FR First Night in Months - Emotional Tornado

[Chrance]

I visited a bar at 10:00 to see how it was. There were a lot of people but they were all in tight groups, sitting (related to corona). I purchased a drink, drank it, then left

I arrived at Bar2. I was forced by staff to sit in a specific seat. Across from me was 4 girls that I wasn’t too sure about. one of them was a real babe, the others were unattractive. an older guy sat beside me. We chatted and befriended each other. He started hinting at talking to the girls across from us. I saw to my left a group of guys opened two girls so I started feeling jealous. I told the guy I wasn’t too sure yet what I wanted to do (was thinking of leaving the bar since we were all forced into certain seats) and told him to go ahead and to not let me hold him back. He was in his mid thirties, charismatic and clearly had a lot of experience in this sort of thing. After some time he opened, which made me jealous as well. He said “so, how’d you guys handle this whole corona thing?”. I just sat there thinking of what I was going to do, but then he introduced me so I started talking to them as well. I wasn’t interested in any of them except the hot one, which my wing had dibs on.

At last they had plans to leave and asked us if we’d join. The guy egged me on to join, and they were going to a bar I was going to go to anyway, so him and I drove there to bar3, chatting along the way, while they took separate vehicles. I could sense I was going to be the third wheel but thought it was better than nothing given the scarcity of available sets

arriving at the third bar, I coincidentally ran into a childhood friend who I had a lot of baggage with and who, due to this baggage, I just had to talk to. the bar itself was not packed, few other sets, but I wasn’t very aware of all this since I was adamant about seeing my friend. On the way to his seating two girls complemented my hair and face, but I gave a short compliment back (thanks youre hairs cool too) and blew past them. I sat down with my friend and we discussed things, which riled me up.

once that interaction was over I returned to the 4-set from earlier. They were all hooked on my temp-wing that opened them. I knew I was really putting myself into a third wheel position. I didn’t want to ruin whatever success this guy was having with the hot girl. But I rejoined them anyway since Iwanted to get out of my head and tbh I didn’t want to be alone.

I stayed in that set until bars closed. During that time I learned they were all older than me (“he’s a baby!!” fml). Had 0 interest in taking this set anywhere, and there was nothing I could do since the older guy had everything in his hands. I looked around for other sets but there was little time left. I said hey to other people I knew as well who happened to stop by.

eventually the bar closed, the guy got the girls number and the girls left. The wing and I chatted for a bit, then we called it a night and left

Thoughts and Solutions:
1.) I should have reopened the girls who opened me with “yo, sooo where can I get these cool highlights? It might look good in you but do you think Itd look good on me lol?” They were part of a mixed set, which gave me hesitation
2.) I shouldn’t have stayed in that 4 set so long, I should have wandered off on my own
3.) i should have opened before my wing haha but I gave him props. He was a good guy
4.) the “hey what’s up. So how do you guys feel being back from corona?” line or some variation of it - this is a good casual opener we can all take advantage of for the next month or two
5.) mentally I felt some jealously and was bummed out at seeing a guy have success where I failed. I came home feeling depressed lol. Now, being it’s the morning, I feel refreshed
6.) i was very over analyzing with everything. I Also felt “uncool” for some reason, hard to explain. Maybe it was seeing the guy get all the attention, getting into an argument with a friend, being in my hometown, not being out in a while - a bunch of factors threw me off and made me lose confidence in myself.
7.) I think my hesitation with the 4-set came from knowing there was only one hot girl, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to carry the interaction while being forced to stay seated where I was. I should have just not cared

note:
The vibe of all these bars is lounge, low key. Not A hyped up dance club vibe.

 

[Train]

Thanks for the insight on bars post-lockdown. I was curious to see how it would play out for night game.

Seems like it's tougher mentally to open when everybody's grouped and locked in at tables. But still doable.

Were these originally bars where people stand and don't sit?

 

[Chrance]

Thanks for the insight on bars post-lockdown. I was curious to see how it would play out for night game.

Seems like it's tougher mentally to open when everybody's grouped and locked in at tables. But still doable.

Were these originally bars where people stand and don't sit?

The first bar has several dance floors no one is allowed to go on

The second bar is a lounge, but everyone would always walk and roam where they pleased, but now everyone must have a seat and minimize roaming

The third bar is also a dance club, turned sit-at-a-seat club.

In general people are discouraged by staff from staying by the bars

I definitely felt physically and psychologically restricted, though as you can see opening is still very possible.

things will loosen up in the coming weeks though. Right now is just the beginning of the loosening. I can tell most bar staff don’t give a shit

 

[YS.]

Damn, it was one of those throwaway nights. Kudos for hitting the ground early Chrance. I'm feeling a tad bit jealous.

 

[Teevster]

As Formhandle used to say (old leader of mASF):

"Men and women will always find ways to meet each other"

 

[Glow]

Kudos for getting back into it. And cool that you write it up even if it felt a bit meh with the extra weight of being closed up + the whole proximity scare we all feel.

Just a trick you prob know already is to realise the state drop and start managing it actively when you sense it. if you let it take over itll slowly make you more and more passive and reluctant, feigning.

There are a few tricks - adapt them to the corona situation:
- do anything you want to create positive momentum eg put on music, buy a drink, go to another part of the bar, etc etc. Doing what you want to creates incremental momentum gains and when you stack those things start to change.
- open fast as @Bacchus outlines - cause it kickstarts a momentum
- open many, faster, mini opens the trick is to talk with many in short sessions. And not staying in a set. Eg as you do w the one guy can create a chode crystalling effect. it feels more safe and you get caught in this feeling. So exit the guy or use him actively. Never hang on his energy. To more closed set etc. just ask situational questions, almost exitting as you enter - mini-mingling.
- Open proximity style to begin with, over the shoulder etc. just to initiate the roll. its easier just to open who ever is right next to you beyond the guy or move a lil in the bar to mingle in w. others.
- Actively Remove focus - a mental choice and doing, from the girls you focussed on, buy your fav drink, indulge in the music, which is more advanced to accept the feeling and follow it by not engaging initially w the girls or sets but withdrawing from them. This is what i do when in a bad mood or low energy with early stage closed set settings. Low attention span until i acclimatise to the place while i put my focus on the right things eg enjoying my drink or music.
- Start this even before you get in walk in with appearance impact. Striking energy. Captivate the girls on sight by being sissling etc. Look for opportune responses and be ready for them. force iois or similar. or go open faking familiarity - hey how youve been? despite never having seen the girl before.

think room game more in the beginning maybe.

just a few go to ideas

key is to realise the state drop and actively do something that works well to change the energy as early as possible. Im sure u know this, just nice to hear it sometimes from someone else.

anyways good job and cool to feel the state of things initially.

 

[Skills]

Why your wing did not introduce you to the group???

Sometimes i used: "hey guys forgive my friend lack of manners, i am skills" cause is easier to open other groups one you are in that group... (social proof) but if you are going to do that you need to contribute to the interaction vs fuck the interaction up (kind of take over)....

anyways you are rusty, eventually you will get back, things like this happen.... Question so a lot of people were out compare to usual or a lot less specially women, did they were masks??? is this in usa?

 

[Chrance]

Thinks everyone for the responses. It’s given me a lot to think about. @Bacchus I really appreciate your opener and gambit follow up for those early night closed sets. It’s given me some great ideas to work with. One thing is that, since everyone is forced to sit, an opener/gambit involving the oddity of sitting at a bar may be pretty smooth, like: “you know, it’s kinda funny everyone having these seats at a bar. It really changes the atmosphere. It’s hard to feel as laid back, which imo is one of the benefits of going out, is you can choose to relax however you want.” Something like that.

also the guy I winged with was given that seat by the waitress. Keep in mind that if things were normal no one would have been assigned anywhere and everyone would have roamed around like a normal bar. Last night I went out again and was assigned a really bad seat haha so I left and ended up back at the first bar from this posts FR and the staff there didn’t care about the rules anymore and allowed everyone to roam and even dance together. It was cool except for no babes (it’s like a biker bar. There was even a fight as I was strolling in lol). I opened a set just for the sake of it that went nowhere. That’s all

anyway, dealing with the groups and seating requires more social finesse than I’m used to at dance clubs or when things were normal, but that’s no problem.

I was talking to this mother and daughter at the beach yesterday and I told them of the bar situation and they said “that’s so weird, how are people supposed to mingle?” So I’m guessing many people have the same urge of not caring for the seats and restrictions

@Skills hey man! my wing introduced me after he got to know the set more. Yes this is the US. There definitely were babes out though nothing amazing, and there’s restrictions so the venues can’t contain too many people, so that’s a problem. I’d say a lot less people than normal unfortunately. Some people had masks

@Glow thanks man. Funny thing about the state drop was my normal methods of getting into state, like going to a different part of the bar or dancing a bit and randomly talking to someone, was unavailable at each bar due to the seating arrangements. So realizing this I started to get impatient and worried, like “damn, talking to randoms is now even more difficult because everyone is seated.” I don’t ever open seated sets so there’s also this added mental barrier. I’m trying to think of some work-around like what Bacchus mentioned