FR First Day Approach = HB8-9 and Number Close!!!

[TheWiseFool]

I decided to hang around one of the cafeterias and do work today (God knows I can't get work done alone in my room). While sitting and watching programming videos on my laptop to study for my exam, out of the corner of my eye I notice this BEAUTIFUL girl pass by!!! My eyes bugged out and I could not help myself from staring. She passes by and my jaw drops and in my head I'm yelling, "DUDE DUDE GO APPROACH HER!!!!!" I find this so funny because I posted in one of the threads a picture of this gorgeous indian actress and despite not getting a great look at her body cos she was in a pea coat, all I can say is my gosh this girl has the facial features! A battle in my head ensues for whether or not I am going to approach while I am casually looking back and then away to see if she's still around (Earlier, I'd let this one girl unknowingly go because I decided to wait a few more minutes before passing, didn't want the same mistake to happen again). Finally I decided, "Alright. After she orders her food I'm going to go up and talk to her." She orders and sits down and then I do nothing. At that point I was telling myself, "You are really gonna hate yourself if you let this girl pass by man. LOOK AT HER!!!!" I stopped, took my headphones out, said, "Fuck it", and walked the long way around to approach from her side.

Despite having talked to her just a hours ago, I can't remember the whole situation clearly but this is what I can remember:
Me: "Excuse me, are you single."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Are you single."
Her: "Yes. I am single." Her face is confused a bit which slightly scared me but I kept calm and continued onward despite nerves beginning to build. Reasoning: this doesn't happen often to her.
Me: "Okay cool... I was just curious. I thought you were really attractive and had to come over and tell you. I'm TheWiseFool.
Her: "*Mentions her name but repeat it back mistakenly so she mentions it again and I get it right*." I am terrible with names, need a memory trick for that.
Me: "So... what's your ethnicity?"
Her: "I'm Pakistani."
Me: "Wow *pretend surprise* I would have never guessed it." *I pause cos 1) I don't know what to say. 2) I want to see if she'll pick up the conversation.*
Her: "And what ethnicity are you?"
Me: "Me? I'm Filipino."
Her: "I have a lot of filipino friends. Do you know a sophomore by the name of Maria?"
Me: "Unfortunately I don't. This is my first semester here so I don't know many filipino people. Do you commute or do you live on campus?"
Her: "I commute, sorry" :/
Me: "*playfully* Ah man, that means I won't see you around often."
Her: "I knoooow *sad face* Hey, I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm not looking for a relationship right now *something something*, but we can be friends *smiles*"
Me: "That's cool. I'm not looking for a relationship either." I can tell she's trying to create a friend frame
Her: "Yea most of my friends are white, blue-eyed males so it'd be nice to have someone who's different."
Me: "Yea, I know the feeling. Most of my friends at my old school are mostly white." No offense my white brothers! I love and find all people interesting!
Her: "Yea they always want me to go out and party on the weekends."
Me: "That's funny cause my roommate is always telling me, 'Hey, you wanna go to the bar tonight?' and I always tell him, 'Yea.... I'm gonna stay in my room tonight...'" So, Where are you from?"
Her: "I went to *high school*." good cos she lives close by and break is coming up so even better if this works out
Me: "Oh cool, I used to run cross country so I know the place."
Her: "And you?"
Me: "*My high school.*"
*She smiles, which prompts me to ask*
Me: "Yea, when I mention it to people I get some jokes. What do you think of it?" I come from a high school where you are either really rich, stuck-up, and DGAF about high school or your parents are hard working and you take high school seriously. I am of the latter.
Her: "Um, I haven't heard anything bad about it, but I know a few things."
Me: "Oh good haha. So... what are you up to today?"
Her: "I have an engineering practical on IR systems"
Me: "And what are you going to be doing in that?"
Her: "Making an IR system."
*She makes a confused face, which I assume she doesn't think I know what she's talking about*
Me: "IR as in infrared system...?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "So as in practical you mean you are going to be making something, in this case an infrared system?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "And I'm guessing you have to get going soon cos of exams?"
Her: "*Something that alludes to her having to leave*"
Me: "Yea, I gotta get back to studying for my computer science exam tomorrow." *I was gonna use this to segway into getting her contact information, but...*
Her: "Oh cool, I'm a computer science minor."
Me: "Interesting. What do you want to do with that?"
*Someone from the cashier calls her receipt number. She tells me she has to get it and I wait patiently and give myself time to breathe and think, "Be cool. What would James Bond do?"*

After she returns, she decides to stand and is fully facing me, rather than sitting down beforehand.
Her: "I don't know. I've always liked it. *Mentions to computing languages then smiles kind of nervous about being seen as nerdy I guess*."
Me: "Hey, you know more than me! I just switched over."
Her: "What school did you come from?"
Me: *Gives doubtful expression* "I doubt you know of it cos it's a small liberal arts college, but it is *my old college*."
Her: "Oh no, I know of *my old college*."
*I genuinely smile and realize that I've started to relax*
Me: "Oh wow, I'm impressed. So what grade are you in?"
Her: "I'm a freshmen."
Me: "No way! I would have never guessed it."
Her: "Really? Most people tell me I look like I'm 13." YES! I'm not in the other category!
Me: "Yea, people always tell me I look younger than I actually am."
Her: "I'm surprised that you came up to talk to me during the day. *Something along the lines of, "It must take a lot of courage to do something like that"*."
Me: "Not really, I mean... you either watch someone pass by you or you don't." The not really part was me lying about it taking a lot of courage, but the second sentence is something I've ingrained into my head day after day of letting women that give me IOI's or approach invitations pass by.
Her: "*Some qualifying statement*. I wish I could do that. I want to live in *Dorm near my place* next year but my classes usually have no girls in them."
At this point, my genuine need to help people change "helpless" mentalities kicks in:
Me: "Well, you just gotta walk up to girls outside of class and talk to them."
Her: "Oh I could never do that. *Something indicating she's shy or afraid*."
Me: "It's easy. I do it all the time. We're presented opportunities all the time. It's our choice to make something happen or stay where we are at." Again referring back to my own behavior with seduction and hoping to implant in her brain to either make something here happen or not. She is either in it or not at this point but I know something is going on in her pretty, little head.
Her: "I don't believe you."
Me: "Well, I'm talking to you, right? *Some witty/sexual remark about 13 year olds*." In retrospect I remember that whatever I said would've been really weird if one were to actually think about... but she either let it go or she just understood that I was blatantly attempting to be funny.
Her: "*Smiles and laughs before agreeing*"
Me: "Anyways, I really need to get back to studying for my exam." I am about to give her my number and tell her she can contact me, but I didn't want her to end up not texting me so I said..."How about you give me your (just before I say number I remembered to say...) contact information and I'll text you later. Either you text me back or you have a random number sitting in your phone."
Her: "Okay yea sure."
Me: "Alright, wait here, I just need to get my phone."
Walked over as confidently and smoothly as I could with the best sexy face I could muster before coming back.
Me: "And your number is?"

I get her number. We shake hands. I bid her off with a have a good day and I walk back to my belongings and I'm just in my own head, surprised at how everything turned out! First day game approach and I got all the way to getting her number.

I wanted to employ what The Tool does when first texting, but my phone died and I wasn't able to charge my phone until just a little over 3 hours later so I had to come here and look up what to do. And I am within Chase's 1-4 hour ideal time limit. Sent the text and was expecting her not to text back but she replied back promptly. Decided to setup a chase frame when she asked for my last name and she accepted it and gave me the same reply back.

Overall, things I need to work on are adding more chase and sexual frames during the conversation (based on what I remember, I should begin to test when my "stranger" vibe where's off). I should have moved her as well. My vocal fundamentals fell off but my body language was spot on. Speaking of body, I did not incorporate ANY touching whatsoever... that is quite frustrating with me now that I think about it. There's probably more and I'll surely get back to them, but right now I know the best thing for me to do is approach more girls so I don't mess this up. Lastly, I think this is great that I talked to this girl today and a girl on Friday. Hopefully I can get further results during winter.

Logistically speaking. I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself, but since she probably lives 15-20 minutes from my home, I'm sure we can arrange some meeting over break cos it wouldn't make sense for us to meet up anytime this week cos of finals. The only logical thing I could say is to study together but even then I know I wouldn't get any work done cos this really cute girl would be right up in my face.) There is this beautiful town right by my home, about 5 minutes away, with a starbucks on the corner at the heart of the main street. I am not a coffee guy, but I think that is the best place to have a conversation. If anyone can suggest me something to drink there or an alternative venue that would be very much appreciated.

Was a long read and probably nothing special, but I just wanted to document this, especially for the REALLY new guys like me. Thanks for reading
- The Wise Fool

 

[metomeya]

Just wanted to say congrats!

I promise to read the whole thing later and see what you did. Long posts make me lazy

 

[fsc_old]

Congratulations!

Definitely find out what she's doing over the break and try to make something happen if possible. Try to avoid school-related stuff though because that's what most of her engineering classmates probably tries to work with. Find out who she is outside of school. If she happens to be a total nerd, then suggest doing a small coding project together over break, like a little android game, rather than being another "do you want to study together" guy.

Was a long read and probably nothing special, but I just wanted to document this

Every report helps those, especially beginners like me, who chooses to read them.

Good luck and take care.

Computer science ftw!

 

[Marty]

WiseFool:

Congratulations on overcoming those last pangs of approach anxiety, and getting out there and acting.

Some constructive commentary, if I may:

I ... walked the long way around to approach from her side.

1. Did you get up close and use averted body language? I see that you approached from the side, but you may still have been facing her directly, I don't know. The reason I ask is that your report does not specifically mention it, and this is my view on the matter (having gone through the same process): unless you (a) are aware of it, or (b) have gotten into such a good habit that you do it without thinking, or (c) are a natural with women or have supreme social skills, it is likely that you "came on too strong". It is even more important that you use averted body language and avoid "coming on too strong" if you use an aggressive opener like "Are you single?"; your report suggests a startled reaction from the girl and this may be why. Anyway, something to think about perhaps. For me this was possibly the single best habit I developed as a result of internalizing the practices described on this site. Here's the most helpful article: Opening Body Language

Me: "So... what's your ethnicity?"
Her: "I'm Pakistani."
Me: "Wow *pretend surprise* I would have never guessed it."

2. Don't feign surprise. Unless you're a fantastic actor, it'll come across as insincere. I used to do this inadvertently when approaching girls much younger than myself in proximity to a university campus. "So what do you do?" "I study here at college." "Oh really?" Bad, bad, bad. These days it's more like: "So do you study here at college?" or if I'm less sure about her age, "What do you do... study? work?"

In your case, you could have run it one of two ways—either as a cold-read, like this:

• WiseFool: You have this South Asian look about you... let me see... do you have a Pakistani background perhaps?
  
  Babe: You guessed it!

...or if you're not so sure, like this:

• WiseFool: So tell me, what's your ethnic background?
  
  Babe: I'm Pakistani.
  
  WiseFool: I thought you must be, but many of the South Asian ethnicities look rather alike. I find it hard to distinguish between Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Indian sometimes.
  
  Babe: Yeah, the people are closely related, but divided along religious lines of course.

That way you come off as polished and knowledgeable without risking being wrong.

I said..."How about you give me your (just before I say number I remembered to say...) contact information and I'll text you later."

3. I think you already know this, but ... it's always better to ask for the date before asking for a number.

That said, you did very well! Nice one with the following:

Me: "That's cool. I'm not looking for a relationship either."

Very well handled. Hope this works out for you!

-Marty

 

[metomeya]

Finally read it.

You did awesome dude!

I agree with fsc, it does help with beginners and even intermediates to read these reports. There is a lot of science of visualizing actions to have the same effect in the brain as actually doing it. In other words, visualize throwing a dart and you can actually improve your ability to throw darts as if you did threw it. I know it is hard to believe, but it is true. I have some reading material if you ever want it.

Point is reading people's journals can actually help you if you visualize the whole process in your head.

 

[TheWiseFool]

fsc,

I definitely am going to keep myself as far away from the friendzone as possible and I doubt we can spend time together outside of class simply because she commutes and I don't... Also, based on the information she is giving me, she HAS to be smart because she is a chemical engineering major and a CS minor. And as much as I love biochemistry, those courses are tough... and CS requires a bit of thinking. She was trying to test my intelligence in regards to CS and I indicated already that I just switched over to it, but maybe she is trying to test me for some other role (boyfriend role.. but idk... too soon to say haha). The game project sounds awesome though, maybe a humanitarian type of project. I haven't revealed that bit about myself to her, but I will WHEN i get her out.

metomeya,

I have read that study, in psych books and on here. That is a great study! The mind is a beautiful thing, and a powerful thing. Once we learn its secrets... emotion intelligence just goes up up up! Glad I helped in one way or another The post is rather long, but when I read people's post, they are broken up into the interesting parts. I wanted to provide something that gives the whole interaction for new guys who are still thinking, "But what about the stuff in between this?"

Marty,

I did make note of how I approached AFTER the interaction. For a fourth of the interaction, she was sitting sideways in a chair and I was facing her, standing. On top of that, I approached with the "Are you single?" opener. Lastly, all though I don't consider myself good-looking at all, I can say I have the look down well enough to notice girls are well aware of my presence and want something to happen. Compounding those together certainly creates worry, but I wasn't aware.

If a woman is a little closed off and not being particularly social, a man who opens her with direct nonverbal body language is usually going to coming across as though he's working too hard to force rapport. But, the opposite is true for a woman who already knows she wants to meet a man.

Will keep the averted body language in mind. Prior to approaching, I assumed she would be leaving as soon as she got her phone. The one thing in my mind was, "You have a small window to act." Assuming she was going to be leaving soon would categorize her as not in a social frame, just business. I should have faced the direction her side was facing, looking off into the distance and opening her the way I did in order to bring as little attention to us as possible, then slowly turning myself to face her. In the moment, I was do or die, but this will be fixed. Thank you for linking the article also!

I know that she was startled, but my assumption that this doesn't happen to her often caused her to act in auto-pilot; in the case of my approach, she wanted to act in the "woah what are you doing?" aka skeptical. I just needed to keep going until my stranger vibe wore off, which it did as I noticed I calmed down greatly, even to the point that I could carry an actual conversation.

Your second point is great! Sounds much more confident than my questions.

Especially this:

WiseFool: So tell me, what's your ethnic background?

Babe: I'm Pakistani.

WiseFool: I thought you must be, but many of the South Asian ethnicities look rather alike. I find it hard to distinguish between Pakistani, Bangladeshi and Indian sometimes.

Babe: Yeah, the people are closely related, but divided along religious lines of course.

I was thinking, "I don't want to say, "Are you Indian?" and have her correct me" so I asked for her ethnicity. Adding in the bit about understanding how people tend to confuse ethnicity, especially in Asia, is something I should have said because I understand what's that like, and therefore add relatability.

3. I asked for her number because I was still not sure about her replying back. In addition, I was thinking about following the process in which one gets the woman to indicate when she is free and then setup a date then and there. But setting up the date then and there would be great, I just wasn't sure she'd take the bait cos of the "friend" frame. If she said, I'm sorry... I could have played off of the, "Cmon. It'll be an hour. Really short. We get a feel for who the other person is and then we part ways... meeting again if things work out or swimming on our merry ways in the ocean of students here at *my university*." But something like that took time to write, I could have very well have given a lame excuse that sounded nervous or unconfident. Right now, I am at the finding when her finals are done and then setting up a date that works for both of us. Again, too soon to say because I am trying to get out of the friend frame and get her under my own frame.

Thanks again guys! Just a great bit of tension and it's great to know I am not alone in it. I am also glad I can help! I want to give as much detail as possible, but only what I think will benefit, rather than fluff. Currently, I understand how important it is to approach other women while handling her. My reasoning is that I won't feel so bad if she does reject me. Looking at rejection in a positive light, I rely on seein this as a "reference experience" despite how beautiful this girl is. Every bit of advice is welcomed and VERY MUCH appreciated! Thanks guys
- The Wise Fool

 

[TheWiseFool]

After three days...

Me: Hey Freha, what’s your schedule look like this week?
Her (~hour later: What?
Me (~hour later): What does you schedule look like this week? When are you done finals. That kind of stuff
Me (~1.2 hours late): I wanted to suggest we meet up after finals for a meal or a drink (not the alcoholic kind....). You could get to know me and I you, if you are willing to take a jump at the opportunity
Her (15 minutes afterwards): I'm so sorry Eric but I don't think this opportunity is for me. Right now I'm concentrating on my studies. My dad sacrificed more than his dreams for me and the family and I want to make sure that his sacrifices are worth it. I'm sure you'll have plenty more opportunities [:
Me (~15 minutes later): That is completely understandable and admirable of you. I had to ask, just as I had when I walked up to you. Best wishes to whatever you choose to do in life. Wanted to leave you with this: "When I was a kid, there were so many things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 24 and 25, and now at 26, I've only accomplished one of those childhood goals, and I'm finally beginning to push myself to do the other dreams I had. Don't live in regret.

Really, you have to change your mindset to love the journey and not the goal. You need to love the practice and training -- the steps to it.

At the same time, you have to live and enjoy life too Don't let fun pass you by."
- Eric
Her: Well yes I have to be reminded every once in a while. Thank you [: who are you quoting? Or is that a personal quote?


Well, she kindly declined. Certainly something wrong with how I acted, but I could say it was just cos she wasn't looking for anything at this time in her life, school is more important, relating its importance to her father, who sacrificed much for his daughter to have this opportunity in her own life.

The next text I could send is to show that I understand her situation, and that I relate as both my parents are immigrants who went through their own trials, and that I'd still like to meet up... but I don't want to reinforce the friend frame cos I am a lone wolf kind of guy. In addition, my morals are to respect what she stands for simply because it is family. And I am just some stranger... family is always greater than stranger and I respect that.

Overall, rejection is not as bad as I thought it was and neither was the approach. Anxiety levels have dropped significantly and I am eager to approach more women as I see them as they are... human beings.
- The Wise Fool

PS. If anyone is wondering where I got the quote from, I took it from PinotNoir in his response to one of my own on a thread. Pinot, if you are reading this, I hope you don't mind, and I hope it isn't copyrighted (HA!). It was a beautiful quote and it was perfect for the moment, I couldn't resist!