Fear of Breaking Social Rules VS. Approach Anxiety

[Ronnie]

Lately I was thinking that the two things are not really the same.

Approach anxiety has more to do with the fear of a rejection hurting you emotionally or weakening your self-image, two fears I overcame long ago.

However, the fear of “breaking social rules” is still there and I still have to overcome it each time I do direct approach. The idea that I am deviating from what you would describe as “upstanding citizen” behavior and that this may make me look bad in the “eyes of society” (including the girl as a member of said society and not as an object of desire).

It doesn’t help that I live in a European country where “following social rules” is considered the bare minimum to be seen as respectable by society and that I had parents who were very “respectable” people.

Did you guys ever experienced something like this and, if yes, how did you solve it?

 

[Chad Tyrone]

Being able to break rules really comes down to knowing most conventional rules and knowing your way around some of them before you go around breaking them and doing what you want.

Unless u want to be the outlier-outlaw kind lol.That may get u behind bars or killed.So yeah break rules if you know your way around them and still keep a "what's the worst that can happen" scenario in mind.

Weigh it over in your mind and make a decision.Not all rules are worth breaking... always play out the rewards for all risks you take.

Oh and you don't have to drift through life being a statistic.That in mind think whether following all social rules gets you what you want and how people treat you when you do.

You still can be an asshole that people adore.As long as you hanging around here and the blog, learning and taking in all the knowledge...I'd bet most women are tired of meeting lame guys all day who are seeking an approval to be liked.And if they meet a better one from the lame guy crowd I'd wager yet again that he may be better financially ...maybe he's in shape and all but less a charmer.

Go save them and bring out their desires.

Chad

 

[DarkKnight]

Did you guys ever experienced something like this and, if yes, how did you solve it?

I live in Europe as well in a similar country. You just need to get used to opening and taking up that space. I know exactly what you mean, people barely talk with eachother at cafes or at the street so YOU need to break that ice and make it come across natural. The secret is most people are not even that sure of themselves and when you are it takes over their frame. I have and am gaming in even religious environments , but I keep it subdued and suave.
Admittedly this is something to be trained in to be smooth or else it can definitely blow up hard

 

[DarkKnight]

Fucking edit function..

Addition:
Also in such environments girls are not used to getting opened so dont take their first response at face value. Sometimes I had reactions as in (nonverbally) "but this is not how it is supposed to go!" Because they are so used to rules and not being talked to during the day

It is good to let them cool down a bit act natural and normal.. and when you see them become more open talk again. Reaction can become entirely different.

 

[Ronnie]

Fucking edit function..

Addition:
Also in such environments girls are not used to getting opened so dont take their first response at face value. Sometimes I had reactions as in (nonverbally) "but this is not how it is supposed to go!" Because they are so used to rules and not being talked to during the day

It is good to let them cool down a bit act natural and normal.. and when you see them become more open talk again. Reaction can become entirely different.

Yeah, the way I fight this "social rule anxiety" is having 2-3 indirect approaches before making the direct one (usually do one direct a day).
In those 2-3 direct approaches I try to ask very generic questions (e.g. not "where is place X" but "do you know any Asian/Mexican/Italian restaurants in this area) and then getting comfortable and chatting her up like it's ok.

However, it's a b**ch when sometimes one of those 2-3 indirect approaches responds very well to your presence and the one direct approach doesn't.

Few days ago I approached a cute alternative girl asking her about "where I can find a nice shoes store" and she was instantly happy to talk to me, even asking me questions, taking her phone out to help me find the place... but I didn't manage to transition to man-to-woman later in the conversation so it became what Todd calls "the half-an-hour conversation to nowhere".

Then I went for a direct approach with the next one ("you're so elegantly cute") and she way like "thanks, bye". LOL.

 

[SexualHero]

It doesn't matter what is causing your approach anxiety, its still approach anxiety. Way to deal with it is exposure therapy. More your approach ,less fear you will feel and less you will care about what other people think. Also, you don't have to force direct openers. I don't like them either, especially for daygame, as they have worse approach to open ratio then indirect or semi-direct ones. Transition is easy, just ask her something about her, make an observation / cold read etc.