Casual/FWB Flat mate

[Addicted2height]

At the start of this year i stayed at my mates place for a weekend and ended up sleeping with his flat mate on the last night i was there.

Due to another good friends wedding and my work schedule I'll be spending over a week there.

Her and I have been txting a few times most days, just pointless stuff and a couple of photos, sent a txt tonight saying I was just looking for a bit of fun.
Her reply was basically: Im not against fun and plan on have more of it with you. But i do want more, not nessercarily with you. But it would be nice to have some one.
Me: The problem is distance, I work too much, live in a different country. I cant promise ill always be arround, but i enjoyed hanging out with you. Cant promise anything other than i'll be honest with you and not lie to you like some other men.
(Currently working for 4 weeks and 1 week rest)
Her: I appreciate that But i figured I'd just get to know you, have some fun with you. No expectations... and if it turns into more we'll talk about it then. But i just don't want it to be no chance of happening.
Me: Just go with the flow! Thats generally how i roll
Her: anyway im awesome you'll have no choice in falling for me (jokes lol... don't get scared)
Her: Can I ask are you completely closed off to a relationship
me: Not completely closed. I just don't see it working out with my job, and i really enjoy my job...
Her It's good you enjoy your job

Then some more useless txts im not going to bore you with.

Basically i don't want to GF her because i work away, she's a couple of years older, and mainly she smokes way to much
But she is fun to hang out with, and gets on with my mates/lives with them

Whats the best way to handle this and not hurt her/ maintain friendship/ still have sex?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Actually mate, you have already handle this well. If she still keep insisting on relationship, slowly cutting contact with her. IF she sends three messages, then just reply like you did here, only reply her once every three messages. and slowly exit yourself from her life. Just don't purposely avoid her. Be neutral.

IF she's still okay with keeping things casual like here, just keep in contact with her around 10 days once, so she won't get so attached.

Zac

 

[Addicted2height]

The texting from a distance is easy to handle but thanks for the advice

Problem lies with me crashing at her house for the next 10 days.
The fact that I'm a great catch is hard to ensure girls don't fall for me. Living far away is currently the best defence i have...

Ill keep you posted with how it goes but kinda worried im going to fall for her or be too nice to and let her fall for me

 

[trashKENNUT]

Due to another good friends wedding and my work schedule I'll be spending over a week there.

Whoopsie, i miss out on this one. I actually read that you spend the last night sleeping with the flat mate.

i guess you can't really do all that much. Lesser sex and comfort her more, might ease the 10 day stay. but likewise, you also somewhat stuck.

The fact that I'm a great catch is hard to ensure girls don't fall for me. Living far away is currently the best defence i have...

Living far away is currently the best defence, I agree with you, but i feel the conversation you gave was warmth. In the mean time, stick with the things you did to assure her that you still appreciate her.

Zac

 

[Addicted2height]

Well turns out we got on really well together and are now kinda in a relationship.... Not exactly what I had planed but go with the the flow and see how it all turns out.

 

[Chase]

Addicted-

Well turns out we got on really well together and are now kinda in a relationship.... Not exactly what I had planed but go with the the flow and see how it all turns out.

It's usually better to nip these things in the bud to avoid getting sucked into relationships you don't want to be in by being "too nice." The fact that you were texting with her a lot is actually what set the tone for a relationship - you can say you're aloof and not good relationship material as much as you like, but if you keep texting her and acting like a boyfriend, she'll slot you into that role.

The better approach here would be to simply just shoot her a text a week or so before you go and say, "Hey Mindy, hope you've been great. Don't know if Joe told you, but I'm there for a week for Mark and Sally's wedding. Hope you like lasagna, because I'll be cooking a lot of it!"

Then if she texts back, keep it very neutral and casual. Don't talk about sex at all, treat her like she's just a cool gal pal. And don't text too much. If she starts texting you a lot, just take a long time to respond.

Reason why is the instant you start texting a lot or talking about sex, she KNOWS you want that. And as soon as she knows she has something you want, she can use that to get something SHE wants. Which means she can start pushing for a relationship, with the implication that if at any point you say "no" outright to a relationship, she can then say "no" outright to sex. Which means you won't say "no," which means you leave the door open... and a little open crack is all she needs (as you know now - you're in a relationship that isn't really what you wanted).

Anyway, if my read is wrong here and you're with her because it turns out she's really amazing and exactly what you want, then props! Although, it rather sounds more like you fell into a relationship here than anything else.

Chase