FU+: Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs advice)

[iancasablanco]

Setting: In friend's car, her place
Girl: Monique, 8/10 beautiful local theater actress

Here comes the part where I would say I slipped up, its a very frustrating one for me because I had a lot in common with the girl and if it had went well I feel she may have become more than fwb. At the end of our last encounter the game was decidedly in my playing field, and I made a first down, but the rain thwarted me after all. I shot her a text message as she drove away from the rehearsal and she replied warmly and we talked about her schedule. She said she was probably free most of the week, and I said we should go for dinner Friday, and she said it sounded good. The next day she texted me while me, one of my male friends, and one of my female friends were about to go out, asking if I was busy. I said that I was about to head downtown with some friends and she asked if it was cool if she rode with us. However, apparently she had just finished a movie and when we picked her up she asked for a ride home. I tried to sway her into coming out with us, as I thought that was the entire reason she wanted to come along, but it was not the case, and my friend drove her home after some discussion. I went out as planned, a little agitated and feeling used.

Friday came and I sent her a message saying I was about to leave, but she replied that I should just come over to her place, which sounded to me like she was dropping a hint. I showed up and she came out and greeted me and we kissed again, then we went inside, where her roommate, Kayla was in the living room watching TV, I introduced myself shortly and Monique asked if I wanted to see her room (which she had told me about because of all the Bob Marley merch she had, which was pretty damn cool to me.) We went in and she had some chill music on and the lights dimmed, and I kissed her again on her bed, then she asked me what was on my mind, to which I replied with a smirk," Nothing I can say with your roommate in the next room." She looked back to her door, obviously displeased, and said," Maybe this honestly isn't a good time, I'm sorry." I was lost at this point, and bid her goodnight. This could've worked much better, but now she's been scarcely replying to my texts. We are supposed to be doing something again this coming Monday, but she said she "needs to talk to me, that would prolly be a good time for it." I sent a message back saying," Yeah, sounds good to me, I think we definitely need to talk."

 

[The Tool]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

We went in and she had some chill music on and the lights dimmed, and I kissed her again on her bed, then she asked me what was on my mind, to which I replied with a smirk," Nothing I can say with your roommate in the next room." She looked back to her door, obviously displeased, and said," Maybe this honestly isn't a good time, I'm sorry." I was lost at this point, and bid her goodnight. This could've worked much better, but now she's been scarcely replying to my texts. We are supposed to be doing something again this coming Monday, but she said she "needs to talk to me, that would prolly be a good time for it." I sent a message back saying," Yeah, sounds good to me, I think we definitely need to talk."

EVERYTHING WAS IN YOUR FAVOR UP UNTIL she asked "whats on your mind" and you said "nothing I can say with your roomate in the next room" now normally with how forward she appeared this would sound like the correct answere but mind you mentioned the roommate (which in her mind she starts thinking, What if she hears us? What if she calls me a slut, What if she tells all my friends I'm a slut. women hate the label of slut that society places on them) and you essentially left out any plausable deniability. What would have been alot smoother would have been to look at her, sexy smile and say "Whats on your mind?" and go back to kissing her.

You could have had her back possibly but it was essentially lost when she said "Maybe this honestly isnt a good time, I'm sorry" I would have said something like "No time like the present" and gave her a suave sexy smile.

As to the rest with the "we need to talk" It looks like this is the "we should just be friends talk" THAT EVERY MAN DREADS!!! in my experience EVERY time I have heard "we need to talk" it was either "im not ready for a relationship, or I just want to be friends." Not going to give you any hopes on yours always be prepared for the worst sometimes you might be surprised.

Every experience is an opportunity for something learned so dont take the experience away as bad. it is neccecary for advancement and improvement.

Cheers. The Tool

 

[Garrett]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

Setting: In friend's car, her place
Girl: Monique, 8/10 beautiful local theater actress

Here comes the part where I would say I slipped up, its a very frustrating one for me because I had a lot in common with the girl and if it had went well I feel she may have become more than fwb. At the end of our last encounter the game was decidedly in my playing field, and I made a first down, but the rain thwarted me after all. I shot her a text message as she drove away from the rehearsal and she replied warmly and we talked about her schedule. She said she was probably free most of the week, and I said we should go for dinner Friday, and she said it sounded good. The next day she texted me while me, one of my male friends, and one of my female friends were about to go out, asking if I was busy. I said that I was about to head downtown with some friends and she asked if it was cool if she rode with us. However, apparently she had just finished a movie and when we picked her up she asked for a ride home. I tried to sway her into coming out with us, as I thought that was the entire reason she wanted to come along, but it was not the case, and my friend drove her home after some discussion. I went out as planned, a little agitated and feeling used.

Friday came and I sent her a message saying I was about to leave, but she replied that I should just come over to her place, which sounded to me like she was dropping a hint. I showed up and she came out and greeted me and we kissed again, then we went inside, where her roommate, Kayla was in the living room watching TV, I introduced myself shortly and Monique asked if I wanted to see her room (which she had told me about because of all the Bob Marley merch she had, which was pretty damn cool to me.) We went in and she had some chill music on and the lights dimmed, and I kissed her again on her bed, then she asked me what was on my mind, to which I replied with a smirk," Nothing I can say with your roommate in the next room." She looked back to her door, obviously displeased, and said," Maybe this honestly isn't a good time, I'm sorry." I was lost at this point, and bid her goodnight. This could've worked much better, but now she's been scarcely replying to my texts. We are supposed to be doing something again this coming Monday, but she said she "needs to talk to me, that would prolly be a good time for it." I sent a message back saying," Yeah, sounds good to me, I think we definitely need to talk."

Dammit man!

I feel so frustrated for you! Rookie mistake, but it happens to all of us. The first step in this is to take responsibility and acknowledge that you messed up, and below I will explain how and why, so keep reading.

In my opinion, The Tool is right, what you said may have put some strange thoughts into her head. She definitely wanted to have sex with you, no question about that! DAMMIT lol, when she said "This wasn't a good time", you gave up too easily! You should have been more persistent and said what the Tool said, "There's no time like the present", she would have had sex with you then and there. Even if she rejected your advances, she set you up beautifully, she just had some last minute extrinsic resistance that you could have EASILY eliminated with some persistance! She had a slight reconsideration, but you could have gotten around that!

Therefore, you missed a window and are facing the beginnings of auto-rejection. I think you may be able to turn this one around, but it'll be harder to bed her than the last time. She basically did ALL the work so you're lucky she has A LOT of interest in you. Attraction has likely dipped but I don't think you're completely out, there's still hope! I suggest you read Chase's article about second dates so you know how to approach things next time you see her. Don't go texting her and apologizing, just set up the meet and make things happen the next time. Being realistic here, I feel like if you blow the next meet it's probably done. She still has hope that you'll deliver, but it's an unhill climb from here.

Don't worry man, I understand though. I'm at the point where I'll do something wrong then IMMEDIATELY after realize what I did and be like dammit, rookie mistake! If you read Chase's stuff then go out and keep doing what you're doing (applying the information, which I'm starting to do now), you'll be golden with patience, practice, and devotion! Keep at it mate, rookie mistake, but it's A LOT harder when you are new and in the moment than someone on the outside looking in who can calmly and collectively examine the situation from the computer.

Goodluck man, there's still hope left!
Garrett

 

[iancasablanco]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

Yeah, I agree with both of your points, I would say my real problem was that I was watching my steps a little too closely trying not to offend her. Upon reading it I saw the exact point where I lost control, right when I let that I said the wrong thing throw my balance off, I caught myself and got uncomfortable. I'm definitely in the red, and I'm assuming she's going to tell me that she wants to be just friends, but I may just have to beat her to the punch and cut things off, cause I can't afford the ego hit of her telling me that. If anyone has any ideas of strategies to flip this on her and give me a chance to still lay her I'm fully open.

 

[Ross]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

EVERYTHING WAS IN YOUR FAVOR UP UNTIL she asked "whats on your mind" and you said "nothing I can say with your roomate in the next room" now normally with how forward she appeared this would sound like the correct answere but mind you mentioned the roommate (which in her mind she starts thinking, What if she hears us? What if she calls me a slut, What if she tells all my friends I'm a slut. women hate the label of slut that society places on them) and you essentially left out any plausable deniability.

I would have to disagree with this Tool. You have to start thinking to yourself, why would she ask "Whats on your mind?" Does she really want to make conversation in the middle of making out? If I was ever going to ask a woman that when I was alone with her in her bedroom, it would be to get her to say something dirty. She's playing a power game and knows she has you, and has known it since the first interaction. It's not about society and sluts, I'm sure she's had men in there before you with her roommate around and will have men in there after you with her roommate in the area. What happens between roommates stays between roommates, it's not like she had anyone around her that wasn't accustomed to living with her.

You're kind of stuck in the power role here because you let her do all the leading. Maybe delay the kissing and don't jump right into it ASAP. Allowing her to come to you and try to work to get you in the bed makes it that much sweeter. Don't take it to too much of an extreme; I did this with a girl a lot like the one you're talking about a while ago and she pretty forcefully pulled my face to hers after a lot of teasing and such after I felt I was behind in a power game.

You don't need to talk, you don't need to do anything else with her. Just stop talking with her and don't be resentful. I used to call this the kiss of death; a girl tells you that she isn't ready for a relationship, kisses you, and leaves. Don't get that kiss of death. Look to make yourself busy and move on to other women, and in the future if you cross paths again there is room for change if you really wanted to take advantage of that opportunity. This is especially useful if you're going to be around her for a while after through social circle or you are in a small town with a limited number of attractive women, as it keeps your options with her still open.

 

[The Tool]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

I like your insight RTB, the reason why I said the roommate thing is because where I live which is mainly a college area there are MANY people who are roommates not by choice and who were not previous friends (became roommates because of a roommate needed sign or they were found through a friend of one of the roommates). in fact I have many friends who talk shit about their roommates and say that they hate eachother and are even reluctant to bring other people to their appartment. Just my perspective.

 

[iancasablanco]

Re: [FU+]Thespian Thorn In My Side(pt. 2)(ongoing, needs adv

Hmm, well idt I want to cut my losses, I had a thoroughly heated, and interesting hook up today (Check out my report "Friends To Lovers".), so my dry spell is over with once more, and my confidence is right back where it should be, so I feel that I might just let her say whatever it might be that she has to say, then kiss her, move her to my place, take care of business, and keep her as a "friend" hahaha. ;p