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Zoro

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,124
Right now, I feel like I am operating at well below my potential. I'm frustrated, keep engaging in bad habits and distractions, and fucking myself up instead of living the way I truly want to be.

All in all, things are "good'. I have a stable comfortable living situation (with mom), an easy job with a lot of free time, have cool friends (some great with women), just joined a band with growth minded musicians, and I have a plan that I'm following. I also have lots of cool experiences to reflect on, so I can say "Yeah, I know I can reach my goals because I've succeeded before." I've dated high quality women, traveled to cool places, and toured the US in a band. All these are related to my current goals, which are basically doing all these things on a more consistent, sustainable level while making money and building assets as an entrepreneur.

What I'm frustrated about: my stress levels are too high and my energy and focus too low. I believe it's because I have some emotional baggage that needs addressing, and that I keep running from doing this because I want porn to numb myself and then beat myself up about it (salting the wound). I feel stuck in a pattern preventing me from really being clear headed and focused on following through with goals.

I'm sick of porn (especially ejaculating too often). It drains me of motivation, energy, and is a huge distraction. I also notice that when I stay away from it for a while, my standards "grow", meaning that I find myself attracted to a wider range of women and am more motivated to meet them. I also notice a ton of other benefits, so addressing this habit is a goal of mine.


My goal for the week: (these are specifically relevant to my long term goals)

Study for my health coach cert.
Save $100
Avoid porn so that when I go out next weekend, I have a "full tank" (motivated and "hungry" to meet real women)
Meditate daily and follow through with my daily routine
set up my drum kit and practice the setlist with a click track


I plan to update this on saturdays/sundays.
 

Mr.Rob

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jun 16, 2013
Messages
1,897
"The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg is a good book for understanding the underlying mechanisms of why you keep engaging in behaviors you don't actually want to engage in. "No Excuses" by Brian Tracy is an excellent follow up read (he basically berates you the 1st half of the book on why your life sucks and why you should step it up... very motivating).

Seems like you porn addiction is the main thing holding you back right now mentally and physically right now. I'd dedicate a lot of time into setting up systems to conquer this addiction (and you will relapse a few/many times before succeeding in breaking the addiction, having overcome a few addictions myself). Once you beat and replace the bad behavior you'll never have to worry about it again and you'll be free to go take life by the horns.

Also writing your goals out crystal clear and what you hope to accomplish by xyz time/date in the future for each of your aforementioned pursuits would be a good exercise if you haven't done so already.

Stay focused, keep your eye on the long term vision, and keep chipping a bit away everyday and you'll be living your dreams before you know it pimp.

-Rob
 

Zoro

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,124
Ideal life:
Have the skills to pick up girls I'm into
Be able to manage non monogamous relationships
Own my own location independent business, and set up passive incomes
Be financially independent and support myself a comfortable/fun lifestyle
travel and have a few cities I love that I live part time in (can be airbnb style living at some of these places)
Be able to support a family when the time comes, have financial stability
Rich AF ;)

I have this much more detailed and specific elsewhere.

Goals for this year (before December 31st, this also may be revised):
Complete Coaching Certification
Have a noticeable improvement in regards to my health, energy, and porn addiction (and strengthen/heal shoulder posture)
save at least $1,500

Shit I feel like those are so important that I can't bring myself to add anything, obviously I'd like to meet and sleep with new women, but I feel like I need to focus on these to bring the rest of my life into harmony.

Goals for the month:
Study regularly/ 3-4 hours a week
Try out float therapy
continue working on life "systems" (meaning clearly define what I want, plan out year/month/weeks, define priorties and focuses, set up how I'm going to integrate plans into routines, and track my progress, etc.)
Continue saving
set up a way to track my finances
figure out what I'm doing with the band

Goals for the week:
Study coaching
life systems
save
finances
discuss with band

I'm at a dilemma with the band I just joined. I know that music has brought so much value into my life (especially things I care about, like good friends, amazing lovers, experiences, and the joy of the music itself). AND the dudes in this band are super solid and growth minded. This band has the potential to do some big things.

However, I feel like my priorities are my health and finances, and the band might be a big hinderance. I feel like I need it for soul sustenance, and I feel like I have to say no to put my life together with appropriate focus. Ugh.

Also, I have two good friends who are throwing my emotional baggage regarding women for a loop. In high school, I had a best friend who had god level of abundance with girls. I had a front row seat to what I was missing out on, like a begger next to the guy eating a burrito in his Ferrari. These two dudes now, remind my heart of this angsty time. One is basically a 6ft stud who the hottest women chase, and the other has impeccable game. It feels like high school all over again, EXCEPT this time I realize logically this is amazing. I can learn so much from these guys, and already am doing so. Also, in high school just being friends with that godslayer meant that once in a while cute girls found their way to me (this time I know what to do with them too lol). So emotionally it's tearing me up, cause I'm feeling like a porn addicted loser who is chronically fatigued and can't get his shit together, but logically I know I'm doing the best I can, actually am making progress, developing some solid fucking plans and methods of achieving my goals, am in position to step up my game to my friends' levels, and I'm not starting from scratch (I've even out gamed both these guys to get the exact girl I wanted on a few occasions).

So it's about emotional health too.


Mr.Rob said:
Seems like you porn addiction is the main thing holding you back right now mentally and physically right now.

The most challenging thing I've faced in my life.

Mr.Rob said:
Also writing your goals out crystal clear and what you hope to accomplish by xyz time/date in the future for each of your aforementioned pursuits would be a good exercise if you haven't done so already.

Yup, i'm loving how much this has been helping. The journal is not where I keep my detailed plans and notes, it's more of a narrative for my journey.

Mr.Rob said:
Stay focused, keep your eye on the long term vision, and keep chipping a bit away everyday and you'll be living your dreams before you know it pimp.
.

I appreciate the encouragement. I think I need a little bit of that. This struggle is breaking me. Until very recently, I've never lost hope, never lost confidence in myself, and never blamed myself during the years I've set out to heal, improve and grow. Now I have moments where I am flattened. Last night I gave in again, looked at myself in the mirror and thought "I hate myself". I am thankful I am conscious enough to know how important it is to forgive, accept, and love myself where ever I am at. I forgive myself. I accept myself. I love myself. And I'm always going to get back up and face the day, even if I have moments where I crumble and lose hope. I'll find that hope as soon as I can, and walk on. The struggle is just a sign that I'm doing something significant for my life.


How I did on my goals for the week.

J Wick said:
My goal for the week: (these are specifically relevant to my long term goals)

Study for my health coach cert.
Save $100
Avoid porn so that when I go out next weekend, I have a "full tank" (motivated and "hungry" to meet real women)
Meditate daily and follow through with my daily routine
set up my drum kit and practice the setlist with a click track

I didn't study as much as I wanted, but I was totally focused on distracting myself from stressful things to avoid porn. I still have to manage stress better, and manage porn better without needing to distract myself with other "lesser evils" like binge watching tv. rest, meditation, walking, being social, and supplements are also helpful, but something isn't clicking.

I got to 5 days without porn/ejaculation, but slipped up last night. The plan was to make it to at least after tonight because I'm having a little get together with some cute girls and my wingmen, so I fucked up on "having a full tank". I can't let this snowball. A bump in the road is fine and expected, a binge is sliding all the back. I'm thinking about cutting out drinking, I couldn't sleep last nigth because I drank too much, and that left me stressed out and vulnerable to porn.

I did spend less and save what I wanted, meditate and set up my drums.

carpe diem
 

Zoro

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 25, 2012
Messages
1,124
I feel like I've got too much on my plate trying to add in all this new structure and organization.

So I'm narrowing it down. My priorities right now are my health and my finances.

This means I need to:

Health
Stay away from porn
buy the supplements that have been helping me
take daily walks
meditate

Finances
Find an app or way to track my spending
keep studying my health coaching course
Save
track earnings, expenses, debts, and bills.

So perhaps I should establish a routine that will support these.

Something like,

Wake up
meditate
take a short walk
study for an hour
walk or clean or go to the beach
eat/relax

Look over goals/refine routine/refine plans/etc.
Work on current goal stuff for an hour (so right now, set up a way to track my finances)
rest/meditate
shoulder exercises

Read
Bed

This still might be too much. I'm having a hard time sticking to routine, but I think it's because I had too many things on my todo lists. Also I think that I'm forgetting how these things I need to do are connected to the goals I have. I'm thinking of them as chores rather than actions that will bring me closer to the life I want to live.

EDIT: I just took a walk and while thinking over what I just posted I realized some thhings. (I have to remember that so many good ideas just come flowing on these walks, especially when I start being creative with business stuff)

Something feels missing from my day's routine here. When I go through a day like this right, around the middle of the day (like after eat/relax) I feel restless. I feel like I need something that I have no been getting or at least striving towards. And I thought to myself, "what would I do right here if I could do anything?"

The answers were: meet up with a coaching client somewhere cool, and/or go on a date/meet up with a girlfriend/have some sex. Basically what I envision I'd do in a basic day of my ideal life (make money from my business doing something I like and enjoying some feminine company).
This is usually the time of day where I feel stressed and watch some porn. It's probably a drop or craving in dopamine. So until I have a reliable way to get clients, dates, and sex, I need to find other ways to get my fix and get the dopamine hit naturally like it was designed.

Some options:
go to the mountain bike park
Skateboard
Play some drums
play soccer
play in some other way (try to surf, hang out with a friend, parkour, dance around the house, whatever)
Go out and meet girls (though my go-to spots have been ghost towns lately, which is one reason I'm frustrated, so this sometimes backfires).
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take
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