This is my first field report, on a series of dates I've had with a girl (named E), who I met at the end of term party for a music group I'm in.
Not the most conspicuous start: the group is full of women, mostly significantly older than I am, so I wasn't expecting anything at the party and didn't bring my a-game. E had been brought along by her Mum, who is a member of the same music group; at one point during the night, we were sat next to each other and talked a little about nothing much in particular. As I say though, I really wasn't in the right frame of mind so didn't act on a couple of clear indicators of interest: every so often, if I was talking to someone else I'd catch her looking across the room at me, and later on she asked me to dance (I politely declined, trying to retain my 'Mr Mysterious' aura). At the end of the night, however, sensing I may have missed the boat with something, I had a chat with the teacher of the group, mentioned my interest in this girl in passing, and lo and behold the next day she passed along E's number to me. As I say, not exactly the way it should be done, and I felt pretty damn amateurish - nevertheless, I gave it a day or two as I considered whether I cared enough to pursue it, thought 'fuck it' and texted her:
Me (Saturday 15:53):"Hey E, its O - good to meet you the other night!"
E (Sat. 16:17): "Hiya O, yeah was great fun the other night and it was good to meet you too!"
Me (Sat. 23:00): "What's your schedule like this week? Let's grab a bite to eat if you're around - hopefully you won't be dragging me to go dancing with you this time...!"
She said yes, we agreed the details etc. and met up the following Thursday. So that was fairly easy - I'd been deliberately practicing Chase's advice of minimising texting and skipping straight to the point, 'get the customer in the shop'. Also tried to shoehorn in some chase-framing at the end there - perhaps a little clumsy though?
We went out to lunch, I had her meet me near work and we travelled together to a nearby cafe; conversation was decent - I let her do a lot of the talking, and prompted her when I wanted to hear more about her motivations, aims, aspirations etc. We were getting on well but it wasn't electric - in fact it was pretty platonic. We split the bill, and on the walk back together I tried to escalate touching by leading her with my hand on the small of her back, arm round her shoulders etc. but getting nothing back from her I was getting the vibe that escalation wasn't really on the cards. And not even a kiss goodbye!
By about half an hour later I self-diagnosed the problem as one of attainability, thinking perhaps she'd gone into auto-rejection and/or had slotted me into 'nice guy/boyfriend' categories (thoughts on this?). I called her (something I almost never do) to say I'd had a good time, that I thought she was cool and different to most other girls I'd met, and we agreed to go for a drink the next night (Friday); I also wanted to get some investment from her, so I asked her to plan the date and text me the details later.
Overall I was feeling pretty good - although of course I hadn't got massive results, it was only a lunch date to allow us to get to know one another so I didn't go into it with massive expectations; nevertheless, she seemed interested. More to follow...!
Not the most conspicuous start: the group is full of women, mostly significantly older than I am, so I wasn't expecting anything at the party and didn't bring my a-game. E had been brought along by her Mum, who is a member of the same music group; at one point during the night, we were sat next to each other and talked a little about nothing much in particular. As I say though, I really wasn't in the right frame of mind so didn't act on a couple of clear indicators of interest: every so often, if I was talking to someone else I'd catch her looking across the room at me, and later on she asked me to dance (I politely declined, trying to retain my 'Mr Mysterious' aura). At the end of the night, however, sensing I may have missed the boat with something, I had a chat with the teacher of the group, mentioned my interest in this girl in passing, and lo and behold the next day she passed along E's number to me. As I say, not exactly the way it should be done, and I felt pretty damn amateurish - nevertheless, I gave it a day or two as I considered whether I cared enough to pursue it, thought 'fuck it' and texted her:
Me (Saturday 15:53):"Hey E, its O - good to meet you the other night!"
E (Sat. 16:17): "Hiya O, yeah was great fun the other night and it was good to meet you too!"
Me (Sat. 23:00): "What's your schedule like this week? Let's grab a bite to eat if you're around - hopefully you won't be dragging me to go dancing with you this time...!"
She said yes, we agreed the details etc. and met up the following Thursday. So that was fairly easy - I'd been deliberately practicing Chase's advice of minimising texting and skipping straight to the point, 'get the customer in the shop'. Also tried to shoehorn in some chase-framing at the end there - perhaps a little clumsy though?
We went out to lunch, I had her meet me near work and we travelled together to a nearby cafe; conversation was decent - I let her do a lot of the talking, and prompted her when I wanted to hear more about her motivations, aims, aspirations etc. We were getting on well but it wasn't electric - in fact it was pretty platonic. We split the bill, and on the walk back together I tried to escalate touching by leading her with my hand on the small of her back, arm round her shoulders etc. but getting nothing back from her I was getting the vibe that escalation wasn't really on the cards. And not even a kiss goodbye!
By about half an hour later I self-diagnosed the problem as one of attainability, thinking perhaps she'd gone into auto-rejection and/or had slotted me into 'nice guy/boyfriend' categories (thoughts on this?). I called her (something I almost never do) to say I'd had a good time, that I thought she was cool and different to most other girls I'd met, and we agreed to go for a drink the next night (Friday); I also wanted to get some investment from her, so I asked her to plan the date and text me the details later.
Overall I was feeling pretty good - although of course I hadn't got massive results, it was only a lunch date to allow us to get to know one another so I didn't go into it with massive expectations; nevertheless, she seemed interested. More to follow...!