From rebound guy to LTR...

[AfterMath]

Hey guys, first time posting, love the site, it has helped me a lot since I first found it. Anyway, I didn't know exactly where to post this so I posted under general topics.
I've known this girl for a while and she's in the periphery of my social circle, we had talked a bit and even flirted while she was still in a relationship. She broke up around a month ago and a few days later I called her up and we went on a date, ended up kissing, but nothing more on the first day. A few days laters we went on a second date and ended up having sex which repeated once more. So in total I've gone on four dates with her, two of which led to sex (she was on her period on the third date, it would have otherwise been 3 times we had had sex).

I really like this girl and am thinking of having a long term relationship with her, but I'm not sure how this will end up. She apparently still really likes her ex-boyfriend and still keeps in touch with him from what I hear from a mutual friend. The last time we had sex I made the idiotic mistake of talking about the possibility of a serious relationship to which she agreed, but then said we should take things slow because it's still too soon.


From what this mutual friend told me it looks as if she still talks to her ex, and I don't know if they are seeing each other. I've asked her flat out if she is still seeing her ex to which she responded that she doesn't even talk to him anymore, but things just don't add up... I've seen her tagged in a picture on facebook with him on Christmas Eve and just yesterday she "liked" a profile picture of his, along with what this mutual friend has told me. Today I mentioned these things to her and told her it makes her look as if she's completely undecided but she still denies all of it saying she likes me and that she wants to give up her past completely. What I'm starting to think is that she likes her ex but doesn't want to give me up entirely to get back with him... what do you guys think I should do given this situation?

 

[Tight_Genes]

You're right, our situations are similar. Where they differ is what the girls are saying vs what they are doing. Mine says she wants to stay with the guy but isn't really and yours says she wants to leave the guy but seemingly isn't really. That's a head scratcher for me. In my situation, I'm waiting for the other guy to screw up royally and in your situation the other guy could come sweeping back. Seems to be the key to both of our situations is to play it cool. Let her come to you and in the mean time keep on doing what you're doing. Keep finding more girls, it can only help your desirability.

 

[almosteasy21]

Hey guys, first time posting, love the site, it has helped me a lot since I first found it. Anyway, I didn't know exactly where to post this so I posted under general topics.
I've known this girl for a while and she's in the periphery of my social circle, we had talked a bit and even flirted while she was still in a relationship. She broke up around a month ago and a few days later I called her up and we went on a date, ended up kissing, but nothing more on the first day. A few days laters we went on a second date and ended up having sex which repeated once more. So in total I've gone on four dates with her, two of which led to sex (she was on her period on the third date, it would have otherwise been 3 times we had had sex).

I really like this girl and am thinking of having a long term relationship with her, but I'm not sure how this will end up. She apparently still really likes her ex-boyfriend and still keeps in touch with him from what I hear from a mutual friend. The last time we had sex I made the idiotic mistake of talking about the possibility of a serious relationship to which she agreed, but then said we should take things slow because it's still too soon.


From what this mutual friend told me it looks as if she still talks to her ex, and I don't know if they are seeing each other. I've asked her flat out if she is still seeing her ex to which she responded that she doesn't even talk to him anymore, but things just don't add up... I've seen her tagged in a picture on facebook with him on Christmas Eve and just yesterday she "liked" a profile picture of his, along with what this mutual friend has told me. Today I mentioned these things to her and told her it makes her look as if she's completely undecided but she still denies all of it saying she likes me and that she wants to give up her past completely. What I'm starting to think is that she likes her ex but doesn't want to give me up entirely to get back with him... what do you guys think I should do given this situation?

I think your best bet would be to play it like she's just another lay for two reasons. First is she's clearly not over her boyfriend yet and that's a battle you can never win. Even if she does choose you then you'll be constantly looking over your shoulder. That's no way to start a relationship.

Second reason is that you are investing too much emotions and mental energy seeing that you notice that much detail on her Facebook. You won't be able to think clearly and you will end up chasing. I've been there. As a matter of fact we all have.

Your best bet would be to just have sex with her every now and again until she's over him. In the meantime use your energy toward bedding other woman and it will either fall into place with this girl or not but at least personally you will be in a better spot. Good luck man!

 

[Garrett]

Hey Aftermath!

Yeah, Kinny is spot on! The problem here is, you're too invested in this girl. You should keep going out and meeting more girls to get over this feeling, it's well worth it! Don't worry about this girl and her ex, just get busy with something. For example, you could go out and get 10-15 numbers everyday. I can assure you that if you do that, you won't be thinking about this girl as much, nor texting her. I know it's tough and you feel like she's amazing and don't want to give up on her, but all I'm saying is, keep your options open. Even if you get with her, keep your options open and date other girls, or you'll get screwed big time by commitment. You don't want that bro, the girl is probably going to give you an ultimatum and if you reach that point, you'll get really rusty with girls and once she knows she has you then you'll be less attractive, you'll start chasing, and her attraction will dry up and so will the sex.

Another thing to take note of, don't be the one to ask for a relationship, it's the girl who is going to make it apparent that she wants one. Right now she's clearly hung up on her ex, so if you want to date her, I suggest you go meet girls, see her every so often and keep having sex. If I were you though, I'd drop her and move on to a more promising prospect, but I digress, I know what you're going through, and it's hella frustrating!

I've been there man, and I'm currently there. I don't have abundance so it's been tough for me to get over this girl I really like. The thing is man, once you have the knowledge, all you have to do is go out and apply it. Who cares if you screw up, who cares if she's rude/put off. If you keep working at it, you'll get really good at it and your open/close rate will soar. I don't want guys going through what I am. I had this girl on my radar for 3 years, and despite meeting a few girls here and there, I always wanted her. Why? Because my abundance isn't there, and once I get logistics down and move out to a larger city I'm going to plunge into the game. If you're fortunate enough to have a place to go to, a car even, and you have taken care of your fundamentals, you should be getting out there and meeting more girls man! Chase has a guide for the 10 day process to get you warmed up, and once you do it you probably won't want to go back to how things are now .

All the best,
Garrett

 

[AfterMath]

Hey guys, just posting an update here... It's been a week since I last met up with her but we're keeping contact on an almost daily basis by text, phone or facebook since she's out of town this week. Since then she's told me she wants to be in a relationship with me but that she wants to take things slowly and I agreed. I feel right now that she's the one-up in the "relationship" so if she really wants a relationship with me, I want her to work for it. Lately she's been the one to contact me more and I want to keep it that way at least until we are commited. I also don't want to give up dating other women for now. I still don't know exatcly how the situation with her ex is, but she hasn't mentioned him at all lately, and I'm not going to mention him either... I'm trying to be the "no pressure fun guy" as dgreen put it.

One question though, how would I go about making her more invested in me and me being more in control of the relationship without her losing attraction? Is what I'm doing enough?

 

[Whizzy]

Sounds like you have a good grasp on the situation, I recently went through something similar (I actually do pretty frequently). Like somebody said earlier just be the fun guy and don't make it too easy for her. Contacting her first sometimes is ok too as long as you don't get that attached or invested just yet. How long was she with her ex before they broke up because that could be a major factor if this is going to be more than just a lay for you?