Friends but open to kissing and fondling?

[Riposte]

Somewhat odd behavior that I noticed from a girl I have interest in, which also made me only realize now that this has happened before.

She (they) make it clear that we are just friends from the start, but she (they) are open to:

Prolonged kissing on the mouth but seem somewhat surprised if I advance with the tongue.
Cuddling, caressing, fondling over clothes but bare tits and pussy are off limits.
Getting dressed/naked in front of me, not casually, but feint discreetly like turning their back, going into the adjoining room but staying in full view, always looking back to see my reaction.
Nude massages while preserving dignity.
Inviting me to take showers with (her).

I never really thought about it before, or thought they may have been unsure or even teasing me to see if I'm willing to break the friends barrier. Now I am thinking this may be typical behavior for keeping guys in orbit? Throwing me a bone?

The thing is I'm generally the touchy-feely type so I'm fine with it as is. Also this is the third occurence in about 10 years, where I have romantic attraction toward the girl but she is interesting enough that I am genuinely keen on friendship as well, which is why I stick around at all I suppose.

This is not normal behavior between female friends and myself. However, being touchy-feely I am sure I would be okay with any of the above with other female friends without it escalating into anything sexual, and maybe it just so happens that these girls are comfortable enough to do the same. Perhaps it is my attraction for this girl that produces suspicion.

I think I may have answered my own question but would like to hear any opinions, thanks!

 

[normajean106]

Are you asking where you stand in your relationship with her? Because I don't think anyone has the answer to that, buddy.

It really does sound like she's willing to get sexually intimate (I'd imagine, however, that she's not one for relationships, and that it would be a quick fling.)

But, if she's just teasing you and using you for validation, then this is a whole new level of orbiting in my book. (I mean showers, getting dressed, fondling, etc. but no touching naked??)

Let me back up though, have you actually tried escalating while making out with her? Or is this the kind of thing where she told you beforehand that she doesn't want to escalate and you just listened?

Either way, I believe the first theory is the most likely explanation. Still...

 

[Riposte]

Thanks for the reply.

I never thought about her wanting a fling, probably because it isn't what I want. She did say she isn't ready for a relationship, I always take that to mean she isn't ready to have a relationship with me.

I haven't tried escalating while making out, if anything she has. So yes, basically she told me beforehand that she didn't want to escalate and I went along with it. Lots of red flags from the start:

Not ready for a relationship
No sex
You're not my type
Don't fall in love with me

So I never escalated, and the fact that I think she thought I would try made me all the more aloof.

If anything happens I'll post but it's kind of fizzled, down to one word texts. I may have missed an escalation window, one she said she never wanted. I'm going to leave the ball in her court.

 

[normajean106]

I'm going to leave the ball in her court.

No, no, don't do that. That puts her in a dominant position and you don't want that if you're nto her.

 

[Riposte]

Starting to stray from the original question but I'm dealing with the same girl so will continue.

As far as leaving the ball in her court, I meant getting back in touch. I will escalate if it comes to that.

So I cut contact, no communication for 8 days. We work together but I do not see her all the time. I was planning on texting her next week but she saw me today at work and came and said hello, gave me hug.

Later she hits with the text "Do you miss me?" I blow it off, call her silly, and turn it around on her. She says yes. Bullshit. She has to say yes, unless it was a "no" in a flirty way. But being serious, she has to say yes to illicit some kind of response from me. She asks me again and I say maybe, why do you ask?

"Because I care about my friends". Is she being cautious or driving the point home yet again? Friends do not each other if they miss them, regardless of sex, unless it is an off the cuff remark. Is this correct?

At this point I think she is keeping me hanging on. If she truly missed me, wouldn't she ask to get together? Or must I make another move? I think that would only feed her ego. I think what's stopping me is that I just don't "feel it". It could also be paranoia.

 

[ray_zorse]

Dude it's an LJBF test, the thing to do with tests is to dismiss them with a smirk or something similar and just keep right on doing what you want to do. If you either acknowledge her frame "oh.. okay if its like that then.. whatever" (looking hurt) or challenge it "no.. I want more than friends and I am sure you do too" (trying to be persuasive or "sell" yourself) you fail the test. Well I'd say its too late with this girl -- failed escalation, missed window, whatever you want to call it, if you don't close the deal when the opportunity first presents, you look weak and she loses attraction (but won't tell you she has). OTOH if she is willing to isolate and get naked then by all means go ahead and try to escalate, however you probably don't have the skills at this stage to counter the inevitable resistance and maintain your frame. Keep practicing with lots and lots of girls.
Ray

 

[Lawliet]

Dude it's an LJBF test, the thing to do with tests is to dismiss them with a smirk or something similar and just keep right on doing what you want to do. If you either acknowledge her frame "oh.. okay if its like that then.. whatever" (looking hurt) or challenge it "no.. I want more than friends and I am sure you do too" (trying to be persuasive or "sell" yourself) you fail the test. Well I'd say its too late with this girl -- failed escalation, missed window, whatever you want to call it, if you don't close the deal when the opportunity first presents, you look weak and she loses attraction (but won't tell you she has). OTOH if she is willing to isolate and get naked then by all means go ahead and try to escalate, however you probably don't have the skills at this stage to counter the inevitable resistance and maintain your frame. Keep practicing with lots and lots of girls.
Ray

Good call Ray, I read it and thought her signs are connected, but they're two distinct evennts,
Kissing and fondling being one ocassion and the following friend behaviour is the consequence of failed escalation, mutually exclusive event...well unless she says ljbf and then opens to "hang out" every week with you at your place

Lawliet

 

[Chase]

Riposte-

Have you given her the nude massage, oiled yourselves both up, worked your way down her back, massaged her pussy, then slipped your penis in?

Or, have you joined her in the shower, started making out with her, pushed her up against the glass to "wash her back", massaged her pussy from behind when you got down to it, then slipped your penis in?

Showers and nude massages are not something you do with friends. e.g., try to think back to the last time you and your best guy friend gave each other nude massages. Probably hasn't happened, right?

When girls (seriously) offer you things like this, it's them making it as clear as they humanly can that they want you to sleep with them, without coming out and saying, "I want you to sleep with me."

That said, you may also see offers like this from women who are on the fence about you, only to never have them materialize. e.g., it's one thing for her to be sitting there alone in a bedroom with you in person and say, "Let's give each other nude massages and take a shower." It's a very different one for her to text you, "We should give each other nude massages some time."

With scenarios like the latter, you want to gently lead the girl into making her fantasy a reality, then escalating to intimacy (and bringing the fantasy to culmination). Or, alternately, to reaching the point where she balks and says she was "just kidding" or "just day-dreaming" and you discover it was purely her feeding your imagination to keep you in orbit without requiring things to ever actually progress.

Chase

 

[Riposte]

Guys, thank you for being straight up and in depth with your answers.

I did have my doubts about her intentions, but whatever the case, in the end it was failed escalation on my part. My suppose my fear was the consequences, being that we work together. Would she be able to keep it discreet, would she just tease then blab later "oh yeah he tried it on with me but I shut him down", etc.

Thanks again for the feedback!