PEOPLE
Me: 30 Asian Male, dressed in a stylish business casual after work attire
Her: early-mid 30s Asian Female, edgy artist type, wearing a flowing yellow summer dress and black boots. A tattoo above her cleavage, another tattoo on her arm, several ear piercings, an above-chin piercing.
BACKGROUND
I've been in a bit of a funk recently. A girlfriend who I potentially wanted to get more serious with, had found out about me seeing other girls, and ghosted me. I turned down a few fuck-buddies because the sex just felt so meaningless in comparison. That said, I've still been forcing myself to approach and get numbers.
Today, I dragged myself out after work (3rd weekday in a row, with not much results), approached one girl but didn't close with. And then I kind of just sat/walked around for an hour straight without approaching anyone. At this point, I wasn't dealing so much with Approach Anxiety, but more Approach Apathy, as I was really waiting for girls that I'm actually physically attracted to.
Anyway, I decided to call it quits, grab a salad, and then pickup some groceries before heading home.
THE MEET
As I was walking into the grocery store, a cute Asian girl with a bright yellow dress walks out. My "approach senses" start tingling, and I yell at myself to make something of this night. So I walk next to her, and compliment her on her dress. We get into a bit of chit chat about her job, my job, how she's here temporarily for work, visiting from Asia. At some point, I kind of get bored of the chit-chat, and go silent, and she re-opens me by asking why things close so early here. So I decide to keep the conversation going.
THE CLOSE
I'm holding my salad in my hands at this point, and we're stopped and talking right outside her hotel after walking 2-3 streets together. I ask her what she's up to tonight, she says her friend just cancelled something. So I propose maybe we sit down somewhere and chat more while I eat my dinner. She immediately counter proposes we get a drink in an hour or so, because she has to take a work call. I agree, we exchange WhatsApp numbers, nail down the time, and I tell her I'll ping her with a bar nearby.
FOLLOWUP
I text her on WhatsApp with a proposed bar location, she says "okay, see you there soon
".
FIRST DATE
We meet at my usual bar spot nearby my apartment (which happens to be nearby her hotel too). We order one drink each. I take this time to query her alcohol preferences, and figure out she has a preference for smokey whiskey, which excites me. I begin telling her about the different smokey whiskeys I have (seeding the later pull). She also asks the waiter for some smokey whiskeys, and we're both disappointed when he says they don't have anything smokey.
Our conversation is above-average. We connect over shared culture, family values, etc. but the conversation isn't particularly sexual, nor particularly deep.
That said, I touch her incidentally a bunch, put my arm over her shoulder, lean in, put my hand on her thigh at high points in the conversation, and she seems totally comfortable with my touch. At some point I feel her almost lean into me a bit, but it's very subtle.
In the middle of the conversation, she asks me how far away I live, and I say I live 5 minutes away, which is a huge subtle green light that I picked up on.
BOUNCE
After about an hour, I ask if she wants to take a walk, she says sure. I say I'll get the check, and she insists we split the bill, which I'm fine with. (It never ceases to amaze me how girls I meet from Cold Approach always either pay the whole thing, or insist on splitting, which is totally different from dating app dates which always want me to pay. I suspect it's because dating app dates are such a drag for girls--always being disappointed and feeling like they're wasting their time, so they at least want to make sure it's not a financial drag on them. Whereas for Cold Approach dates, they feel like they're on a spontaneous adventure, so they're thankful to me for giving them a totally different experience).
PULL
We walk around the nearby plaza, examine some cool buildings. Along this walk, she asks me where I live, which is another GREEN LIGHT. I say I live a few streets up north. We keep talking and walking. After another 2-3 minutes, I say "hey, I feel bad that you weren't able to get any smokey whiskey at the bar. Can I offer you some at my place?" She smiles devilishly, and responds "what did you say? You want me to come to your place?", basically teasing me (a light test). I laugh and say, "yeah, just for a bit, I think you'll really like the whiskey". She says "okay, just for a bit, I need to go back to my hotel room because my cousin is staying there, and I can't leave her alone" (the plausible deniability song and dance). I say "okay sure".
Interestingly, right outside my apartment, she asks about what kind of drugs and stuff I've done. I confess I haven't done many drugs. She asks if I mind if she smokes a cigarette before we go to my apartment. I say sure. This weirdly shook me up a bit, as I've never pulled a girl who smokes before, and I felt a little awkward just standing there trying to make conversation, and trying not to seem like a prude for not smoking.
Afterwards, we walk into my building, up the elevator, and into my apartment. I have her take off her shoes, and give her a quick tour, put on some music, and pour some fancy whiskey while she uses the restroom. She mentions that my place is "really clean" (my house cleaner came this morning coincidentally). She later asks if I'm bisexual, because my dress, and clean apartment, and good taste in furniture made her think I might be gay (I take this all as a compliment).
ESCALATION
We drink, and really enjoy the smokey whiskey for a bit, I pretty soon after naturally kiss her which she hungrily receives. Then I move us to the couch, chit-chat/drink some more, and escalate and lay on top of her. This was the first lay in A LONG TIME, where there was absolutely-zero-LMR. Every step forward, from kissing, to sucking her nipples, to rubbing her crotch, to rubbing her clit, to sticking my finger into her vagina, was just accepted. I took out my dick, and pulled a condom from under the couch cushion, and she laughed "where'd that come from?". She then proceeded to give me a really good blowjob. I was honestly enjoying it a ton, but forced myself to put the condom on and stick it in her.
I then carried her to the bedroom, for a 60+ minute long session. She was really inexhaustible. About 45 minutes in, I discover she has a naval ring (we fucked with her dress on the entire time), which turned me on more. For some reason I've been really into ejaculating into girls' mouths recently, it gets me off more than ejaculating into a condom in their vagina (maybe it's because a recent girl kept complimenting me on how good it tasted). So I finished in her mouth, and I really enjoyed her blowjob skills, probably the best I've ever experienced.
AFTER SEX
I made her another cocktail, we sat and chatted for another hour or so. Really quite nice. Funnily, she complained that I ripped her dress, and followed with "you must rip lots of girls' dresses often huh?". I brought out a sewing kit and mended her dress for her, which was a really sweet/cute moment between us.
KEYS TO THE LAY
- Not giving her a reason not to fuck me. Honestly this lay was kind of in the bag from the get-go. She thought I was physically attractive, it's her last few days in this country--there will be no strings attached, she's horny, she's got nothing to do, she's slightly older and in tune with her sexuality. I just needed to "be the smooth dick", and not fuck anything up.
- Pacing. The whole interaction felt perfectly smooth and natural. But that's really just indicative of how good I've become recently at reading signals and hitting escalation windows exactly on time (not too soon, not too late).
REFLECTIONS
- First same-day-lay from Cold Approach. I've had first-date-lays from Dating Apps, and first-date-lays from Cold Approach (but got her number a few days before). It's kind of an empowering feeling that I can literally find a girl off the street and fuck her within hours.
- First tourist lay. All my previous lays were with girls who lived nearby to me. I think knowing that this was going to be no-strings-attached actually made me more passionate/excited about it, because I knew there wouldn't be any clinginess after sex. I'm planning some international travel later this year, and this gives me hope that I can land some more tourist lays from the other side of the table.
- Time and time again, I'm surprised by asymmetrical returns. It's often when I'm feeling the most dejected that I get my best and most surprising successes.
- Tonight made me really feel better. Although nothing long term is going to come of this interaction, I really enjoyed and craved the after-sex moment we enjoyed together
Me: 30 Asian Male, dressed in a stylish business casual after work attire
Her: early-mid 30s Asian Female, edgy artist type, wearing a flowing yellow summer dress and black boots. A tattoo above her cleavage, another tattoo on her arm, several ear piercings, an above-chin piercing.
BACKGROUND
I've been in a bit of a funk recently. A girlfriend who I potentially wanted to get more serious with, had found out about me seeing other girls, and ghosted me. I turned down a few fuck-buddies because the sex just felt so meaningless in comparison. That said, I've still been forcing myself to approach and get numbers.
Today, I dragged myself out after work (3rd weekday in a row, with not much results), approached one girl but didn't close with. And then I kind of just sat/walked around for an hour straight without approaching anyone. At this point, I wasn't dealing so much with Approach Anxiety, but more Approach Apathy, as I was really waiting for girls that I'm actually physically attracted to.
Anyway, I decided to call it quits, grab a salad, and then pickup some groceries before heading home.
THE MEET
As I was walking into the grocery store, a cute Asian girl with a bright yellow dress walks out. My "approach senses" start tingling, and I yell at myself to make something of this night. So I walk next to her, and compliment her on her dress. We get into a bit of chit chat about her job, my job, how she's here temporarily for work, visiting from Asia. At some point, I kind of get bored of the chit-chat, and go silent, and she re-opens me by asking why things close so early here. So I decide to keep the conversation going.
THE CLOSE
I'm holding my salad in my hands at this point, and we're stopped and talking right outside her hotel after walking 2-3 streets together. I ask her what she's up to tonight, she says her friend just cancelled something. So I propose maybe we sit down somewhere and chat more while I eat my dinner. She immediately counter proposes we get a drink in an hour or so, because she has to take a work call. I agree, we exchange WhatsApp numbers, nail down the time, and I tell her I'll ping her with a bar nearby.
FOLLOWUP
I text her on WhatsApp with a proposed bar location, she says "okay, see you there soon
".FIRST DATE
We meet at my usual bar spot nearby my apartment (which happens to be nearby her hotel too). We order one drink each. I take this time to query her alcohol preferences, and figure out she has a preference for smokey whiskey, which excites me. I begin telling her about the different smokey whiskeys I have (seeding the later pull). She also asks the waiter for some smokey whiskeys, and we're both disappointed when he says they don't have anything smokey.
Our conversation is above-average. We connect over shared culture, family values, etc. but the conversation isn't particularly sexual, nor particularly deep.
That said, I touch her incidentally a bunch, put my arm over her shoulder, lean in, put my hand on her thigh at high points in the conversation, and she seems totally comfortable with my touch. At some point I feel her almost lean into me a bit, but it's very subtle.
In the middle of the conversation, she asks me how far away I live, and I say I live 5 minutes away, which is a huge subtle green light that I picked up on.
BOUNCE
After about an hour, I ask if she wants to take a walk, she says sure. I say I'll get the check, and she insists we split the bill, which I'm fine with. (It never ceases to amaze me how girls I meet from Cold Approach always either pay the whole thing, or insist on splitting, which is totally different from dating app dates which always want me to pay. I suspect it's because dating app dates are such a drag for girls--always being disappointed and feeling like they're wasting their time, so they at least want to make sure it's not a financial drag on them. Whereas for Cold Approach dates, they feel like they're on a spontaneous adventure, so they're thankful to me for giving them a totally different experience).
PULL
We walk around the nearby plaza, examine some cool buildings. Along this walk, she asks me where I live, which is another GREEN LIGHT. I say I live a few streets up north. We keep talking and walking. After another 2-3 minutes, I say "hey, I feel bad that you weren't able to get any smokey whiskey at the bar. Can I offer you some at my place?" She smiles devilishly, and responds "what did you say? You want me to come to your place?", basically teasing me (a light test). I laugh and say, "yeah, just for a bit, I think you'll really like the whiskey". She says "okay, just for a bit, I need to go back to my hotel room because my cousin is staying there, and I can't leave her alone" (the plausible deniability song and dance). I say "okay sure".
Interestingly, right outside my apartment, she asks about what kind of drugs and stuff I've done. I confess I haven't done many drugs. She asks if I mind if she smokes a cigarette before we go to my apartment. I say sure. This weirdly shook me up a bit, as I've never pulled a girl who smokes before, and I felt a little awkward just standing there trying to make conversation, and trying not to seem like a prude for not smoking.
Afterwards, we walk into my building, up the elevator, and into my apartment. I have her take off her shoes, and give her a quick tour, put on some music, and pour some fancy whiskey while she uses the restroom. She mentions that my place is "really clean" (my house cleaner came this morning coincidentally). She later asks if I'm bisexual, because my dress, and clean apartment, and good taste in furniture made her think I might be gay (I take this all as a compliment).
ESCALATION
We drink, and really enjoy the smokey whiskey for a bit, I pretty soon after naturally kiss her which she hungrily receives. Then I move us to the couch, chit-chat/drink some more, and escalate and lay on top of her. This was the first lay in A LONG TIME, where there was absolutely-zero-LMR. Every step forward, from kissing, to sucking her nipples, to rubbing her crotch, to rubbing her clit, to sticking my finger into her vagina, was just accepted. I took out my dick, and pulled a condom from under the couch cushion, and she laughed "where'd that come from?". She then proceeded to give me a really good blowjob. I was honestly enjoying it a ton, but forced myself to put the condom on and stick it in her.
I then carried her to the bedroom, for a 60+ minute long session. She was really inexhaustible. About 45 minutes in, I discover she has a naval ring (we fucked with her dress on the entire time), which turned me on more. For some reason I've been really into ejaculating into girls' mouths recently, it gets me off more than ejaculating into a condom in their vagina (maybe it's because a recent girl kept complimenting me on how good it tasted). So I finished in her mouth, and I really enjoyed her blowjob skills, probably the best I've ever experienced.
AFTER SEX
I made her another cocktail, we sat and chatted for another hour or so. Really quite nice. Funnily, she complained that I ripped her dress, and followed with "you must rip lots of girls' dresses often huh?". I brought out a sewing kit and mended her dress for her, which was a really sweet/cute moment between us.
KEYS TO THE LAY
- Not giving her a reason not to fuck me. Honestly this lay was kind of in the bag from the get-go. She thought I was physically attractive, it's her last few days in this country--there will be no strings attached, she's horny, she's got nothing to do, she's slightly older and in tune with her sexuality. I just needed to "be the smooth dick", and not fuck anything up.
- Pacing. The whole interaction felt perfectly smooth and natural. But that's really just indicative of how good I've become recently at reading signals and hitting escalation windows exactly on time (not too soon, not too late).
REFLECTIONS
- First same-day-lay from Cold Approach. I've had first-date-lays from Dating Apps, and first-date-lays from Cold Approach (but got her number a few days before). It's kind of an empowering feeling that I can literally find a girl off the street and fuck her within hours.
- First tourist lay. All my previous lays were with girls who lived nearby to me. I think knowing that this was going to be no-strings-attached actually made me more passionate/excited about it, because I knew there wouldn't be any clinginess after sex. I'm planning some international travel later this year, and this gives me hope that I can land some more tourist lays from the other side of the table.
- Time and time again, I'm surprised by asymmetrical returns. It's often when I'm feeling the most dejected that I get my best and most surprising successes.
- Tonight made me really feel better. Although nothing long term is going to come of this interaction, I really enjoyed and craved the after-sex moment we enjoyed together
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