Flaked and Need Advice!

[longerjt]

Hey Guys -

Need some help here specific to my situation. It is ugly.

Same old story of a guy (me) who got too needy and flaked out when she stopped responding to me (text and calls). Now looking back I see she was slowly but steadily pulling back over last 1-2 months. I did exactly the opposite of what I should have.

I have been seeing her for 18 months, and lots of intense sex and both have told each other we loved one another (as recent as 4 weeks ago). Two weeks ago she sent me a text saying she has had enough (after I flaked on her for not responding), and that I have drove her away. I wrote her apologizing and saying I realized my bad and planned to have a new attitude (per Chase's piece on Getting Your Girlfriend back). She then wrote me a Dear John email saying she is feeling very guilty as she is married and that she needs to work on things, even though that includes a divorce (same with me; separated), and that our affair wasn't the right way to handle it, even if it was going down. She said she wants to be a better Mom and make changes at work, a better person, etc. She said my jealousy, neediness and lack of respect for her time have driven her away. Also said that she can't give me what I want right now, that it's too much for her. She can be a party girl when we are with a group, so I am not sure she may have found someone else. I pushed her hard to meet but she only came back more pissed off saying I was pushing her. She said I was making this all about me. She said she hopes we can still be friends - ugh!!!

I stopped all contact. It's been about two weeks. I have tried to follow Chase's advice as I am pretty sure she is #2: I'm Free! from "How to Get Your Girlfriend Back". Advice? I am working on moving on but would like very much to try to salvage if possible. I do love this woman. I will see her at a biz meeting in early December in Montreal for 3-4 days.
Normally we would work, dine, party/drink/club (together and with others) and have great sex but all bets are off now (always shared hotel room; 7-8 x's in past year).

I have truly changed my ways. To the point I am ready to walk away and am pretty pissed off. Some of that is I have seen she has issues with communication but also seeing I expected too much. My damaged ego wants to prove I can bed her again and then walk away, or just prove that I am not the pussy I was acting like for the last couple months. I hate that I fucked it up! Damn I wish someone had slapped me silly before I had to crash and burn. I will never let this happen again.

Advice?
1)Should I continue no contact? How to approach?
2) Should I try to meet and bed her (our sex was awesome but we are 18 mos in so hope newness isn't gone - too many good feelings here an issue I am afraid; lot's of shades of grey..)?
3) How should I approach her in Montreal?
4) By the way, any suggestions for venues to party with a group there (to take her if that is suggested)?

Thanks for your help!
JT

 

[longerjt]

BTW -

I am taking the advice of the article and working on fundamentals. I started Crossfit 2 weeks ago and lost 7 pounds so far. Working on being really buff by December. Also new look - cloths/shoes, change facial hair and haircut. Not on facebook or other appropriate venue to show my preselection. Thinking I might setup a date with another woman while in Montreal or will work the hotel bar, conference, etc. to try to show her I am moving on. I am thinking I should be friendly but cool to her when I see her - confident, strong, alpha.

The question, in addition to above, is how far should I go before going for it? Should I put her off?

Thanks
JT

 

[PrettyDecent]

longerjt,

BTW -

I am taking the advice of the article and working on fundamentals. I started Crossfit 2 weeks ago and lost 7 pounds so far. Working on being really buff by December. Also new look - cloths/shoes, change facial hair and haircut. Not on facebook or other appropriate venue to show my preselection. Thinking I might setup a date with another woman while in Montreal or will work the hotel bar, conference, etc. to try to show her I am moving on. I am thinking I should be friendly but cool to her when I see her - confident, strong, alpha.

There we go! This is an example of what everybody in this situation should do!

I might set up a few dates with a few different women. You want to at least wait 6 months before talking to her again as you improve your fundamentals. Sometimes girls can be taken back by the "Whoa! He's changed so much! I really DO want him back!" Even then, you want to improve your dating skills to the point you can easily get a girl of her quality before you get in contact again, otherwise you'll come off as too needy.

Overall, just stick to your plan, and try and move on from this girl, my friend. Everybody in GC started like this, and the ones who ultimately succeeded decided they didn't want their ex back anyways

~Nick

 

[longerjt]

Thanks Nick!

I was able to pull off a preselection move. I sent her a text that was designed to appear as supposed to go to someone else and sent to her by accident. She freaked out - texted me back after two weeks silence and said she was an idiot for trusting me, that she must have been one of many. I said - "what are you talking about?" Then she copied it and sent back to me. I said, oh that - ita not as it appears. Explained it as meet up plans for a guy friend. Point is she isnt sure now.

I see she ia still engaged and thinking of me so the silence has helped. I plan to be quiet from now to Montreal. I will see how things go from there but may try to bed her with my "new me".

Have to say i recommend crossfit to anyone looking for fast improvements. At 50 I have lost almost 10 lbs in 2 1/2 weeks and that is after doing p90x, insanity and Kickboxing for the last 2 years. Seems to have booated my T too.

Will let you know how it goes.....

Any other advise is appreciated.