Hi guys,
I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months. We both currently live in Thailand, where we met. She's American, I'm British. We are both English teachers in a Thai school. We know the relationship will end when we go back to our home countries at the end of this term, have discussed this and are fine with it. I do have feelings for this girl so I want to make it work for these next few months we're together. She feels the same way.
Last term, we worked in different schools around 45 minutes apart. We would usually only see each other at weekends, and sometimes once in the week. The relationship was fun, exciting, and the sex was awesome. She texted me every single day without fail. As of 1 month ago, I moved to the school she was working at for a number of reasons, one of which, naturally, was her. She was very keen for this to happen, as was I, and had been trying to persuade me.
Now, because we work in the same school, we see each other every day at work. Ever since I moved here, things haven't been the same. I live 4 doors down from her (all the English teachers live really close together - there's about 20) but she never comes over to hang out with me. She's really good friends with some of the other teachers (male and female), and I feel like an afterthought. It seems like she'd rather spend her leisure time with friends than alone with me. I think a bit of both is essential for a relationship.
We have talked about 'us' a couple of times, the last of which was about a week and a half ago. We agreed there's been a slight awkwardness to the relationship since I moved here. Whenever we arrange to meet up it always seems to be as a group, so I aired my concern that we don't spend enough time together alone.
She said that attraction is not the problem, and is always 'down to bang', in her words. But she also said she wasn't planning on having a boyfriend out here in Thailand, and something along the lines of 'I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been having this weird feeling of wanting independence/freedom while I'm travelling'. She says she can't put her finger on why she's been a bit standoffish. She has several hobbies - photography, writing a blog about her travels, and she likes to devote time to those, as well as Skyping friends from home etc. I also have similar projects and like to do my own thing, but I don't think it's unreasonable or needy for me to want to spend some alone time with my girlfriend 2 or 3 times a week.
She says it's not a commitment problem because I'm the only one she's at all attracted to out of the male teachers (there are only 5 guys here, 2 of which are in long term relationships and one of which she lives with). I'm also certain that sex isn't the problem - if there's one thing that's great about this relationship, it's the sex. Whenever we're alone together and there's an opportunity, she initiates sex... we even had sex while out in a bar socialising with our friends a couple of weeks ago (we found somewhere private). But we simply haven't been alone together very much, and sex isn't happening very often.
I told her I still really like her. She said she feels the same, and insisted she wants to work at the relationship rather than be single. We agreed to spend less time together overall (i.e. with the group) but more 'quality' time alone with each other.
Anyway, last weekend we went for a group trip to an island, bonded a bit more, shared a room, had great sex after a group night out... but haven't hung out all week. I haven't called, texted or gone to her house at all this week, to give her some space and also to get on with my own goals/projects. I feel like I've been doing all the chasing ever since I moved, so I'm trying to redress the balance in the relationship by becoming slightly less invested. Whenever we do see each other, she still acts really couply, hugging and kissing, even at school. But we're still not having alone time. So what's going on? Am I expecting too much? Should I let her come to me? Is she just not that into me? Am I overanalysing everything?
Sorry for rambling! Any thoughts are much appreciated.
I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months. We both currently live in Thailand, where we met. She's American, I'm British. We are both English teachers in a Thai school. We know the relationship will end when we go back to our home countries at the end of this term, have discussed this and are fine with it. I do have feelings for this girl so I want to make it work for these next few months we're together. She feels the same way.
Last term, we worked in different schools around 45 minutes apart. We would usually only see each other at weekends, and sometimes once in the week. The relationship was fun, exciting, and the sex was awesome. She texted me every single day without fail. As of 1 month ago, I moved to the school she was working at for a number of reasons, one of which, naturally, was her. She was very keen for this to happen, as was I, and had been trying to persuade me.
Now, because we work in the same school, we see each other every day at work. Ever since I moved here, things haven't been the same. I live 4 doors down from her (all the English teachers live really close together - there's about 20) but she never comes over to hang out with me. She's really good friends with some of the other teachers (male and female), and I feel like an afterthought. It seems like she'd rather spend her leisure time with friends than alone with me. I think a bit of both is essential for a relationship.
We have talked about 'us' a couple of times, the last of which was about a week and a half ago. We agreed there's been a slight awkwardness to the relationship since I moved here. Whenever we arrange to meet up it always seems to be as a group, so I aired my concern that we don't spend enough time together alone.
She said that attraction is not the problem, and is always 'down to bang', in her words. But she also said she wasn't planning on having a boyfriend out here in Thailand, and something along the lines of 'I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been having this weird feeling of wanting independence/freedom while I'm travelling'. She says she can't put her finger on why she's been a bit standoffish. She has several hobbies - photography, writing a blog about her travels, and she likes to devote time to those, as well as Skyping friends from home etc. I also have similar projects and like to do my own thing, but I don't think it's unreasonable or needy for me to want to spend some alone time with my girlfriend 2 or 3 times a week.
She says it's not a commitment problem because I'm the only one she's at all attracted to out of the male teachers (there are only 5 guys here, 2 of which are in long term relationships and one of which she lives with). I'm also certain that sex isn't the problem - if there's one thing that's great about this relationship, it's the sex. Whenever we're alone together and there's an opportunity, she initiates sex... we even had sex while out in a bar socialising with our friends a couple of weeks ago (we found somewhere private). But we simply haven't been alone together very much, and sex isn't happening very often.
I told her I still really like her. She said she feels the same, and insisted she wants to work at the relationship rather than be single. We agreed to spend less time together overall (i.e. with the group) but more 'quality' time alone with each other.
Anyway, last weekend we went for a group trip to an island, bonded a bit more, shared a room, had great sex after a group night out... but haven't hung out all week. I haven't called, texted or gone to her house at all this week, to give her some space and also to get on with my own goals/projects. I feel like I've been doing all the chasing ever since I moved, so I'm trying to redress the balance in the relationship by becoming slightly less invested. Whenever we do see each other, she still acts really couply, hugging and kissing, even at school. But we're still not having alone time. So what's going on? Am I expecting too much? Should I let her come to me? Is she just not that into me? Am I overanalysing everything?
Sorry for rambling! Any thoughts are much appreciated.
