FU++: She changed her mind

[Godsninja]

So on Wednesday I brought a girl back to my place shortly after meeting her. Within 10 minutes we were kissing on my bed. I was escalating as much as I could, but resistance was unbelievable, and she told me she was a virgin. So I kept pushing, and the most I got to was rubbing her crotch really hard, and passionately kissing her and sucking on one of her nipples while I did that. I was rubbing her crotch really hard though, to the point were she had a really good sexual feeling going. She would do this thing like she was about to super resist me (like she did every time I escalated), but I think that was just her enjoyment. She told me she will not have sex with me, and that she had to go home. I held out for as long as I could be she had to go, and I was getting tired of dry humping with her, so I finally said myself, lets go, and ended the sexuality.

We set a date up for Saturday wear we would go to my back woods, cuz it's really nice there. (edit: I also told her I'm not the kind of guy to always take a girl out, and that I'm not exactly BF material, as to set the frame that I'm not gonna be her slow moving boyfriend. Now that she's rejected me, I feel like taking that back..) We said we would have fun. I drove her home. Texted her Friday letting her know I found the back part of her earing, and to wake me up in the morning.

In the morning she texted me and I told her to put on her sexiest bathing suit under her clothes. She said she was wondering if we could just hang around the campus or go watch a movie, told her we already decided we would come back here, and she said "maybe another time?", so told her we can do both, so wear a sexy skirt over a sexy thong, over her sexy body. Ya, I should not have said that. Told her she would love the beach spot. Then she said she doesn't know what I expect from her and that what happened the other day is alright but she didnt enjoy it, and that she thinks of me as a good friend, but all of this is making her very uncomfortable and shes not okay with it, and that she doesn't think she wants it to happen again, sorry for leading me on.

I said don't worry, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. No reply. Told her I was leaving for the campus in my next text 3 1/2 hours later. She then replied 15 minutes later saying she wasn't feeling too well and "I'll see u some other time" "Sorry".

There were a bunch more texts, but she decided she didn't want to meet me anymore, not even for a coffee, not even for 5 minutes. Nothing I said changed her mind.

I texted her this morning saying "Not gonna beat a dead horse. U coulda had me, but decided to deny urself the pleasure that u dont even know exists..sucks!"

I was so excited to hang out with this girl, and what was going to be an amazing Saturday, turned out to be a really really shitty day instead.

 

[ocantu1987]

I texted her this morning saying "Not gonna beat a dead horse. U coulda had me, but decided to deny urself the pleasure that u dont even know exists..sucks!"

wow this sounds similiar to what happened to me recently. It seems you got angry and told her to f-off? dont burn your bridges, you got to be nice. If you were nice maybe she would have contacted you again in the future.

 

[Godsninja]

Ya, guess I came off too angry sounding, not like I was, I just wanted to make it clear to her how she denied herself just because I was so sexual.

Don't think it's fair for the either of us, but nothing is fair in this world, just saying.

What a 2 way sword...

 

[Godsninja]

I really want to text her again and try to fix things, but there's just no point. I know enough by now that, unless she gets hold of me later, or if I run into her 1 on 1 in person, she is gone forever :'( FUUUCK!!!

I keep reminding myself of the mentality discussed on here, as well as how my buddy says, "don't chase em, replace em".

Hell, even my grandma says to shrug my shoulders. Jokes..

 

[Adamantimus]

Damn, deadlines everywhere. I still wanted to post an answer, so here goes:

The way I see it, 1. She's inexperienced and has a hard time to giving up her virginity to a guy. It's like a thing she clinges onto. Or it could just be that she isn't into you that way, just wants you as an FZ-guy.

Or it could be that she just weren't ready for sex yet. Still, you didn't see this but kept pushing the envelope, and that ended the thing.

I'm not saying that it was your fault. I'm just saying that you and her had different principles, and were playing at a different level.

But if a girl denies sex, and then just "wants to hang out", she's either insecure about sex but still does want to see where things go, or she sees you just as a man who to hang out with, not as an object of desire.

You could try to give her time, invest in her at a long term (in this case, you still hinted about sex, instead of giving her time) - or you could just move on to the next one.

 

[Amadeaus]

A couple things I'm seeing here that you are already aware of, I'm sure...

The date that you planned for the woods. Its pretty cool, but its a novel thing. If things are kinda on the fringe, I would say keep it simple and easy for both of you. When she things about you taking her out to the backwoods, she has to go through all her stuff and find the right swim suit. Has to go to a place that she has never been that could be far away and isn't sure if she is going to have phone reception or how long she will be there. This kind of stuff is cool if you are there in person and just think it up on the fly, but planning it in advance and coordinating over text can be precarious. A lot of times people will make these grand plans, but the next day, they just wanna lay on the couch. This is what happened here, she was up for it, but the next day it was just too much. I would say do simple meetups and suggest doing this on the fly and on a high note.

She was a little unsure, but still a little interested and wanted to meet you. You laid it on a bit too strong on the texting. You were texting her like she was some experienced mid to late 20s girl, but she was a virgin. All that sexy talk can be overwhelming to a girl that has never had sex and you don't know what kind of sexual encounters she has had. I really buy into the whole minimalist concept when it comes to texting. I just want to use it to get the girl in person and no report building via text. But that is just what works with me, I've screwed up too much trying to text too much in the past.

Those were just two things that really jumped out at me. I think if you would have toned it down and met up with her that day, you could have escalated things on that outing.

 

[Godsninja]

Ya I think I'll have to move on to the next one Adamantimus, I know how the ball rolls. I fucked this up big time with the texts, so I'm the same Amadeaus. And yea, I didn't really think about the texts from her point of view when I was sending them. I kinda forgot about the whole virgin mindset when I was sending the text, like I knew she was sexually excited, but..it's different when your a girl, and a virgin. Virgin girls are different from virgin guys too, which I just figured right now..

That's exactly what I should have done though, without a freeking doubt. Just gone along with what she wanted to do in text agreement, then once we are 1 on 1 try to get us back on track to our original plan.

Not going to lie, I've never escalated so quickly before with a girl I just met, so it's not like I lost a whole lot, but it blows my mind how something so...small, can destroy an entire relationship. Little words on a little display, controlled by extremely sensitive pieces of little electronics.

Text messages = logistics ONLY