Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedback!

[spikey_g]

Hi guys,

Just wanted some advice on a girl situation that has been frustrating me recently. Basically, last year I ended my first 'proper' relationship after many years and although I thought I was okay at the time, it has taken me a long time to get back into meeting girls again. After finding that my approach methods were clumsy to say the least after being out of the game for so long, I decided to try and find some resources that would help me in regaining my confidence around women again. That's where I came across Chase's book and a number of others that have really helped to improve my confidence and feel less fearful when approaching women, especially at bars and nightclubs.

So, I met a girl a few months back whilst on a night out and managed to follow all the guidelines outlined in the books I had read and went back to her place. The morning after, it didn't seem awkward at all and we seemed to get on pretty well, but I didn't think anything of it really as it was just a one night stand. We hooked up again the following night as we both happened to meet up again (I hadn't taken her number after the first night) and the same scenario occurred once more. Now I felt that actually I quite liked her and she was giving me similar signals, but again, I didn't try and read too much into it as we had only met each other twice! I left it a couple of days and texted her and we met up again on more of a date and we seemed to get on well and I ended up going back to hers again. But after this, I waited to see if she would text me as I'd initiated it last time but.. nothing. I was a bit annoyed but tried to leave it.. but found myself texting her again a week or so later, where we arranged again to meet up and we got on really well again. I've now met up with her one on one at least 5-6 times, and each time we seem to get on really well and we are very intimate, but I feel that I am having to do most of the work when it comes to initiating contact after we meet up again.

As I say, I have been out of the loop for a while and so I am totally confused by what's happening. I know I should just probably leave it, but it's messing with my head that she is so warm to me when we are together and we get on really well, but then I hear nothing from her really afterwards. She is a few years younger than me, so maybe she doesn't want anything serious, but I'm not sure I want anything serious either! I just can't figure her out and that's what's doing my head in! Maybe I'm only continuing because I'm 'enjoying the chase' but I feel like I'm not in control, which I should be and it's really frustrating me. I'm possibly meeting her again sometime this week, and I reckon the same pattern will follow.. I'm going to try and just take it for what it is I suppose, which is just a pleasant time with a girl I like, but I just wanted to see if anyone had been in a similar situation and how they dealt with it? I know I am attaching way too much emotion to this 'relationship' and I know it's stupid but for some reason I can't get away from it. I have been with a few girls since this all started but have had no real emotional attachment to any of them, so I'm not naturally 'clingy'... just can't figure this one out at all..


Thanks for reading, hopefully someone can help out!

 

[Franco]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Hey spikey_g,

I think you don't have too much to worry about as long as she isn't starting any drama or pulling away from you. I think part of the reason that she isn't initiating contact is that you are initiating contact with her in rather short time intervals (a couple of days is not that long of a time, even though you may think it is). She won't want to come across as needy, so she will hold out as long as possible on the initiation of contact if she can get you to do it, first.

When I start hooking up with a new girl nowadays, I probably only initiate contact about once a week. If you start this trend, you will notice that girls will usually initiate contact with you (after you've had sex with them) somewhere in the 4-7 day range as this is where they start to get "worried" that they might be losing your interest or forgetting about them. However, you've already established a precedent that you text relatively frequently, so it might cause some trouble to pull away from your current texting intervals now. So I wouldn't recommend it.

The important thing is to just not come across as "needy." If she is always responding to your texts and she is very warm with you in person, then I think you are fine and do not have too much to worry about. Make sure to try to vary your texts though... don't tell yourself, "I'm going to text her every 72.5 hours if I don't hear from her because I might lose her if I don't!" This is not an ideal thought process.

These are just some tips and advice that will help you out. =)

- Franco

 

[Light]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

On another side note, anywhere between 7 - ideally 10 days mark is perfectly normal.

Nothing to worry about. She may be the shy type who never really initiates any contact to a guy, but will be more than thrilled to hear from you.


Light

 

[spikey_g]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Cheers for your replies guys. I should of perhaps mentioned that the times when I've gone back to hers, we've chatted a lot but she's been a little bit cold the morning after intimacy wise. She been more receptive when she has stayed at my place, so I'm not sure what to make of it. As I say, I'm probably just reading too much into it. I still don't really know her to well, and I should perhaps just treat this as a bit of fun, it's just that it's been playing on my mind recently. I'll see how it goes on our next meet and then just cool it and see what her response is. Need to stop thinking about it so much!

 

[Light]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

well.... she may also be a vampire breed... the type of person who doesn't do morning...

 

[spikey_g]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Hi guys, thought I'd give you a quick update as to what's happened with regards to this girl in the past few weeks.

The meet we were supposed to have before christmas didn't happen as she cancelled on me due to her getting an offer of a lift home from a friend that day. Stupidly, I got a bit frustrated and sent a text back before I cooled down, and although it didn't show any anger, it made me look like a needy idiot. So, I left it at that and didn't text her again and forgot about it after a few days.

On xmas eve (about 10 days after my last text to her) she texted me out of the blue asking how I was and wishing me a happy xmas blah blah blah, which I took to be a pretty good sign. We texted a few times and arranged to meet up when she was back in town...done. Except that she came back into town early for a night out with her friends, and after letting me know this, I asked her if she wanted to go out for a coffee the next day as it'd be 'a perfect hangover cure'. She agreed, so all was good. On the day, we texted a few times and she said that she wouldn't mind coming over to my place instead of meeting in town...perfect...and that she'd let me know when she'd be ready to come down. So I waited..and she sent a text saying sorry to keep me waiting but she had some stuff to sort out... so I waited again.. and she didn't actually end up coming over until about an hour before she had to leave to go to a friends for NYE. I completely blew it as well when she came over.. didn't invite her to my room, no real touching until just before she left (so annoying) and instead we just chatted (it was fairly deep, but not deep enough). I was really mad with myself for not following what I've learnt from here recently and in other materials, but I felt rushed and was constantly on alert as to when she had to leave. After she had left, I waited a while, and put out a text, which she did respond to but it was light rapport so I left it at that as I didn't want to mess up my chances any more!

On NYE she texted me late at night and we had a bit of a chat which was pretty flirty and I asked her to let me know when she was going to be back to arrange another meet...again, all good. I know I should have left it from there, but I texted her a real brief message the next day and she responded with a massive text back, which shows she is investing I guess. Unfortunately, she just sent me a text that seemed a bit 'friendly' and I'm now worried that after my lame display last time we met, that I'm being friendzoned. Any advice? Should I have pushed her to try and arrive earlier the last time we met? I've played it pretty cool each time we've met before and it's usually ended up with intimacy, so I've no idea why I would start getting friendzoned now really.

I'm going to get her to come out to dinner with me when she's back (obviously only paying for my half!) and just go for it one last time, loads of touch, deep diving etc. and see what happens. Nothing more I can do really!

Thanks for reading this fellas, I hope you can give me a bit of feedback and advice again!

 

[aliparpar]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Seems like you know what you're doing . Not sure why you made the mistake at your house. Probably because of the stress you had that she might not turn up or not feeling it ? Other than that sounds promising. Yeah, she did probably got disappointed when you didn't show your room. Why she wanted to meet at your house in the first place instead of town?

I'm not sure you might get friendzone since you already have been intimate with her(It's hard to get friendzoned man after that point haha if you know your stuff which you do a lot ) Anyway, I hope the dinner goes great for both of you and you manage to show her your interest.

Cheers
Ali

 

[Light]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Hey Spikey,

I only have one tip for you.

Chill ~~~~ You are being too anxious about this, take it as a learning curve, and don't beat yourself up for things that could go wrong. There are factors you cannot control. Just adapt to the situation. You are doing pretty well I must say. Just don't think about it too much, and it would definitely help to see other girls while you are at it. You need to take some pressure of yourself brother.

Focus on what you are doing right, instead of what is going wrong.

 

[spikey_g]

Re: Frustrating and Confusing Situation.. would like feedbac

Thanks for your replies guys, really appreciated. As you say light, I think I just need to chill. I'm fine if I haven't met up with her for a while, but as soon as we up meet again I think I'm massively overanalysing what I've done straight afterwards and looking for what I did wrong rather than what I did right. It's been a bit difficult to meet other girls recently because due to work and the time of year (seeing family etc.), but yeah, I need to get out there as soon as possible and take some pressure off!

@Ali - Maybe it was stress, but I was totally aware of the fact that I was not doing anything and even though huge alarm bells were ringing inside my head I didn't progress until it was too late. Her suggesting my place was probably a massive giveaway that she didn't just want a chat eh? Doh. Ho well, as I say, I'm going to follow Light's advice and chill, and see what happens.