Friendzoned to level 9000

[Popplewick]

This is a long story, and I'm pretty torn up, so I'll have to keep things as concise as possible.

I've met a girl, over a few weeks we've seen a lot of each other, she genuinely loves my company and thinks I'm amazing. We share almost all interests and frankly she's quite literally the best girl for me that I've ever met. This is objective fact sadly, not just emotional rhetoric. The problem is, you guessed, she only wants to be friends.

I cannot cut ties with her, I need to help her with some of her personal issues (dealing with government bodies I have a lot of experience with) otherwise she'll end up homeless.

I also have severe depression and all this emotional turmoil is quite literally dangerous to me. She led me on, unintentionally I know for a fact, and I'm in a pretty weird way now.

I know this is a pretty brief summary of the issue but I'd really appreciate some sanity checks. My objective is not to score a lay, and she knows that, we both recognise that we'd make excellent partners. I simply failed to seduce her and she's now walling me off in that way.

 

[Lover]

I cannot cut ties with her: Yes, you can.

I need to help her with some of her personal issues: no, you don't need to do that, you want to. But you don't owe her that, do you?

(dealing with government bodies I have a lot of experience with): so basically, your knowledge is benefitting her current situation. If you were to propose sex or a relationship to her again, she will most likely say no because she's afraid of fucking your (non-existing) friendship up. But seems like you're aware of this.

otherwise she'll end up homeless: not your problem.

I also have severe depression and all this emotional turmoil is quite literally dangerous to me. She led me on, unintentionally I know for a fact, and I'm in a pretty weird way now.

First of all, worry about yourself. Your health is what's most important to you. Normally I'd say if you can handle to help without damaging your own health, go ahead. But you are saying yourself that her situation and your history are screwing with your emotional health - and that's besides your depression. Cut her off. You don't owe her anything.

A girl from my university friendzoned me a few years ago. But she wasn't just any girl.. she was also one of the girls I had the best connection with in a very, very long time. It was hell for me to be "friends" with her afterwards. It didn't feel right. Every time we talked, I fantasized about her and me together. I wanted to make things right. But luckily, I managed to convince myself it was not the best for me to keep her in my close circle and cut her off to not distract me any further. We still have some lectures together sometimes, but she's like any other stranger to me now. I can say hi to her if she says it first, but I have no need to talk to her anymore.

Second, if she's like any other girl, she hardly led you on unintentionally. Of course I don't know exactly what happened between you, but I have adopted a rule because of a recent experience and from other users: I assume every girl knows what she's doing. And if she did, she wouldn't tell you she did it intentionally because she's afraid to hurt your feelings.

But no matter what she did or didn't, it's important you think about yourself and deal with your own problems first. It may take some time. Once it's done, work on your game, especially your mindset. She's just one girl. There's 3 billion women on Earth, and maybe 1-2 billion of them are available. With hard work, you will meet another "best girl" another time Good luck