Long-Term Feel Bad About Something

[Razzputin]

Hello guys,
My gf and I fulled nearly the six month. I feel like she has becoming distant or unresponsive to me. She was quite attentive, obedient and interested. She used to do sweet things a lot more, and she is still doing that but with a little decrease. There have been 7-14 fights since 2nd month or so. In one of them, I stated my trust has faded for her actions. Now, relatively she is not like that. She is less attentive, does not write as she used to do as much, and less obedient.

What is the cause what should I do?

Almost in every relationship I had (which I aim and achieve to do is a long term relationship usually) while my feelings or commitment rising, gf's lowering. I hate this, it almost make me feel like an emo. What to do guys? Should I date other girls? Should I break up? Should I rewind the things and become more indifferent again? Or just openly talk to her (which I feel like I won't be understanded)?

Thanks everyone.

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey Razzputin!

Some quick questions before we get started. How often is she the one that initiates contact between the two of you? Does she call or text you 90% of the time, or is it more like 50%? It's a good indicator of who is the pursuer in the relationship. From what I gather, it looks like you are the one that's pursuing at this point in time, when it should be the other way around.

What are you guys fighting about all the time? How has YOUR behavior changed since you were first dating and everything was going smooth?

When you say it's common for your feelings and commitment to rise while the girl's drops in long term relationships, it looks like classic scarce mentality and neediness creeping in. Your goal with your girl should be to share sexy, positive, and fun experiences - not fighting and dwelling on serious topics like your feelings and commitment. Go back to being the guy that made her heart race the first time.

 

[Razzputin]

It may be kinda late my friend but thx a lot. We broke up just now. And she gone home, I stated that I don't want her to go, but that I can't hold her back. I was the one who come up with breaking up. And most of the time you and she was right at the moment. I got her shipment today, which we planned to recieve together, I'll go give it her tomorrow after or before my bjj sport class. Now I hope you guys anwer this much quicker

Should I try to warm her up, give her a letter, or apology to making her feel that way, or should I stay indiferrent? Should I text her or call her today? And should I open or answer if she does? If then she will be same again? Loving, doing good things, and such. And if we get together, should I insist on bringing her back home, or accept her invitation to stay there. ( I have my finals and I have to work on my musical composition.)

Dammit, I lost my way, I suppose I'm quite the beginner this is my fifth serious relationship. And I love to care one single girl, guys, should I eleminate that thought?

P.S letter will be thanking her for the things she has made for me. Which are quite a number. And she made a note book, written good stuff about us in it, she gave it to me. Should I thank for it, texting or calling.

 

[ProblemSolving]

I'm confused. Did she leave you or did you break up with her?

If she left you against your will, then you have to STOP pursuing. No more calling, texting, or letters. Start meeting other girls, and if she's still interested she will contact you. If she contacts you, try to arrange a meet and be the sexy, positive, playful guy that you were when you first met - no more Debbie Downer. No more talking about negative topics like your feelings and the break up.

 

[Razzputin]

I was the one coming up with breaking up topic. Thing kinda stabile, now. But I try to return to initial phase of relationship where she wants to have me, and bond me. By giving her love, commitment, interest, by investing. I hope I can do this. Because; I've chosen her above some other options I have. And I'm quite picky when it comes to serious relationships. It is hard for me to choose someone to commit. So I wanna keep her with me and into me.

 

[ProblemSolving]

I know what you mean man. You want to show her the same amount of love and investment that she shows you. Here's the funny thing though, both you AND her will be happier in the long run if she's showing more love and investment than you are. However, this does not mean you turn into a cold prick. You will want to reward her for investing in you so she feels compelled to chase harder. It's a balancing act - too little investment from you and you're a heartless bastard, too much investment from you and her attraction dips. Once you find that sweet spot though, it's a beautiful thing.