FR Feeling natural with the right type of girl

[Trilogy]

Today was a great day for pick up! It would have been even better if I could have tagged this as an LR or FR++, but nevertheless by my personal standards today’s interaction provided a lot of value.

In my approaches with women over the past couple of weeks I’ve had the chance to notice some trends and patterns I’ve been falling into that have not netted me the results I’ve wanted to achieve. Some of these include failure to properly screen and qualify (or more precisely not listening to my inner voice when I S & Q), not having a clear intention and worse, having no idea what kind of girls I really go for.

All of this has produced a “shotgun” approach to meeting women, I’d go out and blindly interact just trying to hit some kind of mark...anything really. This was helpful in shedding approach anxiety and working on things like banter, but when it came to number closing or setting up dates, I wouldn’t get very far. If it wasn’t for everything GirlsChase has to offer I’d still be spinning my wheels in frustration instead of analyzing my faults and reworking my methods to gain better traction.

Things really came together for me today when I was on set (I’m a television producer) filming the annual Christmas special in the courtyard across from our downtown studio. Lots of pretty girls were milling about, but there was one girl in particular that I had never seen before who was there just to watch the performance. She was a very cute, light-skinned African American girl in her mid-thirties, easily a 7 or 8 with great curves, curly shoulder-length hair and a booty that would not quit. As I was standing there observing her, a “ping” went off in my head and I could hear my inner voice loud and clear saying, “Oh my god, you HAVE to meet this girl. Right Now!”

I may be worth mentioning that even though I’m black myself I usually date Caucasian women, something to do with playing doctor with the blond-haired, blue-eyed neighbor girl when I was five, so this was stepping out of a long entrenched comfort zone.

Anyway, as always my fundamentals were solid (sexy walk, confident smile, gleam in eyes, etc.) when I walked toward her from the side to make sure she’d notice me. The interaction went something like this:


Me: Hi, I don’t usually approach girls like this but I just had to come talk to you.

Her: (giggle) Oh yeah! How do you usually approach girls?

Me: Well, they usually approach me. But you were facing away and this was the only way I could think of to get your attention other than setting the building on fire.

Her: (laugh)

Me: (I introduce myself warmly,) It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Her: Hi I’m [Jill], it’s nice to meet you too. (still giggling)
Me: (almost immediately following her statement) Are you single?

Her: What!?! (she stops giggling, but still smiling) Wow, that’s really bold!

Me: Well, when I see something I like, I just have to go for it. Life’s to short not to take these kinds of chances.

Her: Actually I am seeing someone.

Me: (still smiling and maintaining strong eye contact) Ah okay, that’s great he must be like the happiest guy on Earth. (I pause for a second or two) Anyway, I’m not a homewrecker or girlfriend stealer or anything, I just wanted to come over and meet you, say “Hi” and give you my card. Since you have a boyfriend, I don’t want you to have to use this, but if the situation ever arises, and I haven’t already been scooped up...(I pause and let her finish the rest of that sentence in her mind.) Have an amazing day [Jill!]


I left things at that and headed back to the set. I don’t know for sure if she was bluffing about the bf or even if she kept my contact info, but I couldn’t let the opportunity pass by without making an effort. It was incredible how natural this interaction felt to me, no hesitation or anxiety, the words just rolled easily off my tongue without me really having to think about it. All I knew was I HAD to meet her and move things forward as FAST as possible, the desire to accomplish that was almost overwhelming, it hasn’t been like that in other situations.

I don’t know if it’s because of the constant immersion I’ve had here in the forum and the website, or some deeper part of me got triggered when I saw her and I went into autopilot, or some awesome combination of the two. Either way everything just flowed so effortlessly I want all of my interactions to be as smooth as this. Perhaps she was the “right type” of girl, which has been one of the factors I’ve been missing, and after today I feel certain that in time I’ll be able to pull off natural interactions like this on a regular basis, which is important to me, with girls who are cute and available.

Thanks for reading,
Trilogy

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey Trilogy,

First and foremost I'm giving you props on the interaction. Because you stepped out of your comfort zone and you didn't let approach anxiety get in the way. I also give you major props on asking her "Are you single?"! You showed great skill and courage in the field today. Continue to do well.

Dave

 

[Ross]

Pretty solid interaction here. Right time to use direct, as she isn't expecting to be picked up in there and trying any form of indirect would've lost any interest from the start. I enjoyed reading the dialogue; start out easing the tension, give her your name on a high point, and getting to the point instead of rummaging about.

As for the end, I don't like just quitting when they say something as ambiguous as I'm seeing someone. A little pressing could have been used such as, "Got you a boyfriend?" where the answer will most likely be yes or no, or she might play coy where she wants you. But you leave her with a card which is great to end it as well, showing her you don't have time and you have morals. Either way would really work, at that point it is more about personal style.

You played everything right, and it sounded like great practice for direct openers. It also worked well in confronting approach anxiety and getting in the habit of approaching women you find attractive, so bravo.

 

[Franco]

Hey Trilogy,

Great work on your approach! This is actually similar to the style I use to approach women when I go out for day game (which is somewhat rarer for me, but I do enjoy it sometimes).

A couple of pointers:

1) RTB is correct in that you should have gone on with the conversation after she mentioned she was seeing someone. Sometimes you can still even end up with a date if you properly move the conversation forward and on to another topic, and then you'll be saying to yourself, "Wow! She told me she was seeing someone, and I still ended up with a date! Amazing!"

That will really boost your confidence!

2) If you do need to leave the conversation, I think your closing was good, BUT I would probably leave the part out about "not being a homewrecker or girlfriend stealer." There's not much reason to say that since you are already leaving her with, "I don't want you to have to use this, but if the situation ever arises, and I haven't already been scooped up..."

Don't give her any extra reasons not to use the number.

Again, great job!

- Franco

 

[Trilogy]

Thanks for the replies gentlemen.

RTB is correct in that you should have gone on with the conversation after she mentioned she was seeing someone. Sometimes you can still even end up with a date if you properly move the conversation forward and on to another topic...

I'll keep that in mind, move the conversation to another topic, got it! My time was limited since I was supposed to be on the job and I suspect that's part of the reason for such urgency on my part to meet her.

I would probably leave the part out about "not being a homewrecker or girlfriend stealer."

Yeah, I see the wisdom in this too. Guess I still have a habit of talking too much, lol.

 

[AFCnoob]

All of this has produced a “shotgun” approach to meeting women, I’d go out and blindly interact just trying to hit some kind of mark...anything really.

I have that same exact problem. I used to be overjoyed if I could get any even moderately attractive girl would talk to me, now I've discovered that I'm actually rather picky. I never really knew that about myself--oh well, live and learn.

I always have a feeling of success when I see a girl I really want to meet and just go meet her, regardless of how it goes. I like how you kept it nice and light.

On another note: I know asking "are you single?" is a thing here...on GC, but I never ask that question. In my personal opinion it serves no real purpose, and gives the girl a convenient "out" of the conversation if she wants one, especially if she hasn't had a chance to get to know you better and learn all about your great qualities. Furthermore, in my experience, if a girl wants me to know she's single, she tells me--either directly or indirectly at some point during the interaction.

I'm no expert (by far) but it seems like you might be putting her on the spot a bit here: If she says "no", she might feel she's tacitly describing herself as "available--to you", which she found "really bold", and you'll notice she deflected before answering, perhaps feeling as though you were coming on a bit strong for her.

Anyway, having asked that question, I would have skipped right over the response and moved on with the interaction. Then again, you were at work and kind of on the clock. At any rate, you saved yourself from horrible hours of regret wondering what would have happened if you'd never talked to that great girl you saw. Kudos, man.

 

[girlsfollow]

All of this has produced a “shotgun” approach to meeting women, I’d go out and blindly interact just trying to hit some kind of mark...anything really.

I have that same exact problem. I used to be overjoyed if I could get any even moderately attractive girl would talk to me, now I've discovered that I'm actually rather picky. I never really knew that about myself--oh well, live and learn.

I always have a feeling of success when I see a girl I really want to meet and just go meet her, regardless of how it goes. I like how you kept it nice and light.

On another note: I know asking "are you single?" is a thing here...on GC, but I never ask that question. In my personal opinion it serves no real purpose, and gives the girl a convenient "out" of the conversation if she wants one, especially if she hasn't had a chance to get to know you better and learn all about your great qualities. Furthermore, in my experience, if a girl wants me to know she's single, she tells me--either directly or indirectly at some point during the interaction.

I'm no expert (by far) but it seems like you might be putting her on the spot a bit here: If she says "no", she might feel she's tacitly describing herself as "available--to you", which she found "really bold", and you'll notice she deflected before answering, perhaps feeling as though you were coming on a bit strong for her.

Anyway, having asked that question, I would have skipped right over the response and moved on with the interaction. Then again, you were at work and kind of on the clock. At any rate, you saved yourself from horrible hours of regret wondering what would have happened if you'd never talked to that great girl you saw. Kudos, man.

I havent read the rest of the thread but seeing your response - I agree that asking the single question is not ideal in all situations depending on what you're looking for. I think it puts you in the chase frame to some extent - some girls might take it as "do you want a boyfriend, I want to be him!" of course you can re-frame this but its just a thought- yes it works as a filter for interested women - but it can close you off to quite a few borderline cases (some might argue these aren't worth fighting for). If you are a machine that is going out specifically for meeting loads of women its probably useful though.

 

[stratvm]

All of this has produced a “shotgun” approach to meeting women, I’d go out and blindly interact just trying to hit some kind of mark...anything really.

I have that same exact problem. I used to be overjoyed if I could get any even moderately attractive girl would talk to me, now I've discovered that I'm actually rather picky. I never really knew that about myself--oh well, live and learn.

I always have a feeling of success when I see a girl I really want to meet and just go meet her, regardless of how it goes. I like how you kept it nice and light.

On another note: I know asking "are you single?" is a thing here...on GC, but I never ask that question. In my personal opinion it serves no real purpose, and gives the girl a convenient "out" of the conversation if she wants one, especially if she hasn't had a chance to get to know you better and learn all about your great qualities. Furthermore, in my experience, if a girl wants me to know she's single, she tells me--either directly or indirectly at some point during the interaction.

I'm no expert (by far) but it seems like you might be putting her on the spot a bit here: If she says "no", she might feel she's tacitly describing herself as "available--to you", which she found "really bold", and you'll notice she deflected before answering, perhaps feeling as though you were coming on a bit strong for her.

Anyway, having asked that question, I would have skipped right over the response and moved on with the interaction. Then again, you were at work and kind of on the clock. At any rate, you saved yourself from horrible hours of regret wondering what would have happened if you'd never talked to that great girl you saw. Kudos, man.

my problem is that while these light conversations were the most satisfying initially (feeling of success) i now get annoyed/bored by them very fast as i realized its complete BS small talk that doesnt lead to anywhere. and now i begin not to enjoy conversations because i KNOW i need to deep dive and/or move here asap otherwise its a waste of time for both of us...