FR Fumbled Yet Another Pull Home from Date [Missed Escalation Windows]

[TSRaven]

• I greeted her with a hug and complimented her on her outfit. After I got my coffee, we sat at a table and had some basic get-to-know-you talk.
• I did a cold read on her ethnicity by assuming she was Puerto Rican (she was mixed B&W). She mentioned that she used sunscreen, which I teased her about since most black people don’t need to.
• She was sitting in the sun so I told her to sit in the shade closer to me (we started sitting across from each other but now we were sitting closer).
• We vibed a bit more and teased each other some more and there were light touches from time to time (she initiated sometimes and I did other times). I commented about her small hands and held her hand and kept talking. (we held hands for a few minutes)
• I sprinkled in a couple sexual jokes while we were talking.
• She asked me what I was looking for in a relationship, I tried avoiding the boyfriend frame by saying that I was taking things a date at a time and that I wasn’t actively looking for anything long term. She agreed but did mention that the purpose of her dating was to find a relationship.
• After about 45 minutes, we went to the park for a walk & played volleyball. There was more flirting, teasing and emotional connecting going on here.
• Near the end of our walk, the park was empty and while we looked at some books there was some kino and I knew there was a chance to kiss her, but I bitched out (Smh).
• She asked me what I had planned later and I invited her back to my place for pool. She agreed and we grabbed some liquor on the way to my place (she mentioned that she plays better when she’s tipsy).
• I gave her a tour of my place and when we went to my bedroom, she noticed my handcuffs and said “So you like to wear handcuffs.” I told her I didn’t wear them but the women did (hindsight: this would've been a good moment to make a move/escalate).
• We went back in the living room to make drinks and play pool. We played a few games (mixed in some more flirting and teasing). At times we would sit on the couch and talk (there was some light kino mixed in from time to time). She mentioned how comfortable she felt with me and that she’s usually shy on first dates.
• While playing pool, the sexual jokes became more overt and she was going along with them (Stick, balls, etc). At one point I said that I bet she liked playing with my stick & balls, which she said she did (another moment I should've escalated/made a move).
• After a couple of shots we sat on the couch and kissed a couple times, but I didn’t escalate things past that.
• I don’t remember how the topic of religion was brought up, but things went left immediately afterwards due to us having different views on this. Shortly afterwards, she left (I don't think I brought it up, but that's definitely a topic to avoid if I'm trying to get laid).
• The biggest takeaways were that I missed a good amount of escalation windows and waited too long to make a move. I’ve noticed that I start overthinking when I pull women back to my place in some of the most favorable and obvious situations. Even after the topic of sex was brought up multiple times throughout the date and especially at my place, I have a very bad habit of buying into the bullshit narrative that I’m being respectful by not pushing for sex (which couldn’t be farther from the truth).
• I’ve been coming from the wrong frame of “What not to do so I don’t fuck this up” (which leads to me overthinking & finding BS reasons not to escalate) instead of from the frame that “She already wants it.”
• The last 10 women I’ve managed to pull back to my place I’ve fumbled the lay, either by inaction, moving too slow, not escalating things far enough, or struggling with LMR.
• That’s something that I need to seriously work on.
• Thoughts?

 

[gameboy]

Playing pool was a waste of time. I'd give myself a limit of 5 minutes max of going for a kiss once she's at my place. If you feel disrespectful you can tell yourself or even the girl, "hey we don't have to have sex today let's just make out a bit". Then once you're at it see if the two of you would like to change your minds about the no sex part

 

[TSRaven]

Playing pool was a waste of time. I'd give myself a limit of 5 minutes max of going for a kiss once she's at my place. If you feel disrespectful you can tell yourself or even the girl, "hey we don't have to have sex today let's just make out a bit". Then once you're at it see if the two of you would like to change your minds about the no sex part

So for future reference, anytime I pull a girl back to my place to play pool, it would be ideal to just skip it all together and make a move after giving her a tour of my place?

 

[gameboy]

It's definitely worth a try! If she gives you resistance, play pool for a short while, then try again. Don't wait so long to let attraction expire.

 

[TomInHo]

• I don’t remember how the topic of religion was brought up, but things went left immediately afterwards due to us having different views on this. Shortly afterwards, she left (I don't think I brought it up, but that's definitely a topic to avoid if I'm trying to get laid).

This is mainstream advice but it's so true...

Avoid talking about politics, religion, feminism on dates. Potential for you to blow things up with these topics is super high and the last thing you want to be doing is arguing with a chick you want to bang about shit that don't matter

• The biggest takeaways were that I missed a good amount of escalation windows and waited too long to make a move. I’ve noticed that I start overthinking when I pull women back to my place in some of the most favorable and obvious situations. Even after the topic of sex was brought up multiple times throughout the date and especially at my place, I have a very bad habit of buying into the bullshit narrative that I’m being respectful by not pushing for sex (which couldn’t be farther from the truth).

Yeah, she gave you tons of windows and you kept talking too much. Me personally when I bring girls back I home I'm not trying to talk to much. If we went on date we've talked enough and when isolated it's better to focus on getting them comfy and ramping up compliance for sex

• I’ve been coming from the wrong frame of “What not to do so I don’t fuck this up” (which leads to me overthinking & finding BS reasons not to escalate) instead of from the frame that “She already wants it.”

Assume attraction... that's a great mindset

• The last 10 women I’ve managed to pull back to my place I’ve fumbled the lay, either by inaction, moving too slow, not escalating things far enough, or struggling with LMR.

It happens.... that's how you learn.

You fuck up enough times that you eventually start doing the right things subconsciously. The beginning of learning a new skill is always the hardest but if you push through the frustration things can seem to click almost overnight

• That’s something that I need to seriously work on.
• Thoughts?

I think you already know where you messed up. Better to focus on the next 10 girls you pull to your place and do your best to avoid the mistakes you were making in the past

 

[TSRaven]

Yeah, she gave you tons of windows and you kept talking too much. Me personally when I bring girls back I home I'm not trying to talk to much. If we went on date we've talked enough and when isolated it's better to focus on getting them comfy and ramping up compliance for sex

Will definitely keep this in mind going forward.

I think you already know where you messed up. Better to focus on the next 10 girls you pull to your place and do your best to avoid the mistakes you were making in the past

True dat. It's probably my dry-spell talking right there. I will say, at least I was more physical overall than I usually am on dates (still room for improvement but you're right, chalk it up to a learning experience).