A
Anonymous
Guest
I am not a person of caligynephobia in fact I don't even bother thinking much about it. Lately I have been thinking about at least trying to get a date even though there are some things that hold me back like say not having a car, a job plus money, and I live with my parents. My best friend has the same background as I do (computer scientist and cyber security, plus lives with his parents only difference is that he has a job and car) but I known he has been ogling this girl on Facebook for a while but I don't think I'm in the position of telling him what I have learned from what I have read here lately. Now back on topic, I have been asked many times that I should try to get a date. If you ask someone who knows me well enough they will tell you that I have never dated anyone, even as far back as elementary I was single. What made this experience worth mentioning was that it became somewhat of a door opener and I thought that I should share and get everyone's impression.
It was an average day for me (not trying to sound formal). And I left the computer lab I hang out in all day for lunch, I am only outside the lab when a class is being held in it. And I went to the lunch room. Once I obtained my meal I saw a friend of mine sitting at one of the tables along with a friend of hers that I have never seen or met before. I talk to her every once in a while but I feel she finds me tedious (I'm a little too geeky for her) and I ask myself why I bother interacting with this girl. My reason for approaching was that I wanted to meet her friend.
I sat down at the table in front of the strange girl. She was a beautiful Chinese girl with a thin build, black hair that was 2 inches longer than shoulder length, and an unfamiliar (but comprehensible) accent. I started talking to the girl that found me tedious by asking something that related to classes and how they have been going for us. I mentioned some point my experiences with the English literature class I took in the last semester then mentioned I made an F in the class. Normally I am good with writing in most cases but I don't read very quickly. When the strange girl heard me mention English she was able to relate by saying that her native language isn't English in fact it happened to be manderine. I brought up the fact that I would've done better if they had given me more interesting books to read. I am a fan of science fiction and mystery. I mentioned titles like Sherlock Holmes, and War of the Worlds. I told her that H.G Welles was my all time favorite author. She was interested to know more about this and her interest intensified when I told her about the Orson Wells incident from the late 30s. We exchanged a few laughs and I expressed my usual witty banter but she had to leave and I was left with the other girl. The story doesn't stop here since more than one encounter had occurred.
I saw her again a few days later on my way to class. She was walking by my direction, At first she wasn't going to say hello to me but I approached her and did so myself. She acted kind of nervous but not immediately apparent. I never got her name and causally asked her, she told me but I would forget what it was later (I guess I don't think strait when experiencing some type of anxiety). She was in a hurry like last time and there was nothing more to be said so she left in the opposite direction while I went to class.
My next encounter with this girl wasn't until the following week when I went to get some lunch in the lunch room. I didn't really expect something to occur I was only thinking about the business I was attending to in my classes. She caught be by surprise and passed by my table which was next to a stair case. At first she didn't see me but she got a good look at me as she walked passed me and she said hello. The interaction only lasted for like 10 minutes, it was like the first time the usual exchange of words and banter. She shown some signs of anxiety (such as brief answers, easily humored where it was easy to make her giggle, and some excessive hand movements). The interaction was starting to become too lengthy for her since she had what looked like a study group or just a few friends that she just pulled herself away.
A day later I saw her in the breezeway holding hands with some guy that looked to be about 3 inches taller than I was (5ft 11). I decided not to greet myself as not to run the risk of angering her alleged boyfriend. I know for a fact that the activity being expressed between the two of them suggested that they have been together for a lot longer than the amount of time I have known her. I lot some interest in her but had some feelings up into that point. Never saw her enough and interacted long enough to get anything out of it. My interest might have gone south for the moment but I guess hers was never there to begin with even though it kind of seemed that way (being from another country and all, she has only lived in my area for three years and there are still some kinks in her English but nothing serious).
The last time I saw her she took a short look at me and rolled her eyes (or something of similar nature that would suggest that she just wanted to ignore me from then on but this isn't for sure, I haven't attempted to approach her lately since the work in all the classes I am taking have decided to fall within the same time frame so this week has been hell.
There are some things that I can take away from this experience but then some I really can't grasp. For instance I am still unsure as to why she expressed some anxiety around me in one of our encounters (it wasn't the type of discomfort that suggested she wanted to leave, if that were the case she wouldn't have expressed genuine interest when we met). I am unsure weather it was out of ethics due to her cultural background or she just moves on very quickly. Then there is the chance that she was pursuing someone in hopes of replacing a relationship that had been going south for a while but I’ll never know.
Thanks for reading I hope this wasn't too long. I applied the conversational tactics mentioned in the ebook during our initial meeting but the rest was all out of my instincts which weren't all that great. I have never read the other articles that dealt with what to do during the conversations to ensure a permanent line of contact until after this experience. But I am a little more daring when it comes to introductions for instance I am not afraid to say I am unemployed but I still can't get a car (long story, lets just say that I will never be able to drive in the city limits as long as I live and this isn't by choice).
It was an average day for me (not trying to sound formal). And I left the computer lab I hang out in all day for lunch, I am only outside the lab when a class is being held in it. And I went to the lunch room. Once I obtained my meal I saw a friend of mine sitting at one of the tables along with a friend of hers that I have never seen or met before. I talk to her every once in a while but I feel she finds me tedious (I'm a little too geeky for her) and I ask myself why I bother interacting with this girl. My reason for approaching was that I wanted to meet her friend.
I sat down at the table in front of the strange girl. She was a beautiful Chinese girl with a thin build, black hair that was 2 inches longer than shoulder length, and an unfamiliar (but comprehensible) accent. I started talking to the girl that found me tedious by asking something that related to classes and how they have been going for us. I mentioned some point my experiences with the English literature class I took in the last semester then mentioned I made an F in the class. Normally I am good with writing in most cases but I don't read very quickly. When the strange girl heard me mention English she was able to relate by saying that her native language isn't English in fact it happened to be manderine. I brought up the fact that I would've done better if they had given me more interesting books to read. I am a fan of science fiction and mystery. I mentioned titles like Sherlock Holmes, and War of the Worlds. I told her that H.G Welles was my all time favorite author. She was interested to know more about this and her interest intensified when I told her about the Orson Wells incident from the late 30s. We exchanged a few laughs and I expressed my usual witty banter but she had to leave and I was left with the other girl. The story doesn't stop here since more than one encounter had occurred.
I saw her again a few days later on my way to class. She was walking by my direction, At first she wasn't going to say hello to me but I approached her and did so myself. She acted kind of nervous but not immediately apparent. I never got her name and causally asked her, she told me but I would forget what it was later (I guess I don't think strait when experiencing some type of anxiety). She was in a hurry like last time and there was nothing more to be said so she left in the opposite direction while I went to class.
My next encounter with this girl wasn't until the following week when I went to get some lunch in the lunch room. I didn't really expect something to occur I was only thinking about the business I was attending to in my classes. She caught be by surprise and passed by my table which was next to a stair case. At first she didn't see me but she got a good look at me as she walked passed me and she said hello. The interaction only lasted for like 10 minutes, it was like the first time the usual exchange of words and banter. She shown some signs of anxiety (such as brief answers, easily humored where it was easy to make her giggle, and some excessive hand movements). The interaction was starting to become too lengthy for her since she had what looked like a study group or just a few friends that she just pulled herself away.
A day later I saw her in the breezeway holding hands with some guy that looked to be about 3 inches taller than I was (5ft 11). I decided not to greet myself as not to run the risk of angering her alleged boyfriend. I know for a fact that the activity being expressed between the two of them suggested that they have been together for a lot longer than the amount of time I have known her. I lot some interest in her but had some feelings up into that point. Never saw her enough and interacted long enough to get anything out of it. My interest might have gone south for the moment but I guess hers was never there to begin with even though it kind of seemed that way (being from another country and all, she has only lived in my area for three years and there are still some kinks in her English but nothing serious).
The last time I saw her she took a short look at me and rolled her eyes (or something of similar nature that would suggest that she just wanted to ignore me from then on but this isn't for sure, I haven't attempted to approach her lately since the work in all the classes I am taking have decided to fall within the same time frame so this week has been hell.
There are some things that I can take away from this experience but then some I really can't grasp. For instance I am still unsure as to why she expressed some anxiety around me in one of our encounters (it wasn't the type of discomfort that suggested she wanted to leave, if that were the case she wouldn't have expressed genuine interest when we met). I am unsure weather it was out of ethics due to her cultural background or she just moves on very quickly. Then there is the chance that she was pursuing someone in hopes of replacing a relationship that had been going south for a while but I’ll never know.
Thanks for reading I hope this wasn't too long. I applied the conversational tactics mentioned in the ebook during our initial meeting but the rest was all out of my instincts which weren't all that great. I have never read the other articles that dealt with what to do during the conversations to ensure a permanent line of contact until after this experience. But I am a little more daring when it comes to introductions for instance I am not afraid to say I am unemployed but I still can't get a car (long story, lets just say that I will never be able to drive in the city limits as long as I live and this isn't by choice).
