Fixing the boyfriend dilemma

[lindsayrrr]

Troubleshooting a girl and think this is the issue.
Is it possible to recover from this and still get the lay, without the wait?

 

[Orgasmatron]

i think you might need to give a few more details for context

 

[lindsayrrr]

here's my first date with her: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/im-not-having-sex-with-you-30-03.26029/

had a second date: where it was just coffee and convo, mostly connection building again nothing really sexual (headslap) and abit of fun picking out clothes, with lots of teasing.

at the end of the 2nd date, i go the pull again... movies at my place and i get replied with: what do you want from this?

what follows is a convo about her not wanting anything serious, but not ready for sex yet. and her mentioning she has options...WTF!?

it ends with us chatting and making out but nothing more...so i think im in the pending boyfriend box though i cannot be certain.

 

[Orgasmatron]

I'm not the best one for advice here, but picking out clothes together is a boyfriend move.
She's got lots of options because she's a girl.

Others will have better advice than me.

Good luck dude.

 

[TomInHo]

at the end of the 2nd date, i go the pull again... movies at my place and i get replied with: what do you want from this?

what follows is a convo about her not wanting anything serious, but not ready for sex yet. and her mentioning she has options...WTF!?

it ends with us chatting and making out but nothing more...so i think im in the pending boyfriend box though i cannot be certain.

Yikes! This one is tough

If a girl is telling you this it means you were giving off strong BF vibes. But in your case she's probably a little annoyed with your lack of sexuality. Fun to her is not picking out clothes for you to wear, but rather picking up her clothes from the floor after getting railed by you.

It's good that you made a move but you probably didn't build sexual tension during your dates or setup correct sexual frames to make her feel comfortable hooking up with you, and painting you as a good lover.

Also, hate to break it you, but she's probably already banging another dude (hence her options), and she's looking for a replacement because he's not meeting some her needs.... probably sucks in bed

here's my first date with her: https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/im-not-having-sex-with-you-30-03.26029/

I would try to setup a third date at your place if you can and really lay on the sexual frames and also displaying more of a non-committal vibe before going for the close. Because this girl is probably afraid that if she has sex, you'll fall in love and try to rope her into a relationship

But honestly you should use this girl as a learning lesson. Because I read your field report about the first date, and the reason why she told you she was unsure about going home with you so early was because you played it too safe. Too much connection, not enough arousal, and bad framing for casual sex

So for future dates think about setting the following frames covertly through conversation & stories

- Nonjudgemental
- Sexual
- Non-committal

And also ramp up arousal by using things like

- Sex Talk
- Sex Stories
- Sexual Innuendo
- Kino
- Proximity
- Eye Contact
- Seductive Voice Tone
- Micro Escalation

Good Luck

 

[lindsayrrr]

I'm not the best one for advice here, but picking out clothes together is a boyfriend move.
She's got lots of options because she's a girl.

Others will have better advice than me.

Good luck dude.

Thanks for the reply Orgasmatron.

I use that more as a game to get some involvement from a girl. She picks an outfit for me and i do the same for her. Though so far the times I've used it, seems didn't help the cause sadly.

Gonna just remove it from the "repertoire"

 

[lindsayrrr]

Yikes! This one is tough

If a girl is telling you this it means you were giving off strong BF vibes. But in your case she's probably a little annoyed with your lack of sexuality. Fun to her is not picking out clothes for you to wear, but rather picking up her clothes from the floor after getting railed by you.

It's good that you made a move but you probably didn't build sexual tension during your dates or setup correct sexual frames to make her feel comfortable hooking up with you, and painting you as a good lover.

Also, hate to break it you, but she's probably already banging another dude (hence her options), and she's looking for a replacement because he's not meeting some her needs.... probably sucks in bed



I would try to setup a third date at your place if you can and really lay on the sexual frames and also displaying more of a non-committal vibe before going for the close. Because this girl is probably afraid that if she has sex, you'll fall in love and try to rope her into a relationship

But honestly you should use this girl as a learning lesson. Because I read your field report about the first date, and the reason why she told you she was unsure about going home with you so early was because you played it too safe. Too much connection, not enough arousal, and bad framing for casual sex

So for future dates think about setting the following frames covertly through conversation & stories

- Nonjudgemental
- Sexual
- Non-committal

And also ramp up arousal by using things like

- Sex Talk
- Sex Stories
- Sexual Innuendo
- Kino
- Proximity
- Eye Contact
- Seductive Voice Tone
- Micro Escalation

Good Luck

Thanks for the informative reply Tominho.

I thought that might be the issue. I have never really worked on setting sexual frames during a date. Its mostly just connection building kinda topics.

Guess I have been playing it safe this way. Need to check out setting a sexy vibe.

 

[Orgasmatron]

Thanks for the reply Orgasmatron.

I use that more as a game to get some involvement from a girl. She picks an outfit for me and i do the same for her. Though so far the times I've used it, seems didn't help the cause sadly.

Gonna just remove it from the "repertoire"

hey dude, don't know if you've read this but it's worth reading again if you have https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-get-girls-last-post-youll-ever-need

things to focus on are probably:

eye contact, basically hold it until she looks away. try to work out what colour her eyes are if your struggling with that. you can comment on it later.

touch. you can guide her through doors by touching bottom of her back, you can ask to see ring or ear ring and touch her there, you can touch her arm when talking to her and sit beside her and put your hand on her leg.

I thought you meant you were tagging along with her to go clothes shopping. so, maybe don't remove the clothes thing, but you can use it to start touching her a bit and build some sexual tension

 

[lindsayrrr]

Since its concerning the same girl, thought i would give an update :

text exchange:

2022/05/17, 14:23 - Me: hey X hope you enduring this long ass week ‍
2022/05/17, 17:38 - X : Don't even talk about it ... it's still Tues. Lol. Atleast it's over now though. You home too?
2022/05/17, 17:45 - Me: gotcha nah doing a late shift today..pumping tunes to make time go faster lol
at least one of us can chill now

2022/05/17, 21:38 - X : Bleh, well at least the money is good

Listen, I've been wanting to tell you for sometime but been a bit chicken for some reason. Regarding you and me, I'm not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you.
I'm chilled if you still wanna be friends, but I won't force it if that's not something you want.

2022/05/17, 22:14 - Me: it has to be yeah lol

okay firstly i applaud the guts to type and send that, i would be chicken too lol
secondly my bad for making you feel that way, cuz my feelings have not changed...

i wanted to give you some space after our "convo"...felt like i was forcing you into something (and force is a crime )

2022/05/17, 22:16 - X: What way did you think I was feeling?
2022/05/17, 22:24 - Me: in a corner i guess.."this guy just wants me to hookup with him but he doesn't get that i dont want that"...thats you in my head
2022/05/17, 22:25 - Me: so lemme give her space to decide what she wants ‍..was my thoughts
2022/05/17, 22:29 - X: No. That's not what I was feeling.
2022/05/17, 22:30 - Me: then you called me that night and i felt like there was something...but i didn't wanna push you away again so i decided to let things be for abit
2022/05/17, 22:35 - Me: hey so there's this call button..i really wanna press it but only if you are gonna press your answer button...
2022/05/17, 22:36 - X: You can call

Call was her saying she doesn't think i'm the guy who can give her what she wants.
I told I'm cool with seeing how things go from here (most likely end zone).

What you guys think, I think I know how I messed up (I think), but would it possible to still hit it from his point on....