Fresh out of College Seeking Guidance with Girlfriend and Independence from Parents

[Jibri]

Hello. I'm a recent graduate, having achieved my Masters yesterday. I'm in the process of moving back to my hometown and am temporarily living with my parents until I get a job and my own place. Here, we are under somewhat a quarantine due to the coronavirus. Thus, I am spending consecutive days in the house. From my earlier posts on this forum, I've made known I'm in a serious long distance relationship. I'm a bit embarrassed about those other posts I made because they are filled with insecurities I have overcome. Just a heads up. Anyway, my girlfriend lives approximately 4 hours away from where I am now. My girlfriend is 6 years older and in love with me. She wants to marry me and I want to marry her. I'll be 27 in June by the way. She said she wants to move here and be closer with me, but it would not be anytime soon, because of coronavirus, not being familiar with my hometown, and her current job in her hometown is satisfactorily helping her eliminate her credit card debt and student loan debt. She then offered an alternative of us possibly moving to an area in between our hometowns.

Yesterday, my college professors wife had a discussion with me about this situation. His wife feels that I should not rush answer things and live my life. She suggested that I should think about myself and hold off my girlfriend coming here as well as a marriage proposal for some years. So, basically, I'm still dependent on my parents, however I am diligently pursuing my very own independence. A college professor is utilizing his connections to land me a good job in my field of study - agriculture. Due to the current pandemic, I'm not sure when that will happen. In the meantime, my plan is to get a temporary job to begin supporting myself financially until the job I want is available to secure. Once I've saved a reasonable amount of income, I plan to secure an apartment. My question is how do I go about continuing to lead and maintain my relationship with my girlfriend, given my current circumstance?

 

[ljrozz69]

Hey @Jibri, whats up?

I'm a recent graduate, having achieved my Masters yesterday.

Congrats! =)

Could you tell us why do you want to maintain that relationship? Its unclear to me

Yesterday, my college professors wife had a discussion with me about this situation. His wife feels that I should not rush answer things and live my life. She suggested that I should think about myself and hold off my girlfriend coming here as well as a marriage proposal for some years

I agree with her, I suggest slowing it down

Maybe we could help you futher if you provide us information about how you did in the past with other girls.

I made because they are filled with insecurities I have overcome

What made you think that?

Btw you've posted multiple threads in the past, it's better to stick to one as it is annoying to talk about the same thing in multiple threads.

Klimax

 

[Jibri]

What’s up @Klimax ? Thanks, I appreciate that.
I can get another girl... one closer to home. But I choose my girlfriend. To me, she's a 10 - God fearing, smart, loving, supportive, loyal, honest, respectful, easy-going, and sexy all over. We are great together... we have much in common and our relationship is genuine and trusting. I see myself marrying her and I believe she will be a great wife and mother.

My first serious relationship was during my junior year in college. It lasted almost a year. In that relationship, I was inexperienced dating an experienced girl. She was the first girl I head vaginal sex with. During the duration of that relationship, I made her my mission, became a cuck, and supplicated a lot. She became the dominant one, settling for me. She broke up with me, after a heated argument, and eventually found a more suitable boyfriend.

My second serious relationship was during my early graduate experience. She was serious about our Faith and we broke up a couple of times because she felt as though God was telling her not to be in a relationship or not to be in a relationship with me. However, in that relationship, I failed her testing, making her the dominant one. She also became my mission and I soon found myself being a cuck again. During this relationship, I was exposed to Girlschase, but I was never serious about getting better with women as I am now.

This current relationship is my third. I have been studying many articles on girls chase and applying what I've been learning. I refuse to allow this relationship to be like my first two.

My current gf and I have been dating since last June and we became official in December. Throughout the year we have known each other, she has frequently bragged about me to her siblings and best friend. She told her family and best friend that she was going to marry me. She, recently, told me I'm boyfriend of the year, and before told me if we were to break up I would be her favorite boyfriend. We have bonded every day since we've met, whether that's by watching a movie while on the phone together, having a conversation on the phone, or video chatting. She blows me many kisses through the phone, invests and comply with my requests, just bought me a gift for achieving my Master's, receives my flirting very well, compliments me, and is very understanding. Due to getting seriously played by one of her last boyfriend, she is very honest and upfront with me about almost everything. We have established that sort of honesty early, but I know women are not 100% honest and up front. She doesn't want to get played again, and needs a lot of reassurance of my love and affection for her.

You said there were many red flags. I'm honestly observing to see those red flags. Account past abuse as a red flag, but don't know how that would negatively affect me if I treat her well, without supplicating of course. She's not a virgin, yet she’s been saving sex until marriage since the year she became a Christian. I believe you asked if she was a virgin in the last post.

Despite what I wrote about in those other threads, my core problem was insecurity of myself as a man. Throughout my relationships, I have been insecure about me not measuring up and a woman up and leaving me for another guy or other men in my girlfriends’ lives. That is why I have dedicated myself to Girlschase and getting better with women, as well as building confidence and strength in myself.

I agree and apologize about the frequent threads regarding the same thing. I intend this post to be the last one.

What I am doing now is working diligently to land a job and find my own place. I will accomplish those goals and begin to independently provide for myself.
Why do you suggest I slow things down?

 

[ljrozz69]

I appreciate that you took the time to reply all those questions and tried to be honest,

Have you ever heard about the Lover vs provider theory?

This theory states that there are 2 kinds of males :

• Lover - in this case the male provides sex in exchange of sex.
• Provider - in this case the male provides emotional support, money/food, whatever in exchange of sex.

You're in the provider-zone, since you're supporting her emotionnally/validating her and proposed to her.
The underlying frame of the provider is that what she has to offer is more valuable than you have to so you have to make up by providing a lot of stuff.
This frame conveys little respect for the guy... and that's exactly your issue. YOUR ISSUE IS THAT GIRLS DOESNT RESPECT YOU ENOUGH (yet!).

If you want her to respect you, you have to : 1.overcome your insecurities as you can't respect somobody who doesnt respect himself 2. provide something rare -such as good sex, super strong emotional moments. 3. Ask her to invest in you -make her do X or Y for you.

Thing is you are in a very weak position in this relationship. The way most women think is that until you're inside her... nothing is real. Thus, they don't really think that you're real -they dont respect you. Sending cute things over text doesnt mean much... the difference between a distance sexless relationship and being in the friendzone is rather narrow -or maybe non-existant.

Why do you suggest I slow things down?

Well you must overcome your insecurities and learn how to get respected before dating someone -otherwhise you know how it will end, sadly this is probably no exception.
Then this is probably higher-priority:

What I am doing now is working diligently to land a job and find my own place. I will accomplish those goals and begin to independently provide for myself.

Then you have to learn how to start a relationship properly : screen for what you want and change from initially being a lover to provider over a period of time.
Then you can start dating someone, then you learn about relationship-control stuff : avoiding drama, routine etc...
Then you live together for a while in order to see that you are compatible.
Then you propose to her and marry her.

See how different that is?

Klimax

 

[Jibri]

I see your point. Coming across a Girlschase article and reading about the lover vs. provider, opened my eyes to my past errors. I'm currently trying to be both within this relationship, mainly by flirting and teasing.

I honestly don't see how my current girlfriend doesn't respect me though. She goes out her way to invest in me and she complies with my requests. She often blows me many kisses over the phone. She tells me she loves me. She does her best to be honest with me at all times. She buys me things and sends them to me through the mail. Recently, she told me I'm boyfriend of the year. Even before, she would brag about me to her family and best friend, and told them she was going to marry me. We haven't had sex because she is serious about her faith in God and told me she wants to remain pure and only have sex after marriage. I agreed. I don't think she's doing all of these things out of her ego and I can't imagine her doing all these things willingly and secretly playing me. She got played real bad by a long time ex-boyfriend and told me straight up she doesn't want to get played again. So, I don't see why she would turn around and play me.

However, I receive your advice. Lack of respect has been the underlying issue in all of my previous relationships. I've been studying articles on relationships, being a challenge, being a strong man, as well. I'm dedicated to getting better with women and I will.

 

[ljrozz69]

However, I receive your advice. Lack of respect has been the underlying issue in all of my previous relationships

Yes, exactly you are aware of it, good.

Now what is coming on may sound a bit harsh, but I am trying to make you aware further and help you out.

I see your point. Coming across a Girlschase article and reading about the lover vs. provider, opened my eyes to my past errors. I'm currently trying to be both within this relationship, mainly by flirting and teasing.

Needs to be set early... time just enforces the initial frame you both set.

You are offering marriage and she is blowing you kisses over the phone. How is that even close to be providing stuff in equal amounts? -think about it...

I can get another girl... one closer to home. But I choose my girlfriend.

You experience is not congruent with this, this statements is something you tell yourself in order to feel better -backward rationalization.

I honestly don't see how my current girlfriend doesn't respect me though. She goes out her way to invest in me and she complies with my requests. She often blows me many kisses over the phone. She tells me she loves me. She does her best to be honest with me at all times. She buys me things and sends them to me through the mail. Recently, she told me I'm boyfriend of the year. Even before, she would brag about me to her family and best friend, and told them she was going to marry me

You wouldnt need to justify it if you were absolutly sure about it. Why do you need to justify it?

My advice is this, order matters, if you skip steps you may do things wrong...

Well you must overcome your insecurities and learn how to get respected before dating someone -otherwhise you know how it will end, sadly this is probably no exception.
Then you have to learn how to start a relationship properly : screen for what you want and change from initially being a lover to provider over a period of time.
Then you can start dating someone, then you learn about relationship-control stuff : avoiding drama, routine etc...
Then you live together for a while in order to see that you are compatible.
Then you propose to her and marry her.

Klimax