Gentlemen,
First a word about me. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and fresh again on the dating market after 15 years with the same woman. Guess what, after 15 years off, you need to re-learn everything from scratch! I discovered Chase's website 6 months ago and it was a big enlightenment. Chase, your web site is great! All my past history of success and failure with girls suddenly all made sense. I can really see how it all fits together, especially the Lover vs. Provider, sexy vs. funny and chasing vs. persistence. And in retrospect, I was always the Provider in every respect; but as said by Chase, this is only 50% of the job as women seek a mixture of Lover and Provider. Since then, I have decided to learn the Lover's way, and to apply the great material from this site. Many things here are new to me, starting with the move fast philosophy. The first thing I worked on was on my fundamentals - and still working on, but yes, I can see a great improvement here, I am getting compliments, and dates, from twenty something ladies.
So now, to the Report. This is very likely a fuck-up, although the interaction is not completely finished at this stage. Yet, I would love to hear what you think and how you would have handled this situation differently. As you will see, that was a great start, then the unexpected happened...
I met this beautiful blonde girl a few week ago via the broader social circle. She is 23 years old working for a big consulting company, and an expat worker like myself in this GCC country. It clicked very well immediately. I could tell she was trying her charms on me with her sideways glances and smiles. I asked her to give me her hand so that I could admire her watch. I touched her hair. She gave me her business card when I was still wondering how I would ask her number (our mutual friends were with us). When we left, I grabbed her softly by the arm and asked her to give me a ride to my place. Well, I am not yet ready to move THAT fast, but I was trying compliance, and at the same time wanted to plant the idea of my place in her mind.
During the week, I kept text chat at the minimum. Some ice breaker text and a little "situational" chat. No big emotions. The following week end, I tried something I never did before, the (almost) instant date by text. I sent a spontaneous text like "This afternoon, I am going to my health club at Ritz Carlton. There is a nice outdoor pool where you can have pool side drinks and snacks. I have a free pass and propose to take you with me. What do you say?" I had to insist a little bit (not too much) and she was in. We had a lovely afternoon. Fun in the pool, snacks, and deep diving. We ended in the lounge of the Ritz with drinks, and at that stage there was a very good emotional connection. Yet, I had an evening dinner planned with a friend and she had a flat visit (she was moving flats), so we had to interrupt the date a bit abruptly. In hindsight, that was the top of our interaction. Two things I could have done differently: I could have kissed her, or I could have canceled the dinner with my friend. I did none of that. After we left, she immediately texted me how much she enjoyed the time, and prompted me to continue pushing good date ideas.
Mid week, I sent her a text reminding her last message, and suggested a date at my place. "On the weekend, you come at my place, we cook crepes (french pancakes) then decide between going to the pool or watching a movie" (need to keep plausible deniability). Answer was an immediate "I am in". And here I realized how easy it is to attract a woman at home so soon when you have the right emotional connection. I thought she would flake... and she did not. On the morning she texted she was on her way so I started arranging things at home. Yet she was late... then I got a text "I lost my car keys". On her way to my home she went to the shopping mall to purchase some fresh orange juice and managed to lose her car key in the process. Of course her home keys were inside the car. I went to the mall and we stayed some time there looking for the keys with no success. I brought her home eventually but guess what, the mood was off now, the worry was still on the back of our minds. We did the cooking then lied down on the sofa watching a movie. I took her in my arms and tried kissing but got protests, and I thought better not to insist given the context. After that we felt that the best to do was to return to the mall and do more looking. When I drove her home I asked for a replacement date, like a dinner out, which ended in a "maybe tomorrow" and then never happened. In hindsight, I probably should not have tried something bold given the context, and spilled my beans on the wrong moment; but then I thought that if I did not try, she would be disappointed. But girls react to immediate experience.
After the would be dinner that never occurred, I decided to cut. That was heading to a chase dynamics I did not like, so I sent a text saying "This is not balanced. I have enjoyed my time with you. Good evening." Then I stopped messaging. She re-initiated a few days after. Few texts. Then I stopped again, for a full week, then she re-initiated. So, I tried proposing another date, asking when she would be free. I also mentioned that I would be off in holidays for two weeks soon (to give some sense of urgency). She was not available on the week end so she proposed for the following week, a few days before my holidays. The day before the date I texted her with date arrangements (a dinner out), to poll if this was still on. No answer after a few hours. Yet, thanks to Whatsapp (chat platform) I knew she had read my text. That was looking like another "maybe" story, and I don't want her to think it is OK. So I wrote "sorry, but the above deserved an answer. I have little time and patience for this. We call it canceled. Good evening." Then suddenly she texted back plenty of apologies and excuses. I said, "why don't you call me, I am growing sick of texting". She finally called a few hours before my plane and we arranged a quick drink. I made sure she did all the talking with a little deep diving and a relaxed mood. She said something like "I hope you will be back to us" (I love the "us"). Then I was off for holidays and there were no more interaction in nearly two weeks since then. I am still away of the country and pondering if and how I am going to take things on when I am back.
Guys, I would love the hear what you think. How would you have handled this differently, after the pool date, after the home date, given the context? Now, as you see it is not quite dead but the dynamics has changed. I met her without a problem three week ends consecutively without problem, and then suddenly it is mission impossible to get more time off together; but yet she would not let me go. I am under the impression that she has put me on second or third priority on her dating list and she is trying to keep me in orbit as a backup if options 1 or 2 fuck it up - a situation I am not prepared to accept.
Guys, how you would handle this moving forward?
First a word about me. I am 43 years old, recently divorced and fresh again on the dating market after 15 years with the same woman. Guess what, after 15 years off, you need to re-learn everything from scratch! I discovered Chase's website 6 months ago and it was a big enlightenment. Chase, your web site is great! All my past history of success and failure with girls suddenly all made sense. I can really see how it all fits together, especially the Lover vs. Provider, sexy vs. funny and chasing vs. persistence. And in retrospect, I was always the Provider in every respect; but as said by Chase, this is only 50% of the job as women seek a mixture of Lover and Provider. Since then, I have decided to learn the Lover's way, and to apply the great material from this site. Many things here are new to me, starting with the move fast philosophy. The first thing I worked on was on my fundamentals - and still working on, but yes, I can see a great improvement here, I am getting compliments, and dates, from twenty something ladies.
So now, to the Report. This is very likely a fuck-up, although the interaction is not completely finished at this stage. Yet, I would love to hear what you think and how you would have handled this situation differently. As you will see, that was a great start, then the unexpected happened...
I met this beautiful blonde girl a few week ago via the broader social circle. She is 23 years old working for a big consulting company, and an expat worker like myself in this GCC country. It clicked very well immediately. I could tell she was trying her charms on me with her sideways glances and smiles. I asked her to give me her hand so that I could admire her watch. I touched her hair. She gave me her business card when I was still wondering how I would ask her number (our mutual friends were with us). When we left, I grabbed her softly by the arm and asked her to give me a ride to my place. Well, I am not yet ready to move THAT fast, but I was trying compliance, and at the same time wanted to plant the idea of my place in her mind.
During the week, I kept text chat at the minimum. Some ice breaker text and a little "situational" chat. No big emotions. The following week end, I tried something I never did before, the (almost) instant date by text. I sent a spontaneous text like "This afternoon, I am going to my health club at Ritz Carlton. There is a nice outdoor pool where you can have pool side drinks and snacks. I have a free pass and propose to take you with me. What do you say?" I had to insist a little bit (not too much) and she was in. We had a lovely afternoon. Fun in the pool, snacks, and deep diving. We ended in the lounge of the Ritz with drinks, and at that stage there was a very good emotional connection. Yet, I had an evening dinner planned with a friend and she had a flat visit (she was moving flats), so we had to interrupt the date a bit abruptly. In hindsight, that was the top of our interaction. Two things I could have done differently: I could have kissed her, or I could have canceled the dinner with my friend. I did none of that. After we left, she immediately texted me how much she enjoyed the time, and prompted me to continue pushing good date ideas.
Mid week, I sent her a text reminding her last message, and suggested a date at my place. "On the weekend, you come at my place, we cook crepes (french pancakes) then decide between going to the pool or watching a movie" (need to keep plausible deniability). Answer was an immediate "I am in". And here I realized how easy it is to attract a woman at home so soon when you have the right emotional connection. I thought she would flake... and she did not. On the morning she texted she was on her way so I started arranging things at home. Yet she was late... then I got a text "I lost my car keys". On her way to my home she went to the shopping mall to purchase some fresh orange juice and managed to lose her car key in the process. Of course her home keys were inside the car. I went to the mall and we stayed some time there looking for the keys with no success. I brought her home eventually but guess what, the mood was off now, the worry was still on the back of our minds. We did the cooking then lied down on the sofa watching a movie. I took her in my arms and tried kissing but got protests, and I thought better not to insist given the context. After that we felt that the best to do was to return to the mall and do more looking. When I drove her home I asked for a replacement date, like a dinner out, which ended in a "maybe tomorrow" and then never happened. In hindsight, I probably should not have tried something bold given the context, and spilled my beans on the wrong moment; but then I thought that if I did not try, she would be disappointed. But girls react to immediate experience.
After the would be dinner that never occurred, I decided to cut. That was heading to a chase dynamics I did not like, so I sent a text saying "This is not balanced. I have enjoyed my time with you. Good evening." Then I stopped messaging. She re-initiated a few days after. Few texts. Then I stopped again, for a full week, then she re-initiated. So, I tried proposing another date, asking when she would be free. I also mentioned that I would be off in holidays for two weeks soon (to give some sense of urgency). She was not available on the week end so she proposed for the following week, a few days before my holidays. The day before the date I texted her with date arrangements (a dinner out), to poll if this was still on. No answer after a few hours. Yet, thanks to Whatsapp (chat platform) I knew she had read my text. That was looking like another "maybe" story, and I don't want her to think it is OK. So I wrote "sorry, but the above deserved an answer. I have little time and patience for this. We call it canceled. Good evening." Then suddenly she texted back plenty of apologies and excuses. I said, "why don't you call me, I am growing sick of texting". She finally called a few hours before my plane and we arranged a quick drink. I made sure she did all the talking with a little deep diving and a relaxed mood. She said something like "I hope you will be back to us" (I love the "us"). Then I was off for holidays and there were no more interaction in nearly two weeks since then. I am still away of the country and pondering if and how I am going to take things on when I am back.
Guys, I would love the hear what you think. How would you have handled this differently, after the pool date, after the home date, given the context? Now, as you see it is not quite dead but the dynamics has changed. I met her without a problem three week ends consecutively without problem, and then suddenly it is mission impossible to get more time off together; but yet she would not let me go. I am under the impression that she has put me on second or third priority on her dating list and she is trying to keep me in orbit as a backup if options 1 or 2 fuck it up - a situation I am not prepared to accept.
Guys, how you would handle this moving forward?
! Next time I will follow your advice closely on this.