OR FU Frame

[Mr.Rob]

I'm mostly writing this to vent and show myself how big of deal this isn't. I met a cute blond surfer girl from Seattle that lives here, in the Dominican Republic, the other day after surfing. We initially traded some banter in the water and afterwards I decided to introduce myself and make some general conversation. Today I see her and whip my t-shirt at her to get her attention in which we say hi and make warm small talk. After a couple minutes I ask her to do me a big favor, that I genuinely needed. That favor was to put sunscreen on my back so I wouldn't have to wear a shirt surfing.
Me: "yeah you probably have so much too do with all those dogs to walk! Hey you think you could do me a huge favor and I'll love you forever for?"
Her: nervous look "maybe, what is it?"
Me: "You think you could put some sunscreen on my back for me?" I honestly was about 100% sure she would do it because it's such a simple request.
Her: "No just put it on yourself. Like this." Starts rubbing her own back to show how to put sunscreen on your own self.... which is entirely ineffective.
Me: Because I wasn't expecting a rejection of my request I was outcome dependent and felt like she new it was a compliance test. Although it wasn't completely. When she said this I kinda nodded dismissively and went aloof which I think showed major weakness to being turned down, really uncharacteristic of me. I usually have something witty to say back.

Should've said
Me: "Ahh, too scared to touch me huh?" said with smile and not taking anything seriously.
or
Me: "Ahh you probably wouldn't rub it in right anyway. Soo (change subject)."

I learned about myself that I really don't like losing frame battles and definitely need to keep this in the front of my mind when out socializing especially with women. Be prepared at all times.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Rob,

Just sounds like some compliance escalation is needed. If you go from small talk --> her touching you, it'll feel a bit off, like your request is huge. But if you small talk --> tell her to move with you --> Deep Dive/Light Rapport for a few minutes --> Inspect and touch her hand (break the touch barrier)-->Tell her to put sunscreen on you, it doesn't seem as huge a favor!

~Nick

 

[Smurf]

Hey Rob,

Next time like Nick said, try and get compliance in a ladder like order. It seems like a huge jump from taking to putting sunscreen on. Also, next time instead of the huge favor part, try and say it like it's not a big deal. That way she has more of a chance of doing it and if she doesn't then you can just shrug and change topics easier.

Jake.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Thanks for the remarks guys you guys are right on top of things. I didn't really take that into account I more or less felt entitled to someone having put sunscreen on my back (the surf was pumping). Stupid on my part but correct nonetheless. I know I fucked up there but I was more upset with how I handled the rejection. Oh well good lesson learned thanks for pointing that out fellows.

Rob