Finding Girlfriend material

[Estate]

Hey guys,

So I'm a little stuck right now. I never made any secret of the fact that I'm in this because I'd really love to meet someone I could make my girlfriend.

I know that probably seems like I'm not meeting enough girls but since I've joined this site I really am. I've been going out and meeting more girls and going on more dates than I ever have in my life.
I've had varying success but in terms of pickup and sealing the deal, it has improved dramatically lately.

But as I said... if I met a girl I saw girlfriend potential in, I would like to persue that route, and here is my problem.
In the past when dates were few and far between, when I DID meet a girl chances were, I'd end up dating her for some time.

But nowadays it's changed... I go on date after date and from girl to girl and nothing is sticking. I don't persue ALL of these girls, just the few I REALLY like.
But I feel like I'm giving off a different vibe or something. Nothing progresses past a few weeks. I don't feel like I'm "datable"... I'm the guy they'll meet, maybe go out with, maybe sleep with... then it's over... they move on to someone they see "potential" with, and it's never me.

When girls were scares, I probably acted more shy, less intune, heck, maybe I was even more needy, I don't know... but when I met a girl, I'd keep dating her and it stuck.

But nowadays I feel drained... As much as dates and hookups are good practice, I'm getting a little worn down of juggling different girls I know are going nowhere.
I've cancelled some dates lately because I just knew it was going nowhere and felt I had better ways to spend my evening to meeting a girl there was no longer term potential with...

I don't really know how to pin it down...
What sort of vibes or attributes should I be aware of? Either in me or in the girls I'm meeting to find someone who's a little more "serious" about something.

I know this probably goes against what most guys here are looking for but like I said... dealing with multiple girls without any sort of potential is just draining me right now.
Sometimes you just need a hookup but it's beginning to feel a little empty when you know you can get that but the next day, you're back on your own.

What should I be looking at?

 

[Verisimilitude]

I think you've reached the peak of what you set out to do...and your looking for another mountain to climb.
All metaphorical b.s. aside, I think you need to change your vibe. Just like you changed to be a person who was great for one night lays, now you need to change to be a person that girls want to date and it sounds like the person you are now can't date a girl and feel happy.
I'm sure Chase has some articles on this or even you could use what NOT to do and let it help you find a girlfriend. Basically, up your value. But buyer beware, you might not get girls to sleep with you on the first date anymore as they'll consider you too high value.

But I'd love to hear some tips on how you got to where you are now and what helped you make progress.

 

[Estate]

Well...

I'm not exactly a Jedi... I still fail... but I succeed a lot more.

Honestly, I was always a "nice guy", and I'm still a "nice guy"... I don't pull off "asshole" very well, it's just not congruent to who I am. But when I say nice guy, I mean, genuine respectful, honest, but I stopped taking crap from people.
I don't act out of line with "social norms"... I see a lot of that on PUA sites, people get the idea that the rules of social intereaction no longer apply to them because they "know something" now but infact they come off like total dicks who are totally clueless and even abnormal in social situations... and again that isn't me.

I'm nice in the sense of being a "good decent" guy but I'm not shy and timid anymore and I don't take crap... I don't chase the girls I'm not really into anymore.

Basically... I read and re-read this site over and over.

It's simple really. But I'm no jedi, I don't think I can get ANY girl I want, I'm just getting more girls, whether it's meeting them, getting numbers, dates or lays... I'm just getting more.

But the point is it feels a little empty. When it comes to KEEPING the girls I WANT to keep, it's not happening. Maybe they just aren't the girls I actually want to meet, maybe I'm just meeting the wrong type of girl now... I really don't know.

 

[Franco]

Hey Estate,

So I'm a little stuck right now. I never made any secret of the fact that I'm in this because I'd really love to meet someone I could make my girlfriend.

I know that probably seems like I'm not meeting enough girls but since I've joined this site I really am

Nothing wrong with that. I am actually in the exact same boat as you. Since I've come here, I ultimately made it my goal to grab myself a great (or many great) girlfriend(s). There are plenty of other people on this website who have the same goal, and as long as they understand that the best way to achieve it is to have an abundance mentality, then their goal will eventually come into fruition. Remember, the more time and effort you put into something, the quicker you get to reap the rewards of it.

But nowadays it's changed... I go on date after date and from girl to girl and nothing is sticking. I don't persue ALL of these girls, just the few I REALLY like.
But I feel like I'm giving off a different vibe or something. Nothing progresses past a few weeks. I don't feel like I'm "datable"... I'm the guy they'll meet, maybe go out with, maybe sleep with... then it's over... they move on to someone they see "potential" with, and it's never me.

I understand this. I think the issue is that, since finding a great girl is your ultimate goal, the actual "journey" of meeting woman after woman who isn't that girl is starting to wear on you. And I can't really tell you that there is some secret to only ending up dating girls you like -- there really isn't. You have to plow a lot of time and effort into women to really find the ones that are worth keeping around.

But nowadays I feel drained... As much as dates and hookups are good practice, I'm getting a little worn down of juggling different girls I know are going nowhere.
I've cancelled some dates lately because I just knew it was going nowhere and felt I had better ways to spend my evening to meeting a girl there was no longer term potential with...

The solution to this is your mindset. I know because I was in the exact same position for a little while, and I realized that my entire mindset had to change if I really wanted to see the light at the end of the tunnel and embrace all of the obstacles along the way.

In other words, instead of craving the light at the end of the tunnel, I craved becoming a master at conquering the obstacles. For example, I often go on lots of dates now with women who I know are not "my type" girlfriend-wise. They are always attractive (since I simply don't date women who aren't), but I understand that getting a girl who's "the whole package" takes some time. But instead of being down about the fact that this girl is not what I want for something long-term, I approach the situation with the following attitude: I want to be the sexiest guy this girl has ever encountered, and I want her to come back to my place so I can absolutely blow her mind and give her an experience she has never had before.

In a way, this trains your mind to just be focused on improving you so that you can learn to make women lust for you in ways you've never imagined. Even though I know these women won't be with me for long, I enjoy giving them the rush of excitement that can only come with a man who has practiced being with lots of women and is experienced and worldly. Eventually, you'll be cruising in this mindset and meeting women frequently and actually enjoying giving them amazing experiences until, all of a sudden, you happen to expeditiously bed one girl who is above all of the rest. And by that time, you are so confident and you provide so many good feelings that you've now nabbed an absolutely amazing girl without even initially realizing it.

So, to sum things up, you need to focus less on the quality of the women you are dating (although you should be at least screening out women you don't find attractive) and focus more on providing these women with mind-blowing experiences. In the process, you become a better, confident, and happier man, and eventually, along the way, you meet the amazing women that you've been craving since you originally began reading the articles on this website.

Anyway, I hope this gives you something to provide a more positive outlook on you and women in general. =)

- Franco

 

[Estate]

It does help Franco, thank you.

But I'm seeing two sides of it.... I definitely want to create those "mind blowing" feelings you describe. But maybe I'm struggling here.
I'm just not getting it. For example, I went out with a really cut blonde last week, she came back to mine and unless I'm completely delusional, in the moment, she was really into it, she came back with me and she was most certainly shown a good time.
But then she disappeared...
Once the "high" had worn off she was no longer interested.

I've also noticed a certain type of girl, which obviously happens to be a type of girl I like... they just don't seem to be feeling it with me.

It's 50/50 right now between girls I am turning away and girl who are turning me away... the frustrating part is it's the latter group are the ones I'm attracted to... and not BECAUSE they aren't interested eventually, I'm interested in them before that... but I can't seem to keep them. I feel like I'm WANT to and am TRYING to create those levels of attraction but it's not happening.

Is there any advice or particular articles I should be looking at? I feel like to get girls of a certain caliber I need to be "on" constantly... there is no messing up... the sexy, edgy and all that other good stuff needs to be at 110% at all times... if you can't keep her on a high constantly... she's gone. And it's frustrating me... you can't be "on" at all times. I've stopped having things like casual lunch dates or things like that because they are in the afternoon, they are relaxed, I am relaxed, and there's no way to keep the "high" of certain other situations.

Does any of that make sense? I feel like it is infact ME who is not living up to THEIR expectations... but I'm not getting it, it's very frustrating right now.

 

[The Tool]

Hey Estate, Franco gave alot of excellent insight which I completely agree with.

I too went through pretty much what you are going through. Date, after Date, after Date.........Getting girls number, after number, after number, failing, failing, and failing some more, but succeeding and succeeding like never before (rhymed yes..lol). It does get tireing after a while because you are accomplishing your goals, but once you find that woman that just feels right around you (Like I did) you will find that girlfriend that blows your mind (and body ) Its the ultimate reward for all your hard work. Getting that one girlfriend is better than all the stranger sex youve had in the past.

As to keeping the interaction at 110% and her always on a "high" when she is around you. DO NOT TRY SO HARD!! when you try that hard things can come off as scripted and not genuine, trust me ive been there. Got to a point where essentially each date would follow a script and I caught myself using it.

Went on a date and started deep diving. Woman said she was studying engeneering... So i said Engeneering thats interesting, What made you choose that over something like nursing, policing, or engeneering.......Talk about a oh shit moment....Hard a hard time saving that one. Id say tone it down to about 90% so there is still a little bit if that nice guy somewhere.

Youll get there.

Cheers, The Tool

 

[Estate]

Thanks guys,
I'm gonna take all that in.

In theory, I know what you mean about pulling back but at the same time it feel like it requires me to be "on" in order to create those feelings.
If I revert back to my old self I'm not creating those feelings.

For example, 2 girls I brought home recently were really into me, and didn't put up much resistance to coming home with me. But although I THOUGHT I did all the right things, they ultimately faded away in the following days as the high of that night seemed to wear off. Sort of hit my self esteem as I felt less like I created those feelings in them and more like I was that guy they regretted hooking up with the next day.

Some stuff to work on here.

 

[Franco]

Estate,

For example, 2 girls I brought home recently were really into me, and didn't put up much resistance to coming home with me. But although I THOUGHT I did all the right things, they ultimately faded away in the following days as the high of that night seemed to wear off. Sort of hit my self esteem as I felt less like I created those feelings in them and more like I was that guy they regretted hooking up with the next day.

Keep in mind that women are very intuitive and empathetic. If at ANY point, from the second you lock eyes with them until the second they walk out your door, you are not 100% in the moment, women will sense it. And the second a woman begins to have doubts about how you are feeling about a given situation (whether it is boredom, regret, sadness, anger, etc.), she will begin to have doubts about you... and once a woman has doubts about you, well, then may God help you in turning that around!

Also, the shorter the period of time that you two have known each other, the easier it is for her to write you off as someone she doesn't need in her life. So it is important that you are truly in the moment with every girl you are with so that she can actually feel like she is being appreciated, regardless of how far you go with her.

Anyway, these are a few things to keep in mind as you begin to bring more women into your life.

- Franco

 

[jonnywishbone]

I have been having the same sort of feelings myself recently - I don't have any answers but some things I have been thinking are that when you move fast, have really intense sex it's just not sustainable. Once the high as warn off, there is nowhere to go.

Some ideas I'd had are to maybe move slower, don't have sex straight away. Do more "date" type things, don't go for an incredible sexual performance - make it a bit more normal, and save some things for next time. As for being at 110% - I think this can be counterproductive at times, it could comes across subconsciously that you are concerned that things won't work out. Experiment with doing the opposite - be boring at times, a bit aloof and maybe work on trying to increase the intensity of the relationship over a longer period of time? Just some ideas anyway that came to mind...

Also, I some of the articles on girlschase are focused on becoming the "lover" architype - maybe you have embodied this more than you realise and girls just see that in you? They sense they will have this amazing experience, but that it is what is will be and they don't expect it to last. I don't think the highs can exist without the lows...