- Joined
- Oct 18, 2016
- Messages
- 10
So my understanding is that frame control is a way of arguing where you don't use logic, and by implying things instead of saying them explicitly. So I've stopped paying attention to what I say and what they say, and mostly focus on the frame being presented with each sentence either of us say, and now I notice when my frame is being tested, when they are seeking out weak points, when before I didn't.
I'm reminded of a game of thrones scene where one character says "Basic arithmetic favours the side with greater numbers."
to which another character replies "If war were arithmetic, then mathematicians would rule the world"
My interpretation is that the initial frame was not favourable to him, so he attacks it by playing down the advantage of having larger numbers.
Is this basically what we are supposed to be doing in our interactions with women, building frames that favour you and demolishing frames which do not?
My understanding is that there are certain frames you want to set e.g. you're not judgmental about casual sex, you're discrete, shes chasing you, etc. If the frame is blatently untrue then you need to use humour to help them accept it e.g. if they are not chasing you.
And that you want to demolish frames that are bad for you e.g. if she starts trying to position herself as the leader of the interaction (since women are not attracted to men who can't lead them)
or if she comes out and says something such as shes gay which shuts down any future advances from you; you could attempt to tackle it by asking ever had feelings for a man; if she admits that she has, then she can't shut down any advances by you by coming out with "remember I told you that I'm gay", as you've chipped away at that frame.
And if for example, if they say something such as "we have nothing in common"; instead of trying compare your attributes logically, you could hopefully attack their frame by saying something such as "nobody wants to be with their clone, that would be boring" or "in my experience the best relationships are those where both people are different enough to offer each other something that the other doesn't have".
If you've known each other for a while and during deep diving she she only believes in love at first sight, and she says she's looking for love, you could say something like "personally I think that it's impossible to love someone before you get to know them and form a connection, because to love someone you need to have time to form a bond."
Or if she's hung up on some other guy; you could explore frames of nothing lasting forever, and that sometimes people need to let go of the past to enjoy the future.
If my interpretation on frame control and its use during interactions is correct, I'm wondering how it fits with concepts such as
1) I remember reading an article which suggested that the harder you push when they object, the more firm the objection will become in their mind, and the more set against it they will be in the future. The article suggested something along the lines of don't push when confronted with the objection, just wait and try again later as if nothing happened.
2) I'm not sure if I misunderstood the article on dealing with drama, but whenever a woman becomes upset I try to get them to tell them what the issue is, and just paraphrase what they are upset about back to them, and don't perform any kind of frame control (seeking understanding the article called it), which in a way seems to cause me to be accepting their frame simply because they are upset.
I'm reminded of a game of thrones scene where one character says "Basic arithmetic favours the side with greater numbers."
to which another character replies "If war were arithmetic, then mathematicians would rule the world"
My interpretation is that the initial frame was not favourable to him, so he attacks it by playing down the advantage of having larger numbers.
Is this basically what we are supposed to be doing in our interactions with women, building frames that favour you and demolishing frames which do not?
My understanding is that there are certain frames you want to set e.g. you're not judgmental about casual sex, you're discrete, shes chasing you, etc. If the frame is blatently untrue then you need to use humour to help them accept it e.g. if they are not chasing you.
And that you want to demolish frames that are bad for you e.g. if she starts trying to position herself as the leader of the interaction (since women are not attracted to men who can't lead them)
or if she comes out and says something such as shes gay which shuts down any future advances from you; you could attempt to tackle it by asking ever had feelings for a man; if she admits that she has, then she can't shut down any advances by you by coming out with "remember I told you that I'm gay", as you've chipped away at that frame.
And if for example, if they say something such as "we have nothing in common"; instead of trying compare your attributes logically, you could hopefully attack their frame by saying something such as "nobody wants to be with their clone, that would be boring" or "in my experience the best relationships are those where both people are different enough to offer each other something that the other doesn't have".
If you've known each other for a while and during deep diving she she only believes in love at first sight, and she says she's looking for love, you could say something like "personally I think that it's impossible to love someone before you get to know them and form a connection, because to love someone you need to have time to form a bond."
Or if she's hung up on some other guy; you could explore frames of nothing lasting forever, and that sometimes people need to let go of the past to enjoy the future.
If my interpretation on frame control and its use during interactions is correct, I'm wondering how it fits with concepts such as
1) I remember reading an article which suggested that the harder you push when they object, the more firm the objection will become in their mind, and the more set against it they will be in the future. The article suggested something along the lines of don't push when confronted with the objection, just wait and try again later as if nothing happened.
2) I'm not sure if I misunderstood the article on dealing with drama, but whenever a woman becomes upset I try to get them to tell them what the issue is, and just paraphrase what they are upset about back to them, and don't perform any kind of frame control (seeking understanding the article called it), which in a way seems to cause me to be accepting their frame simply because they are upset.
