Finding Balance: Seeing her as cute & silly but also taking things serious to save the Seduction

[Keno]

Hi there,

this thing boggles me for a few days now so I thought let’s post it here.

What I mean is this: I can get myself into the perspective of seeing women as cute & silly.
But since this isn’t my default programming yet I struggle with balancing that with points in the process
with a woman where I need to consider things she says or does more serious, like if she has objections
(the one that threw me off a few days ago was a woman saying when I wanted to kiss her ‘isn’t it to soon?’ and after that I couldn’t really get back into the place I’ve been before inside where things flowed more, probably also because after that point I was thrown off my process and didn’t know how to proceed - partially due to that mindset shift).

To get to the point: Right now it’s a lot of things at the same time for me to keep tracking and I am sure it’s
a thing that partly comes from the overload I experience at the moment.

So I am searching for a way to work on that dichotomy (besides practicing) since I can’t get my head around this.
So the question might be:

When to take things in the seduction serious to save the seduction and then how to get back into that light cute & silly mindset. How Do I combine these two? I seem to have a disconnect here.

Your insights are much appreciated. If you feel like to help me specifically you need more data points I am happy to answer too. And if this is just a symptom of another thing that I need to address to develop I am happy to know it.

Konrad

 

[Will_V]

Hi there,

this thing boggles me for a few days now so I thought let’s post it here.

What I mean is this: I can get myself into the perspective of seeing women as cute & silly.
But since this isn’t my default programming yet I struggle with balancing that with points in the process
with a woman where I need to consider things she says or does more serious, like if she has objections
(the one that threw me off a few days ago was a woman saying when I wanted to kiss her ‘isn’t it to soon?’ and after that I couldn’t really get back into the place I’ve been before inside where things flowed more, probably also because after that point I was thrown off my process and didn’t know how to proceed - partially due to that mindset shift).

To get to the point: Right now it’s a lot of things at the same time for me to keep tracking and I am sure it’s
a thing that partly comes from the overload I experience at the moment.

So I am searching for a way to work on that dichotomy (besides practicing) since I can’t get my head around this.
So the question might be:

When to take things in the seduction serious to save the seduction and then how to get back into that light cute & silly mindset. How Do I combine these two? I seem to have a disconnect here.

Your insights are much appreciated. If you feel like to help me specifically you need more data points I am happy to answer too. And if this is just a symptom of another thing that I need to address to develop I am happy to know it.

Konrad

The example you gave above is lack of assertiveness. Assertiveness comes from believing that you are able to exert your will or frame (within reason) and that you can deal with the consequences of being challenged on it.
The problem is that merely by questioning you, she rearranged your perception of who was in control. This could be for all kinds of reasons but typically is the 'nice guy syndrome' where a guy is in the habit of relinquishing his frame to gain something or avoid pain.
It's good that you bring the 'cute and silly' aspect because that is in fact the solution. If you really thought a woman was cute and silly, how could she possibly make you feel this apprehensive? You must prove to yourself that you believe it, by teasing, poking, being physically dominant, moving her and getting her to do things for you and rewarding her, etc. This is how someone who is strong treats someone who they like who is not at their level in some way.
So have fun with her, and when she questions or challenges you, relish the opportunity to 'correct' her, since after all she's cute and silly and very ready to adapt to you.

 

[TomInHo]

Think of it like this...

She's agreeing to your frame and following your lead = CUTE... she's madly in love with me and can't resist my charm

She's being resistant and challenging your frame = SILLY... she's so adorable with how she's trying not to seem too easy, but she knows that deep down she really wants it

In short, you're the leader and always assume she attracted to you no matter what. Because a lot of the time resistance is actually just foreplay in disguise

 

[Chase]

@KonradH,

(the one that threw me off a few days ago was a woman saying when I wanted to kiss her ‘isn’t it to soon?’ and after that I couldn’t really get back into the place I’ve been before inside where things flowed more, probably also because after that point I was thrown off my process and didn’t know how to proceed - partially due to that mindset shift).

You will have these "frame shaken" moments when encountering novel obstacles that are a bit out of your depth.

The reframe here of course is:

Konrad: [goes for kiss]​

​

Girl: Isn't it too soon?​

​

Konrad: [sly grin; thinking she's so silly... thinking she can resist me. How cute] Not with a connection like ours. [kiss]​

​

Girl: [finishes kiss] That was nice but I still think it's too soon for that.​

​

Konrad: [thinking what a goofball... well she will soon be totally under my spell... she doesn't even realize it]​

You can maintain that frame throughout without switching to something 'serious' if you're confident in your process.

You won't be confident in your process when newer. But you will as you pick up experience. It gets easier and easier to see the things girls say as cute and silly at that point, because you've already seen it before so many times and you already know how it's going to end (i.e., her in your bed), even if she doesn't know it yet.

When to take things in the seduction serious to save the seduction and then how to get back into that light cute & silly mindset. How Do I combine these two? I seem to have a disconnect here.

I wouldn't say you do not take things seriously at all.

e.g., if she is protesting, you still register she's protesting, and that you still have some more work to do. You can't just plow.

However, it is, "Okay, I'll play this game... she's being silly, but I'll play along... she needs a little more familiarity with me... I know how this game is played... I'll give her what she needs..."

That's the way the experienced seducer approaches it. He does not dismiss her concern, but neither does he drop into "whoa, it's totally serious" -- she's being a goof, but she has some needs, he'll address those, and they'll still end up in the same place (naked in bed)... the whole thing is a game... it's a bit cute of her to think things will turn out any differently than they're destined to turn out... but anyway he will do what she needs first.

Don't worry if you can't perfectly maintain this mentality.

Aim for it; as you get more experience, and you have seen more and more of what women can say and do, it will become an increasingly solid perspective you hold, until it grows almost unshakeable.

Chase

 

[Keno]

Wow. Had a lot of stuff to manage so missed answering right away but thanks guys, your advice is really helpful and gives me a way to see things that makes me confident I can get better with that in the process. Honestly appreciate it.