Fraternity Formals and "Blind Date?"

[The Emerald Archer]

What's up dudes? I have my first fraternity formal coming up this Friday and my buddy hooked me up with a "date" for the event as well. He gave me her number about a week-and-a-half ago and we broke the ice. I've done my best to keep texting to just meeting up and sorting out logistics, but this one's been a bit of a curve ball for me. She's 22 and apparently works 2 jobs which takes up a bit of her time. I have no idea what she does or how many hours a week she works, or even her major for that matter.

However, you could definitely say she's been doing a little more of the chasing between the two of us. I partially feel like I may be giving her the wrong vibe in that I'm not interested. The reality is I've been having a somewhat disastrous semester in school, and this past week (spring break) is kinda my last window to turn shit around. Thus, I've been focusing on school for the most part. I'll give you an example of what I mean though in terms of our texting.

First Text Conversation (2 Thursdays ago- 3/23)

Me: Hey Bre! So [name of my fraternity brother] told me formal with you is the move
Her: Yes!! Dude
I'm [my name] btw it's nice meeting you. Save my # it's kinda important
Her: Lol yeah it is
Her: What year are you
Me: I'm up there. Guessing you're a soph ha. What u getting into over spring break...
Her: I'm a senior lol
Me: Ha nice! Gotta go but cool talking to u. If ur down to hang bf formal hmu
Her: We deff should i'll be here over break

Had a huge test the next day and didn't even expect my buddy to let me know about this girl. I was originally supposed to go with this other girl but something came up the weekend of formal. So, my buddy hits me up that thurs. and tells me about this girl and gives me her # and we had the above text. convo. I prob. shoulda responded but I just let it go since she completely avoided answering my question about what she was doing over break.

Then she texts me first this past Sunday:

Her: What are you doing today or tomorrow
Me: Hey Bre! I got a stretch of free time tonight actually what's ur schedule like...
Her:I'm heading home from c bus (Columbus)
Me: Oh, it's getting late now but if u lemme know what days ur free this week maybe we can set something up

She didn't text me back that night or the next day, but she texts me first AGAIN this past Tues...

Her: What colors should we wear for formal and I want to make us a cooler but I have no time if I'll be able to but just in case what are things you want on it
Me: I'm prob wearing a black suit but not 100% yet. If u could wear anything red that'd be dope ha. I'll get back to u on cooler ideas later today

I know it may seem that I'm being short with her and I kinda am, not intentionally as an attempt to play hard to get or get her to chase more but just cuz I've been legit stressing about getting shit done for school. However, she hits me up today AGAIN marking the third time in about a week's span where she was initiating texting)...

Her: What are you doing later today!? We should meet up grab coffee or lunch
Me: oh hey what's up Bre? Didn't mean to go all radio silent on u, I've just been real slammed this past week. I'd like coffee what time u free later...
Her: ohh I can totally understand I've had a week filled with working my 2 jobs fun but tiring lol umm I'm free at 2 to whenever honestly
Me: Haha yeah u know. I've got some stuff I gotta finish prob gonna take a lil while. How bout 5 that cool?
Her: Yeah that's fine we can do that
Me; Sweet where u hail from btw... I just assumed u lived by campus ha
Her: Lol hail from (eyes crying from laughter emoji) i'm literally off [street name] and [street name]
Me: Ha alright cool I'll hit u up later

Was not getting my shit done at anywhere near the pace I intended to, and started stressing a bit cuz I got an exam this Wed. and if I do anything less than ace it, I may have to take the class over the summer (which I desperately DON'T want to do). So, I texted her trying to push back coffee/meet up with the following:

Me: Hey this stuff is taking way longer than I thought I cnt make 5 srry :/ would u still be free around 7 tho...

She texts me almost 4 hours later with the following:

Her: Sorry I have been busy I'm going out tn prob

I didn't respond to this last one, but I just find it strange that she first agreed that we should hang out over break (after we broke the ice the first night), but she straight up initiated texting me to hang out twice in the past week and when I "rewarded" her doing that, she doesn't text me back or texts some incongruent type shit imo. I also know that it may seem that I'm coming off as too distant or uninterested, but I legit had to get some stuff done so I was being honest. It's not like I was doing that and coming off as being short as a way to get her to invest or me playing hard to get.

I'm taking this girl in literally six days to my formal over an hour away where me and the rest of my fraternity (and their dates) are going to be spending 2 nights in cabins in different groups. I've never been in this sort of "blind date" situation before and I'd really like to meet up with this chick before the day of the dinner and next weekend in general, but seems like she keeps playing games. I honestly was thinking of taking someone else or potentially rolling solo and dropping this chick just cuz I feel she's being wayyy too coy than reasonable.

It seems that it's assumed dates will be sleeping with each other during formal weekend, but nothing is ever set in stone. I personally couldn't care less if I fuck this girl or not next weekend. I'm just going for the experience and to have fun/get fucked up with my frat brothers.

Any tips on getting this girl to meet up before this Fri. and also for formal in general assuming this girl and I still go?

 

[Hue]

My two cents would be that she feels similar to you, she doesn't know if the whole thing is gonna go that great because it's a blind date AND your texting dialogue hasn't made either of your feelings super clear. That's gonna subconsciously make her want to invest less, and show less interest, so that if things don't go how you planned she'll more easily see it YOUR fault not hers.

It seems that it's assumed dates will be sleeping with each other during formal weekend, but nothing is ever set in stone. I personally couldn't care less if I fuck this girl or not next weekend. I'm just going for the experience and to have fun/get fucked up with my frat brothers.

Yea it's definitely assumed for date parties, especially for formal. But yeah, nothing's set in stone.

That's a good mindset to have no expectations, but you can fuck this girl if you just play it cool, qualify her at the right moments, and escalate appropriately. Doing those things will be easier for you to do if you don't get crazy blacked out and fuck something up. It's formal though, have a fucking blast.

Do you guys have a road trip to get to the location? Perfect for building chemistry and getting to know one another.. even if there's some awkward moments you're there for the long haul and given plenty of chances to recover.

You don't NEED to meet her before Fri, if you play your cards right. Up to your comfort level with trying to essentially fuck her first date, first interaction. I wouldn't bail on the girl just because things aren't moving towards formal smoothly.

If it were me, I'd probably shoot her a text like:
"Hey, are you free to chat real quick today? I can call you at [time] after class"

Then call her, be warm, keep it short, and tell her something like:
"So Bre I've never actually done a blind date- haha nice to know what your voice sounds like! If our schedules can figure out us grabbing some coffee I'd like to. If not.. I'll see you Friday "

Then see how she responds, and proceed... but that's me, I'm not sure if your vibe is anything congruent with that.


Jealous of you though man, I just found out I have to miss my old frat's formal since it's the weekend before my finals. Have a ball (;

Hueman

 

[The Emerald Archer]

My two cents would be that she feels similar to you, she doesn't know if the whole thing is gonna go that great because it's a blind date AND your texting dialogue hasn't made either of your feelings super clear. That's gonna subconsciously make her want to invest less, and show less interest, so that if things don't go how you planned she'll more easily see it YOUR fault not hers.

You don't NEED to meet her before Fri, if you play your cards right. Up to your comfort level with trying to essentially fuck her first date, first interaction. I wouldn't bail on the girl just because things aren't moving towards formal smoothly.

Hey Hueman,

Good to hear from you bud. I meant to update this post last night as we did end up meeting in-person for the first time yesterday and broke the ice. I must say it went pretty well too. I'm actually excited to go with this girl now, she has a really cool personality and we hit it off pretty well. I was studying for several hours yesterday in the lib. and was planning on staying there for a few more hours when she texted me. She said she gets off work at 5 and asked if I wanted to meet in the lib, I was already there anyways so I said sure and that we have a few preparations we need to go over, and to text me when she gets off work.

She came to me and we just chatted for like ~40 min, so real casual and informational. Turns out she knows a lot of the guys in my chapter and she even said she wonders how she never met me before. She seems real extroverted, loves to talk and has that dramatic type of vibe which I like. She seemed nervous yet excited at the same time. She kept flipping through her textbook randomly and kept mimicking my body language and what not. Nothing too crazy but enough to make me feel like I can seal this if I play my cards right this weekend.

Anyways, that quick informational meetup broke the ice pretty well. I was the one who told her I had to go in the beginning, so this part was on my terms. She texted me after we left saying how it was finally nice to meet me and that formal is gonna be real fun.

Yea it's definitely assumed for date parties, especially for formal. But yeah, nothing's set in stone.

That's a good mindset to have no expectations, but you can fuck this girl if you just play it cool, qualify her at the right moments, and escalate appropriately. Doing those things will be easier for you to do if you don't get crazy blacked out and fuck something up. It's formal though, have a fucking blast.

Do you guys have a road trip to get to the location? Perfect for building chemistry and getting to know one another.. even if there's some awkward moments you're there for the long haul and given plenty of chances to recover.

She gets off work late on Fri. so she has to drive herself up there unfortunately. Apparently her boss scheduled her to work the entire weekend and now she's trying to get her shifts covered, Idk how that happened haha. We're gonna be at this state park for two nights in the cabins. Friday is the dinner and awards ceremony, so people won't start partying until after 11pm. Saturday is when everyone does whatever during the day (usually day drinking haha) and then we leave sometime Sunday afternoon. Essentially, I have 2 nights to seal the deal but I'm shooting for Friday so it's not hanging over our heads the entire weekend. My only concern is that so many other people who she has social ties with are gonna be around and I'm trying to avoid the BF zone as much as possible, which seems to be exactly how a formal function paints the guy, since I'm paying for the dinner and the cabin. I'm gonna split alcohol and groceries tho, don't want to break the bank too much.

Also, I'm rooming with two other couples and there's not three bedrooms. There's a room with a queen bed and then a room with 2 bunk beds and I'm def. not escalating while another couple is right above or below me in the bunks. There's a couch in the living room and I was thinking about that, but if anyone wanted to come out of their rooms they could prob. see everything. I personally dgaf if other people see me, I'm planning logistics for her sake. It's a state park, so there should be plenty of places outside to do it if everything goes well. My recent experience and attempt at public sex didn't go so well tho, so I feel like I'd really have to be prepared.

I suggested we go grocery shopping Thurs. and she happily agreed, since there's nowhere feasible near the state park to do it and we need to eat for Saturday and Sun. morning. I'm thinking I could potentially turn that into a date and attempt to seal the deal Thurs, but I don't want to risk a failed escalation and have her decide not to go last min, or go with me just to see and be seen if you know what I mean. I feel like that would be a burden and kill my weekend.

Idk I'd like some input on that strategy tho. If anything I have a chance to do some date compression this week, especially since we already met up and broke the ice. That's another option I was strongly considering, but I really want to avoid the BF zone and possibly friend-zone if I keep seeing her without putting the moves on. I figure if we already met up twice bf Friday, then she wouldn't feel like a slut and could rationalize her sleeping with me this weekend because a) she already met up with me twice and b) it's expected that dates sleep with each other, even tho it's not writ in stone.

Also, I should mention that my buddy who hooked me up with this girl told me last night that she's newly single. So she's prob on the rebound as well. I feel like there's a lot of factors working in my favor to lay this girl, but like you said I'm gonna have to play my cards right.

What do ya think?

 

[Hue]

She gets off work late on Fri. so she has to drive herself up there unfortunately. Apparently her boss scheduled her to work the entire weekend and now she's trying to get her shifts covered, Idk how that happened haha. We're gonna be at this state park for two nights in the cabins. Friday is the dinner and awards ceremony, so people won't start partying until after 11pm. Saturday is when everyone does whatever during the day (usually day drinking haha) and then we leave sometime Sunday afternoon.

That blows her work's in the way with that.

Also, I'm rooming with two other couples and there's not three bedrooms. There's a room with a queen bed and then a room with 2 bunk beds and I'm def. not escalating while another couple is right above or below me in the bunks. There's a couch in the living room and I was thinking about that, but if anyone wanted to come out of their rooms they could prob. see everything. I personally dgaf if other people see me, I'm planning logistics for her sake. It's a state park, so there should be plenty of places outside to do it if everything goes well. My recent experience and attempt at public sex didn't go so well tho, so I feel like I'd really have to be prepared.

If our greek life experiences were anything similar, don't worry about that man lol.

Within a few hours of getting to my cabin last year my date and I got walked in on hooking up on a pool table, nobody seemed to care. A short while later I moved her to our room for "something I needed help with" and a few moments later I was eating her out on the top bunk. I got walked in on again, but since they were in my room I just asked them to leave and closed the door. No problems after that.

Another point in the trip, everyone was moving places to go check something out in a different part of the cabin (someone was cooking hotdogs upstairs), and I just quietly said her name and took her hand, gently pulling her into me. Then mischievously said "where you going?" and pulled her closer, then we started making out. You'll have plenty of opportunities.

Point being:
It's formal with constant distractions, there's sexual implications and many places to escalate, and so long as you don't wait till bed time to get it in with her, you're fine.

The later it is, the easier to steal her away, but also more likely that the good places to fuck are taken.

Assuming you have one, I recommend late night jacuzzi if it's open and she's not in a bed with you already.

Also, from what I observed, getting laid was a lot easier on day 1 than day 2.

I suggested we go grocery shopping Thurs. and she happily agreed, since there's nowhere feasible near the state park to do it and we need to eat for Saturday and Sun. morning. I'm thinking I could potentially turn that into a date and attempt to seal the deal Thurs, but I don't want to risk a failed escalation and have her decide not to go last min, or go with me just to see and be seen if you know what I mean. I feel like that would be a burden and kill my weekend.

Idk I'd like some input on that strategy tho. If anything I have a chance to do some date compression this week, especially since we already met up and broke the ice. That's another option I was strongly considering, but I really want to avoid the BF zone and possibly friend-zone if I keep seeing her without putting the moves on. I figure if we already met up twice bf Friday, then she wouldn't feel like a slut and could rationalize her sleeping with me this weekend because a) she already met up with me twice and b) it's expected that dates sleep with each other, even tho it's not writ in stone.

Also, I should mention that my buddy who hooked me up with this girl told me last night that she's newly single. So she's prob on the rebound as well. I feel like there's a lot of factors working in my favor to lay this girl, but like you said I'm gonna have to play my cards right.

What do ya think?

You'd have to really nail the next date if you tried to date compress. Grocery shopping --> date could totally be done, but IMO wouldn't be worth it unless you fucked her. Idk though, I don't know the girl or what you guys talked about on the informational date, could be tougher than waiting till formal.

Say you went on a date, but didn't fuck, you'd still really need some form of escalation.
Without escalating, you'd probably have a harder time fucking her over the weekend than you would just waiting, since that's even closer to BF zone.

Her being on the rebound is always a plus.


Get schwifty,

Hueman

 

[The Emerald Archer]

That blows her work's in the way with that.

Haha yeah but I'm assuming she'll be able to get off no prob. since she's committed to going.

If our greek life experiences were anything similar, don't worry about that man lol.

Within a few hours of getting to my cabin last year my date and I got walked in on hooking up on a pool table, nobody seemed to care. A short while later I moved her to our room for "something I needed help with" and a few moments later I was eating her out on the top bunk. I got walked in on again, but since they were in my room I just asked them to leave and closed the door. No problems after that.

Another point in the trip, everyone was moving places to go check something out in a different part of the cabin (someone was cooking hotdogs upstairs), and I just quietly said her name and took her hand, gently pulling her into me. Then mischievously said "where you going?" and pulled her closer, then we started making out. You'll have plenty of opportunities.

Hahaha what an animal you are! That's hilarious. I guess your right, it shouldn't be a big deal. No need for me to get skittish about it. There should be plenty of opportunities.

Point being:
It's formal with constant distractions, there's sexual implications and many places to escalate, and so long as you don't wait till bed time to get it in with her, you're fine.

The later it is, the easier to steal her away, but also more likely that the good places to fuck are taken.

Assuming you have one, I recommend late night jacuzzi if it's open and she's not in a bed with you already.

Also, from what I observed, getting laid was a lot easier on day 1 than day 2.

Yeah I'm def counting on the sexual implications to drop her slut-defense. People tend to follow the herd, so if everyone else is hooking up and/or expected to so it shouldn't be too much cause for concern. I assumed the first night would have higher odds and I'm going for broke Friday night anyways, if I'm too aggressive (while still being calibrated) and creep her out then so be it. I'd rather do that than play it slow and have it hang over my head the next day.

What do you mean the later it is the easier to steal her away? The pictures, dinner, and awards goes from 8pm until 11pm and then everyone goes back to the cabins and boozes. I'm assuming people go back and forth in everyone's cabins throughout the night, so if my roomies are out chillin in another cabin then I'll def. take advantage and try to seal the deal then. Do you think I should actively avoid group activity as much as possible until I at least attempt to seal the deal Fri? I'm concerned this could accidentally turn out to be like a party date since she's knows quite a few of my buddies. Idk for sure I'm just theorizing, maybe looking into all this too much.

You'd have to really nail the next date if you tried to date compress. Grocery shopping --> date could totally be done, but IMO wouldn't be worth it unless you fucked her. Idk though, I don't know the girl or what you guys talked about on the informational date, could be tougher than waiting till formal.

Say you went on a date, but didn't fuck, you'd still really need some form of escalation.
Without escalating, you'd probably have a harder time fucking her over the weekend than you would just waiting, since that's even closer to BF zone.

Her being on the rebound is always a plus.

Yeah bro fuck that idea, I'd much rather wait until Fri night. Do you think I should still snag groceries and booze with her the night before but just quick and practical, or just tell her something came up and suggest items for her to bring for the weekend? I'm still hesitant to even go grocery shopping, but this is slightly necessary. The informational date was pretty basic: her major, her hobbies/interests, what she wants to after college, a little about her family and where she's from, her 2-3 jobs, etc. Mainly just scratched the surface but on a variety of topics.

You're right though, I don't think it's worth it. Plus, I think it'd be more fun to try and do it in a debauchery-esque environment at formal haha.

 

[Hue]

Yeah I'm def counting on the sexual implications to drop her slut-defense. People tend to follow the herd, so if everyone else is hooking up and/or expected to so it shouldn't be too much cause for concern. I assumed the first night would have higher odds and I'm going for broke Friday night anyways, if I'm too aggressive (while still being calibrated) and creep her out then so be it. I'd rather do that than play it slow and have it hang over my head the next day.

What do you mean the later it is the easier to steal her away? The pictures, dinner, and awards goes from 8pm until 11pm and then everyone goes back to the cabins and boozes. I'm assuming people go back and forth in everyone's cabins throughout the night, so if my roomies are out chillin in another cabin then I'll def. take advantage and try to seal the deal then. Do you think I should actively avoid group activity as much as possible until I at least attempt to seal the deal Fri? I'm concerned this could accidentally turn out to be like a party date since she's knows quite a few of my buddies. Idk for sure I'm just theorizing, maybe looking into all this too much.

Since your formal isn't the same place as mine or anything, I'll speak in general terms.

I would just do the group activities, party and naturally have a good time. I'd be sure to check in on my date and get flirty with her when appropriate, and use a little bit of withdrawal, all in calibration to the situation. When enough tension has been built, make up some shit to get her alone, and escalate. I'd imagine it probably will be like party date, just a really fucking good one, unless your cabins aren't localized.

Yeah bro fuck that idea, I'd much rather wait until Fri night. Do you think I should still snag groceries and booze with her the night before but just quick and practical, or just tell her something came up and suggest items for her to bring for the weekend? I'm still hesitant to even go grocery shopping, but this is slightly necessary. The informational date was pretty basic: her major, her hobbies/interests, what she wants to after college, a little about her family and where she's from, her 2-3 jobs, etc. Mainly just scratched the surface but on a variety of topics.

You're right though, I don't think it's worth it. Plus, I think it'd be more fun to try and do it in a debauchery-esque environment at formal haha.

Do whatcha feel bruddah. I'm assuming you're saying that you don't wanna go grocery shopping with her to keep her more excited to see you.

I wouldn't overthink it man. If you absolutely don't want to, have her venmo you or something, but it's only groceries for 2 days- 30 minute interaction max. You might even be able to get a little bit of sexual tension before leaving her hungry for the good times to roll (;

Hueman

 

[The Emerald Archer]

Do whatcha feel bruddah. I'm assuming you're saying that you don't wanna go grocery shopping with her to keep her more excited to see you.

I wouldn't overthink it man. If you absolutely don't want to, have her venmo you or something, but it's only groceries for 2 days- 30 minute interaction max. You might even be able to get a little bit of sexual tension before leaving her hungry for the good times to roll (;

Yeah I ended up not going grocery shopping, she gets paid tomorrow and wanted to wait plus she texted me today saying she has some so that was that.

Since your formal isn't the same place as mine or anything, I'll speak in general terms.

I would just do the group activities, party and naturally have a good time. I'd be sure to check in on my date and get flirty with her when appropriate, and use a little bit of withdrawal, all in calibration to the situation. When enough tension has been built, make up some shit to get her alone, and escalate. I'd imagine it probably will be like party date, just a really fucking good one, unless your cabins aren't localized.

Awesome sounds good, thanks for the suggestions Hueman. I plan on having a good time regardless of whether I get the lay or not, but of course it would be even sweeter to get the lay as the cherry on top. I'll be sure to post about how it went. Hopefully I come back with a LR and a cool/funny story to tell.