Finding Balance

[LilByLil]

Hello all. I hope that writing down my experiences will enhance my progress by encouraging reflection, facilitating clarity, and enabling feedback. I wish to design a lifestyle that promotes my values, is fulfilling in its own right, and exposes me to a plethora of high quality women that want me as their lover initially, and boyfriend eventually.

Some background: I am a new graduate. I life in SF and work for a big tech company as a data scientist. As this is my journal, I'll refrain from false humility. I'm tall, tan, very handsome, very fit, well liked by my peers and very intelligent. I am very active, and looking for girls that can keep up with me physically, and intellectually. My social circle is not fantastic. I rarely meet gorgeous women through my friends, and thus must design my life in such a way that I'm able to cold approach people while doing activities that are aligned with my interests.

I love routines, and am sculpting one that will hopefully facilitate cold approaches and general networking with interesting people. I'm trying to have a "natural's" lifestyle that involves speaking with EVERYONE of value, not just beautiful women. On weekdays, my commute, work, and exercise will provide me with fewer opportunities. I do hope to meet women at the climbing gym, however I find that the demographics in my part of the city are not ideal--Most women are older.

Weekdays:
Wake up -> bike -> gym at rock climbing place -> bike -> caltrain -> work -> shuttle home -> rock climb at rock climbing place -> sleep

Friday evening:
Country bar (I love country music and singing and dancing. I acknowledge that bars are difficult places to find high quality women but I want to practice anyway)

Weekends: (less routine, subject to change)
yoga, running, eating, slacklining, and Miscellaneous adventures, mostly in the marina district which has significantly better demographs, but is further from my home. A tradeoff.

With the introduction complete, I look forward to adding onto this with more specific interactions, reflections, goals and progress reports.

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

Bars Background:​

I'd like to reflect a bit on some of the experiences I've had at bars before starting this journal. What I've found, is that if I'm at a bar where I don't like the music, then I'm not going to have a good time unless I meet some gorgeous women. And since meeting gorgeous women in bars is pretty tough, and since I'm in SF where the competition is FIERCE, this led me to having some unpleasant nights. What I've found is that I love dancing and singing to country music, AND the hottest girls (to me) go to country bars. Furthermore, I think there is some benefit in being a regular at a bar--you become "the man" with the bartenders, the bouncers, and hopefully the owner. This is why I've selected a specific bar and I'll be going there regularly. Unfortunately, this amazing bar is a 15 minute uber from my home. This is a pretty big hurdle I think for women, and one that I'll need practice to get past.

Summary of encounters​

I've been going out in SF for a few weekends now, and I have yet to successfully pull from the bar. Typically a night proceeds as follows: I arrive and walk around the venue before getting a drink at the bar. I've been ordering alcoholic drinks but I'd like to start ordering something without alcohol as it's pretty bad for your body and makes you a less calibrated seducer. Sometimes I come with friends, sometimes I'm alone. Either way, before the dancing begins, I'll post up in a few different places for some time, and sometimes start conversations (see sit.1). Then once dancing starts, I'll hit the dance floor, and enjoy letting loose. I'm not as good at reading approach invitations as I will be eventually, but I frequently find myself "magically" among several women and some of them are certainly throwing glances my way. Here, I test them to see how responsive they are. I will dance into them a little, and see if I can catch their eyes and smile playfully. Sometimes I'm suprised because women that I could have sworn were dancing into ME act completely uninterested, in fact I wonder if they're acting intentionally uninterested in order to make me chase. Regardless, if they don't bite, then I typically move on. Several times, I have managed to escalate things while dancing until I'm really dancing with a girl, not just near her. I usually get to make out with them at some point. Never have I managed to go home with anyone. Other times, I'll situationally open girls, and have managed to have really deep conversations (sit. 2) and very heated conversations (sit.3, sit. 4) but once again I am unable bring them home.

Sit. 1​

I situationally open a pair of girls (as a side note, the few times that I've tried direct openers in bars I've been totally rejected every time. Haven't tried since because saying things that work for me in street game are totally dismissed in bars). I opened them as a warm up and wasn't particularly interested in them. I brought my wing into the conversation after warming them up and we chatted for a little and my wing and I ordered drinks. At some point my wing and I kind of abruptly leave. He wanted to walk around and I was fine with that but we didn't say goodbye. Leter in the night the girls were a bit cold, not entirely, as I was able to slip in a few more words later in the night, but I am confident we didn't handle it as well as we could have.
Question: what's the best way to disengage from women that you're not super into, but that might give you social proof or you might want to come back to later when you're getting desperate at the end of the night?
Hypothesis: probably a simple "cya later we're going to check out the venue" would have sufficed to make them warmer on the return.

Sit. 2​

I see a girl almost fall off a stage, and compliment the other girl that caught her: "Wow nice catch! did you guys practice that move??" They responded warmly and I exchanged a couple more pleasantries then danced a bit away from them. (Now when I dance in their direction, we're smiling at each other and "exchanging energy"[by which I mean we mimic some movements and coordinate motion somewhat]). A little later, I get on the stage and compliment the girl that falls on her energetic dancing, she's very warm and we dance together now. Then I move her to the bar, (we get water) and then we sit down. We have chemistry; she's assertive, and used to walking all over men, but I pass her tests, remain calm, and she becomes attracted (but as we'll see later perhaps not turned on?). She's from out of town and only staying the weekend with friends, so we speak of the dating scene in Nashville and SF. She is 28 I'm 22 and she starts acting like she wants to be my wingwoman. We she brings her friends over and tries to set us up but it doesn't really happen and we go back to dancing a bit. A few minutes later I ask her if she's seen the marina, which she has not. I invite her to check it out with me (it's a few blocks away). At this point her friends come back, and they are leaving. Key point: This is the turning point that I always botch. I can tell that part of her wants to come with me. Her friends are kind of pulling her away, but she's looking at me in what is unmistakably a look of intense indecision. She claims she must go because "how would I get back" I counter that Uber is always an option ("I thought you were a smarty pants--you can't handle an Uber?"). She ends up leaving with her friends.
Question: how should I have sold it at that point so that she ditched her friends and came with me seeing as some part of her clearly was interested in the adventure I was proposing.
Hypothesis: I'm not sure, maybe a ball in her court type speech, "I think you're really cool, smart and funny which I don't find often. Do you want to end the night right now by going home with your friends, or do you want to build an interesting relationship by going on an exciting adventure with the man of your dreams?"

Sit. 3​

I caught a girl looking at me, broke into a slow smile, walked over to her confidently and opened directly with "Hey, how you doing". It was honestly one of my best openings ever in hindsight because the spacing was accidentally perfect, and there was absolutely zero hesitation. She was immediately very touchy, pushing into me physically (gosh her tits were nice) and it was loud so I puller her in close to speak into her ears. Then I moved her a few feet so we were out of the way. I kept a frame of her being an adventerous girl. I asked what drink she's never gotten, then immediately ordered two and her eyes went wide and seemed to dig it (reinforcing adventure), then moved her back to the previous spot where we drank for a little bit. She's still super physical. I ask again about adventure and she says something along the lines of "I'm down for anything". At this point I should have just said "let's get out of here" but we talk a little bit but then kind of stall for a bit. At this point she starts looking at her friends, then pulls her friend over and eventually leaves with her.
Takeaway: I think this was the clearest ever example of me missing an escalation window. Not much else to it as far as I can tell. I notice that I didn't make out with her, but I think she was super turned on, probably more turned on than any other girl I've talked to at a bar. Wondering if refraining from making out is a good strategy. All I had to do was move her outside and I think I could have finally gotten someone to come home with me. Alas, we live and we learn.

Sit. 4​

Again at the country bar, I say hey to a girl, she smiles and I gesture her towards me. I might have gestured more urgently when she didn't immediately move (don't totally remember). I'm locked in and she and I talk for a little. I pull her in so I can speak in her ear, and she's kind of drunk but seems to be into me. I talk about where she's from for a bit, and then eventually we're close enough that I slowly go for a kiss. We make out, for a bit, and I push her away, "come on get a room lady" and I'm chase framing her. She resists the frame saying that I started it. I kind of brush it off, don't really engage in the frame battle but keep asserting a chase frame. I say we should go outside and she says "ok but I'm not leaving my friends". I don't really want to go outside because I might be stuck in the line getting back inside, so I kind of just wait, and she offers that we can dance for a little instead. We go to dance and make out a bit more. I say "lets get out of here" and she says she can't leave her friends. Keypoint: girls always say this when I try to get them to leave, so this time immediately say whatever and start ejecting. As I pull away I can see her kind of chasing in her body language. But I don't know what to say or what to do to get over the "I can't leave my friends frame" so I do leave and find other girls. The rest of the night she looks at me a bit coldly.
Question: When a girl says "I can't leave my friends, what's the best way to beat that frame?"
Hypothesis: This is my greatest sticking point really, but I think that I'm making progress. Girls do NOT like when I leave them after they say they don't want to go home with me. I think that If I give them a bit of a way back then perhaps they'll be able to change their minds?

Maybe "Oh ok, well as much as I like dancing her with you, I'm really looking for someone who's a bit more adventerous. I dance with girls at bars all the time and then I never see them again and I want to form a deeper connection. So I'm going to look around some more, but if you decide that you'd like to get to know each other better, then come find me and we can run away together"

 

[LilByLil]

Date Report​

At around 8pm, a tinder girl let me know that she was going out to eat and offered for me to join her. I rejected this logistical nightmare, told her I would pick her up, and drove to her place on an electric moped. I like using the electric moped because it initiates close contact right away so it kind of gets rid of the touch barrier and makes you familiar with each other right away. It's also suprisingly easy to talk and hear each other with the helmets on so we drove around for a bit.

Without telling her, I drove to mine, and declared "this is my place, I can drive back and drop you off, or you can come in and check it out" and she was down to check it out. We went on the roof, drank some wine, talked about nothing then kissed a little. I brought her back inside, sat on the couch a bit, and kissed a bit more. It got heated and she said "you know I'm not having sex with you..." I find that girls pretty much always say this to me. She honestly wasn't that hot so I was even less rattled than usual and said "ok whatever" nonchalantly. Later I suggested we move to my room since my housemates would walk in on us and moved without really waiting for her response.

My room doesn't have much to do, but she looked at some of the decorations for a little bit, asked some questions, then we made out some more. I threw her on the bed, and made out more passionately. My hands were moving all over her body, she didn't care where they were unless I strayed to her pussy. Then she would move my hand away. This was a bad sign, so I started trying to use segmentation (not the right word?) and basically make out, then say that she's got to go, then make out with her more, and say she's distracting me, then say she's got to go and get up. I did this a few times, and when I escalated I kept my hands moving pretty quickly. She was pretty sensitive to me being around her pussy so if I did spend to long she'd move my hand again.

At this point it's getting a little late for me (10pm) and I'm not really that into her so I decide to experiment: I offer "we can either call your uber now and end the night, or we can do the same thing but have a little fun beforehand"
(reflection: Not obvious enough because she doesn't get it)
So I say, "you don't like sex? you don't like orgasms?"
and she of course does, and says "it's my rule"
to which I reply: "your rule is you never have sex?"
and she jokes she's a virgin and I act surprised but then press her about right now and she says she can't
(reflection: I don't know where I'm going here tbh just seeing what lands I guess.)

In the end, I don't want to press too hard, and I want to get her the fuck out of here so I call her uber. However, as I'm holding the uber and asking "are you sure???" I can see the indecision in her eyes. It's like she wants me to take the decision out of her hands because she can't say yes but she wants to say yes.
(reflection: I probably should have tried to escalate on her one more time after asking are you sure and having the uber rider right about to arrive. I was just kind of discouraged by her moving my hand away each time and wasn't confident that anything new was going to happen. I've been in this situation several times before and I'm not sure what the missing ingredient is to get past that last bit of resistance)

[Edit]​

She messages me shortly after leaving asking if I'm available to meet the next day. We end up having sex. I asked her why she wasn't down the day before but she was down today. She claimed that she wanted to get to know me better and wanted to meet me the next day and thought that if we had sex on the first night then we wouldn't have met up again. I asked her if she wanted to yesterday and she said she did really badly but couldn't. I wonder if that's specific to her or if there's something that I did that made her uncomfortable with sex on the first night and wanting to wait till the second.

 

[LilByLil]

Date Report​

This is an interesting development. I like to rock-climb, and I frequently meet people at the climbing gym. The other day I met a cute girl and exchanged numbers so that we could top rope in the future. (This is a two person aspect to the sport so we get to talk a bit more with each other). Amazingly, we work at the same company, which I learned as I saw her on the shuttle on the way home. We talk a good bit more, and then meet each other later in the rock climbing gym again. There was a lot of banter and some good chemistry. I walked away feeling pretty happy and intrigued with her.

I'm not sure how to handle this situation. Since we're co workers, there is a certain level of tension, If we mess things up it could get very awkward. Everything has been pretty platonic so far with me only doing a bit of light incidental touching and some powerful eye contact and naturally flirting banter.

That was yesterday. Today I met her again in the gym. We didn't coordinate the meet up I just happened to see her. (un?)fortunately, She arrived while I was chatting with two cute girls who I exchanged contacts with. She didn't come over after I greeted her, but I later walked up and asked if she wanted to top rope. She did, and we spent the rest of the gym session top roping together. She had also met some people who were a bit awkward and I felt like I didn't socialize with them super naturally which rubbed of some negative social energy. The banter today wasn't quite as good, and she got stiff when I mentioned being watched by cute girls makes me work harder.

Ok FUNNY: she just texted me as I was writing this saying she wanted to tell me that she's dating someone but is having fun climbing with me and wants to keep doing it. I shall convert her to my wingwoman! Which she says is her favorite role hahah

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

Bar Pull​

I had a great conversation with my friend about kissing chicks and when you should and shouldn't do it. Previously, I released too much tension with girls in bars because I kissed them while we were still at the venue. I made a resolution not to do this and in the following lay report I emphasize points where I previously would have kissed her but decided not to, and how things turned out

I arrive at my favorite country bar around 9 with lots of social momentum going. Earlier in the day I met a new friend, and flirted with some women 10 years older than me but really good looking and I could feel their attraction but the logistics were impossible. Anyway, I should up feeling pretty good, and go to find a spot at the bar. There seems to be a gap next to a potentially cute girl, so I position myself against the bar and wait for a drink. I'm using my peripheral to monitor the cute girl next to me, and I notice her notice me, and then a minute later I detect her body language opening towards me (her shoulders were previously turned towards her friend--away from me--and now she faces the bar and turns her head to speak with her friend).

I open with "so what are you drinking?", she asks me what I'm drinking and I suggest she offers some input. At this point I've already hooked her surprisingly, so I'll skip the details but we banter for some more time and it takes a while for me to get my drink. The interaction is helped along because she's quite ambitious and driven, which I always genuinely admire, and she can hold a conversation which means I can speak less.

The first hurdle comes when she decides she needs to check on her friend. I act pretty nonchalant and Immediately start framing her and her friend as "big girls who are independent and can communicate over text". She gives me her number, and I know I'm close to loosing it, so I frankly tell her that I get lots of numbers but usually don't meet up with women from bars but I'd like to get to know her because she seems really cool--Thus we should go on a walk. At this point I really think I've lost her because I sense some tension and she isn't ready for the walk. I don't really remember what happened next, but she kind of checks on her friend real quick, then we sort of keep talking and I slowly start to feel the tension ease from nervous back to opportunistic. Again wish I understood that transition a little better but summary: we were back on.

At some point she says shes going to the bathroom, and I don't want to be left there waiting with my dick in my hands to I agree that's a great idea and turn and head there immediately. I take my time and on the way back I generally stand in a similar spot and just vibe to the music, she comes back too and it's still on. I only mention that because I think it was a good move to move in the same general direction and time as her instead of putting her on a pedestal and waiting for her.

When she's back from the bathroom, is I think when she goes from kind of touchy to very touchy. We move around the venue a little, and there seems to be a guy friend of hers there. When she goes to talk to him the first time I just calmly wait and she comes back to me quickly. Another time she takes more than several minutes, and so I move around a bit, dance a bit, and find her a little later.

At this point she's sort of trying to kiss me, but I deflect it teasingly by inviting her to the dancefloor. Here it gets pretty hot and heavy, and she's really trying to kiss me but I keep deflecting. I start to sense her frustration, and finally ask "wanna go on a walk?".

I'm AMAZED by how eagerly she agreed, I've never had a girl practically drag me out of the bar without anything like "need to check on friends yada yada yada..." I think the lack of kissing is what did it for me here.

We walk around a little, and I finally give her a good manhandle kiss after she blatantly asks "are you rejecting my kisses?" this shuts her up for a bit. then I suggest we moped around since SF has mopeds that you can rent with an app. I've only had a drink so I'm fine to drive. Fortunately, she didn't really know how to ride a bike, so was clinging to me really tightly and I think very aroused by the danger. She has to close her tab and check on her friend who is hosting her, and unlike usual where I get kind of frusturated and suspicious that the girl is trying to get rid of me, I genuinely acknowledge the problem, and offer to drive her back and don't worry about the fact that it'll probably be the end of my night.

Back outside the venue, the line is enormous so we call her friend outside via text. I coach my girl through a text to her friend, something along the lines of: "I'm outside with the man of my dreams" (she laughs when I say this so I know I'm in the money) "are you ready to go home otherwise I'm going to disappear with this man" (she writes the last part I'm so in the money now).

Long story short, the friend comes outside, reads the room and does everything in her power to make herself scarse. I end up at the girls place and we hook up and the sex / chemistry is really good so I think she'll be back for more.

FIRST SUCCESSFUL BAR PULL IN SF BABY WHOOOOOO!

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

It's been some time since I've checked in.

This last weekend I went out but had friends visiting so things were kind of messed up on the seducing side of things. Didn't really have any conversations with cute chicks when we went out.

I had another date with the girl from above which went well, but I'm worried I'm going to grow complacent since I've locked down a pretty good girl. If I'm being honest with myself I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship--I still think about my ex a lot and I don't have the same chemistry with this girl as I did with my ex. Plus I think that If I start dating this chick then I'm going to fall out of practice with seducing again which is no good since I feel like I'm starting to finally make progress again.

I saw a chick at the gym yesterday morning who was pretty cute. I chatted with her briefly and grabbed her name as well as how often she comes here. Apparently 2 times a week so I figured I would talk with her more next time I see her and see if we can schedule a date.

I'm a new hire at a decently big company, and I'm pleasantly suprised to find some good looking girls at the office. I really feel out of my depth approaching there so I've barely talked to girls. Whenever I sit next to people in the shuttle I'll typically start conversation and I've made some female friends doing this, however when I see someone walking down the hallways I have no idea how to engage them without risking exposing myself in an unfavorable fashion.

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

Night Out report:​

I went out with 2 friends. We walked a bit before deciding on one bar. It’s a Thursday so things a pretty quiet. One of the waitresses at this joint is stacked. Since it’s so quiet I walk over to her and ask her about it.

“When do things usually pick up around here?”

I get a really warm reception, and we chat a little. For some reason my body language is a bit closed I’m kind of moving away from her (don’t ask me why I wish I closed the distance after she responded so warmly) I think I needed to do a better job of prolonging the interaction, which in general is something I have a lot of room to improve on.

We went to another bar, I notice a dime noticing me, but she’s with a group of like 8 girls I saw no way to approach her, they never really left their table. Even in hindsight I don’t think that would have worked unless I somehow ambushed her at the bathroom or something but the venue was also so empty that it was pretty clear when anyone talked to anyone.

I’m somewhat pleased with the night, I talked to 3 or 4 girls at least briefly but my friends didn’t branch out at all from their group even tho they couldn’t stop talking about “talking to girls”. I need to surround myself with more naturals, my friends are not as open to improvement on the women side of things as I wish they were.

General Reflection:​

I noticed that my approach anxiety has been creeping back in. This weekend walking around the city there were several moments where internally I told myself to make a comment or say something and then I ended up walking right past the person without engaging. This is a worrying development and I need to put a system in place to make sure I stop this decline and start making progress again. A few months ago, I was going out every single day and approaching multiple women. This was in San Diego and beach pickup is by far the easiest setting for me to walk up to people. Lately, living in SF, my opportunities for approaching really feel like they have dwindled! Right now, my routine is pretty tight, but doesn't have a ton of opportunities to meet high quality women. As I'm writing this and reviewing what I wrote above, I realize that I going to the office would significantly increase my potential for chance encounters as I would be working in an environment that I've just noted contains surprising numbers of high quality women. I think most importantly is reenacting my 1 compliment a day rule where all I have to do is present a genuine compliment to a stranger at least once per day.

 

[LilByLil]

Really disappointing consistency on this journal... Here's another attempt to create and maintain the habit of reflecting on my seduction journey:

Meta Reflection:​

I suspect that my fundamentals are way ahead of my game. This thought came to me today at SantaCon in SF. I notice many women giving me approach invitations; by that I mean I catch them looking at me.

I've been quite aloof with most SF women because I consider myself out of their league. I justify this because I'm tall, tan, muscular, smart and have a high paying job at 23. What I find however, is that many times, when I finally encounter the (very) rare dime that I think is "worthy" of my time an attention, I'm often unable to open them! And this is after I'm PRETTY SURE that they gave me approach invitations!

This is obviously a pretty problematic mindset because I get a lot of practice with the initial flirting period, and VERY LITTLE in the "taking her home" practice because I'm unwilling to take home girls that I don't think are "in my league".

It's easy for me to start talking to ugly girls, and they're absolutely thrilled when I do, but when I find these gorgeous women, it feels SO MUCH harder to isolate them and move things forward. I would expect the difficulty gradient to be a bit smoother but it's like a cliff for me right now.

One of the things that I've been getting better about is using pre-openers to increase my chances. In particular, I'm amazed by how effective a hip bump is. I can literally walk up to a girl that is isolated, look the other way and give a hip bump and somehow that comes across better than walking up and saying "hi".

One of the things that I've fallen out of practice with is cold approaching. I blame this on my environment. In my neighborhood I'm lucky if I find a single girl that I find attractive on any given day. They're just so rare where I live that I'm not getting the practice that I need. And I've TRIED to give compliments to girls that I find unattractive, but it comes off as fake and forced and I think everyone in the interaction knows.

Bar Report (SantaCon)​

A more concrete report of my activities this evening:
I got 2 numbers, 2 instagrams, and made out with 1 chick. There were a handful of other women that I flirted with heavily that had to leave to find their friends. I received many unsolicited compliments about my outfit, and had a few women try to force their friends on me.
Despite all this, it felt like I was getting reactions more than results! I didn't end up brinding anyone home despite being very down to hook up with many of them. This is ultimately how I came to the above conclusion that I need to match my game with my fundamentals.

I do think there is something to be said about logistics: As I mentioned earlier, my neighborhood is NOT a good place to meet women. So naturally I take a 15 minute uber ride to the "poppin neighbordhood (the marina)". I typically start conversations with logistics. "So do you live around here?" When I admit that I live 15 minutes away, its a turn-off. I can tell. I'm not sure how much my situation would be improved if I had better logistics, but I suspect that I would be pulling a lot more. That being said, I suspect that an advanced enough PUA would have no problem with a little 15 minute uber complication.



In conclusion, I've been slacking in regards to improving my game. I hope that writing things down will encourage improvements more rapidly than I would see otherwise.
Getting Better,
LilByLil.

 

[LilByLil]

Thank you:​

I went to the bar last night in Pacific Beach. First got to thank the people of this forum, I was super close to skipping it but reading other's conquests brought me the energy I needed to overcome my laziness. The lazy part of me was saying that I'm not going to like any of the girls that I meet at the bar (https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-i-quit-dating-girls-who-club-party-or-drink). However, I asked myself the following question:

"If you KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would leave the bar with a HB7+ would you go?"

And the answer was definitely yes. Which to me indicated that the real reason why I wasn't super excited to go out was not because I wouldn't like anyone there, but because I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to get the girls that I liked. Obviously I need practice so I read a ton of LR's and finally got my butt out the door.

Going to the bar:​

I've found that when I uber to the bar, getting a good conversation going with the uber driver is SUPER helpful. I recommend always making an effort to get to know the person as it's the first boost to social momentum of the night.

At the Bar: ~(9:30)​

I did a lap of the venue, (which I've been before so I sort of know it), and then sat down next to a cute black girl. She's not my type, but she's objectively attractive so I figured it would be good for preselection. I warmed her up super slowly. A comment here and there over the course of 5-10 minutes. It was easy to be nonchalant because I wasn't attracted to her. I could tell that my sprezzatura was working on her. Then her friends came over and started talking really loudly around me. Finally I sort glanced over cause they were talking some TEA and they all laughed cause I couldn't help but overhear.

Here's how I know the black chick liked me: She said "it's ok we're friends" and then I sorta started talking to their group. At the same time I wasn't really into any of them big time (at that point) so eventually they moved off (after just standing near my seated position for like 10 minutes). They invited me to join them and I told them maybe later.

After finishing my 1st drink (vodka redbull for energy) I did another lap around the venue but it was a bit empty for the normal scene and I wasn't drawn really hard to anyone.

I eventually surprised the first group by plotting down next to them as they were taking a photo:

Me: "let me get in it too!"
The group: "Heyyyyy its Tomas!!!" they all cheered. Seriously they cheered my name

At this point the girl (HB7.5) that I was sitting next to turns towards me and engages in conversation. I realize I'm pretty into her. She is playing with her hair like crazy. I don't make as much physical contact as I probably could have. I didn't put my arm around her/the couch. Maybe I should have. Felt like my body language could have been better.

Aside on body language: (I haven't figured out the best way to sit on a couch such that I'm "sinking into it" in a relaxed manner while still maintaining "powerful straight posture". Need to work on that

Anyway I deep dive her really well. I sense I need to move her so I mover her to the bar. (could have done this faster for sure!). I ask her how adventurous she is an suggest she gets a drink she hasn't tried before:

"Do you like sex on the beach?" <-- I fucking love this line.. Say it with a straight face and very very slowly start to smile. (If you didn't know this is the name of a drink)

Once we get our drinks, she admits: "You should know, I have a boyfriend, so I don't want to lead you on... can we still be friends?"

I play it cool, and say no problem. Then I ask how long they've been together and congratulate her and tell her I'm happy for her--because I am!

We trade Insta's to "cement our friendship" and I deep dive her some more. She asks if we can go join her friends in line. I should have said no and moved her somewhere else or done a big push to leave the venue. She was clearly super into me. Might have been able to do it. Instead we join them in line.

In line we continue to deep dive quite a bit. I pull her in close and then push her away. She asks with great interest:
- "Are you interested in me??"
Me: "You're very interesting" with slow sexy smile
She blushes hard and is a little speechless. I keep deep diving.

After what feels like an hour, we finally make it to the front of the line and I try to pull her away one more time but it's sort of weak. After this it's downhill IMO. We dance a little and she randomly leaves the dancefloor so I leave the venue because its getting late for me and I'm bored.

I message her on insta "Nice to meet you friend!" and go to sleep.

Next Day:​

I wake up to messages:
"Where did you go?!"
"Nice to meet you too "

I decide to go to CorePower yoga. (I'm really into yoga and she recommended the place. Saying she would be there at 10:30 tmo)

I see her at the yoga place and her face is priceless--jaw drops, she's astonished to see me and seems very nervous/excited

I happend to pick a place next to her yoga mat (score!). The room is also full of babes (I'll be back!)

After the session (which was fucking brutal, I was drenched in sweat after) I turn to her:
"I'm going to jump in the ocean, wanna come?"
"Sure!"
"Cool, grab your stuff and meet me outside"

We cruise in the golfcart to the beach 3 mins away. She's pleasant to talk to. We get to the beach and walk into the water. I bear hug her and pull her down into the chilly water with me.

After that I drive her back to her car and we part ways. Not before she offers me her number. I probably could have extended the instant date by getting a smoothie and then going somewhere else. Instead we part ways. I get a text from her:
"sorry bla bla bla shouldn't see each other because of my boyfriend."
"That's cool, I have a lot of gfs in relationships tho, so I hope you don't feel to guilty!"

TBC...

 

[LilByLil]

Yoga Studio​

I really like yoga, so I'm not going to the studio JUST to hit on chicks... but if there weren't beautiful women frequenting these places then I'd just do yoga at home!

So, I got there, and the first thing I did when I put down my mat was to talk to the girl beside me. She was decently cute, but not my type.
"You ready for this?!?" (It's a pretty intense class)
We have a friendly talk and then the yoga begins.

After the class (which involved me getting my ass handed to me and staring at a lot of mostly naked women) I gave that same girl a fist bump. Then I spoke to another girl in front of me.

"Hey dudette! You killed it!"
"Hahah Thanks "
"I thought you were cute so I wanted to say hi , what's your name?"

She seems to be digging it, so I invite her to a park hangout type thing after employing a bit of a yes ladder. She claims she's down so I exchange numbers. Unfortunately she seems to be in the process of moving which means she's going to be way too busy/stressed to talk to me. I don't expect much more.

I stay for another class! (I told you I love yoga)...

The population of this one is a bit different, but luckily 2 kind of cute girls sit in front of me. I get into a conversation with both of them (they're friends) by asking on about her (shitty) tattoo. After the class I didn't really re-engage, but as I was walking out of the room one of them calls out:
"Nice to meet you!"
"Nice to meet you both too "

A little later outside, they strike up a conversation with me again, I notice that they're a little bit older so I don't really go for a date, but I'm pleased that they seem to be interested in me.

Bike Ride:​

Including this for my own humility:
I was biking down the boardwalk, and noticed from the corner of my eyes a girl with a nice rack walking in the same direction as I was biking. I bike a bit past her, get off the bike and hold it with one hand (mistake 1). Then I look at the beach until she's sort of close and I try to do a police-man stop. I'm a little to the side of her, and she waves and smiles, but is about to keep walking by...
"Where are you going?!? You're walking away from your dream man" (spoken sort of petulantly and stupidly instead of confidently and suavely... this hurts to write)
She looks at me like I crawled out of a hole, and I think she's astonished that a good looking guy could have such shit game, while she looks at me like this, my bike starts to slip and fall to the side. LMAO, I don't even look at them as I'm picking it up, just start biking away in shame.

It's moments like these where settling for a easier to get girl looks so darn attractive. These moments fill me with so much embarrassment and shame and it takes a lot of mental trickery to tell myself:
"it's ok, at least you put in the work and are on your way to getting better"

But yah, cold approach has been hard lately, and this dry spell is fucking with me a bit.

SLOWLY getting better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

PB Wandering:​

So Pacific Beach has a very lively boardwalk that I figured I would walk down and test my luck. It was really hard to get started! I saw several women gazing at me, but it's one thing to smile their way and another one entirely to get in front of them (with lots of other people walking by as well) and police-man stop them. I didn't end up doing any street stops, but finally I spotted a gorgeous hostess so I made my way over:

Approach 1:​

"Hi there! I'm not looking for a table, I just noticed you standing over there and had to come tell you..."
"Hi !! I can seat you outside or upstairs if you prefer!"
"Hahah no, I'm not looking for a table..."
"I can seat you at the bar if you'd like?"
"I came here to tell you, that I think you're very pretty" (I think decent tone, slow enough, good eye contact)
She blushes and laughs "Thank you!"
"my name is blank" HANDCLASP "So what's your schedule like?"
pause... "I work all the time, I have 2 jobs" <-- I have not hooked her
"Oh nice! so you're a grinder, I like that" (I really do like women that work hard)

Then another group comes through to get a table and she turns to them and begins helping them with their seating. I'm left scratching my balls like a Neanderthal. So I blurt out "Nice to meet you, have a good one" which she responds to cheerily enough but I don't see her expression because I'm already walking away with my tail between my legs.

Still not sure what I could have done when the other group came through. The way she blushed and laughed at my compliment seemed like she was into it, but then me following with a question about her schedule was apparently a turn off? Not sure, but at least I tried SOMETHING after walking around for 30 minutes.

Approach 2:​

Next one, I see a cutie walking into a sandwhich shop. She's wearing baggy clothing and slippers but, I'm pretty confident she had a BANGING body underneath, you can just tell these things....
*uh oh, she went in a building.... that's hard* - retard me
*It's fine she's super hot and you have momentum!* - me 2 minutes off a high from approaching the other girl

So I follow her inside! I usually chicken out of doing this so I'm stoked I tried... here comes the kicker though:

"Hi there!" (She turns and starts smiling pretty big, I see that she's both super cute and apparently pretty into me!)
still me: "I saw you walking in here, and I followed you in because I just had to come tell you..." (dramatic pause)
"that despite the slippers... no, BECAUSE OF the slippers and baggy clothing, I had to let you know that I think you're really cute"
She's all big smile and is definitely interested: "Thanks so much" ))
"I'm blank, " HANDCLASP, she replies "I'm blank"

Now, with this beautiful girl looking up at me expectantly and hopefully, my brain runs down the street and jumps in a trash can...
"Sooooo you live around here?"
"Yah I'm just down the street, you?"

And this is why it's retarded that I started with this question, because I'm from SF, an 8+ hour drive from San Diego
"...bla bla I'm from SF"
I've realized my mistake as soon as the words come out of my mouth and my vibe falls apart. I feel the awkwardness dragging me down internally, but she's still interested based on her small smile and expectant look.

*doesn't know what to say*
"Well it was nice to meet you, and I hope you have a good rest of your day!"
"Thanks ) you too )"

*Walks away to go find brain*
Approximately 5 seconds after leaving her company, my brain returns and I realize all the things that I could have done. Firstly:
- She's in a sandwhich shop, BUY A FUCKING SANDWICH WITH HER.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't even start the small talk about where she/I am from, I would just ask "So what's good here?" and naturally start having lunch with her. I think if I started down that train of thought, I would have been ok. Now I know, even if I'm not hungry if I ever follow a girl into a quick bite place, I'm buying something with her and starting an instant date.

Summary:​

I'm rusty, I talked to 2 girls in like 45 minutes

 

[LilByLil]

Gym Talk:​

I go to the gym super frequently, and see beautiful women there all the time, but still haven't unlocked the ability to hook up with any of them.

The other day, I walked in and immediately saw a HB8 on the treadmill. With decisiveness, I walked past her and smiled and said "Good Morning!" with a measured tone and cheerful smile and a little head nod.

(Aside on head nods: I'm not sure I should be doing them... They happen spontaneously and I think that I should probably try to reduce them because they don't feel like a very powerful motion. Or at least make them less jerky and more slow/powerful? Maybe I'll film myself and see what it looks like but intuitively it doesn't seem like a very good idea)

HB8 looked at me like I was a turd, so I kept on walking and started my own workout. I'm always looking around a bit in between sets, and I think that I see her looking my way, but I can't be sure. I don't talk to anyone else and am just having a good workout with my brother.

Towards the end of the workout I notice some approch-invitation-like behavior: HB8 is using some equipment kind of near me, then she walks right past where I am--for no apparent reason--then walks back towards her equipment. I just finished my set, and perhaps if I was a better seducer I could have smoothly risen to intercept her, however I thought that she wasn't into me from the first encounter. Eventually she heads upstairs towards the exit and I kick myself for not trying harder.

I finish up and head upstairs to leave... And there she is! doing something on the floor upstairs in the functional training area. I decisively walk next to her, and while she's sort of kneeling I stand by her and get her attention (probably should have lowered myself so that we were on the same level?).

I'm pretty sure that she's a little bit older than me (I'm 23). So, encouraged by her suddenly big smile (where TF was that in our first encounter??) I ask her "I have an unusual question for you... pause for dramatic effect... how old are you?"

Why did I ask this?? I have no idea.. It was a terrible idea and as soon as she replies:

"How old are you?"
I smile big and say "I asked you first!"
"I'm 25"
..and suddenly my vibe shatters and I feel tension and unease. She must feel it too since humans reflect each other's emotions. Not knowing what to say really (I've dug myself a hole for no reason) I sort of lamely say "ahhh yah, I'm 23"

Then, absolutely floundering... I followup with a compliment (this is emotionally a low point in the conversation so it doesn't land at all)
She says thanks! (clearly she feels awkward now after being originally really receptive)

and unable to bear the social pressure anymore, I excuse myself with a smile and a "have a good one" then turn and flee.


I know it's not supposed to matter too much WHAT you say as much as HOW you say it, but I am consistently coming in with good receptions and then fucking bumbling it and turning them off from me. Maybe I shouldn't say anything at all lol just smile and look pretty. Honestly though, I am looking for things that I can practice on my own so that I don't turn women off with my shit conversation lol.

Another Gym talk:​

Another day, I walk into the gym an decisively walk up to this other girl that I've pinged a few times already. I stride up to her confidently, and smile and sort of wait for her to frantically pull out her earbuds. (Note: this chick is a 35+ year old milf with mostly likely fake tits and huge fake eyelashes that she keeps blinking like crazy)

Today I feel a lot calmer because I'm not REALLY interested in this milf, I just think she's nice to look at so I decided I would tell her that much. She also seems really submissive to me based on the last ping that I did.

"How would you feel, if I told you, that each time I see you her, I enjoy checking you out as I exercise?"
"Haha really? I didn't even notice!" (I'm thinking bullshit lol, women are good at noticing)
"Well it's true! I think you have an incredible body"

I don't remember the transition, but then we exchange names and she's asking where I'm from. We talk about where we're each from a little bit, and she makes it easy so the conversation goes on for maybe 3-4 minutes before I for some reason start to feel the need to eject. I notice that this is a common theme with myself. One of the other things that I really need to get better at is PROLONGING THE INTERACTION!

Sometimes I'll be talking to a babe, (like sandwhich shop above) and for some dumbass reason, I feel the need to ESCAPE and I cut things short. I keep telling myself to focus on prolonging the interaction but it definitely seems like a sticking point. I guess it's related to not knowing what to say.

Summary:​

I need to keep approaching so that I become more comfortable prolonging the interaction and getting past small talk. I think that the more approaches that I complete, the easier it will be to ease into the interaction and keep a comfortable, friendly, but sexual vibe.

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

Yoga Class 1:​

This is a morning session ~10am. I sit down on mat mat between two girls, the one on my right HB7 the one one my left, HB5. I turn to my right and exclaim:

"you ready for this!?"
"Oh yah! I gotta be! Starting the weekend strong )"
"Absolutely "

I don't really engage more than that, planning on coming back to her in a sec, and notice that the HB5 to my left is grinning at me HUGE, so HUGe that I was like:

"Have we met or?"
"hahah no I don't think so"
"Ok you look familiar..."

We exchange names, turns out she's got the same name as one of my best friends so I ask her if she's also from France which was a negative but then she goes into where her family is from and I exchange some info about my background as well. I'm not really into her, but she's super friendly and I am too, so we keep talking a bit more. Then, unfortunately, a HB3 comes in and asks to squeeze in between HB7 and I :/

*class begins, no more talking, just sweating* After class, I turn to HB5:

"That was a good one, you killed it! (she did) I'm tingling everywhere I'm so tired!"
"Omg me too! That was intense!"
*more small talk I don't remember*
Me: "I'm going to go jump in the ocean (4 min from here) want to come?"
her eyes light up: "Yah! I'd love to!"
"Ok cool, meet me outside"

My rational here for inviting her to this activity, is that I want to practice instant dates. Even though I'm not that attracted to her, she's a nice girl and I got some free time so I figure why not show her a good time. We cruise to the water in my golf cart (such a vibe) and pick up my brother from the gym. I didn't tell her that was going to happen when I invited her, I just called my brother telling him that I was incoming and expected her to follow me because I'm player one and she can come along on my adventure but isn't going to inconvenience me.

My brother is cool, so he chat's her up as well, and we all jump in the water then chill at the beach for a bit. One of my go-to moves is to bear hug girls from behind, and pull them into the water on top of me. She responded really well, acting all surprised and outraged, but becoming significantly more touchy and flirtatious afterwards. I drove her back to her bike at the yoga studio, exchanged numbers and said farewell.

She texts me and we make plans to take the same yoga class the next day....

Yoga the Next Day:​

This is an evening yoga session. I walk towards the reception desk like I own the place and act a little flirtatious with the girls there to get warmed up. I pass HB5 from yesterday at the water fountain and compliment her matching outfit (didn't even know it was her until she turned around lol).

I make my way into the studio proper, and spot a HB9 in the back corner, so I position myself diagonally in front of her and to the right in a big wide space. HB5 comes in and takes the spot to my left. We chat before class which (as planned) shows some minor preselection.

I cheerfully talk to the guy in front of me briefly, then continue talking to HB5. My goal is to get my social gears moving. I want to look the THE MAN in that room. At some point HB9 does a pretty impressive warmup stretch behind me and I burst out:

"Holy cow you're so flexible!" I mimic her motion and playfully show some incredulity in my expression.
"Haha thanks " She says quietly.

I turn away from her and HB5 continues the conversation then class begins. *sweating and yoga flow ensures*. After class to HB5:

"Give me your blocks" (I do this so that I can now walk over to HB9 as I put them away. To HB9:
"Hey! You are sooo flexible! I'm amazed! Did you do dance?"
"Hi! Yah I did cheer and dance for a while"
"Nice! HB5 over there also does dance"

Now she turns to HB5 and they start talking. Turns out they are from a similar home town and they bond a little bit. I sit down and now we're all chillin in a triangle (a little far apart for my liking). We all chat together and get to know each other. We're talking for a few minutes and HB9 asks HB5 if she can get her number because she's "new in town and trying to make friends". They exchange numbers and then HB9 asks me for my number (despite the fact that I told her I'm only visiting from out of town.)

HB9 says to the group: "We should get lunch sometime or something"
I counter: "What are you guys doing after this?"
They both say nothing so I suggest: "We should get drinks!"
They say yah sounds fun, so we agree to meet outside afterwards.

Outside I start taking charge, HB9 doesn't have her ID or wallet and is trying to go home to get it and meet after, this is not an option in my mind so I lead us to putting our yoga stuff in my car, and walking to a smoothie place nearby. We get drinks (HB9 get's water--I got the impression she's broke) and then we chat at the smoothie place for a while.

After some more bonding time, I move the group. I drive them to another location at a nearby park with a cool view of the city. It's chilly and we're all just standing there talking since there's nothing to sit on but they enjoyed it and it was pleasant. When we get cold, we all decide to head back and HB9 asks for a ride back to her place.

At this point, I'm kind of torn. I'm really considering trying to push them to come to my place because there's a lot of things to do, but I also really didn't want to push to hard and loose any attraction. I decide to hold my tongue and drop off HB9 first. She exclaims it was really nice to meet us and that we should get lunch some time that week. We all agree and say farewell. I drop off HB5 who makes some comments about loving my energy. She's into me but I'm not so I'm warm and friendly but try to turn off my sexual vibe.

Future planning:​

Whoo! That felt pretty good. I was super calm and collected and led the group really well to a little mini adventure that they both enjoyed. I'm going to focus on HB9 because she's the one I'm very interested in. She wasn't touchy at all. She definitely made lots of eye contact, and laughed at all my little jokes and followed my lead. I think her attraction is around 6 towards me. She definitely seemed to want to meet up again, and I'm wondering if there's some way that I can separate her from HB5 because then I could really dial up the sexual vibe.

I want to get her into my hottub with me but I don't know how to invite her on a date without including HB5. Open to suggestions. I'm probably going to delay my flight out so that I have more of a chance to hook up with her (obviously not going to tell her she's the reason)

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

I was super bummed, because I send a text to the girl mentioned above, and she ghosted me. I was really surprised because I thought the instant date went well but...

Finally got a break! The pickup:​

I was at the gym this morning, and saw a HB8 on the treadmill notice me, so I smiled and she looked away then I went back to my routine. Later, I noticed she was working in a little alcove with room for 2 right in the middle. So I go up and ask:

"Do you mind sharing the space?" (gesturing for her to move to one side)
"Oh yah sure!"
"Where did you get the mat?"
She explains in verbose detail the location in which she got the mat, so I thank her, grab one as well and settle down next to her.

I give it some time, and then at a certain point as she's sort of in between sets:

"I bet you do yoga!"
"Yah I do!"
"Where? at the corepower nearby?"
"Well I used to, but now I like going to this other place its much bigger and nicer"
"How does a bigger studio affect your practice?"
"Well it shouldn't...."
(I interject) "It lets you practice hand stands without taking our your neighbors I bet..."
"HHAHA yah that was actually one of my new years resolutions to get better at the handstand"
"Oh yah??? Can I see your progress???"
"here???"
"Yah why not? Life is all about getting outside your comfort zone and pushing your boundaries right?"
"Welll...... idk..."
*I shrug*
"Ok I'll try, can I do it with my elbows?"
"You can do it however you want, if you give it your best go I will too"
*We try handstands and sort of suceede and talk a little more about it*
She finally says "Ok I"m going to finish my workout upstairs, but it was nice meeting you! What was your name?!"
"I'm Tomas" *HANDCLASP*

* I let her go nonchalantly, I'm almost done as well so I figure I'll meet her upstairs and I think the fractionation will be good for me *

I see her upstairs 10 minutes later so I go up to her again:
"I just wanted to say.... That I really appreciate how friendly and willing to push your comfort zone you were *big smile*"
"Oh thanks haha"
"I was wondering if you'd be willing to experiment outside your comfort zone with something else?"
"Yes!" (I was kind of worried as soon as I said that out loud because it was sort of a big ask, but she surprised me by being down for anything lol"
"At this park nearby they have awesome trees for slacklining..."
"I've always wanted to try that!"
"Well perfect! Are you free this weekend?"
":/ no I'm not.."
"You're busy the entire weekend from dawn till dusk? " with a wry smile..
"Yah I'm a nursing assistant so I work 12 hour days 3 days on 4 off"
"How do you like that"
"It's rough"
"HAHAH oofff the days off must be nice tho"
"yah I do like having long breaks"
"So does that mean today is one of those breaks?"
"Yah!"
"Ok how about we slackline this evening?"
"sure!"
*we exchange numbers, I say goodbye and when I get home I text her*:
"Random but fun to meet you! Send me your address and I'll pick you up on the way to the park. I'll text you when I wrap up with work around 4"
"Sounds good: __address__"

The date:​

Later:
We go to park, slackline a bit, deep dive a ton. The girl is actually super smart, into tons of things that I'm really into, and was very athletic and did most of the talking. We proceed from the park to my place with the hottub. I deep dive some more, and then we get out of the hottub and dry of in my room. Here I start making out with her, and she's pretty into it. Holding my head and pushing herself into me, but also she was trying to leave. I did some pretty good fractionation, pushing and pulling her between leaving and staying. At one point I got her on my bed and we're making out and I'm starting to touch around her inner thigh and am slowly heating up to her crotch and she resists and tries to leave.

It DEFINITELY was not working in my favor that I'm visiting my parents right now so they were audibly moving around the kitchen and talking and shit. Such a vibe kill but watcha gonna do?? I probably could have done better with the escalation but I'm hoping that the deep diving went well enough that I'll see her again. I dropped her back off at her place and texted a little "nice meeting you, here is the link we mentioned: link" and she replied with a little cutie face emojie and thanks etc.

Closing Thoughts:​

Honestly at one point in my career I would have been upset I didn't get the lay, but today I'm really pleased. It's been fucking ages since I've pulled of a cold approach and this chick was a dime. It just gave me confidence again that 1) super cool chicks are out there 2) I can get them if I talk to enough strangers and hone my game enough. It's been months since I've had a date with a chick that I'm actually really interested in so I'm gonna chalk it up as a win and not worry about this girl, especially since I'm flying out of town in a few days anyway.

GETTING BETTER!
LilByLil

 

[LilByLil]

Gym Sesh Notes:​

This one is a quickie, but wanted to write down my thoughts because I think I'm on to something I want to remember:

I noticed a girl noticing me, so I did my best not to look at her, and then eventually I was casually walking past her to get the wipes to clean my equipment and I stood in front of her.

She immediately tested me by just looking at me sort of dismissively, but I stayed grounded and made a motion for her to remove her ear buds before I even tried speaking. She did, and I asserted:
"I bet you play volleyball" (easy guess, she was tall AF and had a fit body)
"yah I did in highschool" (She hasn't bit yet)
"Not anymore? So what are you working out for? Just for the pleasure of it?"
"Yah I guess so"
"Cool, I just wanted to check my guess" *I start to walk past her.. I'm now on the other side of her moving back to my equipment* and she says:
"People always either guess basketball or volleyball" (Oh ho! She's throwing me a lifeline to keep talking)

*I keep my body sort of turned away from her, and turn my head back*:
"Yah easy guess, since you're so tall. What about me? What sport do I play?"
"You still play?"
"Yah"

(this really seemed to excite her, she might have thought I was a pro athlete which I'm not...)
"What are my options?"

^^^In retrospect I realize now that I was testing her, and this was her asking for help so that I could present a list of options that she could correctly guess the right answer to and we could progress in the seduction. I'm realizing now that I accidentally do this all the time. Whenever I ask a girl a question, I subconsciously am hoping that she gets it right because it raises my attraction for her. When they get it wrong it diminishes it and usually sends them into auto-rejection! I need to be more intentional about the questions that I ask girls, and if it's sort of a hard one, I should make it easier (not too easy though) on girls that I like so that the seduction can progress and the conversation can deepen!

Instead in my n00bish ways I say:
"Any sport known to mankind" (lol after writing the above I can see why her face sort of fell and she looked desperate)
"baseball" (way off I hate baseball)
"Nope! I guess you'll never know" (in the moment I thought that I was building intrigue, but in hindsight she was already starting to get hooked and if I had allowed her to guess correctly by maybe presenting 2/3 options that were actually sports that I did play we could have moved forward. Instead the conversation died and I didn't get to fuck this HB8.

LIVE AND LEARN!

Getting Better,
LilByLil

 

[Beck Bass]

dance into them a little, and see if I can catch their eyes and smile playfully. Sometimes I'm suprised because women that I could have sworn were dancing into ME act completely uninterested, in fact I wonder if they're acting intentionally uninterested in order to make me chase

Night game attract many girls that are there just to act flirty and get validated by guys hitting into them, while they "just dance". Unfortunatelly, there's not much of a way to tell, other than approaching the girls and seeing which ones comply (this might give you experience on spotting "time wasters" in the future). Many times the girls that are more interested will show more of their interest later on in the night (when they are drunker/looser?), but just waiting around is a bad idea, since some might just leave, frustrated that you didn't make a move, so it's good you're active, trying to make stuff happen.
Just don't mistake acting "disinterested" with needing a bit of time to acomodate to the idea of being with you. Few girls will actually be "on" right away, most will need more time to evaluate you, so don't be afraid to reopen sets if the women seem a bit more open later on. Early in the outting, your main objective is just having a good time, get confortable with the venue and be social, be the cool guy and get ready to pounce later, basically.

Timing is of the essence with night game, specially in clubs.

Unfortunately, this amazing bar is a 15 minute uber from my home. This is a pretty big hurdle I think for women, and one that I'll need practice to get past

Most of my "pulls" from night game are actually dates afterwards, do go try to pull imediately, ie show intent and be clear, but I think most girls will have some logistical problem that is hard to solve. If that's the case, it doesn't matter if you live far away, and if the girl sold enough on you, a 15 minute Uber drive shouldn't be a deal breaker (maybe you need to learn a bit of state control on that situation, to keep the girl warm, but I think most pulls won't happen from the club anyway).

probably a simple "cya later we're going to check out the venue" would have sufficed to make them warmer on the return

Yup, thats fine, it's no biggie really to disengage from people like that. If the club is kinda chaotic, you will get lost from people anyway (if you meet up later, bring that up, like "oh, I liked talking to you earlier, but ended up separated, this club is craazy today ", if you need some extra atainability)

This is the turning point that I always botch. I can tell that part of her wants to come with me. Her friends are kind of pulling her away, but she's looking at me in what is unmistakably a look of intense indecision. She claims she must go because "how would I get back" I counter that Uber is always an option ("I thought you were a smarty pants--you can't handle an Uber?"). She ends up leaving with her friends

Persist, but offer a viable alternative. Try to pull, always, but if she really can't, try to get her to see you some other day, get her number and go on a date (maybe even straight to your house if she's really warm, though generally next day she won't be, unless you make a big impression, in which case she might just say fuck it and go the same night). Even if she's leaving the next day, if she really wants, she probably can get one or two hours to meet you, be the guy that is cool/hot enough for her to do that for (and considerate enough to even make her consider that).

I think that only having one club can be a little detrimental for night game though, it's fine to have a main venue, but ideally you have a second one you can bounce to if no chick is game there or is a sausage fest. I used to hate some of the music played in most clubs here, but with time, I got used to it, and even began to enjoy it, probably because of the association with good times. Consider trying to branch out a little (I know it can be hard, and maybe night game isn't your main thing, but whatever)

She's still super physical. I ask again about adventure and she says something along the lines of "I'm down for anything".

Man, just make out, take her to the bathroom, say "lets get out of here" (or even ask!), just shoot the shit, really

Keypoint: girls always say this when I try to get them to leave, so this time immediately say whatever and start ejecting. As I pull away I can see her kind of chasing in her body language. But I don't know what to say or what to do to get over the "I can't leave my friends frame" so I do leave and find other girls. The rest of the night she looks at me a bit coldly.

Again, get the number, if she seems attracted enough, lots of girls in clubs don't live nearby (at least here, this is my exp anyway) and are often staying at friends, so try to setup a meeting later. It's cool that you're trying to pull though, but creating a free frame battle like that was very unnecessary (I think she wasn't that sold on you yet, so you pushed the frame a bit too far, and she started autorejecting a bit, though a lot of that I'm assuming, because it depends on the way you say it, how close to her you are, how you treating her, and what not). Still kudos for trying chase framing, just maybe use it later on on girls that are more sold on you

 

[Beck Bass]

I wonder if that's specific to her or if there's something that I did that made her uncomfortable with sex on the first night and wanting to wait till the second

Girls need not only to be attracted to you to have sex, but to feel confortable/allowed. Sometimes it just takes some more talking, some girls really have their walls way up when they first meet you (maybe they had sex eith a guy recently fast and he ghosted them), some are just testing you, it really depends on the situation... But if the girl is not ready for sex right away, there's no need to pressure for a lay on a first date, for the most part, yout chances are better on the second one (again, do try to go for it the first time around, but it's no biggie if it doesn't happen, if she's attracted enough, she'll come back, more confortable and ready for it). Maybe you said something that didn't help, but don't stress too much about it.

Instead in my n00bish ways I say:
"Any sport known to mankind" (lol after writing the above I can see why her face sort of fell and she looked desperate)
"baseball" (way off I hate baseball)
"Nope! I guess you'll never know"

I actually identify a lot with you, I also think I had my fundies way ahead of my game, and suffered for it for quite a while, though you're approaching girls in many situations I don't really feel confortable to (well done, I hope I get the balls to approach girls in the gym soon). Back in the day, I also would have some funny silly fuck ups, only thing I can say to you is keep on grinding, eventually you will feel more confortable around hot girls.
I notice you tend to get too excited around hot girls, and almost ignore (or act platonically on pourpose) around average or uglier girls, I don't know what your lay count is, but until you regularly can have sex with average girls, maybe you shouldn't focus solely on the hotter ones. I know it sucks because you know you should get the better girls, because of your fundamentals, but getting experience with the more average women will help a lot with the hotter ones. Maybe you should think about lowering your standards a bit, so later on you can actually raise it up, and consistently get the top tier of women, once you have more experience with women in general.

Good luck and keep up the good work

 

[LilByLil]

Hey Dude!
I appreciate you taking the time to read through my ramblings and add some insightful comments. In particular I recognize the truth of this one:

I notice you tend to get too excited around hot girls, and almost ignore (or act platonically on purpose) around average or uglier girls, I don't know what your lay count is, but until you regularly can have sex with average girls, maybe you shouldn't focus solely on the hotter ones. I know it sucks because you know you should get the better girls, because of your fundamentals, but getting experience with the more average women will help a lot with the hotter ones. Maybe you should think about lowering your standards a bit, so later on you can actually raise it up, and consistently get the top tier of women, once you have more experience with women in general.

I find it very difficult to lower my standards. I'm not sure if this is healthy or unhealthy. In the past I have slept with a couple of girls that are below my "standards" and it doesn't make me feel very good. I almost feel like I'm debasing myself by spending time with these girls which is pretty fucked up.

This has really made me think I have some egotistical issues to work though because if a girl isn't "good enough" I notice my train of thought is not generous and sometimes I can't get hard... Or maybe I worry I won't because this is something I used to have issues with a lot in college. I'm not sure what the right approach to get over this unhealthy mindset, but I feel like grinding through women, as a means to an end for hotter women might lead me down a dark path. It doesn't seem healthy to fake attraction just to have sex and then move on after achieving another notch. (I don't count my lays but I would guess I'm around 20ish? Maybe I should start but I'm also not sure that would be very healthy)

Just using this as a therapy session at this point lol but I think part of this stems from my ex. Her body was a 10 but her mind was more like a 6. Now I feel like I can only fuck girls that are as hot as her or I'm "loosing" the breakup, which 1) happened ages ago and 2) really shouldn't matter at all anyway. Especially because as you say this is just an XP grind to get top tier girls in the future.

And also I realize that there can be a middle ground here, when I think of lowering my standards I start imagining myself in bed with fat girls (I detest fat... minor body dysmorphia?) but in reality what I should do is just lower it a little, be kind and generous with everyone, provide women with good sex and gain experience for myself. Saying this is easier than doing it, but I'll be more cognizant of this in the future.

In conclusion, thanks for your comments, they motivate me to continue to improve and write down my thoughts and progress.

 

[LilByLil]

Gym Approaches:​

Today I went later in the day hoping for a new crowd. I started on the bike and suspected that I noticed one of the regulars noticing me. I was pretty obvious lol, I pretty much just stared at her, following her around the gym, which she was doing super sporadically. At one point, she came to the machine right in front of me, and did like 1 set, then moved on which I found quite interesting. When she went upstairs, I decided I had enough of the bike, and followed her intending to do yoga upstairs if she had already left. Thankfully, she was working on the ground upstairs, so I walked up, squatted next to her and said:

"Hi! sooo, are you some sort of volleyball player or pro sports player?"
"Hahah no I wish! I play volleyball but just for the club team"
"Ahh so you're an amateur"
"Yahhh..."
"Ok, I was wondering because I see you here pretty regularly and was wondering what your motivation was"
"Hahah yah I just love it because bla bla ba..."

We talk a little bit more about the gym then I transition to:

"So what do you do outside of the gym?"
"Ummm.. "
"--Besides volleyball, how do you spend your time? You must have to pay for things eventually.."
"Oh you mean work! I'm a software engineer" (fucking nice! so am I, so my attraction genuinely increases and she can tell which increases her attraction)
"No way! I am too!"

We talk more about work, where she works, (remote) why she's down here, where I work etc. Finally she brings up a boyfriend.. I think that I managed to keep a neutral expression but I'm not sure... This definitely suprised me given how friendly she was on my opening, and how I think I saw her checking me out downstairs (and other days for that matter). She also asked for my name which is typically a sign of interest. I keep the conversation going a few more minutes but I'm not very interested anymore. I eventually excuse myself to go do yoga and we say farewell with her exclaiming very warmly:

"I guess I'll see you around here then! Nice to meet you!"

Approach 2:​

HB9 in bright purple yoga pants is warming up near a machine so I stop by her. I'm definitely starting to get more comfortable opening women in the gym. I notice that I'm starting to really take my time. It used to cause so much anxiety while I stand next to a girl waiting for her to remove her earplugs, but now I got a nice slow spreading smile, I'm calm but excited, and usually, this prompts a small smile from the girl as well. In this case she seemed nervously excited and was smiling slightly by the time she finally took our an earpod:

"Hi! your pants are very vibrant, I can spot you a mile away!"
She releases a peal of laughter and gushes "thank you" laughing some more.

I don't know how much warmer of a response from a compliment can be, but for some reason I continue on to my workout and throw a "you're welcome!" over my shoulder. I think this might be a strong move, as long as I approach her later. I notice that fragmentation seems to be effective in the gym.

Later...
I see her using the squat rack and all of them are full.. GO TIME! so I walk up. Once again, I'm standing closer than needed, and I let a slow smile spread over my whole face, genuinely really happy and she returns it with another small smile of her own. I ask:

"How many sets do you have left?" I fully intend to work in with her....
"I'm doing hip raises with the bar next "

FUCK LOL, this wasn't an option in my plan! Now I'm thrown off balance and don't want to be like "Oh perfect, I'M doing those tooooo" I guess that's the price I pay for going indirect when I probably could have gone direct. I remain somewhat externally calm and collected, and tease her a little:

"Ah I see... so you're going to monopolize the bar then??"
"Yup hahah "
"No worries I understand"

At this point, I eject and walk away to do some other workout. This should have been my chance though. I think what I could have done is transition to direct since she was feeling pretty warm:

"Ah I see... so you're going to monopolize the bar then??"
"Yup hahah "
"Well then I have a confession to make..."
"Oh?"
"You know how I mentioned I love your vibrant pants...?"
"Yah.."
"Well their color is not the only thing I love about them, they have a nice shape too... these workouts you're doing seem to quite effective"

(maybe too much?? especially since she just sort of compliance rejected me... but would have been ballsy!)

"hahah thanks!"

At this point I could offer my name and HANDCLASP, from there I would have quickly moved the conversation to what she does besides the gym. If everything went smoothly, I might even have suggested she used a slightly different machine so I could use the bar getting some compliance in. This is all pure speculation at this point but I think speculating now will help me improvise in the future so I think I'm going to continue this trend in my journaling in the future. Oh well! Live and Learn!

Other:​

Also got a second date with HB8 from a few posts up on Tuesday. By that, I mean she confirmed over text but of course she could always flake so I'll try to keep my expectations low and keep approaching other girls.

Specifically, today is a holiday and it's sunny out, so It's time to embarrass myself doing street game in PB. Last time I set a goal of flirting with 5 girls and barely managed 2. Today I want to have a few warmup approaches and then flirt with 3+ girls. I'll be wearing flip flips, bright pink board shorts and a tank top. Here goes nothin.

Getting BETTER!
LilByLil

 

[Beck Bass]

It doesn't seem healthy to fake attraction just to have sex and then move on after achieving another notch.

Yep, don't fake attraction, that's a bit much... But I think a girl can get you hard without having a "10" body, right? I hope hehe

In the past I have slept with a couple of girls that are below my "standards" and it doesn't make me feel very good.

Deff been there and felt that, I also don't wanna fuck girls just for the sake of fucking anymore.
I think you're doing fine then, keep up the good work man

Finally she brings up a boyfriend.. I think that I managed to keep a neutral expression but I'm not sure... This definitely suprised me given how friendly she was on my opening, and how I think I saw her checking me out downstairs (and other days for that matter). She also asked for my name which is typically a sign of interest.

Yeah, she showed some interest, I mean, not all girls are madly in love with their man, it's a spectrum, really, so if you're an attractive guy, they will still show attraction for you, but how much they will act on it (or let you get away with) really depends on how happy they are with their man (and how attracted to you they are, how big is their sex drive, how much D are they getting, many factors). It also depends on you not caring about the fact that they have a boyfriend in the first place, of course.

"Hi! your pants are very vibrant, I can spot you a mile away!"
She releases a peal of laughter and gushes "thank you" laughing some more.

I don't know how much warmer of a response from a compliment can be, but for some reason I continue on to my workout and throw a "you're welcome!" over my shoulder. I think this might be a strong move, as long as I approach her later. I notice that fragmentation seems to be effective in the gym.

Haha nice move, gonna try making some comments like that on the gym next time, I never know how to break the ice there

Later...
I see her using the squat rack and all of them are full.. GO TIME! so I walk up. Once again, I'm standing closer than needed, and I let a slow smile spread over my whole face, genuinely really happy and she returns it with another small smile of her own. I ask:

"How many sets do you have left?" I fully intend to work in with her....
"I'm doing hip raises with the bar next "

Gonna try using the "using the machine next" as a pretext to talk as well, I'm stealing all your stuff lol
Too bad she gave you that answer, there's not much really you can do there other than like dropping the pretense and going kinda direct, I guess a compliment after the monopolizing line like "oh so that's how you get such a nice... body ", followed by an introduction, could get you into normal "game" territory. You could even maaaaybe compliment her ass/booty, but I would try using that tactic of baiting @Chase put on an article I read recently, I'm still to try and use this one, seems like powerful tech to me