with you.

Or how you respond when she resists, smirking it off, changing the subject and trying again later when shes more comfortable.

It could be by way of containment

It could also be my personal style of muted intensity, where you aren’t loud, or super overbearing.

But by way of a quiet almost bedroom voice tonality, intense eye contact, and proximity, you communicate desire.

I could go on and on.

Think I want you now, versus I know i’ll have you soon but i’ll let things buildup first.

Great answer, although I don't think this covers all of what neediness is.

It is possible to show desire or demand something from a woman without providing much incentive - or should I say, the demand is the incentive in itself. I think it comes down to the clarity and acceptance that the man has of his own desires, and how securely she can support herself on them alone. Many guys are very conflicted at the point where they ask or expect something from the woman, and though it seems strange, this conflict makes it come across as a threat, because he compels her to do something that he may not be able to accept afterward.

Thanks @Will_V , you’re very right. This is a good point.

 

[Evil_Fundamentals]

One is considered a pinnacle of good game and another one is a turnoff for women. But why? Isn't a sexual desire your BIOLOGICAL NEED?

Therefore, you could say that everyone is needy, because every one has desires. And even if you have satisfied this desire many times in your life, it will return again and again.

These two concepts seem to be very close to each other. Sometimes I struggle to see the difference.

Anyone has a good grasp of the difference and subleties of these two?

But not everyone are desesperate to fill their sexual desire.

 

[Fuck This]

Desire is NON-Verbal. Needy is when you have to SAY something in order to try to get a desired response.

Every time I've been successful in a Seduction it was Actions not Words

Eye contact
Non sexual touch
Seductive touch

in that order.

 

[Skills]

Needines is simply when you place higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.... mark manson... again best book on needines models.... having desire and expressing at the right time is attractive, again pyco lol is you pulling out your dick and jerking of to her...

 

[Don Giovanni]

Desire is NON-Verbal. Needy is when you have to SAY something in order to try to get a desired response.

Every time I've been successful in a Seduction it was Actions not Words

Eye contact
Non sexual touch
Seductive touch

in that order.

Dissagree.

Your body language can be needy for sure, like leaning in or touching her to get her affection.

Yes you can seduce her with words lol

One is considered a pinnacle of good game and another one is a turnoff for women. But why? Isn't a sexual desire your BIOLOGICAL NEED?

Therefore, you could say that everyone is needy, because every one has desires. And even if you have satisfied this desire many times in your life, it will return again and again.

These two concepts seem to be very close to each other. Sometimes I struggle to see the difference.

Anyone has a good grasp of the difference and subleties of these two?

It’s about timing, calibration and the right kind of persistance in my opinion. I’m personally at a stage where I stopped worrying about coming off as needy and rather experiment with how much I can get away with. And I think I have A LOT of leeway.

Then there’s of course your feelings. There’s some desperation mixed in with desire with feelings of neediness. I haven’t figured this one yet… When I start feeling needy I ideally go into the emotion similar to facing fear, take a step back and make a rational decision.

 

[Magic]

There is a clear difference IMO. There is nothing wrong in having a desire, neediness is more like desperation. So desire is a positive trait where as neediness is negative. Pursuing or taking action or leading is attractive. But chasing or outcome dependent is obviously not. That is why female like to be desired but hate the neediness of guys.