Failing the newbie challenge

[Maskedavoidant]

So I'm a long time lurker on here.
I've tried the newbie challenge at different times over a year in my college campus, but always give up after the saying hi part.(I always did achieve it, but almost always got ignored)
I've read every girlschase article on approach anxiety and still haven't been able to get over it.
I've spent HOURS just trying to make myself ask a girl for directions.
I've tried hyping myself up with music/exersize, Progressive desensitization w/ asking directions, and making small talk. I still couldn't approach a SINGLE girl.
It's not even that I'm afraid of girls, I have no problem talking to them when necessary. I am afraid of rejection tho, especially if other ppl see me fail. Now THATS humiliating. I absolutely HATE getting negative attention from other ppl.

But it's more of a feeling. The feeling of being desperate and needy, dishonest to myself, and groveling towards the woman by lowering myself to approach her and seek her acceptance like some puppy. I don't like how I'm openly stating my interest by approaching her and letting HER decide my value. Even asking a girl for directions is just too much for me. Like why should I lie about something so stupid just to talk to a girl? It feels so disingenuous and dishonest. I already know where everything is in my campus, the fact I have to lie just to talk to girls seems absolutely pathetic to me.

It's not that I care about the girl rejecting me. In fact, idc about what she thinks about me at all, only how I can use her. It's how weak the rejection will make me look to the girl and others. I'd rather not show any interest in girls at all than let people see me get rejected and look pathetic.

So anyway I've never approached any girl bc of this, no matter how many times I try to muster up the courage. I realize I'll probably die alone bc of this, but I'm already alone so it won't exactly be a loss. People say rejection is good bc now u know how a girl feels about u, but to me that isn't worth the pain of being humiliated.

 

[gameboy]

Don"t lie then. Tell her something true like "I really like your style" or something like that. Unless she is in a really bad mood (which is her problem not yours) she will at least say Thanks. Once the first girl smiles at you, you will realize that this can actually be a lot of fun.

 

[reeax]

Use indirect openers .. Like go to the library, sit somewhere, ask a nearby girl how is studying going, even better if you know the subject. Do some small talk. You don't need to lie because it's not about you, but about her .. big difference. Also you will get no harsh rejections that way. She will be the one without social calibration if she doesn't stay at least polite for a short time in such a small talk. But you also need to accept that various girls will have various levels of interest about you, and that most of them already have boyfriends.

 

[Chase]

@Maskedavoidant,

There's an old school approach for guys with really strong approach anxiety I used to see various coaching companies that specialized in working with very beginner guys would use. RSD used it, BradP's company used it, Sasha Daygame used it, etc.

The name of the game was to walk up to women specifically TO get rejected, using a super lame opener designed to prompt rejections. I did the exercise myself once, using the, "Excuse me... but do you think Oprah Winfrey is hot?" opener. Definitely got some hilarious awkward rejections. But I was already good enough that by the third time opening with it I was able to parlay that into an actual good flirtation with the girl, lol.

I don't know if you'd be able to do this on your own. Every time I've seen it used was with coaches pushing the student to do it in bootcamps/workshops. The point is to get the guy to stop worrying about trying to do it right and just overcome the fear of rejection by going out, getting rejected, and seeing that it ain't so bad.

I would also add you should be approaching OFF campus... social anxiety is going to be higher on campus because you're more worried about reputation there. I did on-campus approaches as a newbie in college... but they were pretty few and far between. Mostly I focused on off-campus.

There's also the "get a wingman for accountability"... he doesn't even have to be in pickup. Just find a buddy who is cool and tell him you've got a personal challenge to go up and talk to four random girls you don't know and you want him to push you into it and keep you accountable.

And finally there's the ol' liquid courage trick. If you're old enough to drink, go somewhere with alcohol, get blasted, and make a few drunken approaches. That's how I made my first approach... drunk off my rocker, just got done telling a joke to a group of people I was there with, they're all laughing, noticed a group of girls at the bar watching me, and went, "It's now or never!"

So:

1. Go out not to run a successful approach, but TO get rejected.
2. Approach off campus where the reputation threat is lower.
3. Get a wingman to go with you... just tell him you want him to push you into it and not let you back out.
4. If all else fails, get drunk and make yourself hit on chicks that way.

You can do it man!

Everybody starts somewhere!

Chase