Friendly GF

[theblackpanther]

Hey guys, in a bit of a predicament here. I’m a freshman(just turned 18 a couple of days ago) at a college where the ratio is 85% dudes and 15% girls(or something around that). Also, the campus itself is small as fuck, so I do have to be careful with my image. The good news is, I already established myself around the females on campus as a cool sexy dude. Also, this is a nerdy ass school so I’m one of the few dudes they feel comfortable with. Thanks to the articles and forums. I even managed to get myself a girlfriend(we'll call her "Maddie") who’s very sweet, in the first couple of weeks of school. A complete virgin. She went to an all-girls high school and had never been in a relationship before. In other words, I’m all her firsts. And I have noticed she’s become more sexually “free” so to say, ever since she met me. Yes, I have bedded her. It took a couple of weeks of persistence and had to go against resistance.

However, as of right now I am her secret boyfriend. She wishes not to go “public” with the relationship. Mainly because, in the beginning, she thought I was a "hoe" because I was constantly in and out of other girls' rooms. So I did have to tone that down a bit. Also, she's worried that it would ruin the "friend group" that we're both in and make things awkward for a "couple" to appear in the friend group.

But, This setup is fine for me because I get to still flirt with all the other girls I know(more discreetly this time) without a problem. I don’t want to cheat, but I do wish to keep an abundance mentality.

But, what do you do with a girl that's too friendly? Now I did know this before committing to this relationship, but I'm not worried about cheating. Honestly, I just can't see her cheating, but I can see other dudes chasing and falling in love with her because of her bubbly personality. But, at the same time, I'm not too worried about it because as I said before the dudes I see her talking to are either complete idiots or already in a relationship. On the other end, they are still fucking dudes who think with their dicks. To make matters worse, she doesn't straight up tell these dudes that we're dating because our relationship is private.

To be fair, there's only been one instance where a dude actually liked her and tried to go for it, but we dealt with that accordingly together. He's been taken care of. But there are instances where her friendliness becomes too much for me personally:

Spoiler: good hugging

There was this one night when I and the group were hanging out in Maddie's room. The group mainly consists of me, Maddie. 2 other dudes who have GF's, and Maddie's roommate. I leave the room to get some water and come back to see Maddie and one of the other dudes hugging tightly.

Her head on his shoulder and his head on hers. Not very intimate or sexual but they were hugging as if they were friends who haven't seen each for years. As soon, as I came into the room they stop hugging me immediately and the group is laughing and explained what happened.

Turns out Maddie was explaining how good of a hugger she is and wanted to prove it. (in a joking manner?) and that's what led to that. I gave her somewhat of a cold shoulder for the rest of the night and explained before I went to bed how that was not a good thing to do since she was with me now. I was willing to put my foot down on it because I knew it was something I couldn't tolerate. She apologized, realized how it looked and said she would not hug boys in such a way anymore.

So that's an example of how "friendly" she can be. She's friendly to a fault. Friendly to the point where one looking from the outside in can consider it flirting. So at what point should I put my foot down? Because I know that you can't change who someone is. If she's a friendly person she's a friendly person, but she can tone it down a bit. She doesn't go out of her way to interact with other dudes, but she won't turn it down either. I'm willing to break up with her if things get to a point where she's stressing me out and not listening even after I explain my worries. We've had a slight talk about this before, she explained how she's a people pleaser and how it's unhealthy and I explained how much of a flirty personality she has, but I didn't call her out on it. I just mentioned it in a calm manner but didn't complain about it either.

Or perhaps this is an internal problem. Maybe I'm too insecure. I make sure not to project that tho. The only thing that I ever specifically warned her about was the hugging but everything else not really.

But at the same time, this is her first relationship so maybe I should take more of a leadership role and set down the rules and enforce them. But what rules should I put down before it gets to the point of control?

Shit's been bugging me for the past week. Just the other day I walked into her room to see her by herself with another dude doing hw together. They weren't in close proximity at all, the door to her dorm was wide open, and the dude was respectful but I still felt inclined to stay and sit down in her bed to make sure nothing went down. I didn't even speak much, just observed them. There's a part of me that's worried I suppose.

I still flirt with other girls, don't do anything with them, nor do I go out with them, but abundance mentality of course. Perhaps if I did that even less she would do the same?

Maybe I should still date her, but hang out with her less. Do other things but still keep her around. Just enough to the point, I don't really care what she does as long as she doesn't disrespect/cheat on me.

Spoiler: another example

There was a night when one of the dudes in the friend group asked to go on a walk around campus with her at 1 am., and she invited me to go along with her instead of going alone. Which was a good move. However, these ideas come to mind.

1. why was the dude comfortable enough to ask her to do that in the first place? Just how close are they?
2. what would she have done if I wasn't there? would the "people pleaser" in her not let her say no and reject the offer?
3. what if I said no? would she still have gone

As you can see I've given this a lot of thought. Possibly too much thought. Maybe I should break up with her and get a meaner gf instead lol. But I would like to try to fix this first . Thank you in advance.

 

[theblackpanther]

Would like to add that the whole relationship is not just me worrying about this. If that was the case we would've been broken up. There have simply been some instances(shown above) that make me think this way. Overall, she's submissive and affectionate toward me. Also, she was the first one to say "I Love you".

 

[Fuck This]

1) You are 18. The next 7 years are when you discover new experiences, and try new things. Don't tie yourself down.
2) If it ain't public , then she is a FWB/Fuckbuddy. She's not your girlfriend, it's just your turn.
3) If she likes having the sex, it is just as likely she will want to experience the breadth of experiences out there, potentially with other men. Enjoy the exclusive while you can.
4) Expect it is gonna fail. This is the "one to beat" for now. Continue until being single or another relationship shows more promise and pleasure than the status quo.
5) She ain't the last woman in the world. She may be a rare commodity for the next 4 years but there is a big world out there. Would you hang on to a 18 dollar an hour job you had in college for the rest of your life? then don't hang on to a relationship longer than it serves your purpose.
6) Acting possessive and clingy is the quickest way to drive a woman away.

 

[TomInHo]

I'm going to be brutally honest....

Don't take this girl seriously. Because the fact that she is the one trying to keep you a secret means a lot. Don't buy into her BS about it's because you're such a player or blah blah blah

She's just not that into yet. And I have a feeling you rushed the relationship and didn't make her work for exclusivity, which is why she doesn't value it much.

You can keep her around, but keep your options open because she is doing the same

Good luck

 

[theblackpanther]

@TomInHo @Fuck This

Over the past few days, I read articles and looked into myself. I realized that I really should calm down. These days I make an effort to see her a lot less because she was taking up too much of my life previously. I also am working on myself more. Trying to pick up Spanish actually.

However, I'm making sure to not put her into auto rejection and when I do see her I make the moments special..and very physical . I also realized that things could be a lot worse after reading @Chase article on how to prevent cheating. She's not partying or going out often or anything of the sort. Her sex drive does seem to be increasing at an alarming rate because of me, but that's just because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing..wink wink. But, I was looking too much into things. I still believe I was in the right for the hugging situation but other than that I may have been overreacting. She's still very submissive towards me and can't help but smile when I come around. Also, to make myself feel better, I flirt heavily with her next-door neighbor and remind myself I'm still that guy.

I plan on exploring more of the campus and see what other females it has to offer. Expand my surroundings so to say. Sure there will be moments where I might feel the way before but at that point, I have to think and pause these 2 things:

1. is she disrespecting me or not taking into account how I may feel?
2. is what is she doing threatening our relationship or may become a threat in the future?


If the answer is no to both, then calm down and proceed with your day. If it still bothers you, talk to more females because you're too self-centered. Achieve a true abundance mentality. Sure she may feel that some guy is attractive, but there's always gonna be a better, smarter, taller, cooler guy out there. It's up to you to have self-confidence and not be insecure and improve yourself. It's also up to her not to act on those thoughts and stays committed to you, which she probably will.

As for "keeping the relationship private" part. I don't fucking care. We can stay private the whole time for all I care. As long as she's loyal. Breaking up is always an option.